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How are you coping today?

Riou

By Riou
in Coping

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JollyDays Established Member

JollyDays

Posted
Posted
Well, sometimes we need to touch the stove to realize that it is still hot. This is a reminder of how bad it is to stalk them on social media. They don't care about what we are up to, so we need to stop caring what they are up to. (I know it's easier said than done)

 

Also, I unblocked my ex's number again. Yes I know. I want her to call or text me so bad! How can she really not reach out at all? The last time she left she still reached out. This time, nothing for two weeks. Gah this hurts!

 

Facebook is the worst ****ing thing to come out in the past 10 years, I swear. It's like they are ALWAYS A ****ING CLICK AWAY. I just think people should start using the blocking function and get on with life, because thinking about them while they aren't thinking of us is going to push us further away from the person who is meant for us. I'm done yapping my gums.

  • Like 2
darkbloom Established Member

darkbloom

Posted
Posted
It's OFFICIAL.

I kept stalking the facebook, and now I AM HURT.

I am back to ground ZERO.

ZERO.

ZERO.

ZERO.

 

UGHHHHHH.

 

Nooooooooooooo!!!! Block that **** immediately! That's like asking them to take your feelings and stomp all over them again. It doesn't matter what they have posted. None of it is with you so everything will make you feel bad.

  • Like 1
RedButton Established Member

RedButton

Posted
Posted

Try to exercise some self-control when it comes to social media. Maybe it's just me, but I managed to resist the temptation to check her account just about every time. The one time I didn't I just did it kind of absent-mindedly and then immediately felt myself missing her and haven't done it since.

 

I'm getting better at just looking at things 'in the past' and moving on. I think I'm struggling most with not feeling comfortable dating again since my own future is kind of uncertain. I feel as though it would be easier for me to move on if I could start meeting new people but I'm very reluctant to do so if I have to leave town in the coming year. I'm not sure i can do short-term dating without getting too involved or I'm concerned I'll meet someone great and then not want to leave again.

 

I think a vacation will do me good. When I get back I'll tie up any loose ends and get ready to plan my move.

FancyFace Established Member

FancyFace

Posted
Posted

@Love1336x

 

Oh Social Media...it is the devil I swear. All manner of ****ery and evil reside there LOL!

 

The one time I looked at my ex's instagram, it felt like my heart was made out of glass, it had just shattered and I was swallowing back every broken piece with every picture I looked at!!!

 

The manner in which he was posting pictures which showed that his life was going on like it was golden, going out to events with his ex girlfriend (who was a bone of contention in the relationship and was a trigger towards the breakup), posting pictures of the things I got for him as if he bought them himself and could afford them.

 

Honey, when I tell you that I was devastated, that is an understatement of note.

 

After that I never went back. I blocked everything, deleted everything and now I dont even have any social media accounts because I simply do not want the temptation lingering there, ready to make me its number one b%tch.

 

If we as dumpees wanna get over this, we have to do the neccesary, and go to extremes if the need calls for it. Staying away from social media keeps us from hurt and from tumbling down that big black deep hole called heartbreak!

  • Like 3
Crampaholic Member

Crampaholic

Posted
Posted

I've been sticking strictly to NC for the past 2 weeks. But the past 2 days... I've been feeling rather angry at her. She moved on so fast, how is this possible? just a few days ago (b4 the BU) she was telling me how much she adored me and that she wished nothing bad happened to me, that the sight of me crying and in pain hurt her just as bad (I had an accident). And then... she's like.. well don't love you anymore, bye.

 

Gdi!

 

I've also had this idea of unblocking her.. but deep down I know it's because I still wait for that text or that call..

 

But nope, I'll stay strong.

RedButton Established Member

RedButton

Posted
Posted

I don't usually get bothered by seeing couples together or the like, but my friend talking to me today about a new girl he's dating made me feel really lonely for some reason.

 

I really do think that I just feel like my hands are tied or like I can't move on. Things are going well for me, but I'm very anxious about making a decision on when to leave and go back home. My Visa runs out this year, and when I was with my ex I planned to apply for Permanent Residency. Now I'm thinking I'd rather go back home, but I also know I'm going to miss the new friends I've made and my life here. I also don't want to get involved with anyone else now so it doesn't complicate things or I end up heartbroken again because I had to leave when the Visa is up.

 

I'm sure I'll manage, it's just been getting me down recently.

na49 Established Member

na49

Posted
Posted

It's been two weeks since I texted her, and two weeks since I heard from her. Every day I hope that she reaches out, and every day she doesn't reach out. I unblock her for a few hours just hoping that a message will come through. When it doesn't, I get mad and reblock her. Then the cycle continues...

 

I'm hanging in there though. Every day is a challenge, and I have to take it a step at a time. I saw her friend today. The same friend who's brother has a crush on her. The same friend who's brother is now in her profile picture. I was so close to telling this guy "ask your brother how my d*ck tastes" but I didn't. I just smiled and said hello when he nodded at me. Seriously hate him, hate her, and hate her friends. For now at least...

  • Like 1
JollyDays Established Member

JollyDays

Posted
Posted
It's been two weeks since I texted her, and two weeks since I heard from her. Every day I hope that she reaches out, and every day she doesn't reach out. I unblock her for a few hours just hoping that a message will come through. When it doesn't, I get mad and reblock her. Then the cycle continues...

 

I'm hanging in there though. Every day is a challenge, and I have to take it a step at a time. I saw her friend today. The same friend who's brother has a crush on her. The same friend who's brother is now in her profile picture. I was so close to telling this guy "ask your brother how my d*ck tastes" but I didn't. I just smiled and said hello when he nodded at me. Seriously hate him, hate her, and hate her friends. For now at least...

 

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

 

I WOULD'VE ASKED THAT SONOFABITCH...LOL.

 

 

Pardon the crude language, but that's just me.

  • Like 1
freebird31 Established Member

freebird31

Posted
Posted

So sad!:( lap top is broken. All my important files are on there. Super stressed with my classes this semester. I feel so stressed more than any other semester, that I almost feel like crying. Now my lap top is fried and if I choose to get it fixed I will be in much financial stress trying to pay it off. Aside from that I posted a snap chat of my broken lap tops for mainly my friends to see lol with a sad face of myself ?. And my ex who is a friend on snap chat viewed it. I really didn't think he would have seen it since he never views my stories. Now I just feel even more sad. Lol. I guess this is time I unfriend him. I feel like such an idiot lmao. Why. Why me. Lol. ??

na49 Established Member

na49

Posted
Posted
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

 

I WOULD'VE ASKED THAT SONOFABITCH...LOL.

 

 

Pardon the crude language, but that's just me.

 

Maybe once I find my confidence I will ask him and not GAF. Everyone she knows is scum to me. She is the queen of scum. I hate all of her friends. Yes I'm mad.

 

also to add onto how I'm coping. I talked with one of the people I work with who knows what I'm going through. The conversation was steered towards people she knew who were married multiple times or dealing with divorce. It really put things into perspective that no relationship is guaranteed to last forever. No matter how long the couple is together, or if they are married, with children, etc. I'm not cynical about love, or afraid to fall in love with someone again, but it is a scary thing to know that one day it can suddenly end.

  • Like 1
jam3s84 New Member

jam3s84

Posted
Posted

Well shhht... this whole process has been ****ed from the gate. Of course the sex was dynamite and we could have fun buying gardening supplies at Jerry's... but ultimately it didn't work out, trust disappeared faster then I could possibly imagine. Like a good codependent though, no worries, I was going to fix you. Going to offer you a knight in shining armor for your commitment to self discovery (public service announcement this doesn't end well). I bought you a puppy, we built a house from the ground up, we got engaged, all under false pretense unfortunately. My desire to have a happy life constantly clashing with self preservation..trust...damn you trust.... We exploded, imploded, whatever... now NC is the only viable option. You say your happy in your new life, new men, he'll you got the house and dog.... me, well I don't know. How to cope quite yet. My heart lingers on the precipice of certain doom and hope. Seeing another man laying on the couch we picked out together, with the dog we raised, wow... it's like wrapping myself in barbed wire. You will always be you and I, well me. I hope Karma has a stake in this, because I feel you deserve all the pain and suffering I have experienced, but maybe you don't. Maybe I am wrong? Love is the most addictive and dangerous substance there is. I still hurt, moment by moment, but I have to live! I want to live, I just don't know how to without you....

  • Like 6
Atticus9292012 Established Member

Atticus9292012

Posted
Posted

Why can't you just leave me alone. You have a lot of f***ing nerve you know! You reject me repeatedly. I left you alone. You reconnected with me. Went so far as to spy on a date I had. Then we start hanging out as friends. Develop this super close bond. Then you try to sleep with me. I want a relationship and you won't offer that. Tell you I love you in an email. You never responded!! Didnt speak for a month. Then I catch you driving by my house and showing up places you know where I'll be. Then invite me over?!?! Do you enjoy toying with me? Do you like.hurting me?

Oneness Established Member

Oneness

Posted
Posted

Cried this morning...grieving is back. I loved him so deeply, so passionately, I miss that so much. When it was good between us, it was amazing...and I am not talking about just the sex (which was absolutely amazing...but that was because I loved him so much). When he is not being triggered, not emotionally dysregulating, he is everything I ever wanted in man. We connected on so many levels...he was my best friend, my lover, my protector, so much...we went through hell for each other...well, he would contsantly go to hell and I would rescue him. I tried...I tried so hard...but his emotional/mental disorders were too strong for me and they won in the end and I can't be with him anymore. And today...that is killing me. I will be alone the rest of my life...because no man will compare to him...I won't find that deep connection again.

 

I miss him so much...thank god he is so far away...I am so weak right now, and would go rushing right back to him...he always took me back...he always will...for despite the fact that he is Borderline, I am all he ever wanted...and he is all I ever wanted....but the monster got in the way - the monster called BPD. And I begged him for years to get help, I begged him to do what he needed to do so we could be together...but he remains broke, damaged, an alcoholic who can't stay off the booze...if he wanted me as badly as he said, why did he do nothing? I know why...I listened to his words and always came back...once he had me back, what need did he have to make any real changes?

 

Well, we are apart now...and both suffering. How do I know he is suffering? Because I am stupid and did the old FB stalk....I also stalked him on youtube and the songs on his channel are heartbreaking....but I will NOT CONTINUE THE CYCLE OF ABUSE....so I sit here this morning, crying with a broken heart, and typing all this crap out for you guys to read as a way to get it all out of me and somewhere else...I wish I were somewhere else...where I can keep crying until I am exhausted and can't cry anymore. Instead I take these stolen moments...because I have a son, he is home on break, and he can't see his Mom fall apart like this....

  • Like 1
na49 Established Member

na49

Posted
Posted

I was doing so good yesterday, and I'm doing so bad today. I have all of this work creeping up on me because it is due around the same time, and I just can't focus. I want to look at her Facebook! I want her to text me! I want to know if she still cares at all! I know she doesn't. I know looking at her Facebook will hurt, but I want to get hurt!

 

I am hoping this urge passes...

NopeNah Established Member

NopeNah

Posted
Posted
Cried this morning...grieving is back. I loved him so deeply, so passionately, I miss that so much. When it was good between us, it was amazing...and I am not talking about just the sex (which was absolutely amazing...but that was because I loved him so much). When he is not being triggered, not emotionally dysregulating, he is everything I ever wanted in man. We connected on so many levels...he was my best friend, my lover, my protector, so much...we went through hell for each other...well, he would contsantly go to hell and I would rescue him. I tried...I tried so hard...but his emotional/mental disorders were too strong for me and they won in the end and I can't be with him anymore. And today...that is killing me. I will be alone the rest of my life...because no man will compare to him...I won't find that deep connection again.

 

I miss him so much...thank god he is so far away...I am so weak right now, and would go rushing right back to him...he always took me back...he always will...for despite the fact that he is Borderline, I am all he ever wanted...and he is all I ever wanted....but the monster got in the way - the monster called BPD. And I begged him for years to get help, I begged him to do what he needed to do so we could be together...but he remains broke, damaged, an alcoholic who can't stay off the booze...if he wanted me as badly as he said, why did he do nothing? I know why...I listened to his words and always came back...once he had me back, what need did he have to make any real changes?

 

Well, we are apart now...and both suffering. How do I know he is suffering? Because I am stupid and did the old FB stalk....I also stalked him on youtube and the songs on his channel are heartbreaking....but I will NOT CONTINUE THE CYCLE OF ABUSE....so I sit here this morning, crying with a broken heart, and typing all this crap out for you guys to read as a way to get it all out of me and somewhere else...I wish I were somewhere else...where I can keep crying until I am exhausted and can't cry anymore. Instead I take these stolen moments...because I have a son, he is home on break, and he can't see his Mom fall apart like this....

 

You could be my ex that brought me here! :lmao: I was ALL of those things back then. That first break up changed me as far as financial's go. My problem was I didn't get the help I needed for the emotional baggage I've been lugging around from childhood-past marriage,ect.. Thereapy has helped me understand my triggers and how to handle them rationally,sometimes(only been 2 months).

  • Like 2
Oneness Established Member

Oneness

Posted
Posted
You could be my ex that brought me here! :lmao: I was ALL of those things back then. That first break up changed me as far as financial's go. My problem was I didn't get the help I needed for the emotional baggage I've been lugging around from childhood-past marriage,ect.. Thereapy has helped me understand my triggers and how to handle them rationally,sometimes(only been 2 months).

 

Well...I know you are not my exboyfriend, as I have not had sex with him since last July! :lmao: I have had sex with no one since then...he was always accusing me of dating someone else, or f**king my exhusband...I did none of those things, it was his BPD fear of abandonment talking. He lugs around baggage from his abusive childhood and past marriage...and he took it all out on me, I was an easy target...I was there and I loved him so much. I was reading some old emails and found this one from him from June...it was just a quote he sent me.

 

"She asked me if I believe in love, and I smiled and said it was my most elaborate method of self harm."

 

If you know anything about BPD...that says it all right there.

 

But you are obviously made of stronger stuff then my exboyfriend...since you are in therapy and making progress. I have so many emails from him where he said he would get therapy...suuuure. I know I did not cause him to be BPD, nor can I control his disorder...I know I should not feel bad that he did not get the help he needs...but it makes me feel so worthless....his love for me was not strong enough for him to get the help he needed to stop abusing me so we could be together...I took him back in 2011 because he said he would get therapy! Never happened! I went back, he attacked me...I went back, he walked out on me...I went back. he attacked me again...argh....

 

But I want him back...but I will never go back....because he will get triggered by SOMETHING and the whole damn abuse cycle will start up...AGAIN...if I experience one more of his psychotic rages I will end up on a mental ward!

  • Like 2
NopeNah Established Member

NopeNah

Posted
Posted

I'm a VERY independent guy who has no problems being single and doing my thing..Kinda enjoy it actually. I just get codependent on people with the same mindset I have...at least they 'mirror' me for a while and feed into my ego. I need a shrink on call! :lmao:

  • Like 1
darkbloom Established Member

darkbloom

Posted
Posted
Well shhht... this whole process has been ****ed from the gate. Of course the sex was dynamite and we could have fun buying gardening supplies at Jerry's... but ultimately it didn't work out, trust disappeared faster then I could possibly imagine. Like a good codependent though, no worries, I was going to fix you. Going to offer you a knight in shining armor for your commitment to self discovery (public service announcement this doesn't end well). I bought you a puppy, we built a house from the ground up, we got engaged, all under false pretense unfortunately. My desire to have a happy life constantly clashing with self preservation..trust...damn you trust.... We exploded, imploded, whatever... now NC is the only viable option. You say your happy in your new life, new men, he'll you got the house and dog.... me, well I don't know. How to cope quite yet. My heart lingers on the precipice of certain doom and hope. Seeing another man laying on the couch we picked out together, with the dog we raised, wow... it's like wrapping myself in barbed wire. You will always be you and I, well me. I hope Karma has a stake in this, because I feel you deserve all the pain and suffering I have experienced, but maybe you don't. Maybe I am wrong? Love is the most addictive and dangerous substance there is. I still hurt, moment by moment, but I have to live! I want to live, I just don't know how to without you....

 

This is basically perfection. I was laughing out loud and then sad at the same time.

Tarot777 Established Member

Tarot777

Posted
Posted

Day 4 NC.

Been so up and down!

I'll get through though, I know I wasn't happy in the relationship.

The more I think about it, the more I'm realizing it's my ego thats hurting, because I got rejected and not so much that I want him back. I just want him to come crawling back and apologize for being so mean.

This is about winning for me more than it is about love.

This is selfish and petty, but it's what I know deep down, as gross as it is to admit.

  • Like 3
leia1028 Member

leia1028

Posted
Posted
Day 4 NC.

Been so up and down!

I'll get through though, I know I wasn't happy in the relationship.

The more I think about it, the more I'm realizing it's my ego thats hurting, because I got rejected and not so much that I want him back. I just want him to come crawling back and apologize for being so mean.

This is about winning for me more than it is about love.

This is selfish and petty, but it's what I know deep down, as gross as it is to admit.

 

i honestly feel the same way. I want my ex to apologize for being who he was and how he treated me too..but at the same time, because he was so mean its best i'm not in the relationship anymore. It's the next person they are with that will suffer with them, and in the long run..we did win! We will make it and have a better relationship with someone else, we deserve better anyway.

  • Like 2
Downtown Established Member

Downtown

Posted
Posted
We went through hell for each other...well, he would constantly go to hell and I would rescue him.
Priceless, Oneness! That nicely sums up my 15-year marriage to a BPDer too.
  • Like 1
na49 Established Member

na49

Posted
Posted

Fighting the urge to check her Facebook. It was really strong this morning, and has weakened a bit. I still want to look though... I just looked last week, and luckily it didn't hurt. I know it will hurt if I look again though. How many times will I need to see that she is "moved on" for me to get that she has moved on?

  • Like 1
Tarot777 Established Member

Tarot777

Posted
Posted

Doing ok today.

Went through acceptance and wishing him the best in my mind, to anger, to looking forward to the future.

Was tempted to call and see if he still blocked me, not to talk but just to see if I'm blocked haha

Looking forward to the weekend, got some extra cash and no responsibilities!

New book came in the mail today too.

Cupid's Puppet Established Member

Cupid's Puppet

Posted
Posted

Yesterday he called and I didn't even get excited. I remembered the days I cried to sleep thinking about how he told me I wasn't wife material or mother material, and that affected me for months. I can't believe I made it to the point where those words no longer hurt me.

 

I am slowly building attraction toward men again :) I have a schoolgirl crush on a coworker :laugh: I don't wish to be in a romantic relationship with him, but I smile in the inside because this guy is like my first real crush ever. :love:

  • Like 1
sammiexo Member

sammiexo

Posted
Posted (edited)

Relapsed and checked social media. For the first time in two months she posted a picture on Instagram and it's with my ex standing in it. I feel like she's sticking it to me. I am such a f*ing idiot. Having a breakdown right now.

Edited by sammiexo
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