freebird31 Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 It's just weird. It's been almost 2 years now. And still, my feelings are as intense as they have ever been. I see other people my age (23) move on after a relationship so quickly. And I truly envy that. The last guy I dated I really liked but unfortunately maybe I didn't like him enough because being with him triggered feelings of missing my ex. I just don't understand why these feelings have not gone away why I can't seem to move on to someone else. I think part of it is my heart doesn't want to let me go through that trauma again so it shuts people out. And part of it is because I genuinely only want one person more than anyone else. That's the truth. Sadly. There's no one I would rather be with than him. Maybe I haven't met the right person to make me feel otherwise. Idk. Sometimes, and yes this is crazy. Sometimes I feel like my ex still has love for me. And he's just a big idiot. I fell for a complete idiot. And eventually he will come around. Sometimes my heart is willing to wait until the end of time. Maybe this is what this is all about. Maybe I'm just still waiting for my ex. And eventually one day i will just have to give up and then I can finally move on. Something just keeps me holding on. Still. Why? Idk:/ is it denial? Probably. Maybe I'm waiting for him to move on to someone else. I wish he could tell me to my face that he doesn't and never will want me. Now THAT will make me believe it.
ZiggyZoo Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 Hi all! I'm so glad to have this forum right now, I'm a mess. Long story short, I 'm 23 weeks pregnant, and was dumped by the father. Been NC for 2 months, my ex hasn't contacted me once for an update on the pregnancy or anything... I had an ultrasound 2 weeks ago, and was wrestling with whether or not I should call my ex and fill him in or not. I've been so depressed lately, thinking about what to do and him in general has been brutal. But I called him, after deciding that I would do so just this once, and to let him know it was about the baby only. I just left a voicemail, and told him I had news about the baby, but if he wasn't interested that it would be the last he would hear from me. I am literally shaking right now, DREADING the inevitable "will he call, or won't he?" This is why NC is so great, it takes this out of the equation, and I hate being right back here. But I wanted to give him one last shot at taking part in this pregnancy... Thanks you guys, even if nobody reads this, for letting me write this all out. I've been through some majorly bad heartbreaks before, but this one has almost been my undoing.
erklat Posted February 7, 2015 Posted February 7, 2015 One of my mates saw her from the car as we were driving around today. I was thank God looking the other direction jestering, we had a great time. Now I try to think intensely about her, trying to cause a panic attack or something I used to have and awful feeling of anxiety, constant, fidgeting, lack of joy of living..... Nothing. Total numbness. The blissful realization she can't hurt me anymore. After pain there is bliss. Remember.
na49 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I'm on that roller coaster of emotions with everyone else. There are minutes where I feel like I'm going to be okay. Then something happens, and I think about how badly I want to tell her about it I'm feeling weak right now. I feel like I want to text her again. I want her to hurt me some more, and tell me that it is over again. Tell me that she is done for good this time. I've been NC for like 3-4 days now, how much progress would I really be destroying?
erklat Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 A great lot. You are on turkey stage now, your brain is in deprivation of oxytocin. Keep your NC, protect it, it is the nucleus of the new you. You will feel better. Remember, I was the worst there is and I managed.
Cupid's Puppet Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I bought myself a planner. I am hoping that it will help me keep my life more organized and give me something to shoot for everyday. Anytime I think of relationships, families, love, etc. I get depressed. If I can just change my focus, things may get better for me. I'll try this for a week, even if it's tough starting off.
Blehh Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 how i'm coping.... I still think about him multiple times a day, i feel like i never want to love again. i still try and distract myself so much but he's still always in the back of my mind, he was my best friend for so long and now it's like this empty void in my life and i just hate what he did to me, and yet i miss him so much. everyone i interact with just feels meaningless and it's because it's not him. i'd drop everyone just to hear a sincere apology and an attempt to reconcile like we always used to but it'll likely never happen and i kind of just want to die or stop feeling anything..i didn't want to be this attached to anyone..
Cupid's Puppet Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I'm feeling horrible this morning. As I look around my home, I again think of what could have been if I had been a better girlfriend. I wish we could have gotten married. I would have looked forward to showering with him every night, sleeping in his arms every night, multiple date nights, etc. But I never got the chance. They were dreams we both had that I shattered. Now I'm forced to imagine a life with someone else, or worse, myself. And it sucks. It absolutely sucks. My ex gave me so much life. I feel like I am missing an organ now.
na49 Posted February 8, 2015 Posted February 8, 2015 I'm hanging in there today. She was in my dreams all night, so I didn't really sleep well. Heck one dream lasted only for a few seconds. I was sitting in class, and saw her walk past the door in her heeled boots she always wore. I knew she was coming, and as she passed, she looked in the class and saw me, then I woke up. I can't escape her, no matter what I do. I still want to text her, and beg for us. I know it won't help, but I still want to do it so badly.
ZiggyZoo Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Man, after months of wanting nothing more than for him to call, I'm praying I don't hear from my ex again. I called him with an update on our baby, told him to get ahold of me if he wanted to be involved, aaand....big ol' nothin'. Its been over 24 hours, and I just hope to not receive any "it's over, I'm not interested" messages. I've gathered that much already, so really don't need to hear it. I'm ready to go back to NC until this little one is born and deal with it then. I'll be so glad to be over him. Just the past 24 hours of wondering have been so terrible, I'm definitely not going to break NC. And I have confirmation that he's not interested too. Which is fine, I don't need someone like him in my life anyway.
The Poster Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 This entire week has been hell. I don't know why this isn't getting any better. I've done everything right and I'm not healing. God, why did you bring me to her? Why am I left to suffer like this? I want out. I live my life in love and kindness. When does that come back to me? All I want is peace. I don't deserve this. 2
freebird31 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 this week has not been good at all. i miss talking to the guy i was last dating. Although there were times that i missed my ex, overall, talking to him distracted me from thinking of my ex and feeling pain. I have been feeling alot of pain lately. but i pushed him away because i wasnt ready....i told him i was not able to commit to him. ugh. but i really just miss talking to him because he truly understood my pain. he understood what REAL pain was. He had one hell of a past. He had told me he had experienced a lot. i really miss talking to him. i just feel like everyone else doesnt really understand what i am going through. they dont take it seriously or think its nothing.....idk/: i just really cant get through it on my own. i dont want to anymore. i really need someone else to help ease this pain. tbh, i think im falling into a depression again. ever so often i wish i could die. this week has been one of the times. just wonder what it feels like to be at peace u know. havent felt that in a while. sometimes the idea of not feeling anything at all seems better than feeling the highs and extreme extreme lows, and the dull ache. I'm tired. im feeling weak lately.
freebird31 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 i think that something is wrong with me. im a really emotional and VERY jealous person. i dont think i deserve someone normal. i think i should be with someone who is just as messed up as i am. maybe it would work out somehow.
tryingtodealwithit Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 so the last few weeks have been good for me. i've actually been happy. it felt good. and then today happened. and i don't even know what caused it. out of nowhere i'm upset, miss my ex, and now have myself convinced that i still love her and want her back. which is absolutely bat**** INSANE. i'm sure this will only last a day. just have to fight through it. i've been nc for months and it's been even longer since i've initiated contact with her. truthfully, i don't want to ever speak to her again. somehow today i've managed to convince myself that she isn't the lying, cheating, basket case that she actually is. it's been 9 months since we split. i shouldn't be dealing with this stuff still
Cupid's Puppet Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Between me and you love shackers, he called tonight and I took the call. I friggin took the call. The least I could have done was allow it to go to voicemail and call one week later. But I was so desperate to hear his voice that I answered. Now my head hurts. He is so selfish too. First thing he said to me was, "I know you said not to call you anymore." It's as if he thought that meant for a few months. The nerve. He broke up with me. He broke up with me. 1
RedButton Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Hi RB where are you going for your holiday ? Going back to Australia, long overdue trip and I'm really looking forward to it! Oh also, I started watching Father Ted. Only seen the first two episodes so far, but it's been good. "How did that gobsh*te get on the telly!?" It might be the vacation. My ex and I traveled quite a bit together, so I had a hard time traveling without him the first few times. I think it helps to get over the initial time without the person, be it traveling or something else. We used to do a lot of hiking together, and it was difficult to hike without him. Still, I made myself do it, and I came out okay in the end. To be honest, the first year or so was difficult because it seemed like there was always something that brought him to mind. Something I had to do that was a first without him. Power through it, and you will look back and be glad you did. It is odd, it might very well be the trip. I've also got something of hers that I've put away but I want to return, and at this point I just want to get rid of it. I won't throw it away, but I think I'll contact a friend of hers on Facebook and ask if I can drop it by to them, I'm not ready to meet her again yet. I guess I just feel like I should have been better by now. I don't feel sad or want her back, but I guess I miss the relationship? I'm starting to think this week that I'm actually just depressed, and rather than being because of her I think there are other factors, but being depressed is just making me think of her more often. I had a friend pressuring me to start dating again, but I feel like it would just complicate things for me and make me feel worse at this point.
DenverDude Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 I had a very vivid dream last night and of course she was the center of attention in the dream. For a second, I thought things were back to normal, and then I woke up and realized it was all just a dream. I miss her today. 1
na49 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Today is the first day since the breakup that I actually feel angry with her. I saw one of her best friends on campus today, and it just brought about feelings of rage. This dude knew everything about my relationship because he was always around her. I don't have any problems with this guy in particular, but because he knows her, and is very close to her, he is dead to me. I still miss her. I still want to talk to her. I still want her to come back. but I'm feeling better today than I did yesterday. So that's cool. 2
dyna85 Posted February 9, 2015 Posted February 9, 2015 Today has been really bad. I haven't been able to really focus on my work, which is really weird since so much time has passed. I really need to get out of this funk, because it's truly depressing.
tryingtodealwithit Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I don't know what's going on the last few days. It's like I've regressed back to months ago. I want her back so bad. It's taking everything in me not to contact her. This is awful. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I feel so ruined. I am not happy and I don't know when I will be. I deserve better than this
NopeNah Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Ran to the bank earlier and she was pulling along side of me waving. Yeah..NO! Floored my truck and went on my way. I have nothing but disdain for her now, after hearing about her new "bar skank" roll she's feel into. Have a good life,Slut! 2
na49 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 I saw her twice! Gah! First time I was waiting outside my class, and she walked past me. I had my head glued to my phone, and I may have been shaking a bit. Then I was staying after class to talk to my professor, and there she is. Walks into the class, says hi to a friend sounding happy as ever. I just can't even look at her without feeling like I'm having all of the life taken out of me. Today is going to be bad. I feel like I'll break NC soon... 1
dyna85 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Not coping well at all. So strange since yesterday I felt like I was doing so well. It all came tumbling down in the evening yesterday. Ugh. Lots of crying and then feeling like I'd rather die than deal with this pain. I feel like my circumstance is a bit unique in that most breakups involve two parties acknowledging each other's final thoughts - either in an angry or peaceful state, or maybe even in an indifferent manner - but in my case, I was given the shaft and then completely disregarded/silenced. Therefore, this makes me feel kind of alone and like an anomaly among the group here. This is a new experience for me in many ways because I never had a relationship end like this, where the one party leaves the door half ajar--yet it's simultaneously closed. It's so paradoxical and unnerving in so many respects. I have felt the full spectrum of emotions, and while I'm proud of myself for staying the course, even during the lowest of lows, I question whether I will ever move past the hurt, given the final act of indifference/coldness on his part. Sometimes I feel like I've got it figured out.. and in those moments I can breathe a sigh of somewhat relief.. but then sometimes I just fall apart.. and wish life weren't so cruel to me. 1
na49 Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 Feeling pretty weird today. I am sad that my relationship with her is over, and possibly is over for good. I am sad that I will need to move on without her. I am sad that she left me because she thinks the grass is greener on the other side. I am afraid of this summer because it will be the first one without her in 3 years. I am afraid of having down moments during those days where I am alone with nothing going on. I can't be busy every second of every day. I'm also angry at her. I wish the worst for her and everyone she knows. Is it bad that I feel that way? I should be angry. This girl rejected me twice. She lied to me multiple times, and I ate it all up. This girl acts like she is the victim when I'm the one who got left with a broken heart twice. I feel like seeing her Facebook yesterday really helped me get a grip. I realize that she doesn't miss me. I realize that she thinks her life will be better without me. It hurts. but I also realize that my life can be better without her too. I just need to take charge and get active. 1
Crampaholic Posted February 11, 2015 Posted February 11, 2015 I feel better, I feel happier and I'm starting to see myself differently. I know I will get over this and come up way stronger and much wiser. I do miss her, I do think about her everyday, but it doesn't make me as blue. I can't wish her to be happy, not yet... but I do hope one day I will.
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