The Poster Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 It's surreal to think that, if only we didn't care as much, if only we didn't have such strong feelings, we'd be fine. Sad, sure. But, we'd be fine. C'est la vie.
RedButton Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Please hang in there everyone. I know it seems terrible, but you can get through it. I'm just about 3 months out of the breakup, no contact the whole time and I'm feeling so much better, even though at the start I was a mess, and even as far as two months in I had to take a day off work because I was feeling so out of sorts or miserable. Last night I even had a dream about her, and this morning I could shrug it off and get on with my day as normal. I feel like if I saw her again I would still get upset, but I'm getting better and I feel like I'll be at a point soon where if I bumped into her I could let it roll right off me. I'm pretty determined I should see her at least once before I leave the country (as we broke up on good terms), but I no longer feel so much anxiety around it, or feel some kind of urgency or whatever.
The Poster Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 (edited) I've never really had a situation like this where there's the breakup, and then not a single word has been spoken to each other since in two and a half months. I know they say it's for the best, but it still makes me feel awful. Like I'm meaningless to her. Like she doesn't care or like I don't matter. It's hard to digest. Edited January 30, 2015 by The Poster
Brokenpenguin Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 It's coming up to just week two of break up, today was not a good day, had to see her with her new boyfriend, there is no way I can avoid it, I'm just going to have to live with it. The anger is slowly fading away, and being replaced with heartache and pain, I don't know what to do. I'm still pretty much in a state of disbelief and shock, so it's just going go get worse
bigtrouble Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 It's coming up to just week two of break up, today was not a good day, had to see her with her new boyfriend, there is no way I can avoid it, I'm just going to have to live with it. The anger is slowly fading away, and being replaced with heartache and pain, I don't know what to do. I'm still pretty much in a state of disbelief and shock, so it's just going go get worse I know its harsh but seeing them together is better than not... You get the realization much faster that is over... This will compel you to heal faster and move on... Yes the pain would be almost unbearable... But the truth lies before you... You won't need to go through... the days agonizing in denial... like most of us who were blindsided... Jut be strong, NC and heal... The pain does go away and no anger... means your going the right way... ################### Advice - never show a sad face... Be cool with it and be happy... Fake it till you make it... If women see you suffering... They don't feel pity or love... They are disgusted with it... Makes you less of a person in their eyes... ################### 1
The Poster Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 So I'm in the midst of reading this book on getting my anxiety problems under control. I just finished a chapter that deals with anxiety and self-esteem issues in intimate relationships, and I'm really sad. My ex, essentially walked away because of my anxiety problems. I don't think she knows that, but the constant over-worrying and over-caring kind of pushed her away. I was overwhelming her when she usually handles her issues on her own. I thought I was just being a good boyfriend, when in fact I was trying way too hard. I just feel really sad now. If I would have handled this before I met her like I should have, we'd probably still be together. At the end of the work I'm doing, I'll be what she was looking for again. Now, before anyone takes this the wrong way, I am not doing this for her. She just opened my eyes to the fact I needed to address this. Something I should have addressed years ago. I'm trying not to beat myself up over it, because life is for learning and I needed this to learn and change, but now I only think of what could have been. In the end though, I know whatever is meant to be, will be.
Brokenpenguin Posted January 31, 2015 Posted January 31, 2015 I know its harsh but seeing them together is better than not... You get the realization much faster that is over... This will compel you to heal faster and move on... Yes the pain would be almost unbearable... But the truth lies before you... You won't need to go through... the days agonizing in denial... like most of us who were blindsided... Jut be strong, NC and heal... The pain does go away and no anger... means your going the right way... ################### Advice - never show a sad face... Be cool with it and be happy... Fake it till you make it... If women see you suffering... They don't feel pity or love... They are disgusted with it... Makes you less of a person in their eyes... ################### Thank you, you are right. It's relatively easy to cope while at school, I have my friends and I's a distraction of sorts. I can put on a semi brave face and pretend im relatively okay. It's pretty easy to hide behind anger and It still feels pretty unreal, like it's not really happening. It's when I'm at home it hurts and I just don't know what to do, how to cope. I know the days are going to get worse before they get better.
freebird31 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Just thinking. The worst has yet to come. I really thought the worst was over but the worst has not even arrived yet. The day my ex finds another woman will literally kill me inside. I don't think I will take it very well. The day he marries I will probably die inside. Sometimes I wish that it would happen already so that I can get through the pain that has yet to come. But idk. It really sucks. All the suffering, the pain I have felt these last two years ...he has no damn idea what it feels like.
sober and dry Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Just thinking. The worst has yet to come. I really thought the worst was over but the worst has not even arrived yet. The day my ex finds another woman will literally kill me inside. I don't think I will take it very well. The day he marries I will probably die inside. Sometimes I wish that it would happen already so that I can get through the pain that has yet to come. But idk. It really sucks. All the suffering, the pain I have felt these last two years ...he has no damn idea what it feels like. Come on, when all that **** does happen you will be over your ex! Don't even bother with him...
freebird31 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Come on, when all that **** does happen you will be over your ex! Don't even bother with him... It's been a long time since we have been broken up. I am not over him. Ubfortunately I don't have the choice to get over or be over someone. I don't have that kind of control...otherwise I would have chosen to be over him a long time ago. I just live with it.
BC1980 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Just thinking. The worst has yet to come. I really thought the worst was over but the worst has not even arrived yet. The day my ex finds another woman will literally kill me inside. I don't think I will take it very well. The day he marries I will probably die inside. Sometimes I wish that it would happen already so that I can get through the pain that has yet to come. But idk. It really sucks. All the suffering, the pain I have felt these last two years ...he has no damn idea what it feels like. The day will come, but it won't be so bad if you commit to NC and moving on. After 1 year of NC, I found out my ex was engaged, and I didn't care very much. I cared for a few hours, but it honestly didn't affect me. My main feeling was relief. If you stick to NC, you will get there too.
sober and dry Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 It's been a long time since we have been broken up. I am not over him. Ubfortunately I don't have the choice to get over or be over someone. I don't have that kind of control...otherwise I would have chosen to be over him a long time ago. I just live with it. I guess no one does have direct control over that, but I'm sure that everyone can make decisions and choices that get you there. It may take some time, sure. But if we don't make that steps for ourself we will never get there... Be strong , become a free bird again for yourself 1
freebird31 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 The day will come, but it won't be so bad if you commit to NC and moving on. After 1 year of NC, I found out my ex was engaged, and I didn't care very much. I cared for a few hours, but it honestly didn't affect me. My main feeling was relief. If you stick to NC, you will get there too. Thanks. That's really relieving to hear..I hope so
freebird31 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 I guess no one does have direct control over that, but I'm sure that everyone can make decisions and choices that get you there. It may take some time, sure. But if we don't make that steps for ourself we will never get there... Be strong , become a free bird again for yourself Haha thanks. Free bird I shall be one day
freebird31 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 got me thinking again. If me and my ex were to get back together in the near future, I will never know what "free" will feel like bc I'll let him define my happiness. I would have what I longed for and wanted, but free I will not be. I'll be truly free the day I let go. And move on
ralfgarnett Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Not too good today, woke up again around 4am and just lay there thinking and thinking about her and how painful life is without her around, all those whats if and buts all flying round my head, I feel all shook up now and I am due to start my weeks work any minute now, this sucks it really does I hate feeling like this.
feelymcfeel Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 I don't know what's happened. I was doing great, I've been on a few dates, I'm chatting to a few girls, but this weekend for seemingly no reason at all, I feel like I've regressed months. I feel crap.
ralfgarnett Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 With you there mate happens all the time, btw we live very close to each other.
Crampaholic Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 It's been over a month since we broke up, I had her blocked and stuff, but her grandfather died so we talked for a bit and blocked her again... That was last tuesday. On saturday I made the mistake of going to a party I knew she was at.. I honestly saw it as a test and.. Won't deny it.. I wanted her to see me, and that perhaps she'd miss me or talk to me. BAD IDEA. I was doing actually better... But saturday ruined it for me... Yesterday I called her and talked to her... Asked her to see me.. She eventually accepted, I said that I wanted to see her and listen that she didn't love me anymore and so on... But then I started begging... Pleading, oh god how awful it was... She said she didn't fancy me anymore, that she didn't love me anymore, that I had to move on... Jfc, is she over me already? After 2 freaking years together she just forgot about me?.. But I guess I gotta accept that. I made a lot of mistakes, became jealous and possessive.. And the fighting was bad, But overall I was a good gf, I loved her like I never had! And now she is just over me? Wow. I feel like back to the start. *sigh*
John83 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Terrible day (been here last year with same woman), broke up with me again last night, we are in the middle of renovating a house which was to be our family home. Just last Friday I left that house feeling on top of the world having made great progress and gotton is one step closer to moving in. Last night I was told she didn't love me (again), it's all been a lie as she was trying to make it work, and id be moving to the new house myself when it's ready. After exchanging words I left with my daughter in tow (we are inseperable and she always wants to be with daddy) and stayed at my parents. Today after dropping my daughter off at school I went to do some work on the house, upon entering the sadness hit me, I was taken aback to when we first got keys after the sale and we went up to have a proper look and the kids excitedly ran about the place while we planned every room. I walked around a bit trying to fight the hurt, every minute there today hurt as what was our future family home was now a big empty dump of a house, no heart to tackle any of the large amount of work needed. With the excitement of moving in as a family gone I pictured long empty nights without the kids around. Now if sooner sell the place as I can't stand the sight of the place.
ralfgarnett Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Terrible day (been here last year with same woman), broke up with me again last night, we are in the middle of renovating a house which was to be our family home. Just last Friday I left that house feeling on top of the world having made great progress and gotton is one step closer to moving in. Last night I was told she didn't love me (again), it's all been a lie as she was trying to make it work, and id be moving to the new house myself when it's ready. After exchanging words I left with my daughter in tow (we are inseperable and she always wants to be with daddy) and stayed at my parents. Today after dropping my daughter off at school I went to do some work on the house, upon entering the sadness hit me, I was taken aback to when we first got keys after the sale and we went up to have a proper look and the kids excitedly ran about the place while we planned every room. I walked around a bit trying to fight the hurt, every minute there today hurt as what was our future family home was now a big empty dump of a house, no heart to tackle any of the large amount of work needed. With the excitement of moving in as a family gone I pictured long empty nights without the kids around. Now if sooner sell the place as I can't stand the sight of the place. Tough luck mate I feel for you, if its any consolation to you I too have been having a bad day too.
John83 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Tough luck mate I feel for you, if its any consolation to you I too have been having a bad day too. Cheers mate, hope things look up for us soon. Sitting now watching my little girl as she is lost without her brother around, playing with the few toys she has here it's heartbreaking.
me85 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 I get by. I laugh, I cry...I get by. I try, I try, I try...I get by. On the days that hurt the most, I raise my glass and make a toast... I get by.
ralfgarnett Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Cheers mate, hope things look up for us soon. Sitting now watching my little girl as she is lost without her brother around, playing with the few toys she has here it's heartbreaking. Yes me too we deserve better mate, I just feel stuck going round and round like a hamster in a wheel, this time last year everything was fine, we were coming up to our 17th wedding anniversary and all was calm, then she dropped the bomb on me in July and here I am 7 months later still feeling like crap, almost stiff with stress and depression I just don't seem to get anywhere life sucks sometimes it really does
John83 Posted February 2, 2015 Posted February 2, 2015 Yes me too we deserve better mate, I just feel stuck going round and round like a hamster in a wheel, this time last year everything was fine, we were coming up to our 17th wedding anniversary and all was calm, then she dropped the bomb on me in July and here I am 7 months later still feeling like crap, almost stiff with stress and depression I just don't seem to get anywhere life sucks sometimes it really does Sorry to hear mate 17 years is a long time, after that length of time you would think your set for life hope it gets better soon mate. Only 8 years here, took her back last year after she left and was running round with another bloke, was hard but did it for the kids and even bought the "I know now what I want and it's spend rest of my life with you" a year down the line and here we are again. Can't get ower it mate
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