The Poster Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 (edited) I'm getting so tired of waking up and having heavy sadness rush into my heart. I'm so tired of all the questions I keep replaying over and over again. What does she think of me? Does she care about me? Did I add anything vital to her life? Did she hurt when she ended it? Was it tough for her? Does she think of me? Does she ever miss me? And of course...will I ever hear from her again? This just all seems...so wrong. I don't know. I never understood how people could feel more pain when a short-term relationship ends vs. a long-term one...but now I get it. You have this incredible high and then you get knocked down with brutal force and it's left my head and heart reeling. It just sucks. I'm in the midst of making all these improvements to my life. I feel so much better mentally than I did a few months ago. I finally feel like I am in control of my anxiety. It no longer controls me. I have it wrapped around my finger now. I'm also much more confident and my self-worth is high. I've made some improvements physically too. I took up learning the piano as it's always been a dream of mine. She had a profound impact on all of this stuff. A lot of things she said to me resonated to the point where I felt I could get my life and my mentality under control and strong again. And all I keep doing in my head is dreaming about reconnecting with her and telling her about everything and how much she helped and how grateful I am for her, yet I know the chance of that actually happening is very slim. Edited January 25, 2015 by The Poster 3
Author Riou Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 (edited) My mood is still unpredictable. Some days I actually feel fine! Others, I cry and feel afraid for my future. But today is one of those horrid days where I feel I can't even get out of bed. There is a lot to do at my house, but here I am, lying in my pjs. Haven't showered in a couple of days. No energy, no motivation. Anxiety when I think of all the errands and chores I should be doing. Depression when I think about how ALONE I am. The past four years with my ex seem like a terrible waste. So I'm on here, trying to cope. My first post. Hard to read everyone's stories and see all the suffering people are going through. I used to be so optimistic about life and love. . Will I ever feel that way again? Try not to think of the future if it scares you.Give yourself time. Edited January 26, 2015 by Riou
ralfgarnett Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 Try not to think of the future if it scares you.Give yourself time. Agreed don't think too far ahead of yourself, I am guilty of it and it adds too much pressure to an already pressurised situation, take everything a day at a time and try not to pressure yourself.
The Poster Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 I'm struggling to let go. I've accepted that it's over and I've accepted that chances I'll ever hear from her again are slim to none, yet I still crave answers. I still have so much that I want to say. So much that I want to know. I have a journal where I put down all of my thoughts of things I want to say to her or ask her because I know I can't do it directly and the entries are piling up. I simply want to replace all of the clutter in my heart with peace. That's all I want.
me85 Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 I'm struggling to let go. I've accepted that it's over and I've accepted that chances I'll ever hear from her again are slim to none, yet I still crave answers. I still have so much that I want to say. So much that I want to know. I have a journal where I put down all of my thoughts of things I want to say to her or ask her because I know I can't do it directly and the entries are piling up. I simply want to replace all of the clutter in my heart with peace. That's all I want. What else do you want for yourself...that only you can give yourself...? Focus on those things only. You will never ever find the closure you seek from your ex. You have to give yourself closure. It's not fair but that's the way it always goes. Feel better champ.
sxovo Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 I'm still depressed. I can't let go. I can't stop texting or calling or facetiming him. I miss him. This week, I've made the worst mistake by traveling to another country just to see him one more time. I've actually bought the tickets before we broke up. He hates me now, and when he sees me, he's so nice to me, but after he leaves the hotel room it's just plain coldness and ignoring again. I don't know how to cope anymore. 5 more days to go before I leave and go home.. and he already admitted he loves another girl. He's not going to see me today because he's going to study with a girl he likes... This hurts me a lot more because I'm physically here..
The Poster Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 What else do you want for yourself...that only you can give yourself...? Focus on those things only. You will never ever find the closure you seek from your ex. You have to give yourself closure. It's not fair but that's the way it always goes. Feel better champ. I've been working hard on improving myself day in and day out. Personally, I'm getting better but my heart still hurts constantly.
ralfgarnett Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Aaaaaargh woke up at 6-15 am painicking and ruminating, just wouldn't stop or go away, tried to get back to sleep but couldn't, I am feeling shaky now because of it, just gone 9 am and I need to get work done but I feel too out of sorts to move right now, this has to stop I cant go on like this I need to get my work done I need to earn money simple,
RedButton Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Aaaaaargh woke up at 6-15 am painicking and ruminating, just wouldn't stop or go away, tried to get back to sleep but couldn't, I am feeling shaky now because of it, just gone 9 am and I need to get work done but I feel too out of sorts to move right now, this has to stop I cant go on like this I need to get my work done I need to earn money simple, I know that feeling, I hope you're feeling better. In my experience it happens time to time but it's just random. Probably a result of sleep patterns or dreams, I hope it passes for you quickly. I've been coping very well recently. It's been nearly three months now and I'm actually feeling great. I'm seeing friends a lot recently and haven't been down at all, I'm even thinking about my ex a lot less than I was previously. The urge to contact her is gone, I'm still umming and ahing bout if I should return something to her and give her a nice letter to say thanks and goodbye. I genuinely want to send it just to say in a nice way how I enjoyed our time together, no motive to get her back or anything like that. I'm still don't think I should start dating again, my future is going to involve too much moving about this year to commit, but I am planning to at least meet new people as well as seeing old friends more often. Hoping this is a clear sign of improvement and not a temporary high. I'm cautiously optimistic 1
ralfgarnett Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Hi RB feeling a bit better than I was earlier, possibly something to do with the doctor upping my meds a bit, I just want it to end its tiring me out and impacting on my ability to work, cant carry on like that its just not healthy, glad things are improving for you though I look forward to feeling something similar I just hope its sooner rather than later.
NopeNah Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Had dreams last night..jesus when does this stop? Anyways..I had to break off a new "dating" relationship, because I am just not emotionally available and it wasn't fair to the new girl. I feel like a dirt bag having made that mistake, even though I was honest from the first date..blah!
ralfgarnett Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Had dreams last night..jesus when does this stop? Anyways..I had to break off a new "dating" relationship, because I am just not emotionally available and it wasn't fair to the new girl. I feel like a dirt bag having made that mistake, even though I was honest from the first date..blah! You did the right thing my friend, no point stringing anyone along and its just not fair, I was thinking about women today and I actually wonder if I will ever feel like dating anyone ever again after this ordeal. 1
me85 Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I'm not sad or missing my ex at all but I hate that I've contacted him during recent black outs. I wish there was a way to restrict the ability for me to email him. Why don't they have an app for that by now???? I'd pay $1000 to download it.
ralfgarnett Posted January 28, 2015 Posted January 28, 2015 I'm not sad or missing my ex at all but I hate that I've contacted him during recent black outs. I wish there was a way to restrict the ability for me to email him. Why don't they have an app for that by now???? I'd pay $1000 to download it. I have solved this problem simply by attaching post it notes to my keypad with cellotape saying " do not email or phone @@ ever after drinking" and it has worked as I have highlighted it in shocking pink, try it it really works,
me85 Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 I have solved this problem simply by attaching post it notes to my keypad with cellotape saying " do not email or phone @@ ever after drinking" and it has worked as I have highlighted it in shocking pink, try it it really works, Thank you! I'll try it.
freebird31 Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 I still will never truly understand why my ex left me and continues to live without me. because i really felt like the love between us was mutual. it was so long ago. and im sure that what i have felt these last almost 2 years that we have been broken up is nothing to what he felt . i really suffered trying to get through this, esp the first year. i truly had so much love for him. the relationshp ended prematurely and i will always just wonder. One thing i truly can never forget was the ability to act like my complete self with another person. I never show my complete 100% self to anyone, even friends. but with my ex i was always my true selff....and maybe thats part of why it has been so hard to let go...for all of these years. because i havent met another person, let alone another friend, that allows me to feel that comfortable when i with them. I know there are so many other people in this world. and maybe it is because he is my first and only experience so far as a partner, but that is part of the reason why it is hard to forget him . because i label what we had as "special" I just wish i could meet someone else and just have hope and KNOW that i can feel that way again . :/ and when i do move on, i hope that it is not as sad when i think of my ex. i truly cared so much for him...its been 1 year 9 months since we have been broken up. and i still feel as much love for him as i ever did before. it just wont go away. but i have tried everything to my best ability to try to see if it could still work out, and i have finally exhausted all of my means. i will always wonder WHY, WHY, why did he not want me anymore. because i truly felt what we shared was mutual. i will always hold this scar of rejection...it has become a part of me. I wish i could ask him ...but i dont even think he would give me a mature response, as he is not emotionally all that mature yet. i have come to the very end of the road. there doesnt seem to be any more hope for anything to work out between us. ive given him everything: space, time, patience. everything. i truly did. even when we were broken up, it was me still giving...me still giving him space so that maybe it could work out again. and it hasnt. it still doesnt make any sense. my heart still breaks sometimes. but i just pray and hope i will find another who will love me and care and take care of me, just as much as i would for them. really pray for such.
freebird31 Posted January 29, 2015 Posted January 29, 2015 i just feel like in my life there has always been a beginning and end to everything. but this, this is something i have never experienced before....theres no reasoning behind why he left me. no answers. no justification. just questions. just self-doubt in myself.. why did someone who i had so much love for who i thought felt the same love for me, reject me? Even after all this time...almost 2 yrs and he still doesnt want me. i would think of myself as a smart, funny, sweet, loyal girlfriend. Was i just completely naive the entire time we were together? The entire time, did he not share the same love ? Did he even have love for me? Because i can never wrap my mind around someone who would leave someone who is good for them who they really love. And evena fter 2 years, they still dont want them? I cannot wrap my mind around this. And thats why i live with so much damn pain. because there are still no answers, no reasons why, no explanations. i just cannot understand why someone would not want to be with someone they love, unless they didnt love them or unless there was something really wrong with them. i cant and will never understand. and it kills me...it kills me
Oneness Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 I have a criminal order of protection on my exbf....he violated it, and he called CPS to harass me...I reported the violation. But the mickey mouse state he lives in didn't f**king arrest him! Oh no, the proof they have has to be proven in court and he can ask for a trial! So, King Teflon went that route...I know he did, He is Pro Se, which means he would have me on the stand in court! With my PTSD, that they would allow that to happen when this is a DV case he got the OP for...makes no sense! Not going to trial! I got a voicemail from the court today...nearly had a panic attack. Not listening to it, they know I will not, and can not go to trial even if I wanted to (I live 7 hours away, and am a single, struggling, mother). I am not coping at all...I want to go to sleep and not wake up...but I can't...my DS11 needs me....
sober and dry Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Well this last days I'm feeling bored and peevish I'm needing something good to happen in my life, but yeah... Things just doesn't happen out of the thin air
me85 Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 i just feel like in my life there has always been a beginning and end to everything. but this, this is something i have never experienced before....theres no reasoning behind why he left me. no answers. no justification. just questions. just self-doubt in myself.. why did someone who i had so much love for who i thought felt the same love for me, reject me? Even after all this time...almost 2 yrs and he still doesnt want me. i would think of myself as a smart, funny, sweet, loyal girlfriend. Was i just completely naive the entire time we were together? The entire time, did he not share the same love ? Did he even have love for me? Because i can never wrap my mind around someone who would leave someone who is good for them who they really love. And evena fter 2 years, they still dont want them? I cannot wrap my mind around this. And thats why i live with so much damn pain. because there are still no answers, no reasons why, no explanations. i just cannot understand why someone would not want to be with someone they love, unless they didnt love them or unless there was something really wrong with them. i cant and will never understand. and it kills me...it kills me This makes me so sad. I'm sorry to hear this. Life goes by in the blink of an eye...it's just so short. I really hope you find the strength to move on and just accept that it's over. It truly was not meant to last with your ex. The very best wishes for you!
The Poster Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 About 2 and a half months in and today is the worst anguish I've ever felt in my life. I don't understand it. Tuesday was probably the best I've felt and today the pain is so crippling I don't even want to be alive anymore. I can't get her out of my head or out of my heart. I pray and I pray and I do everything I should be doing and I can't get any relief. I've been through worse breakups in much longer relationships and they don't hold a candle to what I'm feeling now. Sunday we would be broken up for the same length of time we were together and I'm no where near feeling better. This girl had such a major impact on my life. She was everything I was looking for and maybe that's why I'm coping so terribly. But either way, I don't know how much longer I can continue to fight this.
Cupid's Puppet Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 It's 2015 and neither of us has contacted each other in any way. I think this will be officially the first year in 8 years that I'll be without this man. It's been making me feel really sad lately to have entered a new year without him. Back in January 2014, I thought I'd be engaged to him by February 2015. Never saw us breaking up. I thought it'd last forever. But that's every breakup story.
freebird31 Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 This makes me so sad. I'm sorry to hear this. Life goes by in the blink of an eye...it's just so short. I really hope you find the strength to move on and just accept that it's over. It truly was not meant to last with your ex. The very best wishes for you! Hi me85, Thanks for the kind thoughts:) life is too short ..and I have spent a lot of time holding on to my ex. I really do hope that one day I dan truly be at peace. And meet someone else who can show me that I can love again. I really hope that the second time around is better than the first ...I hope I can be happy..if it's not too much to ask I actually really hope I will be happier the second time. I guess time will only tell.
Kermit007 Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Damn just had to get this out of here. Really doing worse and worse Next week it will be 2 months since we broke up (6months together). I broke it off with her...not because I wanted to, but because she left me no other choice and didn't give the impression she wanted to invest in the relationship. She was all over me in the beginning, after a couple of months she really got cold so... I broke up with her and in the beginning due, to circumstances we still had contact. I also noticed that, altough not much, she would always initiate contact. 2 weeks ago she called me and the next day I called her back. I stated I couldn't do the whole "lets be friends" and told her I cant continue to have contact with her, cause I don't get move on that way. I tought it would me her think but it's been 2 weeks of NC now. Looks like she really isnt interested in me...She also removed all our pics from facebook and even the comments she made on my profile pics :s I really miss her... 1
hangingbyathread Posted January 30, 2015 Posted January 30, 2015 Its sad and yet somewhat comforting to hear and see so many people that are going through the same turmoil i feel or same situations I am going through... its awesome that everyone is so supportive and generally try to write back..give back as well as receive. I think you all should be proud that you have turned your sadness into something so beneficial. Its so hard, isnt it? missing that person you were inlove with.... i think most of the people that have a hard time coping on here are the ones that were dumped (like myself).... Today has been the first full day of no contact for a while...and it hurts a lot. I feel so many negative emotions... this woman was supposed to be my wife...she wanted to get married asap.... yet dumped me over such trivial things..i feel betrayed from all the lies...and probably a lot more deciet than i will ever be aware of...and as selfish and horrible as this is... i hate that she is completely ok... that she is happy without me.. better without me.... while i am here...still a mess...i know its for the best...i do. this overwhelming saddness just wont lesson atm....
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