ralfgarnett Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Thanks. I'm just going to leave it alone. I somewhat apologized for the first drunken email - while drunk. Not the best idea...apologizing for being drunk and stupid - while drunk and stupid. /= I wish you were right about me not beating myself up but I really should. I'm 17 months post BU with my ex. I mean, enough is enough. Has he completely screwed with my head all this time? Hell yes but at this point I'm the only one to blame for having no self control whatsoever and I know it's only because of my drinking. When I'm sober, I never get the urge to reach out. Yeah, I still think about him everyday. A lot. No matter how much I keep myself occupied, how happy I am, or how much time passes, at some point I always give in and contact him, whether it was responding to something he sent me first or me being drunk and bored...but at least it's never about getting back together or anything like that. It's random stupid sh*t but still...it's over between us. Long over and I want to 100% move on. I'm so f*cking tired of being stuck at only being 85-90 % moved on. He's a stranger. I don't know him anymore. We're not friends. He needs to be dead to me. That's all I wish for, honestly. I just want to forget all about him and my experience with him. I want everything in my life to stop always reverting back to him somehow. Today sucks. Most days suck at the moment, chalk it off the calendar get a good nights sleep and start a new in the morning.
me85 Posted January 22, 2015 Posted January 22, 2015 Most days suck at the moment, chalk it off the calendar get a good nights sleep and start a new in the morning. I know why I'm feeling so nutty lately. I'm hormonal (sorry if that's tmi) and I'm trying to stop smoking/drinking and get in the routine of working out, like, on a regular basis... I don't think I'm putting too much pressure on myself but at the moment it feels as though I am. Things feel a bit overwhelming right now. Am I making any sense at all?
The Poster Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 (edited) I'm having a really bad day filled with bitterness, which is the worst emotion there is. I don't hate her at all, I just wish she would have handled the breakup better instead of being so cold. An apology would be nice, or at least something that allows us to mend things between us in a peaceful way. I have no idea what she thinks about me or if she knows how I feel about it all. Now I know why so many people send letters and beg for closure. I know all significant closure comes from within, but apologies and being in good graces are still important to me. There are 3 points to this for me. The sadness for it ending, the anger for the coldness of the ending, and the gratefulness I have for her and the light she brought to me when I was in such a dark place. There's so much emotion and it's driving me insane. I just want this all to end. To just not care about it anymore. I have so many important things going in with getting my life back together and self-improvement, and I'm just tired of constant, perpetual thoughts about her and our short relationship. I'm praying for peace with it all. Edited January 23, 2015 by The Poster
The Poster Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Also, I actually know the relationship had to end because I needed a wake up call to actually take action in fixing my life, instead of looking for someone to save me. I know I've made improvements over these last few months, but it's so hard to see how much or enjoy the progress because my heart still hurts and I'm fogged up. Ugh. 1
FancyFace Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Today marks 60 days no contact!!! In the morning, I was overjoyed and beyond impressed with myself for having kept to the NC rule (except for that one slip where I checked his instagram), but now its slowly dawning on me that this person really couldnt give one flying f%&* about me. It's been 60 days and he hasnt reached out to me, nothing. Granted, I blocked and deleted him but I know if he really wanted to contact me, he would have. It's been 60 days of pure hell for me and bliss for him and his new girlfriend that I am sure he was cheating on me with. I am now beside myself with grief, just wondering, when will I be ok? When will I be the one visiting this forum telling people about my happy ending? Will I even get a happy ending? It's all just too much to handle, I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy, the pain is indescribeable, its like death by a thousand lashes. I might as well stop counting the days because what is the point? He has moved on, matter of fact, he had moved on well before he dumped me, so now I have to move on as well, even though I have no cooking clue how to do that. 1
dyna85 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Fancyface, I feel you. I'm at 31 days NC, and it's bittersweet as you've described. Makes me feel all kinds of ways that he hasn't reached out, and I'm a bit annoyed with myself for having looked at some pics of his last night in a moment of weakness. Having much trouble moving on as well given that thoughts of him very much consume me. It's quite pathetic, this state I'm in, really. I'm also wondering when it will all be okay, because it seems far from happening. I really don't want to have to wait 2 years to feel better. Strong attachments always die hard for me, because they are so rare. This one was so unique that I don't know how I'll overcome it. This weekend is going to be a major bummer. Every weekend without him in my life drags like no other. Way too much idle time. Even when I make plans... my life just feels so sad without him. I miss him so much. 1
me85 Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 Also, I actually know the relationship had to end because I needed a wake up call to actually take action in fixing my life, instead of looking for someone to save me. I know I've made improvements over these last few months, but it's so hard to see how much or enjoy the progress because my heart still hurts and I'm fogged up. Ugh. This. Exactly.
The Poster Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 I'm over 60 days no contact and it honestly doesn't feel like it's been nearly that long. Feels like this all happened a few weeks ago.
sadsoymilk Posted January 23, 2015 Posted January 23, 2015 I'm not coping well.. at all. I'm still in a state of shock that you could - and did - break my heart THREE TIMES, and that I let you! All I can do is think about how you have a new girlfriend, when just last weekend we were planning to see each other. I'm miserable, depressed, and rejected all over again. I can't get on any social media in fear that I'll see more pictures of the two of you together. I can't get on any social media at all without having a panic attack again. So there's that.
Gloria25 Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 I'm not coping well.. at all. I'm still in a state of shock that you could - and did - break my heart THREE TIMES, and that I let you! All I can do is think about how you have a new girlfriend, when just last weekend we were planning to see each other. I'm miserable, depressed, and rejected all over again. I can't get on any social media in fear that I'll see more pictures of the two of you together. I can't get on any social media at all without having a panic attack again. So there's that. Honey, let it go.... Actually, use those pictures on social media to bring you back to reality...to calm you and to aid you in acceptance. Embrace the pictures, wish them well, even pray for them. "Almost Doesn't Count" dear. When stuff people say/do doesn't match, start walking away. And yes, sometimes we don't get closure, sometimes we don't get an explanation, sometimes they lie to the end, sometimes they don't see anything wrong that they did, sometimes they'll even blame you....And you know what? They are right - it "is" on "us"...we cannot control other's actions, we can only control ours. So, when you see a person flaking, nothing materializing, contradictions - get a steppin'. You take control, you move on. BTW, another way to look at all of those pics of them on social media? Look at them with the "perceived" happiness or whatever they are trying to perpetrate - while you know the whole time he/she was willing to bang another person while they were involved with the same person they're posting all those pics about on social media. 1
bigtrouble Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Got a new job and things are a little better... But now that I can think clearly, BU really destroyed me... This heartbreak is really emotionally draining... I stare at women blankly... I can't feel anything and I am a Man... I stare at beautiful women, attractive and sexy... But I feel nothing, just blank... I look at them without interest... Is it because I am still pinning for my Ex to comeback? Is this why its so difficult to move on, am I really so into my Ex that I lost interest in other women? Each time I am alone I can feel the sadness come... The memories linger... the pain sets in... 24days since BU and 15days NC...
The Poster Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Got a new job and things are a little better... But now that I can think clearly, BU really destroyed me... This heartbreak is really emotionally draining... I stare at women blankly... I can't feel anything and I am a Man... I stare at beautiful women, attractive and sexy... But I feel nothing, just blank... I look at them without interest... Is it because I am still pinning for my Ex to comeback? Is this why its so difficult to move on, am I really so into my Ex that I lost interest in other women? Each time I am alone I can feel the sadness come... The memories linger... the pain sets in... 24days since BU and 15days NC... Last week at the post office I saw a girl who smiled at me. I could see myself with this girl. Holding hands, cuddling, laughing. That was the first post-breakup moment where that happened and I saw it as a positive. That feeling takes a little time to gain back, but when you see another girl you can picture yourself with, you'll feel better and you'll know it'll get it better. Doesn't mean that I'm still not struggling, but it offered a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there and good luck to you. 1
bigtrouble Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Last week at the post office I saw a girl who smiled at me. I could see myself with this girl. Holding hands, cuddling, laughing. That was the first post-breakup moment where that happened and I saw it as a positive. That feeling takes a little time to gain back, but when you see another girl you can picture yourself with, you'll feel better and you'll know it'll get it better. Doesn't mean that I'm still not struggling, but it offered a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there and good luck to you. Thanks, maybe its really because I am still fresh from BU, I hope I recover faster... I do try to bring myself back, and strive to improve it, its slow, I wish the days are faster...
Author Riou Posted January 24, 2015 Author Posted January 24, 2015 I might as well stop counting the days because what is the point? Why did you count the days though?I would think not counting is better because it isn't a holiday but a relocation.Fly as far with no contact until you reach a new place that you like. 1
Author Riou Posted January 24, 2015 Author Posted January 24, 2015 Feeling better today,enjoying the weekend! 2
freebird31 Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 (edited) It's been 1 year 9 months post break up. I always thought that the love that me and my ex shared was special. That one day he would have this epiphany and realize I was a great girl and he lost out. But after all this time, I'm starting to realize that life doesn't necessarily work that way. It's been almost 2 years and after a long journey going thought different stages and emotions, I am finally ready to move on. I also can now walk away knowing I have given this person, this relationship, this love as many chances as possible. I have given my ex enough time, enough space, and I even reached out to him. Still, after all this time he does not seem to want me back. I am at a peace now knowing I have given it my all. I really believe I will fall in love again and this time it will be so amazing because that person will return their love. I think I can love as intensely as I did with my ex and that I will be truly happy. I do not think that my ex will look back on our relationship and suddenly realize his loss, like I used to anymore. I think that if I am able to move on and be happy again, my ex can too. And that is just a part of life and moving on. I doubt there will be any epiphany, any sudden realization that was a great girl who really loved him, that he lost something amazing....no I dont. I think that he might find someone to love just as much as loved me...I think that people move on. We move on. There is no realization, no epiphany....only room to love again. Edited January 24, 2015 by freebird31
Kinetica84 Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Today I am not coping well. Me and my ex partner broke up 4 months ago. I have dealt with the break up and am dating someone else who i really like. However, yesterday i found out my ex was in fact cheating on me. I feel awful right now and i shouldn't. But my gut instinct 4 months ago was bang on and she convinced me i was being paranoid. I am so angry at myself that i did not listen to my gut. I did not sleep last night, i spent all night replying the break up in my head. I dealt with the break up but the betrayal is completely new wound. I feel like crying but i am not able to. I want to scream but no sound comes out. I just feel empty inside, trust is now in question. I think i may have shut down. I should not feel this way. I am dating a great girl and we like each other a lot but right now i am fixated on my ex and what she did. I am trying my best to let go of the anger and the sickening feeling in my gut right now but i just can't move past it right now.
me85 Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Things are seriously looking up. I'm doing better at work. For a while I just didn't care and showed up when I wanted, then my superiors noticed and I realized how much I was slipping because of my drinking. I'm drinking and smoking less. I've gone to the gym the past 3 days in a row and will be going today as well. I'm going to go every day. I have to if I want to look good by summer time for the beach! Besides, it's really good for me...makes me feel better and happier. It's nice having something to look forward to. I'm not as lonely these days either thanks to my little cousin who's been hanging out and staying with me lately. Soon I will have my lawyer paid off and my dui from last year will be put behind me. I'm very optimistic because my lawyer is very confident that we're going to win our case. I'm relieved because I really don't need that to follow me around on my record for the next 5 years. I hate that ever happened to me but I've definitely learned my lesson. I plan on getting a car around April or May. I'm very excited about that. SO excited. I've worked hard my whole life and have always taken care of myself...I deserve a few nice things. I'm 29 and I've only had one car. It's a freaking 1998, so yeah, it's high time I upgrade. I only have a few more debts to pay off (I really need to pay off my credit card this year) but first my lawyer, then vacation, then a car. Maybe things will work out to where I can get a car sooner. I hope, I hope, I hope! I promised myself this year would be a great year for me and I'm going to keep that promise. I have so much life to live. I feel like I'm just getting started. For the first time in a very long time I feel like I'm really accomplishing something. 3
NopeNah Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 I've been so busy the past few days that I've not had time to think about my ex..good thing. Seeing a very sweet,successful girl now..pretty much over it all. Hope everyone else gets to their place in life. Cheers! 1
FancyFace Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 It's 8pm here and I have spent the whole day at home. This is the first Saturday I have spent at home by myself as a single girl since the breakup and I must say that it hasnt been that bad, actually it has been quite alright hey. Spent it listening to the kind of music that moves my feet that he hated, sipping my wine slow whilst watching the reality tv shows he hated. Very productive LOL! I havent cried at all today and I am so impressed with myself. I do have a bit of FOMO about what he may be doing with all the fabulous people he knows but that has more to do with my social anxiety than anything else. I am amazed that I am in this place where I can finally be at home alone, in my home, the home that carries a lot of memories of him on the walls and be fine. Not to be corny but I feel so victorious, I feel like a champion, like Rocky Balboa at the top of the stairs LOL! Hope everyone here has been having a good weekend. Live in the moment people, these may be our last moments here, make the most of them. Dyna85: I know the feeling of being alone on the weekend especially when it used to be the time you used to spend with your significent other but maybe try do like I have been doing, which is to indulge in the things that make you happy, the things you couldnt do when he was around. I hope you have been having a great weekend either way. 1
dyna85 Posted January 24, 2015 Posted January 24, 2015 Fancyface, I'm doing much better today as well. It's weird because during the day yesterday I was feeling crappy. Last night, things started looking up though, and today I've been doing pretty well. That is great that you're enjoying yourself doing what you love. It's fun to let loose and do YOU. Screw the FOMO. He's missing out on your lovely self. Sounds like my kinda night..wine, dancing, and reality tv. Haha! I'm jealous. I'm probably going to head out and grab some coffee and just enjoy getting out for a bit. Maybe hit the gym later. Today is a good day thus far though for me too. I agree with you in that we need to get back to doing our thing and live it up, because we only have a short time on this earth. Cheers to new beginnings. 2
Itspointless Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Sometimes I just like to erase the last 1.5 years. I learned a lot (again), but it did not really make me happier. She made me believe in love again, now I really do not know what to believe any-more. I lost my appetite for love. It wasn't the first time being pushed away, but with her it was very different. She just suppressed and literally forgot. It made my feelings for her and my worries about her illness into a big joke. Life seems to be the story where you watch 'other' people play happy, never knowing if that playing is reality or not. Anyway, I am thankful for feeling much better than I did.
Angel_Irish Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 My mood is still unpredictable. Some days I actually feel fine! Others, I cry and feel afraid for my future. But today is one of those horrid days where I feel I can't even get out of bed. There is a lot to do at my house, but here I am, lying in my pjs. Haven't showered in a couple of days. No energy, no motivation. Anxiety when I think of all the errands and chores I should be doing. Depression when I think about how ALONE I am. The past four years with my ex seem like a terrible waste. So I'm on here, trying to cope. My first post. Hard to read everyone's stories and see all the suffering people are going through. I used to be so optimistic about life and love. . Will I ever feel that way again?
kenmore Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Welcome Angel_Irish. It can be very difficult reading other people's anguish here and depending on my mood, I simply won't do it sometimes. Other times I may feel strong and can afford to expend some of it helping others. Often posting something yourself helps more than reading what others are going through, because you vent some of your own feelings. It's give and take. Don't be afraid to take sometimes. When my first wife died I joined a forum just like this one but specifically for widow(er)s. After about a year when I looked back on my initial posts I was amazed how much I had progressed. The same will happen here. I know how bleak things seem right now, but yes they will get better with time. Meanwhile take every day one at a time. Go take that shower, you will probably feel a lot better just for doing that! Take on some of those chores and leave some. The busier you can keep yourself the better, and at the end of the day you can see things you did and have some feeling of satisfaction. It's natural to feel OK some days (probably the days you must function in front of others) and crappy others (probably the days you can lie around in your PJs.) That will just happen. Just keep in mind that it will get better. Ken 1
Avante91 Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I've made it 22 days strict NC.. I am so shocked I've made it this far, December dragged but January is almost over. I feel more rational now, but my heart hurts, I miss her and I feel alone. I've stopped drinking...I've stopped gambling...I'm controlling my anxiety and depression to an extent. I have no tears left to shed. I think of you more than I probably should - I hug my pillow at night like I used to hold you. I dream of you. I've forgotten your voice, your laugh, your smell. The memories are slowly dying and I grieve..the death of our relationship. This is like déjà vu you did this to me exactly this time last year and you came back in March..I can't let you break my heart again. I love you but you can't truly love me and do this to me knowing how much it affected me last time!? I've decided to get on stage this year, I'm a personal trainer and I've always been in shape but never had the time or self belief to step up. I'm doing this for me, I have an addictive personality I was addicted to you, now I'm addicted to the gym. I need my confidence back, I need to be the guy I was before we met 3 years ago. I am truly grateful for the value you added to my life, I hope I added some value at some point to yours. I think I love you enough to let go..of us, of you, of hope. I can't allow my heart to break a 3rd time. When/if you reach out I hope I am polite but indifferent, I may even ignore you like you have done to me. Wow the love I have for you is unreal..but I must compartmentalise it. I cannot project, I cannot make you want us, I cannot break NC. I hope you still think of me 3 years is a long time. You taught me so much about myself, I'm still learning everyday. I hope you find happiness I really do as much as it will hurt my ego, I will smile knowing you have found what I couldn't give you. Take care angel x 2
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