How are you coping today?

[Jewels7]

It has been 8 months. I just want to quit loving him. I'm scared he was my one true love.

[ralfgarnett]

Hi RB glad your feeling ok today too mate, the avatar is Father Ted kicking Bishop Brennan up the @rse, and I am contemplating 4 or 5 days in good old Belgium just pottering around drinking beer and taking in a few sights, only one hours flight from the UK but for me a huge leap of faith in fact massive as it will be the 4th time ever going abroad without my wife and my first ever on my own but we will see I might chicken out yet.

[me85]

Beautifully. The sun is out after a good week of nothing but overcast & rain. Sunshine makes me so happy! I feel great! It's going to be a good weekend. I'm looking forward to laying around watching Orange is the New Black (crazy freaking series) and just taking it easy. Oh and I can't wait to see the new Hunger Games tomorrow! & my first day back at the gym Sunday in over a year. /=

[Riou]

Trying to cope..

[batt]

So this is what depression feels like....I don't want to do anything, have moments I want to burst into tears through out the whole day, even at the gym, extremely irritable.....hate my current job, feeling doubt about volunteering. I have no one to talk to because I don't want to bring people down. All of my friends are four hours away. Why wasn't I feeling like this last month.

[ajc24]

My xow ended things with me almost 4 months ago now. We haven't had sex since then, haven't seen each other in 3 months and haven't had any contact at all in 5 weeks. She is in a new relationship with a single guy.

 

While I am happy for her and want her to get married and start a family (something she begged me for the last 4 years but I couldn't bring myself to leave my wife and family), I miss her terribly. I just wish we could still be friends. Especially since it appears to me this new guy is using her for sex and not going to become a life partner for her. I guess I was no better.

 

The problem with being a former wayward husband is that there is no help for my heartache online. There is plenty for the betrayed spouse and the ow, but we pretty much just get called every name in the book.

 

I am trying so hard to just leaver alone, but I miss my friend. It is hard to go from being in touch every day for four years to complete silence.

 

I want to just forget about her and the times we shared and put 100% focus on my wife and children again. I am trying. former wayward wives seem to be able to relate to me best. I guess I am sensitive for a man.

 

Help anyone? (please no mudslinging, I know what I have done was wrong and I want to correct it)

[RedButton]

Hi RB glad your feeling ok today too mate, the avatar is Father Ted kicking Bishop Brennan up the @rse, and I am contemplating 4 or 5 days in good old Belgium just pottering around drinking beer and taking in a few sights, only one hours flight from the UK but for me a huge leap of faith in fact massive as it will be the 4th time ever going abroad without my wife and my first ever on my own but we will see I might chicken out yet.

 

Ohh Father Ted! I haven't seen that show, but I've been meaning to watch it for ages. I love British humour. I grew up on Fawlty Towers and I'm a huge fan of Alan Partridge. This has reminded me to look into tracking the series down I might see if I can pick it up this weekend somewhere.

 

You should check out Belgium, especially if you're already in Europe. See how you feel, but I reckon it would be awesome fun.

 

I'm still coping well, but today I'm seriously sleep deprived. I have been thinking negative on myself a lot last couple of days I noticed, not sure if it's just because I'm tired, but I keep thinking like I wasn't good enough for the relationship, or she left me because she felt I was holding her back somehow.

When I stop and think about it, it's nonsense. Hand on heart, I do think I was a pretty good boyfriend and treated her nicely (she repeatedly told me this too during the relationship and on the breakup. She even said 'don't ever change, you're such a wonderful person' or something to that effect.)

 

Maybe it's just a stage in the coping process where I'm blaming myself trying to find reason? Either way, I'll get through it. Like I said, I know I did my best and I made her happy. In the end we were just too different for it to work, no anger, no resentment.

 

Tomorrow I've got a full day with my friends, so I'll hopefully not have any time to dwell on negative stuff

[WillLoveAgain]

I went to a speed dating event last night after almost 4 months after the break up (7 on/off relationship) Although, i didn't meet anyone I would like to be in contact with the entire eveing I didn't think of my ex and I was smilling it was a real smile, not the fake smile I have gotten use to. It was a HUGE personal development! It was a test to see if I were ready to meet someone new and I truly believe that i am ready to date and have fun. It was a good experience

 

I would like to share something what my counsellor told me and that is "don't give up, keep digging"

 

Keep Digging - Lightweight Funny

[RedButton]

^So the speed dating was fun? I was looking into that to try it out, it seems like it might be a fun night (although it was more expensive than I anticipated).

 

Do you get a free session since you didn't like anyone the first time?

Glad it cheered you up! It seems like it would be a lot of fun and remind everyone that there's lots of great potential matches out there.

[WillLoveAgain]

^So the speed dating was fun? I was looking into that to try it out, it seems like it might be a fun night (although it was more expensive than I anticipated).

 

Do you get a free session since you didn't like anyone the first time?

Glad it cheered you up! It seems like it would be a lot of fun and remind everyone that there's lots of great potential matches out there.

 

 

It was definitely fun, I got to practice small talk I'm not sure if I get a free session but even if I don't I would definitely do it again. It's a great way to meet people on a no/low pressure basis.

[The Poster]

I don't know what's going on but I've been in absolute anguish for the past 24 hours. I was doing much better overall and It's been 2 months now. Over the next 3 weeks I will reach a point where we would be broken up longer than our relationship lasted and I don't know how I'm still struggling with it.

 

Hold me.

[FancyFace]

Its 5am, and I have slept very few hours. I keep dreaming about him, about the lie of a relationship, about the fact that 8 weeks later, he never reached out or wondered whether I was even breathing. I wish I wasnt breathing, that way all the pain would melt away.

[bigtrouble]

Drank a few Beers, last night, help me sleep but when I woke up I still could not stop thinking about her.

 

After everything she did, the pain she caused me, I'm still so much into her, still thinking of her.

[ralfgarnett]

Ohh Father Ted! I haven't seen that show, but I've been meaning to watch it for ages. I love British humour. I grew up on Fawlty Towers and I'm a huge fan of Alan Partridge. This has reminded me to look into tracking the series down I might see if I can pick it up this weekend somewhere.

 

You should check out Belgium, especially if you're already in Europe. See how you feel, but I reckon it would be awesome fun.

 

I'm still coping well, but today I'm seriously sleep deprived. I have been thinking negative on myself a lot last couple of days I noticed, not sure if it's just because I'm tired, but I keep thinking like I wasn't good enough for the relationship, or she left me because she felt I was holding her back somehow.

When I stop and think about it, it's nonsense. Hand on heart, I do think I was a pretty good boyfriend and treated her nicely (she repeatedly told me this too during the relationship and on the breakup. She even said 'don't ever change, you're such a wonderful person' or something to that effect.)

 

Maybe it's just a stage in the coping process where I'm blaming myself trying to find reason? Either way, I'll get through it. Like I said, I know I did my best and I made her happy. In the end we were just too different for it to work, no anger, no resentment.

 

Tomorrow I've got a full day with my friends, so I'll hopefully not have any time to dwell on negative stuff

 

 

I think you meant Irish humour, been to Belgium many times with her, as we used to visit the battlefields of WW1 and we had some fabulous times doing that as we are both keen historians, if I go it will be the first time without her so not too sure how I would feel about that but we will see, my mood fluctuates frequently for example yesterday I felt kind of ok but today im feeling quite anxious and scared and woke up panicking about her and worrying about what my future might be, and just as I am typing a letter has just arrived for her and its made me feel sad, I miss her very much 20 years is a long time and only 6 months apart so its all still quite new and I don't like it I feel very lonely a lot of the time and see very few people.

[CripplingMe]

The wost part of the day for me is when i wake up (I don't particularly like sleeping because i have really vivid dreams). When i wake up, the pain hits me badly. Then because i am so tired of the interupted and short bouts of sleep, I fall back asleep again, but then i wake up and once again, pain hits me.

 

I anxiously try to keep busy every minute of the day, and if im on public transport or in a cafe, or anywhere where Im standing still, I just surf the internet on my phone.

 

For me, it's all about distraction. If for one minute there is silence with no distraction I know I will completely fall apart.

 

I'm starting to feel tiny pangs of anger today, which is good maybe. Apparently there are so many stages to grief.

 

There is an extremeley dense ball of anguish in the pit of my heart (it never actualy derives from the heart, it's located in the middle of your chest just below where your ribs end - you will know it). It's constantly there all the time.

 

I managed to laugh last night - i am staying with friends for a while and saw myself laughing as we hung out together in their house. I didn't feel like i should be laughing and even when i was, the ball of anguish was still there - it was very conflicting.

 

I've decided to make some plans - a goal - give me something to aim for. Albeit short term, it's a better focus than long term ones for me at the moment. I've decided to go travelling for a bit, then teach abroad. I have nothing left for me here in my home town, nothing. 3 friends i can count on my hand (can only rely on their company so much of the day/week), and i feel so pressured and disenfranchised by the western society i live in. My small city is consumed by vanity, consumerism and is fixated on the latest fashions.

 

I am literally dyring inside. I haven't bothered changing my clothes much day to day, wearing any make up, doing my hair, you name it.

 

To know there are others experiencing the pain like me is slightly comforting, and i think what i am scared of the most, is never getting him out of my thoughts. I don't want him to be the ex that left a scar on my heart which impinges my ability to fully love. I dont want him to have that power.

 

I'm tired of him ruling my thoughts, its draining.

[freebird31]

I just woke up from a nightmare. In the dream my ex and I met again...it seemed like he was over me because he acted like he tried not to lead me on. The dream changed and we met somewhere and my family was there and mutual friends. I was so desperately trying to get his attention. Late I saw this girl hugging him. She was beautiful. Turns out that was his new girlfriend. And they were in love and he was so happy. The happiest Id ever truly seen him. And they couldn't get off one another. And so acted violently against her. And the pain Ifelt in that moment in the dream felt so real. And my family loved her and thought she was so nice. I acted violently and my ex saw and he told me to get away and told me to get out of here. And so I tried to kill myself In the nightmare. I've never experienced anything more scary in my life it was a night terror for sure it felt so real. I'm scared to back to sleep

[bigtrouble]

I just woke up from a nightmare. In the dream my ex and I met again...it seemed like he was over me because he acted like he tried not to lead me on. The dream changed and we met somewhere and my family was there and mutual friends. I was so desperately trying to get his attention. Late I saw this girl hugging him. She was beautiful. Turns out that was his new girlfriend. And they were in love and he was so happy. The happiest Id ever truly seen him. And they couldn't get off one another. And so acted violently against her. And the pain Ifelt in that moment in the dream felt so real. And my family loved her and thought she was so nice. I acted violently and my ex saw and he told me to get away and told me to get out of here. And so I tried to kill myself In the nightmare. I've never experienced anything more scary in my life it was a night terror for sure it felt so real. I'm scared to back to sleep

 

That is so disturbing to Dream about your Ex and that situation, Strange and Scary. He has seeped in your sub-conscious thoughts, enough to be inside your dreams. Though its been a long time ago.

 

Just keep focusing on your healing...

Edited January 17, 2015 by bigtrouble

[lawbstar]

I've been missing you so much recently. I think I finally realized that I've lost you. I want to call you to see how you're doing, but you don't even have the decency to do any of that for me, so I should not do that for you. I want you back, but I can't control how you feel, so there is nothing that i can do.

[Cupid's Puppet]

I am actually visiting the dating section on this forum. OMG I used to cringe so hard when thinking about that forum. I still cringe, but it's not a really bad trigger anymore. I actually get a good laugh when I visit the Dating section. I am starting to enjoy my independence so much more as of late.

[Rainbowlove]

My xow ended things with me almost 4 months ago now. We haven't had sex since then, haven't seen each other in 3 months and haven't had any contact at all in 5 weeks. She is in a new relationship with a single guy.

 

While I am happy for her and want her to get married and start a family (something she begged me for the last 4 years but I couldn't bring myself to leave my wife and family), I miss her terribly. I just wish we could still be friends. Especially since it appears to me this new guy is using her for sex and not going to become a life partner for her. I guess I was no better.

 

The problem with being a former wayward husband is that there is no help for my heartache online. There is plenty for the betrayed spouse and the ow, but we pretty much just get called every name in the book.

 

I am trying so hard to just leaver alone, but I miss my friend. It is hard to go from being in touch every day for four years to complete silence.

 

I want to just forget about her and the times we shared and put 100% focus on my wife and children again. I am trying. former wayward wives seem to be able to relate to me best. I guess I am sensitive for a man.

 

Help anyone? (please no mudslinging, I know what I have done was wrong and I want to correct it)

 

I have plenty of sympathy for you.

 

I get it. A broken heart is a broken heart.

 

I'm right there with you. Somedays suck so bad. Some days don't suck, but the missing remains.

 

One day at a time...for me, it's been one day at a time for 14 months of silence.

 

The silence was my choice. Still painful.

 

Hang in there...

[RedButton]

I think you meant Irish humour, been to Belgium many times with her, as we used to visit the battlefields of WW1 and we had some fabulous times doing that as we are both keen historians, if I go it will be the first time without her so not too sure how I would feel about that but we will see, my mood fluctuates frequently for example yesterday I felt kind of ok but today im feeling quite anxious and scared and woke up panicking about her and worrying about what my future might be, and just as I am typing a letter has just arrived for her and its made me feel sad, I miss her very much 20 years is a long time and only 6 months apart so its all still quite new and I don't like it I feel very lonely a lot of the time and see very few people.

 

Ah, see that's how little I know about Fr Ted haha!

 

I really hope you're feeling better today. If you don't feel confident about Belgium what about a new destination you haven't been to before?

 

As for myself, I'm coping pretty well. I find that I really only think of her now when I'm either going to sleep or waking up. I guess that's when I feel the most lonely now or when I have the least distractions.

 

I'm really considering contacting her sometime in the next month, it'll have been 3/4 months by then and I just want to send a letter with some things that have been bottled up (all good things, but things nonetheless) and return some of her things. I feel like that will lessen the feeling of 'unfinished business' that seems to be lingering.

 

By that time I might even feel like I don't need to, but I'll see how it goes.

Edited January 19, 2015 by RedButton

[ZiggyZoo]

I think you meant Irish humour, been to Belgium many times with her, as we used to visit the battlefields of WW1 and we had some fabulous times doing that as we are both keen historians, if I go it will be the first time without her so not too sure how I would feel about that but we will see, my mood fluctuates frequently for example yesterday I felt kind of ok but today im feeling quite anxious and scared and woke up panicking about her and worrying about what my future might be, and just as I am typing a letter has just arrived for her and its made me feel sad, I miss her very much 20 years is a long time and only 6 months apart so its all still quite new and I don't like it I feel very lonely a lot of the time and see very few people.

 

This bolded portion really resonated with me, ralfgarnett, for a number of reasons. My ex and I also share a love of history, and were saving up for a visit to Europe and tours of some WW1 and WW2 battlefields. I'm finding that one of the hardest things about this breakup is the fact that we DID have so much in common, now a good majority of my interests remind me of him. And all these 70th and 100th anniversaries, with their additional media coverage, aren't helping. He even ended things on Dec 7th, which is the day Japan attacked Pearl Harbor and America entered WW2 (this I actually now find kind of funny, my own personal day of infamy). But it is so hard to either avoid the things I enjoy or to be constantly reminded of him. I guess I'll have to find a few new hobbies for the time being, but I hate the that. I wish I didn't miss him so much. Good luck with you, whatever you decide about your trip.

[dezzy1028p]

I'm taking everything a day at a time. I think about him when i wake up and when i go to bed. I pray for him everyday hoping that he is okay and that he is open to forgiveness and peace in his life. Yeah i want him back, but i know he isn't the right one for me. Maybe in the future we can be friends, but for now i need to fix myself. At first i wasnt eating properly, not functioning, not sleeping right, crying everyday. We broke up a month ago, and it makes me wish we broke up sooner so i would be closer to healing today. I'm trying to engage myself in new activities, joining new groups, and making new friends because that's what helps me get through the day. Now I'm eating better and sleeping better. Functioning in school is still difficult because I focus on him often and seeing other couples on campus makes me a little sad sometimes. But I try to look at couples and think to myself, "I'll be just as happy as them one day". I think to myself that i will find someone better, who will love me and cherish me. My mom always said that there is a positive in everything. When one door closes, another door opens. And going through that open door is the first step to allow new things and people to enter into your life.

[The Poster]

Welp, I've reached the two month point. Kind of weird how not a single word has been spoken since the night it ended. Am I feeling better? I guess a little. My mind is focused on my personal transformation and getting my life back on track, but I still think about her non-stop. She very much had a profound impact on me and all the changes I'm making now. I was in a very dark place when we met.

 

It's such a shame. The light she brought to me was a catalyst to changing my life and learning to love myself, and she'll never know how much she helped. It's so, so sad.

[ralfgarnett]

Hi RB thanks for your kind words mate, not been having too good a day today been ruminating a lot about her, I feel stuck in some respects I just want to feel better, I might still go to Belgium but not where we went together just yet but maybe I will I don't know, I too wanted to get a few things off my chest and I also thought about writing a letter but not sure right now if its such a good idea or even if it would be welcomed by her, its a funny feeling after 20 years to feel as though I cant express my undying love for my wife without having it thrown back in my face.

 

Ziggy if your really interested in WW1 join the WFA I am a member and I have had access to an archelogical dig on the Somme where we got a personal tour from the very eminent Peter Barton, or if you want we could trip together I know the Flanders & Northern France battlefields really well amd would welcome a kindrid spirit to travel with and have a beer with and to share my interests with, my wife always said that my knowledge really brought things to life, I know it sounds an odd offer but its genuine and if you were interested it would be purely platonic, I am not intestested in any form of relationship with any women apart from friendship, I was with my wife 20 years and there is no way that I am even nearly ready to date again and I can see this feeling remaining indefinitely, but only today I was thinking how much I miss the western front, under normal circumstances we would of been over there in February for a week but alas not this year, btw are you in the UK or the US I cant see from your profile ?.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Edited January 19, 2015 by ralfgarnett