dyna85 Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 I think it's pretty obvious what this is. I see it so clearly now. It's not a pretty sight. In fact, I'm very disappointed in myself for letting it continue past the point of no return. Oh well, lesson learned. At least I got to start the new year with you not in it. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful it ended early. Saved myself an even longer haul of grief. I mean, I know you don't have to go through this, because you don't have the emotional depth I do, and that's okay. That's why the universe set it up so that we would part ways so soon. The angels were watching out for me. This I know. 1
Author Riou Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 I had tears coming out helplessly the whole of yesterday.I restrained myself again and again until at night when i really want to cry out but there are no tears anymore..maybe that's the meaning of silent crying.The whole body feeling it and pushing for tears but the tear ducts just refuse to work the way i stop tears from flowing out earlier on.i woke up and even before my eyes opened i saw her face in my mind.I can't eat,sleep,go to work,go anywhere..i hate myself.
Author Riou Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 Sometimes when I wake up, I am disappointed that the Lord didnt take me in my sleep. I just want the pain to stop. The crying and the wish to end everything in sleep,that's how i feel as well.. There is this quote that I keep saying to myself, " if it is important you, you will find a way, if it is not, you will find an excuse." I think if this relationship were that important to him, he would have found a way to make it work and to do whatever he needed to do to keep us from falling apart. Did you communicate what was wrong and what you want to him before breaking up?I think after dumping someone the quote doesn't really apply.The dumpee would already be hurt and have no choice but to give up and heal.
ZiggyZoo Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 You know what? I'm not doing so shiny today. I'm trying all the different coping tricks I've learned, but I can't stop thinking about my ex. When he dumped me, I told him I was pregnant (he had been avoiding me for the month prior to the fateful, final Facebook message, so no chance to do so otherwise). I told him that I understood it was likely a shock to him and the ball was in his court as far as contacting me for updates, etc went. Its been six weeks since then, and I haven't heard squat from him. Part of me is relieved, because NC is helping, but I know I'm going to have to talk to him sometime. I had gotten almost to the point where I had started to accept the relationship being over, but I'm sliding back into depression. I don't know...I guess if I'm being completely honest, I'm pissed at myself for still wanting him back. I mean, here's a guy who goes a month and a half without at least checking in on his unborn baby, and I still want him. It's hard to get over someone when you know you're going to have a part of them with you like this. I'm having a hard time convincing myself that it's his loss, and that I don't deserve this kind of treatment. But what kind of person DOES this? How could I have been so wrong and so stupid to not see this in him? I worked so hard after my ex-husband left me, on building up my self-esteem and making sure I knew what I wanted in a relationship before I got into another one...and now this. My confidence in myself is just shattered. And now I'm going to have a little one to answer to? I can't do this today. I want to scream and kick and punch him, but instead will cry at home alone and write on here. Probably best in the long run anyway.
ralfgarnett Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Yet again having another of "those days" not as bad as others I have had but still not great. had a GP appointment this morning and he has refered me in for CBT to help my depression, I hate writing about things like this I just want to be happy again even to a few degrees up from the crappy feeling I feel right now, so that is counselling and CBT I find myself involved with through not fault of my own, when I think back to this time last year life couldn't of been sweeter but now its pretty crap to say the least, just goes to prove you never know whats coming round the corner so make the most of every single happy moment that you can.
FancyFace Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Ralf: Glad you are not bottling up all the feelings and emotions and are reaching out to the right avenues to get the help you need to cope during these trying times. You are right, enjoy every single sweet moment for what it is but in the dark days, always keep hope alive that things will get better. Riou: As much as sleep is a reprieve from the pain, I guess we just have to be grateful when we open our eyes and realise we have been granted yet another day. Hopefully as time goes on, those when we open our eyes, we wont be flooded with painful thoughts and memories.
ralfgarnett Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Thanks FF hoping your as ok as can be expected today, keep posting and let us know how your getting on.
FancyFace Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Ralf: I am ok today. I didn't cry today...huge victory. I was sad and depressed driving to work in the morning but my mood picked up slightly as the day wore on. I even managed to laugh at a joke someone made. My proudest moment was when I was in a meeting today and for a good 15 minutes I did not think about the ex. I was so proud of myself! I am trying my hardest to hold onto this feeling and not backslide into depression but as you know, we can only take it one day at a time. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for us all! Thank goodness for LS and all you lovely people. 1
ralfgarnett Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 Just keep taking tiny baby steps FF its all you can do, if you fall over don't worry if you don't fall over then keep on walking, well done FF I'm proud of you and pleased for you, I hope tomorrow is even better for you. 1
feelymcfeel Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) I've just noticed, I'm actually doing OK now. She's no longer the first or last person I think of every day. I don't get that sinking feeling in my stomach anymore, and if I do think of her, it's always a happy memory we shared, and not grief that we've split. And, I have a date on friday, which I'm looking forward to. I've finally moved forwards. Edited January 15, 2015 by feelymcfeel 1
sober and dry Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Nice feelymcfeel that you made it out! Glad for you
FixItCris Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Not coping today, at all. Stuck in a deep dark hole, destroyed and broken. What did I do to deserve this? Did she ever even care at all? I'm not supposed to think about these things, but today i just can't help it. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 my girls went down to see their dad.....and my girls are on a nostalgia trip......remembering things...dont know why.....my youngest said to me....you know mum that dad does exactly the same thing you do when in the passenger seat of a car....... we both put our arm out and do a wind stroking move...its a dance move where you roll from your fingers down to your arm.....and the wind gives resistance..... and its like you are patting the wind and the resistance is the wind patting back..yes completely childish i know...he does my move now and its been years since him and i have been in a car together.....seems like i have rubbed off on him in more ways than one...doesnt make me sad....makes me smile..i am not forgotten ......i made a difference i would like to think a positive one........deb
NopeNah Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 my girls went down to see their dad.....and my girls are on a nostalgia trip......remembering things...dont know why.....my youngest said to me....you know mum that dad does exactly the same thing you do when in the passenger seat of a car....... we both put our arm out and do a wind stroking move...its a dance move where you roll from your fingers down to your arm.....and the wind gives resistance..... and its like you are patting the wind and the resistance is the wind patting back..yes completely childish i know...he does my move now and its been years since him and i have been in a car together.....seems like i have rubbed off on him in more ways than one...doesnt make me sad....makes me smile..i am not forgotten ......i made a difference i would like to think a positive one........deb I still do that too....NOT CHILDISH!!
sober and dry Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) I still do that too....NOT CHILDISH!! Uou, me too This last days I'm coming to my old me, a me 8 years ago!!! It's damn good, I WAS damn way better before this LTR and sure I will be even better after. I guess the old saying "what doesn't kill you make you stronger" is right! I even started to be able to laugh again like I didn't many time ago! Sure thing I'm not over my ex, but sure I'm getting there! Now I just need to purge her out of my head completely I guess. Edited January 15, 2015 by sober and dry
NopeNah Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Just looked at the pics of her that are still on my phone...made me feel ehhh. Just looking at the FACADE of it all.. I'm fine. No feeling, except blank memories. I've forgiven her and myself for both our mistakes. I just don't care anymore. F IT! Done.
Author Riou Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 Trying to cope and eat more nutritious stuff despite zero appetite.Meeting a nice girl this weekend. 2
FancyFace Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Not coping today, at all. Stuck in a deep dark hole, destroyed and broken. What did I do to deserve this? Did she ever even care at all? I'm not supposed to think about these things, but today i just can't help it. I am sorry for your pain and I really understand what you are going through. Just know that after the darkness, the dawn comes. This too shall pass and things will get easier. Know in your heart of hearts that you did not do anything to deserve the pain your ex has put you through. Believe that you deserve someone who will treat you with the love, care and respect that you deserve. It will get better, you just have to hold.
ralfgarnett Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I am sorry for your pain and I really understand what you are going through. Just know that after the darkness, the dawn comes. This too shall pass and things will get easier. Know in your heart of hearts that you did not do anything to deserve the pain your ex has put you through. Believe that you deserve someone who will treat you with the love, care and respect that you deserve. It will get better, you just have to hold. Wise words FF this tells me that your doing ok today, I hope that's true, today I am contemplating taking my first ever solo trip to somewhere in Europe, not too far and not for too long but its something I really want to do in order to bury a few demons but also in order to prove to myself that I can do it on my own, just because she has chosen her path doesn't mean that I should lose out on things I enjoy, yes im not going to kid myself that I would be happier if she was there but its looking very unlikely that she will be, keep posting FF and Riou and Chris and everyone else, we all need to get through this the best we can.
freebird31 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Hm well I think reaching out to my ex was what I really needed. I now can say I have done every thing to my best ability and own power to give him any kind of last opportunity to really come forward and work things out I even gave it enough time practically 2 years. And still nothing. Atthis point I am ready to move on and see what else and who else is out there I really think I owe it to myself. It's been such a long road and I look back. Sometimes I'm not even sure if I miss the memories more than I miss my ex. I feel like it has been so long we both might have changed so much anyway...Although I am not sure because the only contact we have had is through technology so I do not know how different things would be if we saw eachother. I think it's time I cut my losses. My ex is still trying to continue this conversation with me (through facebook). He replies every 4th day and as soon as the conversation was dying he picked it back up again. He seems like doesn't want the conversation to end yet he takes days to reply. Maybe he misses me as a person ...I miss him too. I miss the past. But I'm awfully tired now of this long journey. During these last two years I have not had any real fun. It's just been responsibilities and trying to grow strong to move on. These last 2 years and fled by like nothing and I'm now going to be 23. I didn't even get to enjoy the drinking age lol. I think it's time I stop thinking about my ex ....and what was. I think it's time I make some new memories now. I really owe it to myself. I really do.
freebird31 Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 My ex also told me that he is really busy and has no social life. So I know that he doesn't have the time for a relationship. Idk:| I really think I should just move on. I just don't think I can wait for him anymore ...if there was any way we could work it out again I would be more than willing. Even if it meant I wouldn't see him or talk to him often. I would still do it if in the end we would be together. But I don't think he wants that either. So what can I do. I have to move on now ...this situation just seems impossible ...it's been almost 2 years since we have been broken up. This is crazy... 1
bigtrouble Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I just want her out of my head and move on, I don't want this feeling anymore its only less than a month from BU, but I'm making progress... I can now look at her photos on FB, see she's so happy enjoying herself without me in her life, she's free as a bird and fully understood by her new found love. Admitted there are things I could never give her. Pains me but not as much, I'm still missing her, part of me wants her back, part of me wants to let go, its a struggle. I still keep thinking of her all day, before I sleep and after I wake up... but does not hurt as much as it used to... My reason is slowly coming back... What I never understood is, all the cheating and lying, I never got angry with her, really weird. 1
Author Riou Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 Feel like i need to air out my emotions but just can't cry,no tears. The suffocated feeling is killing me.
ralfgarnett Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 I hate to say this as I don't want to tempt fate but today I am feeling ok, I have a feeling of calm over me for some reason I just hope it lasts, not worrying so much, not ruminating so much, not panicking, thinking of ways to do things for me, not her, nut us but me, I am looking in to possibly taking my first ever solo trip abroad later in spring not sure when yet though, I have thought about doing it previously but kept feeling as though I couldn't do it, but today I thought to myself that I have never been short of confidence and that confidence is a large part of doing things like this, yes I am emotionally vulnerable because of this situation but that shouldn't affect my confidence, you can be emotionally weak but remain confident with ones self and maintain the confidence to make goo decisions and to judge situations, maybe im just waffling but today I feel ok and have ideas about me.
RedButton Posted January 16, 2015 Posted January 16, 2015 ^It's awesome to hear you're feeling better mate! I do hope it lasts. Where are you thinking of going abroad? (Also, where is your avatar pic from?) Personally I'm feeling okay today, if a little exhausted. I've had family staying at my place the last few nights, so there's been lots of going out for big dinners & drinks. Friday at work and I'm ready to put my head down and sleep already. I'll power through though. I'm not sure if it's just having someone around but the last couple of days I've been feeling better. Like just thinking about the fun we had in our relationship rather than pining for her back. I don't really know how I feel. I still feel like I 'should' get in touch at some point in the future to say 'thanks and no hard feelings' but at the same time I feel like it could just make me feel terrible. Either way I'm not going to think about it now and concentrate on planning my visit back home in a few months.
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