me85 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 ^I know how you feel me85. Like just this week or last couple of days I feel like I got hit with negativity after being fine for a long time. It comes and goes. I'm lucky in that I stopped really 'drinking' years ago. I never have more than just a couple of cold beers, usually with a meal now. I think that's good, because as I don't have urges to contact my ex anymore, I still know that I want to contact her at some point in the future. If I got drunk I'd probably drop a text or something when I'm not ready and hurt myself. If you aren't motivated to go to the gym is there something else you'd find more fun? Maybe try and join a sport or learn an individual sport or something? I was going to join a gym but ended up just buying a set of weights for home instead. It worked out cheaper and easier to motivate myself to use, since I don't have to leave the house to use them every 2 days. I hope you find something you enjoy soon, I know how you feel. I'm concerned about changing careers and moving and all sorts of things now too. Maybe we both need to slow down a bit and take it one step at a time? As for the tinder thing, I want to start dating again too, but I might be leaving the country in the next six-nine months, so I don't really want to complicate things by finding another relationship before then :/ Thanks so much for your response. Unfortunately, I'm in a contract for another year with my gym. Last year I spent $500 on my membership and only went twice! That's insane! I will NEVER sign another contract with a gym for as long as I live. Lesson learned. I'm going to make myself stop drinking during the week and limit myself to only drinking on the weekends. I'm going to make myself start a routine at the gym during the week. I am privileged to not have to work before 9am so I'm really going to make myself start getting up early enough to hit the gym before work. I really need to get up and start living life again. I only dated one person on Tinder for about a month. That was back in June. I haven't wanted to date since then. I want to focus on making my life better. I just want to be better. Today is weird. I don't know what my deal is. You're right though, moments like these come and go. You're doing awesome by not drinking a lot now. I definitely have a drinking problem but I'm tired of it. I really am. It leads to no where fast. It's pretty bad that I get all happy and excited and look forward to leaving work to go home and drink...alone. Pretty pathetic. I've locked myself away, happily. But today I'm thinking I should be social ME again. I miss the spark I used to have. Sometimes I worry that the fire I once had has burnt completely out and the only real passion for life I have anymore is to travel, endlessly. With or without anyone. And I have never even left the freaking country! So can I go with you when you move?? haha I don't want a RS at all but I'm feeling all girly and gloomy today and I don't like it. Thanks for being my shoulder. (=
freebird31 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Feeling ...hm idk. Well I reached out to my ex I messaged him and asked him how he was nothing emotional. The last time we spoke was a brief email 8 months ago. But wasn't a conversation. It was okay we caught up and talked about what we had been up to lately...and our plans for our careers...small talk. I mean, I feel better now that we talked. It feels like he's still alive somewhere out there. But I can't held but feel that my love for him has not changed or gone away which is so insane to me, because it's been nearly 2 years (well 1 year 8 months to be exact) since we have been broken up. It's so crazy that I still have this love for him. I mean I feel okay and good that we are at a real peace with eachother but I wish that things could be different. Like I'm curious to see who else and what else is out there beside my ex, but this love I have for my ex just remains. He was just very damn special to me and he meant the world to me. And it doesn't make sense at all. Idk. Why does life have to be so darn difficult. I really am genuinely curious as to what else is out there and I want to start dating. But like I said. As soon as things start to get serious with the other person I'm dating, my heart just blocks that person out and won't let them come any further. Part of it is because my heart won't let me fully let go of my ex. It's strange. Guess I really did love him huh. 1
towardthefuture Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Bad. I went to lie down and I remembered all the times she came home on Tuesday's looking really nice. I'd compliment her and she wouldn't care. 'Tuesdays are the night I go out with my friends', she'd say. LOL 'Friends'!!!!! Getting nice and dressed up to go out with your 'friends'!!!! Now I know what was really going on. Ughhhhhhhhhh
freebird31 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Maybe I'm wrong..actually hopefully I'm wrong, but it seems like love is such a rare and special thing. I Mean maybe my ex will find another woman who will love him as much as I do. But I just can't find myself to believe that because I just would have done anything for him..for us. I really would I would have committed to him. For me, it was real. And I really loved him. It's so sad. Maybe he will find someone who will love him like I do. I'm not sure. I mean I'm having a hard enough time just looking for a good partner to just go on a date with. It just seems like it's a rare thing... I really hate that what we had ended before it began. Because I will always be left wondering. I really want to move on but I'm just not really sure I can let go of him. I still love him so dearly.
Donchilcott Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I was married 26 years. Now were friends. I left her after meeting the girlfriend... Now she's gone. 10 year tumultuous relationship with me finally realizing she was not capable of deep emotional bonding... In spite of our problems I was deeply in love and have never experienced such a strong physical bond, not even with my wife. I never ever thought I would be so lonely and how much I could miss touching and affection. I've always had plenty of girlfriends all my life. I was bankrupt after the divorce so I feel I have nothing to offer. I look forward to nothing and really don't want to be here but I know my daughters would be devastated if I checked out. I know it could change but it's been nearly 2 years since the girlfriend and I find it hard to believe it will change. I have been going out and playing music occasionally, It's easy to meet women doing that. I'm just so sad after being with someone I enjoyed being with so much. I miss holding hands and walking around. I miss hugging and kissing and as you might imagine, sex with my ex was great. What I miss most is sleeping with her. We would generally "spoon" and stay entwined thru the night. She was a small woman and fit in my arms just perfectly. It's hard to imagine I'll ever have anything like that again... I stayed completely attracted to her from day one till she was gone. In reality I suppose she was average looking and very fit for her age but to me she was terribly attractive and sexy. She was my "collard submissive" at times, I'm sure that was a large part of how special she was to me. I am grateful to have had two terrific women in my life for long term. I try and just put that part of my life away and in the past but I also know I could love someone again and shower a woman with affection if somehow I met someone that was a good fit. At 61 it seems too late but I am actually quite healthy and active. I also know there are tons of women out there that I am sure would love to have friendship, some affection and ? I know that intellectually but feel broken and afraid. I am buying another motorcycle tomorrow and playing music Sunday night. I guess if I keep that up something could happen:-)
kenmore Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Coping...let me tell you! For the first time since we married (five years ago this coming Feb 23) I had the fu**ing upper hand! Today! I ended up after our conversation feeling upset, down and simply sad, but it was all through text, so I re-read it and realized how much I dominated the whole scenario, and I repeat, for the first time really! Of course, like any other couple we had our gives and takes. But in general she ALWAYS had the upper hand (thus our breakup.) Today, she needed something from me. Actually NEEDED it. It's legal and since we're still married...you get it. I was not mean, nasty nor cruel, but I stood my ground. I simply told her I'll deal with it on my terms and upon sound legal advice. she argued, but I held. a minor victory. It's sucky in it's satisfaction rating overall, and it means nothing in the long term, but tonight, I turned a bad feeling into a win, and I feel damned great! the whiskey isn't hurting either. That's how I'm coping today, and I think I'll have one more shot, go to bed and feel like sh*t in the morning. Ask me again tomorrow. LOL
candie13 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 (edited) doing ok. I have a good friend of mine whom I exchange stupid texts with in common with my previous date. Today, the friend sent me a print screen of our text exchange... yeah, quite wild and out there, our exchange. But you know what? I was taking a piss. I was being silly. Normally, I would fret, because my friend occasionally sends print screens to my previous date, to torment him - they are close buddies. You know what? I don't give a sh*t. I literally don't care. He's my mate and he makes fun of me, I enjoy making fun of him. Whatever the hell he does behind my back with his buddy... frankly, i stopped caring a while ago. I think I'll ask him to marry me, just to really be sure I'm out there :D ! whatever my previous date thinks - he was always jealous of the interaction between me and my friend - it's his problem. We stopped all contact a month ago. I've been in low contact the last three months and it's been 4 months since I last saw him. I intend to avoid seeing him for as long as I can. I have started to see a new guy for over a month. Maybe I'll even break the 4 months dry spell and get laid sometime soon. bygones are bygones. Amen to that. Edited January 10, 2015 by candie13
NopeNah Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Numb! I've been in bed sick for the past few days. Last night got some decent sleep and she was in my dream(nyquil). We were in the same place ,made eye contact,and both continued on our own ways. Meeting up with the my group of friends and the new girl I'm talking to tomorrow. I think I've found my closure and know I'll be fine,if not a better me, from here forward.
RedButton Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Thanks so much for your response. Unfortunately, I'm in a contract for another year with my gym. Last year I spent $500 on my membership and only went twice! That's insane! I will NEVER sign another contract with a gym for as long as I live. Lesson learned. I'm going to make myself stop drinking during the week and limit myself to only drinking on the weekends. I'm going to make myself start a routine at the gym during the week. I am privileged to not have to work before 9am so I'm really going to make myself start getting up early enough to hit the gym before work. I really need to get up and start living life again. I only dated one person on Tinder for about a month. That was back in June. I haven't wanted to date since then. I want to focus on making my life better. I just want to be better. Today is weird. I don't know what my deal is. You're right though, moments like these come and go. You're doing awesome by not drinking a lot now. I definitely have a drinking problem but I'm tired of it. I really am. It leads to no where fast. It's pretty bad that I get all happy and excited and look forward to leaving work to go home and drink...alone. Pretty pathetic. I've locked myself away, happily. But today I'm thinking I should be social ME again. I miss the spark I used to have. Sometimes I worry that the fire I once had has burnt completely out and the only real passion for life I have anymore is to travel, endlessly. With or without anyone. And I have never even left the freaking country! So can I go with you when you move?? haha I don't want a RS at all but I'm feeling all girly and gloomy today and I don't like it. Thanks for being my shoulder. (= I know what you mean, it's tough getting motivated to work out and join a gym. I didn't join because I don't have a car, and more importantly, I probably won't even be in the same country for 12 months so no point in signing contracts. If you can make use of it before work, that's probably the best way to do it! Good luck! Just think of it as motivation to make use of that money. It really is strange, it's so easy to fluctuate between wanting to be alone and wanting to date. I never really had a girlfriend before my ex so I got so used to living the single life for 25 years, I should be able to adjust back to it so easily. I still feel like I want to meet someone new, but I'm so torn about it. I figure the safe option is to not go 'looking' for someone by making another dating account, but just live my life and see what happens. If I meet someone great, then I'll pursue, but otherwise I'll wait until I'm settled down again. The drinking thing started way back when I was 21 or so. I just realised I never had much fun while drinking and had more fun when I only had 2 drinks and stopped before I got drunk. Since then I've been very limited in my drinking, save for a few occasions which only remind me why I don't like drinking again. Do be careful drinking alone. It's a slippery slope that's easy to fall down. As for travel, do it! I never left the country until I was 22, but it's great. Just pick a place you want to visit and go for a week. If you want to go alone it's so much fun too. Plan out your trip in advance and have a good time. Maybe I'm wrong..actually hopefully I'm wrong, but it seems like love is such a rare and special thing. I Mean maybe my ex will find another woman who will love him as much as I do. But I just can't find myself to believe that because I just would have done anything for him..for us. I really would I would have committed to him. For me, it was real. And I really loved him. It's so sad. Maybe he will find someone who will love him like I do. I'm not sure. I mean I'm having a hard enough time just looking for a good partner to just go on a date with. It just seems like it's a rare thing... I really hate that what we had ended before it began. Because I will always be left wondering. I really want to move on but I'm just not really sure I can let go of him. I still love him so dearly. I feel the same way sometimes. In the end I have to think that both of us were starting to struggle. I tried to be the best I could for my ex, and I think I didn't do anything wrong, but we were just inherently different. We might both find someone else who matches us better. My biggest concern is that it took me so long to find someone I really 'loved'. It wasn't until I was in my mid-twenties, so now I'm all scared I won't find someone again. I think it's ridiculous, but it's just that nagging feeling that gets the better of me sometimes. I feel like I need to rush out and find someone else quickly. I need to remind myself to calm down and let life happen. Today I'm doing okay, this morning I woke up feeling horrible for some reason, partly because it's monday (yuck), but I think I had a dream about her last night that put me in a bad mood. I'm going to be travelling back home for a bit in the coming months and I'm considering getting in touch with my ex if I feel up to it before I leave. I'd want to drop off some things of hers I have. It's been 2.5 months so far, it'll be 3/4 before I consider seeing her again. Right now I want to focus on planning a trip back home, it's been so long and I'm looking forward to it.
Comphobia Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Today is Day 8 no contact after 3 months of back and forth, knowing he is back living with an x that was a toxic relationship...up and down, feeling better than 3 months ago and realizing this is east I must do to move forward...
ralfgarnett Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Not feeling too good today, woke up thinking about her and cant seem to shake it off me, I know its over and she isn't coming back I just wish I could accept it and start to enjoy my life a bit more, I am totally demotivated with my work and I really need to buck my ideas up in order to start earning money again as I cant survive if I don't earn, nope not a happy bunny today but this grey weather doesn't help my mood either, just hope the brighter spring days bring a change in mood and possibly even fortune fingers crossed for that but we will see.
Author Riou Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 It's been a year and a half.. I started missing ex before sleep everynight out of the blue.Escalated to having no appetite at all and eating just bread for meals the past week,sometimes not being able to eat at all.It feels like those days right after breakup.
ralfgarnett Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 It's been a year and a half.. I started missing ex before sleep everynight out of the blue.Escalated to having no appetite at all and eating just bread for meals the past week,sometimes not being able to eat at all.It feels like those days right after breakup. God bless you I feel for you, not having a great day myself, I was ok yesterday then a couple of hours ago I started crying for no real reason it just came over me like a wave of sadness, not a good feeling to have, chin up im thinking of you and we are all here for each other so talk if you want I will be here.
Author Riou Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 God bless you I feel for you, not having a great day myself, I was ok yesterday then a couple of hours ago I started crying for no real reason it just came over me like a wave of sadness, not a good feeling to have, chin up im thinking of you and we are all here for each other so talk if you want I will be here. I felt rather disappointed in myself for this relapse after so long when everything was getting better bit by bit.Hope things get better for you.
ralfgarnett Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I felt rather disappointed in myself for this relapse after so long when everything was getting better bit by bit.Hope things get better for you. Don't be so hard on yourself your only human, we cant help our feelings its all perfectly normal, fingers crossed tomorrow will be a much better day for both of us, god bless and take care and keep posting if you need to talk, its 16-30 here UK time I should still be around and posting till around 21-30 or so UK time, but I am pretty certain that others will join in also.
ZiggyZoo Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 There's a lot of this "recovery relapse" going around, so don't feel bad. I unblocked my ex from FB and did some snooping this weekend, and am just disgusted with myself for doing so. But the best thing my therapy and recovery from other breakups is that grief isn't a straight line, it can loop back to areas you thought you were done with. Just ride it out like you did before, and take comfort in the fact that you HAVE come this far. And don't feel bad for slipping up, you're only human (advice that I too should follow). But above all, like I said, you're not alone in this. And I truly believe we will ALL get past, through, and over this heartbreak! Not nearly as quickly and painlessly as we'd like, but we'll get there. Onward and upward. 1
me85 Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I'm doing fine. It's just this damn gloom and doom winter weather that drags me down. I am trying to only drink on the weekends and trying to work out at least 3 times a week, if not more. I'm working on starting a good routine for myself. It's been a long time coming, that's for sure. I have to seriously let my ex completely go. I've recently reached out quite a few times over the last 2 weeks (after drinking) just over bs that doesn't really matter but I did finally get some things out there that I've been needing to since the BU. I don't regret telling him either. I wasn't hurtful. I was sensible and mature. Nice about it, even. Now that I feel like I've said my peace as much as I needed to, I think I'm good now. I'm almost certain I won't feel the need to reach out again in the future and hopefully won't feel the need to respond to him if he reaches out to me either. I feel good today but I really need sunshine in my life. I'm one of those people who gets really depressed during the winter season. )= 3
Itspointless Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I really need sunshine in my life. I'm one of those people who gets really depressed during the winter season. )= Same here 1
RedButton Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I guess I'm lucky in that the cold weather/overcast days don't seem to affect me much. So long as I have somewhere warm to escape to I can live with it. Good weather to relax on the couch with a cup of coffee and a good book/TV show/game etc. I'm coping much better today than past few days. Not sure what it is exactly, but I did see friends last night which is always helpful. I find it very difficult to concentrate at work, but I feel better that I'll be getting some time off in the next few months to visit home. I still feel a bit anxious about my future, but I'm less worried. I still think I should reach out to my ex at least once before leaving for my vacation, but won't rush it, and won't do it if I don't feel capable. I don't think I want to get back together any more but I still don't feel like I could see her without getting down. 1
batt Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Why am I able to accept my mistakes and am willing to correct those mistakes. Its so unfair that I am suffering for her lack of communication and unwillingness to even try. Yet I'm still holding on a rope wishing someday she will reach out
ralfgarnett Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 There's a lot of this "recovery relapse" going around, so don't feel bad. I unblocked my ex from FB and did some snooping this weekend, and am just disgusted with myself for doing so. But the best thing my therapy and recovery from other breakups is that grief isn't a straight line, it can loop back to areas you thought you were done with. Just ride it out like you did before, and take comfort in the fact that you HAVE come this far. And don't feel bad for slipping up, you're only human (advice that I too should follow). But above all, like I said, you're not alone in this. And I truly believe we will ALL get past, through, and over this heartbreak! Not nearly as quickly and painlessly as we'd like, but we'll get there. Onward and upward. There is also a lot of the walk away wife syndrome going on too, I cant believe my eyes sometimes the forums are littered with similar stories, im involved with at least 3 or 4 that have occurred quite recently.
FancyFace Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 I dont even know what to do with myself anymore. Its been 8 weeks since the breakup and I have managed to cry every day since then. Sometimes I even lose count of the amount of times I have cried in one day. My tear ducts must be exhausted from working overtime. I know I should be focusing on myself by doing all the good stuff like gyming, indulging in hobbies and hanging with friends but I just cant right now. Aside from going to work, crying in the ladies room, counting down the hours till I knock off, crying on my way home, then drinking copious amounts of wine whilst crying before crying myself to sleep, I have no energy for anything else. I am miserable, whilst he is dumpster diving in between the thighs of the girl he left me for and just having a blast. Life honestly isnt fair and I am at the point where I simply give up. Sometimes when I wake up, I am disappointed that the Lord didnt take me in my sleep. I just want the pain to stop.
ralfgarnett Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 Dear FF I am so sorry you feel the way you do, it may be no concillation to you but so many of us have felt and still feel exactly the way you do, I am in no fit state to offer great advice but it does ease slightly as the time goes by, I still feel awfull after 6 months but I am sure that I am much better than I was back then and you will feel that too, with you on the crying I have cried today and could right now but instead I am going to have stiff drink to take my mind off it, but I seem to recall around August last year I think I cried none stop for 6 or 7 days just couldn't stop, big wet sad tears sobbing out of my eyes it wouldn't end I am sure I dehydrated myself doing it, but its not as bad as that now although I still have my moments, I am thinking of you and I feel your pain your not alone we are all there with you all holding hands and helping each other to get through bit by bit day by day the best that we all can, god bless you.
proactivedreamer Posted January 14, 2015 Posted January 14, 2015 It has been about 12 days of no contact. This is the longest we have gone without seeing or speaking with one another. My feelings fluctuate between feeling like this was the right decision and missing him. I have spent a lot time thinking about his behavior in the relationship, and I feel pain about his attitude toward it. I feel like maybe he did not really value me or the relationship. I think it is pretty complicated and I am not sure what is real. I am sure what is true feelings are, or whether to believe anything he said because his actions sometimes said other wise. I feel like I showed him how much he meant to me, but I never felt that sort of security from him. I keep thinking about whether it would be possible to reconcile, but a huge part of me no longer sees a future with him. I feel this way because we were together for nearly three years, and I feel like if he really wanted to be with me, wouldn't he have tried harder? That thought keeps resounding in my head, and I am using it to guard against contacting him. I keep reminding myself that if he really wanted this to work, he would have handled things differently. He would have did anything humanely possible to keep this together. There is this quote that I keep saying to myself, " if it is important you, you will find a way, if it is not, you will find an excuse." I think if this relationship were that important to him, he would have found a way to make it work and to do whatever he needed to do to keep us from falling apart. That is what I believe. I try not to let it all hurt me, but when it comes down to it, I feel very hurt because he has not ever fought for me. I fought for him, and I stayed by his side through thick and thin, and I had to remove from the disorder. He was not willing to correct the disorder. I really do miss him, and I wish to be with him, but I just can't see how we can make it happen anymore.
Author Riou Posted January 14, 2015 Author Posted January 14, 2015 Don't be so hard on yourself your only human, we cant help our feelings its all perfectly normal, fingers crossed tomorrow will be a much better day for both of us, god bless and take care and keep posting if you need to talk, its 16-30 here UK time I should still be around and posting till around 21-30 or so UK time, but I am pretty certain that others will join in also. Thanks,guess i shouldn't hold back anymore.The feeling was just so terrible that i felt if i don't suppress myself i would go crazy. There's a lot of this "recovery relapse" going around, so don't feel bad. I unblocked my ex from FB and did some snooping this weekend, and am just disgusted with myself for doing so. But the best thing my therapy and recovery from other breakups is that grief isn't a straight line, it can loop back to areas you thought you were done with. Just ride it out like you did before, and take comfort in the fact that you HAVE come this far. And don't feel bad for slipping up, you're only human (advice that I too should follow). But above all, like I said, you're not alone in this. And I truly believe we will ALL get past, through, and over this heartbreak! Not nearly as quickly and painlessly as we'd like, but we'll get there. Onward and upward. Well said on grief isn't a straight line..in my case i never blocked my ex since i have no intention to check,i deleted her because i was disappointed in her as a human.
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