RedButton Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Feeling a bit shaky today, had a few odd dreams about her last night, I seem to be getting more and more low in mood instead of improving, my therapist thinks im doing great but I don't feel so sure, still she has agreed to 12 more sessions as she thinks im doing so well and using the opportunity to talk so well. Having a dream about the ex is the worst, I know how you feel. It happened to me a couple weeks back and nearly ruined my whole day. On the other hand, I was able to take solace that it was just a dream and that in my waking life I didn't have to worry about anything that happened in it.
welshbambi Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I just realised it's only been two months, it feels like longer for some reason, although two months is a fair amount of time. I feel like I'm some kind of a limbo, I'm feeling lonely a lot more often, but I'm still kind of anxious to start dating again. I feel as if I'd be hurting myself or just doing it to fill a hole (no pun intended har har) out of desperation. I think I'm just feeling very uncertain because my long term plans really fell apart when the breakup happened. This is where I'm at. I'm on week 6. I've been on a couple of dates with a nice guy but...he's not my ex. I realised then that no matter how much I miss affection and the nice bits of a relationship, right now the only person I want that from is my ex. So time to just go it alone. It feels weird and sad and like I've failed, even though I know I haven't and it will be all be fine. I'll be fine. Doesn't help that I know he's out with a girl tonight (mutual friends are toxic - no more!) so I suppose there is an element of not wanting to give him the satisfaction of thinking I am waiting around for him. Yes, my long term plans disappeared and now I can't see any further than maybe a month into the future. I know it's there, but not having any sense of what it looks like is quite unnerving. I've joined Meet Up so I have the chance to do some new things and attend events. Due to go to my first thing tomorrow, a coffee club. Hopefully a welcome distraction from sitting at home aching like a b**** because I miss him so much. This has been a HARD week. Seem to have gone back to Week 3 stage of my recovery. It will pass, I know. But damn.................................................................
me85 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) My problems go far beyond and far past my ex. He is not even a fraction of the cause for my overall pain. He's just the last intimate lover I had so it's easy to cling to those most recent memories we have of our last loves. It's typical to do that. He is greatly responsible for the way I feel though. The physical and emotional abuse he put me through sometimes hurts so badly that I can hardly breathe. He's messed me up as much as my immediate family has. I'm terrified to let people in. I can't open up to a single soul around me. And I'm just drifting further and further away every day. I feel really discouraged because I know for a fact that the only way I will ever stop thinking about my ex and fully get over him is for me to fall in love with someone else and I just can't do that. I just can't go through another heartbreak. Edited January 5, 2015 by me85 1
ZiggyZoo Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) I just want to stop missing him so much. I've (mainly)come to the terms with the fact that we're over, and can even see how this is a good thing, but the heart is impervious to logic and wants what it wants. Its been four weeks NC, and I saw on FB that his band is playing a show coming up. Just knowing that he'll be somewhere specific at a specific time hurt for some reason. I've been avoiding mutual friends just so I won't hear anything about him, so it was quite a shock. And confirmed that I am NOT ready to see him again. I am proud of the fact that I was able to pull myself out of feeling really, really sad in about half an hour or so. It gets easier each time. I've been making a conscious effort to say "Stop" whenever I find myself engaging in fantasies about seeing him again, or obsessing about what he's doing, and it really helps. Just making a point to stay in the moment, and not to get upset about situations I've created in my mind... I want to add a general note of support for all of us mucking our way through NC. I went through hell about three years ago with my ex-husband leaving me for another woman, and the only thing that saved me was NC to LC (due to our kids). Hang in there, it gets better, and at the end of it all, you can look back and be proud of how you carried yourself with your head held high and kept your dignity intact. I learned to focus on the long-term, but concentrate on the short term. Imagine being six months away from right now, having that much recovery under your belt. But also take it one day (hour, minute, whatever) at a time until you get there. You're much stronger than you ever thought possible. Edited January 5, 2015 by ZiggyZoo spelling 2
BC1980 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Doing decently well today. Had a long talk with a friend over lunch. She has been a big support throughout this entire ordeal, so I shared all the recent developments with her. Told her my ex is getting married, and she reinforced how bad he was for me. I need to hear that from people on the outside. I know he was bad for me because I lived it, but I sometimes need to hear it from someone else too. Feeling like I should have been in some Lifetime movie. It's all so surreal. Everything I went through is just crazy, but it's all been a learning experience. Moving forward everyday now. 1
RedButton Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 This is where I'm at. I'm on week 6. I've been on a couple of dates with a nice guy but...he's not my ex. I realised then that no matter how much I miss affection and the nice bits of a relationship, right now the only person I want that from is my ex. So time to just go it alone. It feels weird and sad and like I've failed, even though I know I haven't and it will be all be fine. I'll be fine. Doesn't help that I know he's out with a girl tonight (mutual friends are toxic - no more!) so I suppose there is an element of not wanting to give him the satisfaction of thinking I am waiting around for him. Yes, my long term plans disappeared and now I can't see any further than maybe a month into the future. I know it's there, but not having any sense of what it looks like is quite unnerving. I've joined Meet Up so I have the chance to do some new things and attend events. Due to go to my first thing tomorrow, a coffee club. Hopefully a welcome distraction from sitting at home aching like a b**** because I miss him so much. This has been a HARD week. Seem to have gone back to Week 3 stage of my recovery. It will pass, I know. But damn................................................................. That's the thing, I feel like I don't want her back at this stage, but I can't lie that I think about her every day. Even if it's not mopey thoughts, I still think about her. When I was thinking about meeting someone else I worry it's like, I'm trying to find someone else so I can just white-wash over thoughts of my ex instead with thoughts of someone else. I know that going through dating, rejections, starting again and all that probably won't help me much now. I really don't know. I'll keep living life and if I meet someone I really think is great I'll take a chance, but otherwise maybe I shouldn't go 'looking'? I've been looking at joining a meetup too, but haven't really found one that's caught my attention yet. I still catch up with other friends pretty regularly, but it would be nice to do something completely different too. Either way, today I'm feeling considerably better. I'll see how my day pans out at work.
Arient Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 My problems go far beyond and far past my ex. He is not even a fraction of the cause for my overall pain. He's just the last intimate lover I had so it's easy to cling to those most recent memories we have of our last loves. It's typical to do that. He is greatly responsible for the way I feel though. The physical and emotional abuse he put me through sometimes hurts so badly that I can hardly breathe. He's messed me up as much as my immediate family has. I'm terrified to let people in. I can't open up to a single soul around me. And I'm just drifting further and further away every day. I feel really discouraged because I know for a fact that the only way I will ever stop thinking about my ex and fully get over him is for me to fall in love with someone else and I just can't do that. I just can't go through another heartbreak. Happy New Year me85 I shared the same feelings with you now. Don't know what to say or suggest you. I'm also tired and scared of going through another heartbreak too. But maybe we should not think that falling in love with someone else is the only way to get over our exes I'm practicing thinking another way now, so that I do not have too much pressure in finding a guy It's ironic, but something my ex taught me (he majored in psychology) helped me in diverting my thoughts, he said that thinking is very powerful, if you keep thinking about one thing, it will be likely for it to become true So let's try any way possible to get over these. We will be fine! Big hugs!!!!
ralfgarnett Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 The last thing that any of us need in our sistuations is another relationship right now, I couldn't even contemplate a snog with anyone right now and as for the other business well that's right out of the window, in the past 6 weeks I have been to Germany & Spain and a NYE party with lots of women and I didn't even think about anything casual never mind serious, 20 years ago after 6 months apart I would of copped within a few weeks it wouldn't of meant anything but with maturity you kind of grow out of that kind of attitude and thought patterns.
me85 Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Happy New Year me85 I shared the same feelings with you now. Don't know what to say or suggest you. I'm also tired and scared of going through another heartbreak too. But maybe we should not think that falling in love with someone else is the only way to get over our exes I'm practicing thinking another way now, so that I do not have too much pressure in finding a guy It's ironic, but something my ex taught me (he majored in psychology) helped me in diverting my thoughts, he said that thinking is very powerful, if you keep thinking about one thing, it will be likely for it to become true So let's try any way possible to get over these. We will be fine! Big hugs!!!! Happy New Year to you! Thank you for the kind words. I'm doing really well, considering. I've learned how to master my thoughts, more so over the last year. It's been a journey to get to where I am but I feel good. But I also know how I am...I don't truly let go of one guy until I feel connected with another. I'm not even thinking about a RS though. I'm very happy as a single woman. I owe it to myself to be alone for a while. I'm not going to pursue men but maybe in the future I'll be open to the idea of falling in love again. But it isn't what I need or want at this point in my life. If it happens, it happens...but hopefully it won't happened again for a few more years at least. There are things I have to work on as a single person before I get involved seriously with a man again. Hugs back to ya!!! 2
batt Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Still having severe ups and downs. Been really angry lately and sometimes I've taken that out on others when I don't mean to. Still thinking about her more than I want to, I know she doesn't give a **** about me, she's made that apparent. Sometimes I wish I never met her and I wouldn't be like this
Itspointless Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I feel I am getting closer to a sense of true acceptance in my body. The situation really dumbfounded me. I still would like to change it, but reality is not as such. I never expected that I could be so taken by surprise as a decade ago, I was so wrong. She made me believe in love again, To my surprise I still have a bit of that left. Reality can be harsh. I just hope it was the last time someone's medical condition destroyed my (our) dreams.
WillLoveAgain Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Hello fellow heart break survivors. I've had a good start to the year and i thought i would share a song that helped me feel better. I believe in "music has charms to soothe a savage breast" and this song had help me through the holidays when I had thoughts of suicide at Christmas. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBq9wPV85zw
ralfgarnett Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 Not totally sure why but I can feel my mood slipping, I have been thinking about her all day and missing her all day, I have had an overwhelming urge to contact her to ask to get back together but as with my last urge I know it will be rejected, I just feel as though im drowning again and that I have no future worth considering, I miss her in everything I do, I miss our holidays together, I miss our past and I miss our future together I just cant shake it off, I know im depressed I know im grieving but im scared very scared of tomorrow the day after and almost anything in the future because I don't feel as though I have a worthwhile future just a pointless lonely slog to my grave, its very dark here the rain is falling I can hear it bouncing off the windows its cold too, love is warm but loneliness and solitude is cold icy cold, love is bright orangey gold like the June sun that we married under yet loneliness is black like death I am in black I have no sun no warmth it died 6 months ago yet cold and black is thriving in this house and inside me I am black inside my light has gone out so therefore my life is death a living death miserable, never ending and deep like hell, when will it end will it end why me why me ?
RDawg Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 It has been a year and three months since my ex left me. I am in a new relationship with an amazing woman. I went through a really bad time in the months following my break up but here I am, well and truly past it and living a new and better life. I am incredibly grateful to be where I am. I wish all of you who post here a better year in 2015. Something I remember TaraMaiden having said: 'everything is happening exactly as it should'. I know it isn't always easy, but just keep on keeping on.. 4
Haydn Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 It has been a year and three months since my ex left me. I am in a new relationship with an amazing woman. I went through a really bad time in the months following my break up but here I am, well and truly past it and living a new and better life. I am incredibly grateful to be where I am. I wish all of you who post here a better year in 2015. Something I remember TaraMaiden having said: 'everything is happening exactly as it should'. I know it isn't always easy, but just keep on keeping on.. Hello Rdawg, that`s great my friend! Brilliant news.
RDawg Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Thanks Haydn. Good to see that you and some of the other older members are still around and contributing to the forum.
NopeNah Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 Had a great date with a new beautiful,ambitious, young lady last night. I'm thinking I'll be ok from here forward. 1
WillLoveAgain Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I may not know the outcome but life loves me and I will be fine with or without him. 1
RedButton Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 (edited) ^Nice to see some positive messages here, best wishes to both of you! I'm having a pretty good day today as well. Last week was a bit rough for some reason, but I'm managing pretty good today, trying to get back to a more positive mindset. The most frustrating thing is I feel very torn. On one hand I'd like to try and start dating again, but at the same time my long term plans are kind of up in the air (not purely because of the breakup), so I don't want to get into a relationship and then have to up and leave or something. I guess I just feel kind of lonely, even though I have friends, I don't have that intimate person who I can pour my heart out to, or just lie down together and be personal with. Edited January 8, 2015 by RedButton
RedButton Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Blargh, sorry for the double post, but I don't know what it is about today; I can't stop thinking about my ex. I don't know why but she's constantly on my mind. It's not even necessarily sad thoughts, but just can't stop thinking about her, and then that sometimes leads to the breakup and feeling like I'm at fault or something, or feeling something like jealousy because I just keep assuming she's having an easier time of it, or just happier in general (even though I don't really have a reason to think that). It's been 10 weeks or thereabouts (wasn't keeping count anymore, I had to look it up and count), and I've come a long way from the mess I was, not making any contact at all since the breakup. Not sure what it is about this week that's playing with my mind so much.
ralfgarnett Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Blargh, sorry for the double post, but I don't know what it is about today; I can't stop thinking about my ex. I don't know why but she's constantly on my mind. It's not even necessarily sad thoughts, but just can't stop thinking about her, and then that sometimes leads to the breakup and feeling like I'm at fault or something, or feeling something like jealousy because I just keep assuming she's having an easier time of it, or just happier in general (even though I don't really have a reason to think that). It's been 10 weeks or thereabouts (wasn't keeping count anymore, I had to look it up and count), and I've come a long way from the mess I was, not making any contact at all since the breakup. Not sure what it is about this week that's playing with my mind so much. thinking of you mate all the best 1
RedButton Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 thinking of you mate all the best Thanks mate, I appreciate that. I'm sure I'll be okay, just can't understand why she's all up in my head today. Maybe work has been too slow/boring and I've had too much time to think.
me85 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 It's so frustrating that one week I'll be perfectly ecstatic about life then out of no where I'm hit by the negative bus & I get all morbid and depressed. It only lasts for a day or 2 & doesn't happen very often, but still. Why can't I just stopped doing stupid sh*t? Like drinking, which 7 times out of 10 leads to me emailing my ex. Not to cry or beg for him back but to be a "buddy" what the hell is wrong with me? Why don't I dislike him enough to completely leave him the hell alone? Who have I become? This isn't me or the person I've worked on becoming over the last year and a half. I feel like I'm in a downward spiral. I'm very lonely and scared I've become so secluded that I may not even know how to be a normal socially active person anymore. It could be the alcoholism or my hormones or the coffee or all of the above but I definitely feel crazy today. /=
me85 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Sh*t. Today really sucks. I mean, the whole day I've been thinking about retarded crap. It's stupid. I'm so bored with life. I'm so sick to death of the same old same old. I need to be planning to move like I want to but instead I'm thinking about CRAP. Crap, crap, crap...I'm so done. I need to focus on healthy things in my life that matter. Who cares if my ex is, whatever he is?? Who cares if the guy I matched up with on Tinder doesn't respond?? Who cares if I never have sex again?? (well, I do care about that, actually) But I mean, all this time I haven't been worried about guys, why is today so different? It has got to be because I stopped taking my birth control and my hormones are just all over the place. I need to get motivated but this weather is making it impossible! But even when it was summer I wasn't motivated. What's it going to take to get my @$$ in the gym?? Why can't I just do it?? Just go...go to the freaking gym already ME! I want so badly to be better, healthier and have a good life but I'm being very lazy right now. I'm getting bogged down by loneliness and it's pissing me off. But it's good that it's pissing me off because that's what it's going to take to motivate myself...being fed up with myself. Gosh, I really needed to get all that off my chest!
RedButton Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 ^I know how you feel me85. Like just this week or last couple of days I feel like I got hit with negativity after being fine for a long time. It comes and goes. I'm lucky in that I stopped really 'drinking' years ago. I never have more than just a couple of cold beers, usually with a meal now. I think that's good, because as I don't have urges to contact my ex anymore, I still know that I want to contact her at some point in the future. If I got drunk I'd probably drop a text or something when I'm not ready and hurt myself. If you aren't motivated to go to the gym is there something else you'd find more fun? Maybe try and join a sport or learn an individual sport or something? I was going to join a gym but ended up just buying a set of weights for home instead. It worked out cheaper and easier to motivate myself to use, since I don't have to leave the house to use them every 2 days. I hope you find something you enjoy soon, I know how you feel. I'm concerned about changing careers and moving and all sorts of things now too. Maybe we both need to slow down a bit and take it one step at a time? As for the tinder thing, I want to start dating again too, but I might be leaving the country in the next six-nine months, so I don't really want to complicate things by finding another relationship before then :/ 1
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