DontBreak Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 3 days on from when I found out she is sleeping with another Guy I've been run down - Xmas day and as we speak I'm in bed with the flu I don't want to see my family as there very fragile and flu could kill them - so I'm trying to rest up Tbh I just want to get back to work and start this year off - I'm not upset more angry that she doesn't give a **** one of last things she said was "I thought we would have moved on by now" like there's a time scale on these things - so anger whilst not helpful Is pulling me through for now - I blocked EVERY avenue of contact so she can't pop up with meaningless pity fueld "merry Xmas" txt There was a point where I really needed her a few weeks back as a friend needless to say I was in a bad way she didn't come after all we have been through yet she had no problem jumping on a strangers d**k so for me I don't allow myself to feel sad I just think she didn't give a **** when she was with him. Then she says I'll be in contact the end of month about the concert - cheeky b**ch good luck with that you're blocked Self preservation is my #1 priority It's bitter but I like the fact that she can't just Pop up and say "hi" she doesn't deserve me - so yes it's Xmas day I feel bitter I'm full of flu in bed and just waiting for these drugs to kick in so I can sleep
Essex Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 she texted me happy Xmas 2 days ago and I was so proud I didn't reply. However in a fit of weakness and Xmas nostalgia I wished her and her son happy Xmas today. I had paid for all his presents from her to her son as she is broke so I asked her to kiss him from me. A text chat ensued. She told me she's been dating. We been split 3 weeks and NC a week. I feel soooo sad. I could cry. I really really need some help.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Horribly. I broke things off. I had decided to give him a chance last night, because I wanted us to have a nice Christmas -- we went to his kid's midnight mass (he sings in a choir) , and then we got home, his kid refused to open the presents, despite the fact that I was not going to see him again until the new year, if he did not open the present I had gotten him (a $300 tablet). His dad did not insist, and I kinda felt upset and hurt at that, on top of all that had happened. I felt like his kid was rude. His dad claimed that he wanted to open the presents with his cousins. Fine. But the least he could do was open the one I had gotten for him. Common courtesy. Anyway, we went to bed, and in the morning, his kid got up and acted like nothing was wrong, in a cheerful mood, still no unwrapping of presents, but gave me ice-cold attitude, no talking, no looking at me, etc. His dad was joking around with him, and was doing the same to me (icy attitude). I put my coat on and walked out the door and did not bother to say bye to either of them. I consider this a break-up. Also, he had gotten his kid a gazillion presents, rented a car for $200 to drive him for a few hours to see his cousins, and still claimed he could not afford a nice present for me. He had given me my present at night, had put it on the pillow under the bed covers, but I just put it aside and got into bed. I did not open it, but by the looks of it, it was a book. A book? I get that for my friends on normal occasions. I mean, come on. Surely he could spare $50 to buy me a nicer present? Whatever. I am pissed off. I left his place and was so pissed off, I was crying. I had to take the bus on Christmas day, cried all the way home. Mainly upset at myself, for being taken on a ride yet again. I am officially giving up on men and dating.
anna121 Posted December 25, 2014 Posted December 25, 2014 Not great. Keep going to bathroom to cry. This too shall pass.
Heartbroken Eagle Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Had a crap day today. Never felt so alone and unloved by everybody. Really feel like giving up. I really feel so worthless. What is the point of carrying on....
RedButton Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Had a crap day today. Never felt so alone and unloved by everybody. Really feel like giving up. I really feel so worthless. What is the point of carrying on.... We all have days like that, just answer that bell and keep on going. I used to (still sometimes do, but not as bad) go through phases where I thought about how much I hated my life every day, sometimes thinking about ending it and all that. Man isn't made for defeat, my friend. The last couple of days I think I've caught something, the flu or a cold or something like that. Very light headed and dizzy most days. Also been thinking about my ex a lot due to the holiday season. I'm getting through okay, but just feeling a bit **** sometimes.
ThreeYearsDumb Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Being brave today and facing that I need to move on. I need to forgive myself for the past, and accept that I am where I am and even though I don't like it only I have the power to change it. From now on the focus is forgiving myself and acceptance. I can no longer worry about her mixed messages, the red flags in her new relationship, or speculate on what she might truly be feeling. If she wants me to move on and doesn't want me in her future then that is what she will get 1
Heartbroken Eagle Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 We all have days like that, just answer that bell and keep on going. I used to (still sometimes do, but not as bad) go through phases where I thought about how much I hated my life every day, sometimes thinking about ending it and all that. Man isn't made for defeat, my friend. The last couple of days I think I've caught something, the flu or a cold or something like that. Very light headed and dizzy most days. Also been thinking about my ex a lot due to the holiday season. I'm getting through okay, but just feeling a bit **** sometimes. Thanks Red Button. Just had a bad couple of days, obviously the time of the year, feeling sorry for myself. A good night sleep and a nice lunch with my brother and I'm feeling a bit better. I just can't believe how low I can really go when having a bad day though, that's worrying!!!
DontBreak Posted December 27, 2014 Posted December 27, 2014 Had a crap day today. Never felt so alone and unloved by everybody. Really feel like giving up. I really feel so worthless. What is the point of carrying on.... Been there my friend chin up were all here in the same boat
RedButton Posted December 30, 2014 Posted December 30, 2014 I think I've come down with the Flu or something, because I've been feeling sick as a dog. To make things worse, it was her birthday this week and I've been thinking about her and feeling so conflicted about sending her a message to say Happy Bday or something. I didn't send anything yet, and think I probably wont, but I feel bad about not doing it. It doesn't help that I'm feeling like crap. 1
DenverDude Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Was planning on taking a short hiatus from this site, but dammit I am back.. Just getting over the worst flu I have ever had. 104 degree temp for 2 straight days. It really sucks being alone and sick. I was literally bedridden for the last 3 days. I reminisced of the times when she was sick, specifically a time where she had a nasty fever and I went out to get her all the supplies she needed. Needless to say, it sucks being alone and sick... Well today, for whatever reason, it's like someone turned on the faucet. Tears have been flowing out of my eyes all day. Maybe it's because tomorrow would have been our 3 year anniversary. 3 years ago I met the most beautiful girl that has come into my life. And then everything just went away, in a blink of an eye. And I am to blame
dyna85 Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 Better than yesterday. Forcing myself to get outside and take walks is definitely helping. Still spending way too much time perusing this forum. Think that may be holding me back a bit, but I figure it's better than some alternatives, so I'm trying not to beat myself up for it. As for nc... still feeling panicky about my phone at times, esp whenever I check it. Still feel like I'd take him back in a heartbeat, but who knows, if he were ever to resurface. Feel like it's a done deal. Have felt that way for what seems like a while, yet it still seems too final for me to accept. Today I'm feeling nonchalant about how he ended it, which is kind of weird, because yesterday I was fuming mad about it. Feel more in a 'go with the flow' mood but still have moments of memories making me sad/nostalgic, and wonder if I ever cross his mind. Baby steps. 1
Cupid's Puppet Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 I want to cry tears of joy right now. I looked out my window, and I appreciated the Sun. Crazy how that is a major achievement for me. My mother even said my voice sounded lighter today, and this time, I didn't correct her and say something like, "But I still feel bad." Instead I said, "Thank you." I remember not too long ago it felt like a cloud literally hung over me. I know that's the truth because my coworkers would say the same thing even when I tried hard to smile. I also feel so much stronger about NO Contact. My mom and I had a conversation on why I didn't respond to those holiday greetings from my ex on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Me: Because when you break up with someone these are the consequences. You don't get to hear from that person anymore. He didn't talk to me for months while I contemplated ending my life. Only I have been responsible for my healing. How he feels about me not responding does not matter. Such is the course of a breakup. Her response: But don't you think he went months without contacting you because he needed to process the pain you caused him? Me: Doesn't matter. After awhile I have to stop being punished for my past mistakes. Yay me! The feelings of guilt and depression are gradually fading away. He made the decision to move on, and now it's my turn. 1
me85 Posted December 31, 2014 Posted December 31, 2014 I'm doing just fine but New Year's Eve being my most favorite celebration of the year and me not having anything to do or anyone to hang out with has be bummed out. Oh well, next NYE will be MUCH better! God willing. I'm just going to get rip roaring drunk and dance around my apt. 1
ZiggyZoo Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Between NYE and my pregnancy hormones, I was already teary. Then I accidently saw where a mutual friend had responded to something my ex had commented on and my mind went wild trying to piece together what my ex had possibly said (I blocked him on FB so all I saw was the friend's response). I didn't sleep last night, and feel like I just took a huge step back with my recovery. I had been doing so well with honestly starting to see a life without him, and not obsessing all the time. Now one little stupid FB comment has my mind going all kinds of places, with other women and everything. Tempted to unblock him to read the comment, but I don't want to give in.
dyna85 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I'm doing really really badly. Like, I can't get over the fact that he could be so cold as to leave me hanging with no explanation as to why he wanted to part ways. Like, am I just supposed to analyze everything and figure it out myself? It's such a brush off and such punishment all the same. I'm suffering mercilessly looking for answers and praying he finally contacts me, yet it makes no sense, even this hope, considering he's left me hanging for far longer than is acceptable already. On Day 1, I promised never to communicate with him again if he were not to respond that very day. He didn't respond. Every day since then has been torture, trying to piece it all together, and accept the lack of closure. That part is the hardest to move past, considering I would not have expected it of him. I thought maybe--but then figured, no way would he ever do this to me. I freaking trusted him. So much for trust. So much for trusting my heart, which clearly is clueless. My heart's been hanging on to him like no other, yet he's demonstrated all too clearly that I mean nothing. That I'm dead to him. That he, at the very least, wants nothing more to do with me. So why does my heart still hold him in such high esteem? Why is my heart so messed up in thinking that he's meant for me, when his actions spell out the fact that he couldn't care less for me? How am I supposed to trust my heart again? He's ruined it for me. He's killing me with his silence, yet doesn't realize it... doesn't care... why do I keep caring? Why is it so damn hard to let go?
Mandy26 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 why, why do they text over the holidays? and then nothing else after that...I responded and now I am back two steps maybe even more. It is like I am going through the same pain as the beginning...the worst part is that I was doing awesome. I felt happy (naturally), plans with friends and family. Now because I recieved a simple text at Christmas and was hoping to get one on New Years day. Nothing came and now I am sad and grieving all over again. I just want some feedback, why do people text those they broke up with?
ForgingAhead Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Reading other's posts keeps me distracted and has been for over a week. Lots of common patterns in the demise of a relationship, but the lowest of the low are the games people play and or mental abuse, cause it hangs around. I'd say it's worse than infidelity, as it's only an initial shock, lots of pain, but not an ongoing nightmare. I've downloaded some movies, stuffed my face with pizza since I barely had an appetite for a week so I can afford to do so. All in all I personally get the motivation to keep moving forward by reading as many posts as I can here. I find myself cheering on for those close to reconciliation, and empathize with those getting strung along. 1
music_and_poetry Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Not coping so great today. I'm in the not so amazing position where I am trying no contact on my best friend. I realized I really really like him, I might even love him. But he says he'll never see me "that way" because I am his friend and his pal. His friend and his pal that he's kissed, cuddled with, had sleepovers with, had sex with, taken day trips to the beach with. My options are to either go back to being just his friend feeling the way I do and watch him bring new girls around and even talk to me about them *gag* or I can do this NC thing and just try to get over it. I don't know if I will get over it or if I'm going to lose my best friend :( I'm so used to talking to him all day long about anything about everything. I'm always thinking... "I can't wait to tell _____________ this" and now I can't/won't. I blocked him on everything. If he texts me I won't get it. If he calls me, my phone will direct him straight to voicemail. I wonder if he's noticed. There was one time we got into a small argument and he blew up my phone with texts and then called me practically yelling into the phone. I wonder if he'll freak out when he notices. I wonder what he'll think. I'm just so hurt over this. I care about him so much it hurts me to think about going back to "just friends". I'm always going to want him as more ugh this is pure torture.
love2ride Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Damn I dont understand you. I love you. **** but I'm never gonna let you know that again!
BC1980 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Just found out my ex is getting married in March to a woman he apparently knew when we were together. Feeling relieved. I've been NC for one year, and I was prepared to hear this news. 6 months ago, I would have been a basket case. Still processing it all, but I'm mainly feeling relieved and free. I was always worried he would attempt to come back, and I wouldn't be able to say no. Now, he can't take away my new life. It's mine to share when I meet the right person who deserves me. 6
RedButton Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 ^Glad you are feeling strong about it BC1980. I'm having a horrid night. I was meant to meet a friend to hang out with him and his wife, and one of his single friends. He talked up that she was interested in seeing me again (I'd met her once before) and I was looking forward all week to a fun night, regardless of any interest with this person. He cancelled at the last minute. They were going to dinner, just the two of them and asked if I wanted to join. I thought it would be awkward so I said 'lets reschedule'. I think I just hate this feeling of plans falling through for something I was looking forward to. I also just feel kind of down because it was potential to meet someone new. It's also just making me ask all these questions about if I'm ready or not to see someone new. I also feel like I'm destined to see my ex at least once more (I still have something of hers for example, and don't want to never see her again, as strange as it sounds). I don't know, I'm all over the place tonight and feeling really depressed and down. Last week or so I've been doing so well too
STM206 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Today marks one year since the day it ended. I've made leaps and bounds yet still have a ways to go in regards to learning how to trust again. I think my heart is slowly opening up again. I'm finding that I'm hopeful again for the future, hopeful to find someone WORTH my time, someone who will want to work through the ups and downs with me and not just leave. Happy 2015! 3
RedButton Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I just realised it's only been two months, it feels like longer for some reason, although two months is a fair amount of time. I feel like I'm some kind of a limbo, I'm feeling lonely a lot more often, but I'm still kind of anxious to start dating again. I feel as if I'd be hurting myself or just doing it to fill a hole (no pun intended har har) out of desperation. I think I'm just feeling very uncertain because my long term plans really fell apart when the breakup happened.
ralfgarnett Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Feeling a bit shaky today, had a few odd dreams about her last night, I seem to be getting more and more low in mood instead of improving, my therapist thinks im doing great but I don't feel so sure, still she has agreed to 12 more sessions as she thinks im doing so well and using the opportunity to talk so well.
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