JollyDays Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 I guess I'm doing okay, though the past two days have been pretty rough. Last month was a sonofabitch, since it was the 10th anniversary of our breakup, aka her leaving me. All of these years I've been suppressing my feelings for her, and then the anniversary hit me hard, and drove me into a deep depression. I've talked to various other women since 2004, gone on dates, but I haven't been in a relationship since. I enjoy this site, because it has helped me to move on and try to find a woman that'll love me for just being me, and don't we all deserve that?
freebird31 Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 not feeling well. its funny because i remember when i started dating this guy, i always remembered to never stop being indepedent. but somewhere, i must have messed up. I think it was when i stopped going to the gym, stop having my own hobbies. Idk what it was. But when things did not work out with this new guy, i felt lonely, alone, incomplete. I mean, i think i was already feeling this way before i met him anyway. /: i really dont know. All i know is in that time frame when i was talking to this new guy, all the pain, loneliness had lessened by so much. i still grieved over my ex, yes, but it wasnt as bad. I had someone to comfort me. And now i am back to being alone again. I just dont know how much longer i can endure this lonely feeling. I really dont know why i even feel this way. Before i ever got in a relationship with my ex, i was happy and full of life. and ever since the breakup, 1 year 7 months ago i have not been the same. I feel depressed most days. Wish i could stay in my bed all day long. I feel no meaning for things. I only go to school and work because i know i have to....maybe bc i still feel a small ounce of hope. But most days, i just feel broken inside still. Most nights i cry myself to sleep. I just want something to mask the pain. and thats what the guy i was talking to was, he was my comfort....i did like him. /: oh well. 1
love2ride Posted December 3, 2014 Posted December 3, 2014 Today started off ok, I was in a good mood and positive but as the day progresses i'm getting sad. I find myself missing her and convincing myself she has a new boyfriend. It hurts again. How can she do this.
The Poster Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I cannot believe how much pain I am in. It's unbearable. It's embarrassing. TWO MONTHS. A girl I knew for two damn months and I saw in person like 10 times is making me feel this much pain. I cannot believe it.
MistaYates Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 (edited) It sucks when she works in the same plaza as me. Everytime i have to run into my work i'd see her car. Went to go get a sandwich from my work today, thank god i didnt see her. Shes probably working later. Gotta stay away for the rest of the day. It sucks when i have days off. Because they are during the week, when everyone is working. So im just sitting around at home, thinking of her. I really wish she didnt cheat on me. I really wish i could be with her without having to question everything she does. It'll be a week tomorrow of NC. I just KNOW she'll call me again. Shes the type when she gets lonely, she will know who to call... ME... Fk that though. I will NOT be her second choice again. I'm not her damn chew toy. I deserve better. Its gonna suck when new years comes.. Shes gonna be out, i know it, having a great time with some guy. Probably her ex that she cheated on me with.. While im here at my house, home alone. People like me don't deserve this kind of pain. I dreamt about her all week this week. I've cried almost every single day. Maybe im just a big pansy. Probably. Edited December 4, 2014 by MistaYates
me85 Posted December 4, 2014 Posted December 4, 2014 I'm at work. Playing on LS and listening to music. My job is pretty awesome. 2
freebird31 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 You know ... Everyone says to go no contact and I trust in that. But I think at some point or another, I personally would want things to end on good terms and in peace. 7 months after my relationship had ended I reached out to my ex. I don't regret reaching out, but I do regret the time in which I decided to reach out. I think I should have waited. But of course it's a lesson learned. It's been 1 year 7 months now. I wish I had waited u til the dust settled, until I had a clear understanding of what I thought happened. I also wish I had said other things instead of what I told him. I really wish I could have explained to him what actions exactly during the break up had hurt me. I didn't do that in the message I sent him. In the message I sent him, I let him off the hook and told him that I forgive him for everything and told him how much the relationship meant to me. Although this was true, I really wish I would have waited for a better time when I was thinking rationally and not emotionally when I sent the message. I do not feel at closure, whatsoever after sending it. In fact, I think it might have made him feel better instead of myself. If I could do it all over again, I would have never sent that message 7 mo this ago, and instead send him a message now telling him how he "just so happened to cross my mind" and I never really got over how things ended. I would tell him I wish that things had ended on better terms and explain to him one or two occasions during the breakup when he hurt me. :/ really wish I could go back and get this closure I really need. I really really need this closure. But it's kind of too late for that because I made a mistake the first time with the message I sent him. I don't want to bombard him with a second one.
me85 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 You know ... Everyone says to go no contact and I trust in that. But I think at some point or another, I personally would want things to end on good terms and in peace. 7 months after my relationship had ended I reached out to my ex. I don't regret reaching out, but I do regret the time in which I decided to reach out. I think I should have waited. But of course it's a lesson learned. It's been 1 year 7 months now. I wish I had waited u til the dust settled, until I had a clear understanding of what I thought happened. I also wish I had said other things instead of what I told him. I really wish I could have explained to him what actions exactly during the break up had hurt me. I didn't do that in the message I sent him. In the message I sent him, I let him off the hook and told him that I forgive him for everything and told him how much the relationship meant to me. Although this was true, I really wish I would have waited for a better time when I was thinking rationally and not emotionally when I sent the message. I do not feel at closure, whatsoever after sending it. In fact, I think it might have made him feel better instead of myself. If I could do it all over again, I would have never sent that message 7 mo this ago, and instead send him a message now telling him how he "just so happened to cross my mind" and I never really got over how things ended. I would tell him I wish that things had ended on better terms and explain to him one or two occasions during the breakup when he hurt me. :/ really wish I could go back and get this closure I really need. I really really need this closure. But it's kind of too late for that because I made a mistake the first time with the message I sent him. I don't want to bombard him with a second one. I firmly believe that only you can offer yourself closure. Not the person who caused you pain and suffering. I never got closure and I never sent him any messages telling him how much he hurt me or what all HE did wrong. I indeed let my ex off of the hook but that was then...if he persist to contact me again in the future I'll be sure to express my true feelings towards him. 1
freebird31 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I firmly believe that only you can offer yourself closure. Not the person who caused you pain and suffering. I never got closure and I never sent him any messages telling him how much he hurt me or what all HE did wrong. I indeed let my ex off of the hook but that was then...if he persist to contact me again in the future I'll be sure to express my true feelings towards him. I know that if we talked it out, had a heart to heart, if he was genuinely sorry for his actions, I know I would finally have closure. The way that he ended things left me feeling rejected and broken. I don't think I'll ever have closure until he says he's sorry. Unless I grow old and one day forget about him. 1
me85 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) I know that if we talked it out, had a heart to heart, if he was genuinely sorry for his actions, I know I would finally have closure. The way that he ended things left me feeling rejected and broken. I don't think I'll ever have closure until he says he's sorry. Unless I grow old and one day forget about him. I've only ever wanted him to be sincerely really truly sorry for the things he did to me and for him to tell me to my face that he's sincerely really truly sorry but he never has (not in any messages either) and he never will. I can't wait around hoping for that. Live your life. Move forward. Don't expect or want anything from your ex. I know that's not so easy but you have to live your life to the fullest. I never had closure in any of my broken RSs but eventually you don't even care. You never even think about it or wonder anymore. I don't look back once I'm over it. It's taken me like 16 months to get over my ex fully but here I finally am! He's but a fallen leaf. Maybe you should just reach out if you feel so strongly but be prepared for possible rejection or to be ignored. Edited December 5, 2014 by me85
The Poster Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Not well at all. I feel like I'm fading away. The pain is so intense. I'm embarrassed about it. People here are struggling losing the person they loved after many years together, and I feel all of this pain after losing someone I knew for 2 months. It's been 16 days since she walked away. I haven't spoken to her since and wonder if I ever will again. So much potential. So many things that made me think we were right for eachother. I love this time of year normally. I'm a Christmas fanatic. Yet, I don't want anything to do with it this year. I'm hurting so badly.
freebird31 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 I've only ever wanted him to be sincerely really truly sorry for the things he did to me and for him to tell me to my face that he's sincerely really truly sorry but he never has (not in any messages either) and he never will. I can't wait around hoping for that. Live your life. Move forward. Don't expect or want anything from your ex. I know that's not so easy but you have to live your life to the fullest. I never had closure in any of my broken RSs but eventually you don't even care. You never even think about it or wonder anymore. I don't look back once I'm over it. It's taken me like 16 months to get over my ex fully but here I finally am! He's but a fallen leaf. Maybe you should just reach out if you feel so strongly but be prepared for possible rejection or to be ignored. Yeah. I just im angry at myself because I let him off the hook. I regret that message. If I ever send him a message, I will wait it out first. Maybe in time l get over this like you say. I would hate for him to have his ego blown up by a second message, but I really wish he was aware of the hurt his actions had caused me. I think he was completely oblivious to those actions, so that's another reason why I wanted to tell him. But you're right if I don't get the answer I want a second time, then really I did it for nothing. BUT if he ever reaches out to me, I'll definitely say something. I bet you he's feels at peace because I told him I forgive him...but hopefully deep down he still feels some sense of guilt.
me85 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Yeah. I just im angry at myself because I let him off the hook. I regret that message. If I ever send him a message, I will wait it out first. Maybe in time l get over this like you say. I would hate for him to have his ego blown up by a second message, but I really wish he was aware of the hurt his actions had caused me. I think he was completely oblivious to those actions, so that's another reason why I wanted to tell him. But you're right if I don't get the answer I want a second time, then really I did it for nothing. BUT if he ever reaches out to me, I'll definitely say something. I bet you he's feels at peace because I told him I forgive him...but hopefully deep down he still feels some sense of guilt. Rest assured. You did do the right thing. You took the high road and left words of anger out of your mouth. Maybe telling them we forgive them doesn't bring them comfort like we think it does. They may still feel guilt or regret for their actions regardless of how nice we are to them. It's possible that they are just too stubborn to tell us they were wrong. They moved on, so maybe their pride won't let them admit to us that they screwed up by doing so. Who knows?? And frankly, who really cares?? /= I know you do and I really am not trying to be rude. You know what I mean. I hope. (= I'm sure you do. And hey, I lied, I'm not fully over my ex but I'm 90% over him! So close I can almost taste it!
freebird31 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Rest assured. You did do the right thing. You took the high road and left words of anger out of your mouth. Maybe telling them we forgive them doesn't bring them comfort like we think it does. They may still feel guilt or regret for their actions regardless of how nice we are to them. It's possible that they are just too stubborn to tell us they were wrong. They moved on, so maybe their pride won't let them admit to us that they screwed up by doing so. Who knows?? And frankly, who really cares?? /= I know you do and I really am not trying to be rude. You know what I mean. I hope. (= I'm sure you do. And hey, I lied, I'm not fully over my ex but I'm 90% over him! So close I can almost taste it! Hmm true. If anything that would probably make someone feel more guilty,(which wasn't my intention when I wrote the message btw) for being so forgiving. I think it's pride, but I also think it's compartmentalization, if I'm using the correct term. I really think my ex has the ability to store his deepest feelings and thoughts in the back of his mind and leave them there, it's astonishing. But that's all going to blow back up in his face one day. But yes...I know what you mean lol. I hope I can one day not care as much. Yea they moved on...now it's our turn. But maybe I'll get to a point where I won't even want an apology anymore or care for one. Gosh, I can't wait for that day, seriously. But yeah, screw needing an apology! thanks for the pep talk lol
mapofyourhead Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Was starting to feel better after a particularly bad week, then saw him with another girl tonight at the gym. Saw them flirting. They left together. I don't know if they came together, but I assume they have something going on. Looks like I have to find a new gym. Made me feel like absolute ****. Tomorrow I am taking the biggest and the most important exam of my career/life. This was the last thing I needed.
Light Breeze Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 2nd day of Complete NC. 2+ months after the breakup. Feeling alone and aimless. Tearing up seems to be constant occurrence nowadays. Called in sick today and volunteered to watch over my 2 year old niece. The kid really makes me happy. At least something to look forward to.
lindsay91313 Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 2nd day of Complete NC. 2+ months after the breakup. Feeling alone and aimless. Tearing up seems to be constant occurrence nowadays. Called in sick today and volunteered to watch over my 2 year old niece. The kid really makes me happy. At least something to look forward to. That's awesome! Kids are so fun and carefree. 1
Light Breeze Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 Yeah! I found spending time with her gives me some measure of comfort. I'm gonna spoil the child
MistaYates Posted December 5, 2014 Posted December 5, 2014 (edited) I ended no contact for the first time ever. She always did. But as many times as we broke up, and as many times as she came back, i just couldnt do it. She kept coming back, over and over and over again. Now she has me wrapped around her finger to a point where I cant even stay away. I always stuck with NC but now im just so weak. I cant get her out of my life, its too harsh. I've become such a weak person because of her, i dont even know myself. I cry every single night, and i just cant seem to give myself something to do that will get her off my mind. This girl was my whole world. Everything i ever knew. First love sucks. I had a nightmare about her last night, and my god i couldn't sleep. Edited December 5, 2014 by MistaYates
tryingtodealwithit Posted December 6, 2014 Posted December 6, 2014 i'm not coping today. i'm sitting on the floor of a new, empty apartment. been here since wednesday. my things won't arrive until sunday. i have no one to spend any time with. i'm so alone. in the last 7 months my ex has only contacted me a handful of times via text. it was always to be mean/condescending. except for thanksgiving. she actually sent me a nice text wishing me a happy thanksgiving. it was weird. i waited a day and a half and text her back saying thanks and and same to her. she never responded, which is also weird. she's always responded to me when i contact her and/or she initiates contact with me. even if i wait a while to get back to her. it's so strange to not know what's going on with her after being together for 4 and a half years. honestly, i don't understand how this all works. not sure how you just stop loving someone and walk away. or i guess in her case, according to her, she still loves me (or did), but decided it could never work. i'm baffled at her decision to throw it all away. she didn't leave for someone else and it's been clear she's resentful of me for what i have (and what she's losing) even months after leaving. i don't understand. most of all, i just miss my friend. it's been a hard thing to accept. and it's crazy because she wasn't all that great of a friend at times. the lying, cheating, constantly accusing me of things due to her own guilty conscious. i forgave though and i still loved her. things will be better once this apartment is full of my things. hopefully i can manage to make some new friends and have people to spend some time with. right now the outlook on that isn't so great, but i'm trying hard to stay positive. 2014 has been the worst year of my life. the break up is only one reason of many for that. i hope that 2015 will be much better for me. or, at the least, quieter and drama free in comparison.
DenverDude Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Could really use some good vibes and prayers right now. I am really missing her right now. My anxiety is killing me. Can't stay still. 1
NopeNah Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Could really use some good vibes and prayers right now. I am really missing her right now. My anxiety is killing me. Can't stay still. Sup,buddy? Bronco's should have a easy game tomorrow.. I know it sucks when they hit you out of nowhere. Trust me! Been there a couple times,myself... Just do the best you...from here forward(lame!), and live,man! buy new stuff,take trips,enjoy hanging with friends..Have the best time possible,meeting your future ex's,even! No regrets,man!
DenverDude Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Sup,buddy? Bronco's should have a easy game tomorrow.. I know it sucks when they hit you out of nowhere. Trust me! Been there a couple times,myself... Just do the best you...from here forward(lame!), and live,man! buy new stuff,take trips,enjoy hanging with friends..Have the best time possible,meeting your future ex's,even! No regrets,man! Thanks for taking the time to write me back. You know, it should be a cake walk, for something about the Bills is making me nervous. I am thinking it might be closer than many people think. It really does suck when they enter your head out of the blue. You could be on cloud 9, and then the tiniest of things could trigger your thoughts back to our ex's. That happened with me tonight. I've been buying new clothes for the winter, new furniture, meeting new girls, skiing, etc etc but I just cant completely erase her from my mind. Gotta take things one day/hour/minute at a time. It's hard, but I am trying Thanks for the message. You doing ok?
Dobie Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 My flatmate moved this weekend it hurts like hell its another reminder she is gone for good . told her our dog died on Friday , all she could muster was "I'm really sorry to hear that hope your OK xx ".
NopeNah Posted December 7, 2014 Posted December 7, 2014 Thanks for taking the time to write me back. You know, it should be a cake walk, for something about the Bills is making me nervous. I am thinking it might be closer than many people think. It really does suck when they enter your head out of the blue. You could be on cloud 9, and then the tiniest of things could trigger your thoughts back to our ex's. That happened with me tonight. I've been buying new clothes for the winter, new furniture, meeting new girls, skiing, etc etc but I just cant completely erase her from my mind. Gotta take things one day/hour/minute at a time. It's hard, but I am trying Thanks for the message. You doing ok? Slight 'set back' yesterday running into her,but thats nothing I can't handle. A good friend,who's helped me with my ex, had a breakup last night. Now I've got a partner in partying at least. Heading out to catch the game shortly. Then a concert with a fwb tonight. Things could be worse.
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