love2ride Posted November 28, 2014 Posted November 28, 2014 Today is rough. Broke NC last night sent her a bunch of emails telling her i didn't believe she ever loved me and it was all a lie blah blah blah. This morning i got an email. "I dont need this bull****. Good luck in life. Your officially blocked." Well i guess i deserved it. Work was tough felt like crying. Cried tonight. Made an apt to see a therapist. 3
Heartbroken Eagle Posted November 28, 2014 Posted November 28, 2014 Ex getting married tomorrow... Off to Sweden to see my brother and his family.Just sinking in that I've dodged a mahoosive bullet!!! Can't stop humming the 'Great Escape' theme tune... 1
love2ride Posted November 28, 2014 Posted November 28, 2014 Gonna be another rough day. Last night felt so lonely, woke up with sad feeling. Just wondering if she misses me ever this much. Just want to hold her. Gotta shake off this crying feeling as i have to work. Can't wait for the day i'm almost over this.
BC1980 Posted November 28, 2014 Posted November 28, 2014 I dreamed about his last night. I passed him by on the street and asked why he wasn't at work. He was with his son, and he completely brushed me off and kept on going. I was sad in the dream and have felt a heaviness today. I haven't felt sad in a long time. I've felt angry, I've wanted to move on, but, ultimately, I've felt very neutral about him for months. But I saw him in the dream, and it seemed so real. I'm worried about what will happen when I see him at work one day. I've seen him from a distance but never had to interact with him. That has been a blessing so far. Why can't he just disappear from my life? His return to where I work (where we met almost 5 years ago) is like kicking me when I'm down, but I have to keep thinking that I will come out stronger from this. I won't allow him to ruin anymore of my life than he already has. 2
Itspointless Posted November 28, 2014 Posted November 28, 2014 I just want to say pffff. Some things just suck, but it is what it is. 1
tryingtodealwithit Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 rough day. my ex contacted me yesterday to wish me a happy thanksgiving. first time since we split that she initiated contact and was nice. i didn't respond and that's been easy, but i can't help but to wonder what her motivation was. i don't need to be sitting around wondering whether she is regretting things. she hasn't played any games with me in the 7 months since she left, so i doubt she is looking for an ego stroke. additionally, she's never been nice when contacting me (as recently as a month ago), so it definitely wasn't just a casual "i want to be friendly/nice" kind of thing. it's not a huge setback, but i've thought of her more than i'd like today. i'm sure i'll be over it in a couple of days. maybe i should go back to having her blocked in my phone. truthfully, i don't want to do that because i want to get the "i messed up bad" text. not because i want her back, but because i deserve it. knowing her, and how she doesn't like to admit she was wrong, the happy thanksgiving text could have been the start of the "i messed up" conversation. doesn't matter though because she's not getting a response.
freebird31 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 been feeling really down lately. but im bouncing back. It's definitely a mixture of the holidays and seeing his mom. But i got this. im coming back. Im going to fight through this. and im going to get through it. Im only 22, i have a lot more to experience. This isnt the end for me....its not like im never going to be happy again. Im still learning who i am. Dating that guy i was recently talking to, helped a little actually. It made me realize a few things about myself. Im learning a lot about myself, and my core values, and how they are important. I have so much more to learn. Im a fighter. and im going to get through this...and im going to come out of this a better, more mature, and more wise person. At the end of this, i will be much more stronger too. I got this.
lindsay91313 Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 (edited) For some reason, coping today has been much more difficult. I knew I would have my good days, and my bad days, but I've been missing my husband a lot. I was doing pretty well. I got a new job (I was a stay at home mom with our son for the first 14 months so I give myself credit for that), looking into school, lost about 20 pounds, and just over all feeling more 'myself'. I've been having good dreams about the two of us and how things used to be, which leaves me feeling very sad and confused after I wake up. I also had a dream about him where he told me that he wasn't being totally honest about a female coworker. These dreams leave me feeling emotionally drained and then I can't get back to sleep. We've been separated on and off for a couple months now while still living together. I can tell he checked out emotionally, but I know he still cares about me. I don't know where to go from here. I guess I'm just feeling sad about being in this separation purgatory. I miss my friend and my partner. I don't know whether we are separated to eventually reconcile or if it's headed towards divorce. I don't bring the relationship up because I'm hoping that he will eventually miss me and want to try one more time. He never brings up the idea of divorce, it only ets talked about when I do, so I've stopped mentioning it all together. I just want to talk to him and have him next to me so badly. I miss the contact and I am angry at myself for taking him for granted when he was around. I just wish I could fast forward time and not have to go through this emotional torment. I just want to come out on the other side ok, and I wish my son could have both of his parents together. This is most definitely a night that I'm so thankful that places like this forum exist. I would hate to give in and go try talking to him because I know it wouldn't end well. I'm just sick of feeling so low even though I'm doing everything I should be. TL;DR, I know. Cliff notes version: I miss my husband and emotions are dumb and i want a pizza Edited November 29, 2014 by lindsay91313 2
RedButton Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Not coping well today. Morning started off fine, productive and got a lot done, had lunch and was happy. Then for some reason, I got thinking about my ex and googled her name. I saw a picture of her and it made me really upset and miss her. I realised immediately how stupid it was for me to do that and tried to just put it behind me and move on. Still, I think it's just a matter of weekends having a big effect on me. I would usually look forward to the weekend to spend time with her, and now they seem so empty. I have a lot of weekends at home alone, which I usually don't mind, but I don't have many friends since moving to a new city.
love2ride Posted November 29, 2014 Posted November 29, 2014 Yesterday night sucked and today sucks. A friend and I were out for Sushi last night. She is a nurse at the local hospital. During dinner she brings up her co worker how she knew my ex in high school and said she is crazy. She is apparently still on my exes Facebook. Well for whatever reason they were talking about her and she mentioned that my ex had put up a picture of herself with a cute guy and it has now been taken off. I immediately went numb nd became ill. I told her that I din't wanna hear any gossip about me and my ex. Then I snapped and asked her why she would even tell me **** like that when she knows i'm depressed and still trying to deal with the breakup. I left mad and this friend is no longer my friend. She is a manipulative, cruel person using my ex to get to me because she wants me. I hate her. So last night no sleep. Layed awake all night and today i'm trying to get through work. I need to move out of this town. Its too small for the both of us.
Cupid's Puppet Posted November 30, 2014 Posted November 30, 2014 Cried in front of my aunt last night, and I really tried not to. My aunt kept pushing me to get my emotions out, and I protested for like an hour (literally). She kept telling me, "You care about him. You are not over him yet." Of course I knew that, but I did not appreciate her reopening a wound by forcing me to be honest about my feelings. She was just being nosey in my opinion, and I think it was totally inappropriate for her to pest me about the breakup when I am still healing from it all. She kept telling me I must wanted the breakup since I am shutting the door on contact. I really hate when people tell me that. I am No Contact because he doesn't want me anymore not because I don't want him anymore. Those who don't want me do not get me in any way. No friendship, no anything.
JDPT Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 The pain does not have to be there anymore. I'm choosing to walk away from it. 1
sammiexo Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 crying again, but then, what else is new? this whole situation just sucks. throwing myself a mini pity party for a moment- no one should have to go through something like this. i am not a bad person. i am someone who thinks nearly everything happens for a reason, and am praying god shows me why this is happening to me. 2
The Poster Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 crying again, but then, what else is new? this whole situation just sucks. throwing myself a mini pity party for a moment- no one should have to go through something like this. i am not a bad person. i am someone who thinks nearly everything happens for a reason, and am praying god shows me why this is happening to me. I'm right there with you. I feel like I'm a very good person and don't understand why this happened to me again. My heart and my head hurt like hell. Like you, I believe everything happens for a reason. I have full faith and trust in God to come through for me. In times like these, when you're hurting and suffering, these are the times it's most important to have faith and hope. Don't lose it. Hang in there.
me85 Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Guess my last post here was too explicit and was removed. /= Understandable. Sorry just needed to vent. Anyways...since I had that extremely vivid dream about my ex I have been sort of down. He said his "take care" via email nearly 2 weeks ago. Haven't heard from him since. That's great and I'm glad but my ego isn't taking it well. I hate that I feel like I may feel better if my ex sent me a long sincere apology for all the damage he caused me but that's never going to happen. And I know it wouldn't make feel better at all if he did. Why all of the sudden do I even care?? Stupid. Guess he's probably deactivated his email account. He has at least five so being without at least one won't hurt him … that's good if he did deactivate the only one I ever had memorized because dunk me85 is a gigantic pain in the @$$. She has very little self control and has been known to contact her shotty ex boyfriend for some unGodly reason. Just can't help but to wonder right now…did he knock up his gf? Does he plan on proposing to her? Why would he out of the blue, after all this time of contacting me just up and be like "ok hope you find someone to be happy with, take care" UGHHH that's what I've been wanting him to (leave me alone) so why do I feel kinda sad about it? Guess I didn't think he go without contacting me for more than a week. My stupid GD ego!!!!! I hate it.
tryingtodealwithit Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 i'm so heartbroken even after 7 months. i'm not hoping for reconciliation as that's impossible for me at this point. i've just never been so disappointed with another human being in all of my life. i don't know how to handle it. 1
Heartbroken Eagle Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 (edited) Was with my brother this weekend. He saw right through me. He knew I was putting on a brave face, whilst inside I was hurting. Tried not to think of my ex getting married, but had the odd moment. He told me upfront and said he knew that my ex was bad news for a couple of years by the way she and her family treated me. Why did I allow it? I just simply said because I did want to break up the family. I was not really happy myself. He also told me I need to grow my 'Kahunas' again, stop wasting time thinking about her and her treatment of me, learn from my mistakes and get on with the rest of my life. And seek therapy. He is right. Edited December 1, 2014 by Heartbroken Eagle
love2ride Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 Went and saw my sister yesterday. We talked about my ex and our relationship. She really was a ****ed up person and our relationship was not healthy. She has a lot of issues and did a lot of **** to screw with my head even after breaking up. I know its not someone I should be with. I'm convinced she's on the verge of another relationship with someone. I don't know actually but I have convinced myself that she is just from some of the texts and emails i received in the last month. Thats how I've interpreted them. It hurts still and thinking about her with another guy having fun and having sexual contact kills. I moved back to my parents about 45 minutes from where I lived and work. I will do the commute. I have more support here and feel better I won't run into her. Today I feel ok, I woke up and checked my phone to see if by any chance she messaged me. Still hoping she will come around and realize that I was a good guy and she wants me back. Even if i don't want her back it would feel good knowing she was struggling. I just imagine her all laughing and happy with some other guy while i struggle and it sucks. So still missing her, the pain is just dull today. About 4 days into NC
MistaYates Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 (edited) I was with a girl for 8 months, and she cheated and lied for her ex. We would break up, and shed cry for me back, and id always come running. I just loved her too much. But she would always do the one thing that broke us apart every time. She was talking to her ex. Which i hated. We did this back and fourth thing 8 times, and she would always still talk to him, even though she told me she quit. She "Took care of it" so she says. All i want to be told is that she was in the wrong for doing what she did. She got away with it, and loved doing it with no guilt, or care for my feelings. Shes also 17. Very young... I'm 20. But i fell for her. I'm sorry, i can t help who i fall for. But i did. I understand i need to set more strict boundaries for myself. I will next time. After all, this is my first REAL serious relationship. I guess i have learned my lesson. But that shouldnt explain why im just a general doormat in life.. I was just brainwashed by this girl. And blinded by love. She cheated, and lied, and probably could punch me in the face, knock me out, and id still love her. I just want to know that i did all i could. But she wouldnt care. She wanted to play games. We dated for 8 months. She hurt me so much, and we got back with each other almost 9 times during those 8 months.. Thats like a break up a month. Sad, i know... She would cry for me back every single time. All i asked of her was to stop talking to her ex, and get over him. But he always called, and i know they were still playing around with each other. Who knows what they did behind my back. The amount of times i have went back, and was used over and over again, has made me a completely different person. I no longer have faith in loyalty, or a woman that is capable of it. I feel like they are all the same right now, and im all alone in this world. Like nobody is like me, and im just stuck in a world that im not supposed to be in. Its sad that i can even still dream about a girl that has treated me so poorly. Or even miss her.. I hate it so much, and i wish i could stop. Im not suicidal, but i really wish that maybe if i just ended myself, that the pain would go away, rather than sitting through it. I just really want to know what was going through her head when she begged for me back so many times, and still thought it was ok to continue treating me poorly. She would wear my clothes i left around places, because she missed me. She would dream about me, and think about me. Or so she says. She even writes about me in her journals. Like LONG stories about me in her notebook about how happy she is with me, and how shes sorry about doing these things to me. I wasnt supposed to see these, but i did. I made her show me haha. But then she would treat me so horribly. WHY? Why miss someone so much and then treat them like sht? Why tell them that you dont want a relationship, but then cry for them back a couple weeks later? I just wish i knew what she was thinking... Edited December 1, 2014 by MistaYates
JDPT Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 I refuse to indulge in old hurt, it's in the past and remains there for a reason. It's my choice to be happy and find happiness within myself and in someone who is worth my time. 2
Targetlock Posted December 1, 2014 Posted December 1, 2014 im coping okay i guess, though sometimes when i'm alone or late at night i think about her sometimes and wonder if she is thinking the same, but then i remember all the pain she caused me and how crappy the method of breaking up with me was and how sudden. onwards and upwards though 1
feelymcfeel Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 I seem to be going backwards, and I've no idea why. I can't stop thinking about her, and it sucks quite frankly. The worst part is, even after everything she put me through, if she called and said she'd made a mistake, i'd take her back without even a second thought. 4
DenverDude Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Right now I am just wondering how anyone could run away so fast, without even looking back. Almost as if it was premeditated. It's like one minute she was there and the next, pooof, gone so quickly from my life. It really hurts I just don't get it. I'll be better tomorrow. Taking my employees skiing tomorrow in the Rockies! Just down at the current moment/ ranting.
Dobie Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 Feel anxious so used to making my life about us I feel like I'm lost .. Annoyed she could do this to me and chuck away 6 years all our hopes and dreams cause me to start again with nothing .. How she could just detach like this so coldly with no remorse no regrets and no feeling towards me.
VanessaVanessa Posted December 2, 2014 Posted December 2, 2014 This past saturday at a get together one of my mother's friends brought him (the ex) up in a conversation with me. I was feeling sensitive that day for various reasons, probably mostly as it was actually a year to the day that I first begun no contact with him. I tried so damn hard to keep myself together, but this lady said things in a way in that I couldn't. Even though it is over a year later, last she knew I was still waiting on him (since we were long distance). I started crying. In the moment and even now I feel soo pathetic. I didn't think something like that would happen. It wasn't even just tears, I was quietly sobbing. She tried changing topic but it just got a bit uncomfortable until someone else got her attention. Of course she immediately apologized for asking too much. I didn't imagine a year ago at the split, that a year later it would be like I have barely shifted. I hate that I feel the way I do. I hate that I felt about him the way I did. I hate that I got caught up in things so soon. In a way I wish nobody knew about him (not that many do anyway) so that it would never come up, so that I could try to put it to the back of my mind, so that maybe that way the hurt would dissolve with an out of sight out of ears approach. I don't know. Another crazy thing is that sometime last week while I was a passenger in a car ride with my mum, I saw a young guy who looked a lot like him. I don't know if I imagined it even. The guy was walking on the street and was a little far from the car but I still remember even catching my breath a bit when I saw them walking along. I've seen guys around here and there that very generally remind me of him, like short height and the clothing they wear, but this guy really looked similar. I feel so stupid getting all these triggers after this long. Especially being almost certain that he is long gone from any such sentiments as mine. And I can't help but be, yet again, not looking very forward to this holiday season. I was hoping that I would be answered by God with a new chance, a new situation, a new approach with someome genuine. I didn't expect to be in such limbo. I can't help but feel dispirited.
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