ralfgarnett Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Had a bad couple of days tbh, I had to have a triage appointment this morning to get my antidepressants changed to something that works better and also aloows me to sleep better, I have been in bits for a good few days now and been crying and hurting a hell of a lot, I have seen her and even had a cuddle with her but it hurts with her not being in the house with us I don't think I could ever get used to that, I have been very very down since the weekend and even struggling to get out of bed at the moment I miss her so much, next weekend is 20 years since we met and June next year will be 18 years since we married, struggling badly at the moment I just want it to end.
me85 Posted November 18, 2014 Posted November 18, 2014 Sometimes when I drink I contact my ex. It's the most frustrating thing in the world! If I weren't drunk, lonely and bored, I wouldn't do it. I'm getting better but I seriously hate that I drunk message someone who's not even a part of my life. He's but a stranger to me. I don't miss him. I don't love him. I don't care if we ever see each other again or not. He could get married, have 27 kids and win the lottery...IDC. I'm struggling with addiction and it's the holiday season so I feel very lonely right now but I'm trying so hard to forget about my sorry ex. I don't even like him or view him as a good person. He was just attractive and physically satisfying. All the feelings I felt for him are gone. Now if I can only stop remembering how good the sex was. /= 1
DenverDude Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 It's the small things that I am just now realizing that miss the most. She came over yesterday to move her stuff out, but she still cleaned the fridge, made sure the bed was set for me, and even put a new tag on Eddie's (cat) collar in case he runs away. I miss her a lot today
welyam Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 i hope all goes well for you you can do it bud
Itspointless Posted November 19, 2014 Posted November 19, 2014 A year, since I have seen you. I hate that you have buried us in your unconscious, I simply hate it, but I understand that you learned to do it that way. I really hope you will learn to be kind to yourself. I guess it is up to me to miss us.
feelymcfeel Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 Absolutely terrible today. Thought I was getting a lot better, but I dreamed about her last night and have felt like utter crap all day. Trying to stop loving someone is the hardest thing in the world.
me85 Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 I feel fine. Just another day. My ex gave me the speech again on how "we need to move on and how he hopes I find prince charming to sweep me off my feet and to please not be mad because he really thinks it's for the best...blah blah blah" What a joke. He's the one who has never stopped contacting me! As if I'm this sad, weak, pining pathetic little ex who just cannot let him go. What an ego that boy has. I'm proud that I responded very strong willed to his email. I've never sounded stronger. I was tasteful and classy about it. Did not use profanity or say that I hated him. It was the most tactful putdown. I don't know how else to describe it. Now, let's see how long he can go without contacting me. It's really kinda funny. And sad. 1
DenverDude Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 "Trying to stop loving someone is the hardest thing in the world." 100% spot on. It truly sucks and is freaking hard as hell. 1
WillLoveAgain Posted November 20, 2014 Posted November 20, 2014 I feel like i want to break no contact. I am missing him SO much! Why would he tell me "the door to getting back together is open" but he hasn't called or shown any interest in getting back together? I am just so confuse!
edgygirl Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 Not coping actually. I realized that for the first time I didn't think about him at all for I believe an entire day. While I did think about him, just now, I realized he didn't cross my mind at least since yesterday. And when I did, it didn't sting or made me sad... at all. Wow. That's a biggie. It always happens when you least expect. I also haven't woken up in the middle of the night lately from nightmares. Took 6 months but I think I'm really healing this time. Everything's gonna be alright 2
JDPT Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 I swear I almost went the entire day without thinking about her. This is improvement! I feel happy about that. And the day will come when I won't think about her at all soon soon. 2
candie13 Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 mornings are hardest. This morning I found an article about how a cat was kicked out. Literally. It was left in front of the door, with all the food, food tray and toys, almost like you'd kick out an adult. It's almost funny, ain't it? The poor beast was so stressed, it was taken away by the authorities and was refusing to eat for days. It reminded me of the slow fade after our date. The meaningless texts and no other 'I want to see you again' after all the promises, discussions, future faking and all... well, I hope there's a special place in hell for people who take extra efforts to make you high and then just pull out, no warning or explanation. Day 40 of full no contact. 40 days since he's blocked on my phone. I sometimes get very tempted to unblock him, but I say to myself I'll only do that after it's been days since I've last thought about him during the day and weeks since I was sad. I am glad that I am strong willed. I cannot wait for day 60. I hope by day 90 I'll even forget he's blocked. Time is on my side, time is on my side, time time time ! 1
NopeNah Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 I've been in bed sick, actual cold. Good time to process things. Looking forward to tomorrow morning to get back to living.
candie13 Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 ok, just got a an epiphany: it's not me, it's the alcohol. I've had a few drinks yesterday and have not been to the gym in a month. Thanks Lord that I know myself. I got it. Gotta know how to keep your alcohol under control, people, hahaha ! 1
Itspointless Posted November 21, 2014 Posted November 21, 2014 So I know that she had another side to her, a side that is very afraid of feelings and emotions. I know that. Life went on and I know she never will come back to her decision as she is used to burning bridges. I am very aware of it. Still a year later I also remember the woman I fell hard for, god I miss her.
freebird31 Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 I was on the freeway and passed the exit that i used to get off of long ago when we were dating. When i used to pass by this exit, i would feel so sad...nostalgic. It has been a while since i have been on this freeway and went this route. This time i passed by and felt ....nothing...felt good actually. I cant believe it has been so long. What a rollercoaster my heart had gone through with the loss of a relationship, as well as a friendship with my other best friend. I have come such a long way. I am not at the place i want to be in my life right now. But for the first time, i want to build myself and my life for me. Not for my ex, not to leer him in again, not to make him jealous, or to someone how prove to myself that im better off. For the first time, I have come to a sense of healing (although i am not fully healed yet whatsoever) that has led me to just not care about that stuff anymore. Im in no rush to get back in shape, in no rush to start my career, in no rush to be this person i want to eventually become. I am simply soaking it all in, taking my time. And with one foot in front of the other, i will get to where i want to be. i dont have to prove anything to anyone. I dont have anything to prove because im beginning to become more and more comfortable with who i am, and understanding that it takes time and patience. I am okay. I finally got through the hardest part. the hardest part is over. thank goodness. it can only go up from here 1
love2ride Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 Well today is Friday night. 3 months since BU. Saw ex yesterday last time since Halloween when i went trick or treating with her kids who I miss. Had tried the friends thing, what a joke. Bad idea. Had done a tattoo on her around halloween. Had to touch it up last night. Told her last night we can't talk anymore i need to move on. She sends me a email this mooring telling me she loves her tattoo. I ignore it. Send me a text around noon saying she loves it. I reply saying don't contact me unless you wanna work on us otherwise no contact means no contact. So I guess tomorrow is no contact day 1. I'm pretty sure she is dating already and moving on. I'm sitting here wanting to cry thinking about the awesome date she is probably on. **** i wanna forget her.
richburn Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 In one word rubbish.... In thirty words was doing ok, feeling optimistic then one crappy day when I cant get her out of my mind, felt like i have gone back 3 weeks. 1
iDoodleEveryday Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 been a week since breakup. feeling really sore still. didnt read about the NC rule. and actually im meeting her in 3hours because her best friend is flying in town and she wants me to meet her. agreed prior to reading about NC rule. sigh really *****ty week
candie13 Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 In one word rubbish.... In thirty words was doing ok, feeling optimistic then one crappy day when I cant get her out of my mind, felt like i have gone back 3 weeks. It's just one day. Get as much sleep as you possibly can, this will help you out! Proper sleep and no alcohol - I have noticed that the days after I drink alcohol, I feel much worse, my moodswings are more severe. So stay away from that, even a glass - not worth a full "down" day. Say strong and whatever u do, don't break NC !! 1
JDPT Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 I absolutely agree. For the first 5 months of my emotional recovery BU I stayed completely away from alcohol. I never had the desire to even have one drink and I think this worked I my favor tremendously. And then I decided to indulge and it was all down hill from there.I started to break NC and had pity parties I a daily basis. I'm now starting to find a healthier balance and allowing myself to feel. Do yourself a favor and stay away from alcohol, at least for now. You have better things to addressed, however if you continue to self medicate you will never get to the core of them
JDPT Posted November 22, 2014 Posted November 22, 2014 I was on the freeway and passed the exit that i used to get off of long ago when we were dating. When i used to pass by this exit, i would feel so sad...nostalgic. It has been a while since i have been on this freeway and went this route. This time i passed by and felt ....nothing...felt good actually. I cant believe it has been so long. What a rollercoaster my heart had gone through with the loss of a relationship, as well as a friendship with my other best friend. I have come such a long way. I am not at the place i want to be in my life right now. But for the first time, i want to build myself and my life for me. Not for my ex, not to leer him in again, not to make him jealous, or to someone how prove to myself that im better off. For the first time, I have come to a sense of healing (although i am not fully healed yet whatsoever) that has led me to just not care about that stuff anymore. Im in no rush to get back in shape, in no rush to start my career, in no rush to be this person i want to eventually become. I am simply soaking it all in, taking my time. And with one foot in front of the other, i will get to where i want to be. i dont have to prove anything to anyone. I dont have anything to prove because im beginning to become more and more comfortable with who i am, and understanding that it takes time and patience. I am okay. I finally got through the hardest part. the hardest part is over. thank goodness. it can only go up from here There you go!!!!!!
freebird31 Posted November 23, 2014 Posted November 23, 2014 My life seems to be a soap opera. I swear. Well...ran into my exes mom today. Haven't seen her since we split up. She was so excited and happy to see me. It made me feel so warm and loved. It made me feel good ...sad in a way because, well... She was so excited to see me and I'll probably never see her again. She asked me if I was still in school and I didn't dare to ask her how my ex was. She told me he is also still in school. It was a quick conversation but she was so sweet and warm to me. We had never been entirely close or never has she been that warm to me but she was so excited to see me it was nice. Have to admit it felt good seeing my exes mom happy to see me. But doesn't change anything. Still moving on and still living my life...not looking back anymore. I'm sure she will tell him she saw me especially since he will be home for thanksgiving holiday this week. Hm. How weird to run into her...but not that weird I guess.
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