How are you coping today?

[SapperGB]

Well im now 32 hours into NC - before this there was 5 days of LC.

 

my last text was at 00:03 in response to one i received an hour earlier.

 

Since then... ZIP.

 

I did accidentally call her mobile late afternoon yesterday but it was an honest missdial. i didnt get an answer mind.

 

 

Im feeling awful, since yesterday evening there has been nothing but uncontrollable outbursts of tears every 5 minutes and ive not slept a wink (08:45am here now). I feel another long, lonely, sad day ahead. :(

[Pickmeup]

I feel tired, tired of feeling the pain, tired of pretending to everyone including my ex that I am okay. Tired of trying to be strong.

 

I have been doing everything I am told I should do, keeping busy, going out with friends, pursuing my interests. Still the pain lingers, the sick feeling remains and the overwhelming sadness that after 20 years by ex doesn't want me in his life. :-((((

[Cupid's Puppet]

I feel very weak today. I am crying right now. All my hopes and dreams just shattered. Facebook was the trigger. There were people posting pics of their spouse and saying how much they loved their spouse. People were talking about having more kids when I've never had a spouse to have a kid with, and I'm getting too old for kids. Having a family isn't one of those dreams you can just make happen. Either someone wants a life with you or no one wants a life with you. No one wants a life with me. So no family, no kids for me. I can't say I am surprised. I would be surprised if my dream actually had come true.

[polaske93]

I feel very weak today, and even more so now that I read some of these other posts.. our relationship only lasted 8 months, and seeing people talk about losing there partner of 10+ years really puts into perspective how weak I am handling this.. still maybe this would've been easier if she left me for some random guy instead of my friend.. who knows, but all I have been able to think about today is the thought of them happy together..

[confusedmonkey]

keeping to myself listening to music helps a lot just broke up with my bf of three years because I developed feelings for another man and I have no interest in being in a relationship where im not happy I feel sad I cant eat my eyes are always red and puffy can barely function... I miss him but I know I don't want to be with him neither would I want to be with the other guy I just want to be alone.

[Chris715]

Had a setback tonight. A friend came over to hang out with our group of friends and started talking about my ex and the guy she's dating and all the great sex they're having. Pretty pissed off about the entire thing to be honest. I don't even feel a sadness for missing her anymore, I think I'm entirely over her in that regard. More of an anger and jealousy toward the whole situation. The guy she's dating used to be my friend over the summer before he went behind my back and started seeing her.

 

Sucks hearing about it tonight. Can't the universe just ****ing leave me alone when I'm trying to forget about it? Guess not. I'm starting to become an angry, bitter, cynical person I've noticed. The last few years, my break ups, my depression, have contributed to this. On one hand I think it's made me more aggressive/outgoing towards people and has made me get some things done in my life and stop being a timid person, on the other I don't like the person I am all the time.

 

For example, I get angry and jealous over one of my best friends having a happy, long term relationship, how messed up is that? Maybe I need to strike some middle ground, I don't know. Or maybe I just need to be an ******* to survive when **** like this happens.

Edited November 8, 2014 by Chris715

[Chris715]

10 characters

[tikay00]

Strong urge to check social media. Not doing it.

[edgygirl]

Great actually. I finally forgot him!

 

I thought about him, and it DID NOT sting! First time!

 

I don't want him back either. Assclown. Hope he has a good life (not).

 

Phew. So relieved.

[Cupid's Puppet]

I went to the club tonight. It was a great self esteem boost. Of course that boost came with my designer dress smelling like sweaty balls by the end of the night because of overly aggressive guys grinding on me . But I had this confidence about me I hadn't had in awhile. Still, on the drive home, I thought about my ex. I thought about how sexy I looked and how I wish I could turn him on instead of random strangers. That's how I know I'm in love. I wanted no part of the men in there.

[tikay00]

I went to the club tonight. It was a great self esteem boost. Of course that boost came with my designer dress smelling like sweaty balls by the end of the night because of overly aggressive guys grinding on me . But I had this confidence about me I hadn't had in awhile. Still' date=' on the drive home, I thought about my ex. I thought about how sexy I looked and how I wish I could turn him on instead of random strangers. That's how I know I'm in love. I wanted no part of the men in there.[/quote']

 

Ahhh that feeling when you're looking extra nice that day, and WISH your ex could see you.

[DenverDude]

Went to bed (the same bed we once shared - a little over a week ago) feeling sad. Cried for a little bit, then I read a story on this site to help calm me down. Fell alseep and then woke up this morning missing her like crazy. You see, she is moving out of our place soon. Which means in a matter of days, I will be all alone without anything to remind me of her (i know, this is probably for the best but I still can fathom the fact that only 8 days ago things were so great with us)...

 

The thing that makes me the most sad is that not only will I be losing her, but she is also going to take the cat. My poor little Eddie (cat's name) will no longer be in my life either. We both picked him out at an adoption center a little over a year ago, but for some freaking reason she thinks she has the right to take him. God my life is miserable right now.. Did I mention the fact that I am WORKING right now.. on the weekend. UGH!!

[Brimstone]

It's her birthday today and I feel down. I only feel that way because it reminds me of us breaking up(it happened 5 days after her birthday 2 years ago). I feel a lot better than last year though, when I didn't even leave my bed!

Hopefully next year will be even better!

[Zard0z]

Dreamed about her for the first time in a long time. We were at dinner and we were talking about reconciliation. She said 'close your eyes and think about it' i opened them and we kissed. Then I woke up.... uggggh!

 

It felt like she was holding all the cards in my dream. I dont want that :/

[True Gent]

Suffered a panic attack for the first time in 2 years today. Not directly related to anything to do with the ex, however I seem to be on a bit of a downward spiral emotionally at the moment. I believe it's due to a build up of failures with the opposite sex during the last 12 months.

 

I feel my confidence had taken a severe battering since the demise of my 9 year relationship and not much has helped to correct this since. I'm increasingly jaded, bitter and untrusting. Feeling low in confidence, motivation and positivity.

 

I recognise it's not all outside of my control and I can fight for what I know I should be able to achieve. I can control my anxiety, I have done before. I know what panic disorder is I'm no stranger to it. I also know what my trigger was to today and it was purely a lack of social confidence. So annoying, I kept it under control enough that no body noticed, but it felt like hell.

 

I know I'm actually incredibly strong, I can refocus and get my **** together, but it would be nice to feel some love after a lengthy spell without it. That does not come easily, it seemed easier in the dating world 10+ years ago...

[Lostdreams]

Thought I had it beat but obviously not.

 

5 months post break and NC, I was on a business trip to Singapore - my first time there. After my working day I found myself thinking of all the trips we'd been on together in our 7 years and found myself down in the dumps with nostalgia. I even dreamed about him while I was there and cried for the first time in weeks. This was my second long haul trip since we broke up and both had the same effect.

 

Generally I was, and still am, doing well and moving forward - but at key times like this I see that I'm not completely healed and somehow I still miss him even though I don't want to. Thankfully it's not there all the time but just at some trigger points I can't seem to shift yet.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I've been feeling really crappy for the last two weeks or so. Been drinking way too much. It feels like my pain is getting worse the longer it's been from the BU. I've noticed other people on here saying the same thing and it usually seems to starts around the 2-3 month post BU. I had a little epiphany earlier today that feels right, for me at least. There's a saying that goes "it gets worse before it gets better". Maybe this is the last major kick of the "love withdrawals" and if I can make it through this, things will look much better. Maybe not completely altogether gone, but better than this agony I'm going through right now. Just gotta hold out and not contact the ex (again) for another fix.

[Haydn]

I won`t tell you the drink does not help. When you reach a feeling of indifference and you will. Takes time and everyone is different. Took me so long. We trip up, fall and make idiots of ourselves because we loved that person. And that is no bad thing to love someone. It`s just we blame ourselves for them not wanting us. Hang in there and lay off the `mothers ruin`

 

 

I've been feeling really crappy for the last two weeks or so. Been drinking way too much. It feels like my pain is getting worse the longer it's been from the BU. I've noticed other people on here saying the same thing and it usually seems to starts around the 2-3 month post BU. I had a little epiphany earlier today that feels right, for me at least. There's a saying that goes "it gets worse before it gets better". Maybe this is the last major kick of the "love withdrawals" and if I can make it through this, things will look much better. Maybe not completely altogether gone, but better than this agony I'm going through right now. Just gotta hold out and not contact the ex (again) for another fix.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I won`t tell you the drink does not help. When you reach a feeling of indifference and you will. Takes time and everyone is different. Took me so long. We trip up, fall and make idiots of ourselves because we loved that person. And that is no bad thing to love someone. It`s just we blame ourselves for them not wanting us. Hang in there and lay off the `mothers ruin`

 

I find it makes me feel better at the time of consumption. But when the hangover hits I realize the few hours of peace weren't worth it, but I keep doing it anyway. I just feel so weak. And stupid. I know my ex never deserved my love because of all the horrible things he did to me (lying, cheating, stealing from me, hitting me, calling me disgusting names) but I still did. What does that say about me? Weak, desperate, and stupid. I should've dumped him the first time I caught him in a major lie 6 months into our RS but he gave me some flowery excuse and I swallowed it because I wanted to believe him so badly. If I would've dumped him then instead of him dumping me 2 months ago...bah, hindsight is 20/20 right?

 

You're totally right. I do blame myself for him not wanting me. Why was I not good enough? Could I have done more? Was I not pretty enough? Interesting enough? Funny enough? are things that keep running through my head. It doesn't matter now, I know, but damn is that hard to let go of!

 

Thanks for the support, Haydn. In my mind I know it will get better, eventually, but sometimes it really helps having someone else tell you it as well. I will definitely be trying to lay off the sauce.

[aMguilts]

indiffent

supidlly text her tonight thou

after over a month of NC

Jeeeeeeez

WTF

smiling at myself in self pity i wonder?

well at least its a smile

small steps before the leap of faith

aM

[aMguilts]

Dreamed about her for the first time in a long time. We were at dinner and we were talking about reconciliation. She said 'close your eyes and think about it' i opened them and we kissed. Then I woke up.... uggggh!

 

It felt like she was holding all the cards in my dream. I dont want that :/

ah m8

DREAMS are the worst thing ever

whats the point in them?

just to rub salt in open wounds?!

 

sick sense of humour as the saying goes

aM

[tikay00]

Holy crap, strong urge to check her social media. DON'T DO IT, BUDDY!

[DenverDude]

I do not wish the pain I am suffering upon anyone. Not even my worst of enemies. I am still in shock that my love decided to leave me. I feel so alone and have nobody to talk to. When I am finally able to sleep, I have terrible dreams of her and I. I wake up and just lay in bed until I can fall back asleep. Ugh. I think I have lost about 10 pounds too.

[freebird31]

I had a really long talk with myself. after thinking about everything, i realized its best that I stop hoping for us to reconcile. Its best that i detach and let go. It has been a long time, and i have realized that although it has been a long time, i still grieve. So...something needs to change. I must stop analyzing the past, analyzing what went wrong, reminiscing over the past. Its time for all of that to stop. It has been 1 year 7 months. And i cannot put myself through this any longer. I let time do its part in healing me, but now its my turn to make an actual effort of healing myself. That means, i need to find myself. I need to TRY to find myself. I cannot let myself dwell on it any longer. I must let go, for the sake of my sanity and well-being. So, im going to stop thinking of the memories, im going to shut them out of my mind. Every time a memory comes up, i will not let myself go over the details in my mind. I will shut it out from my mind. I will do this over and over, until it becomes a natural reaction. I want to detach, let go, move on, find myself, i dont want to look back. I want to heal.

[milk]

Having a hard time this Saturday night, wondering what he is up to... I go back and forth from feeling lifeless to being angry as hell. How can I still love and want to be with someone who made me feel guilty about spending time with my family and friends? Someone who I couldn't depend on and did not respect me? Someone who constantly accused me of cheating? Someone who accused me of sleeping with another man, being dissatisfied with the sex with that man, and then going to him to actually feel satisfied?? And following that up with the demand of showing him my panties to ensure I wasn't lying?? This is ridiculous. I should hate him. He took advantage of me. I feel at an extreme loss because we loved each other so much, but he is too stuck in his own ways. What a tough Saturday night. I cannot wait for this anger and sadness to turn into indifference.