JDPT Posted October 18, 2014 Posted October 18, 2014 Had a chance encounter with me ex today. First time our eyes have Locked for 6 years. She was with her boyfriend, so I quickly turned my back to her. Was kind of a kick to the nuts after all this work I have done moving forward these past 18 weeks. I'm very sorry to hear this and can only imagine how this encounter felt. Be strong and accept reality for what it is. I know easier said than done but try with all your strength to get past this.
Day.One Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 (edited) Better today. Got back to focussing on me. It helps to negate thoughts of her. Edited October 19, 2014 by Day.One 1
HereAndThenGone Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 It's like 15 days no contact. He's still on tour for 4 more days. I'm scared of how I'm going to handle things when I know he's here. I miss him more and more each day. How am I supposed to get over this when the more time that passes the worse it is??? He looks like he's having the time of his life from what I can see in photos. I'm so confused. 4 months ago he wasn't even an option and now I can't get him out of my head.
Day.One Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 Mind keeps wandering today, so throwing myself into house painting, vacuuming, carpet cleaning and yard work. It's helping... a bit
Bella2 Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 Doing fine these last days. Today a bit bluesy. Had a dream about him last night, he told me it was not working out with his new girlfriend and he wanted me back. Today a message from a friend I haven't spoken to in ages "Hey, what's up? Are you still together with that hot guy?" :-( I don't even want to answer and go over the story again. It's Sunday, it's beautiful weather and for some reason I keep thinking about him having fun, sitting in the sun somewhere, enjoying life with his new girlfriend. But otherwise, I'm not doing so bad
Itspointless Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 A year ago I felt how she was distancing due to her health and work. I could see what was happening, but there was nothing I could do. I had to accept that she became stressed and distant as she was afraid and expected the worst. When she had an answer she hid it a few days from me, after that she asked for patience that I gave with effort. When she travelled to her family, she said to me she was going to miss me. I never have seen that person again: she suppressed everything, including us. My life seems to be connected with illness and abandonment. It sucks.
sammiexo Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 Every time I think about how 3 of the 4 people in this mess has moved on (my ex being with the girl he cheated on me with, and her now-ex being able to find another girlfriend) just kills me because look at the loser lonely, alone, depressed and crying every night. I don't see myself getting better.
JDPT Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 The old me insists in indulging in older hurt. The old me wants to throw the best pity party all by myself and start abusing substances that I have not touched in a while. However, there is this voice that keeps telling me that I've been down that route, and I'm reminded of how painful it is and how long the pain perpetuates draining the life out of me. I don't want that anymore, I simply want to accept reality and move on.
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 I'm not very happy today. I keep getting random images of the ex with another woman. I won't even be thinking of him and bam, a flash of him and another woman and it breaks my heart all over again. I wish I could stop thinking about it. I've been trying to distract myself but nothing seems to work. On top of that I dreamt about him last night again. Those can stop any day now. I dread going to sleep these days. 1
Xemyd Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 I spent about 6 hours with my family today and it made me miss him. He was never really around my family much, especially not that set of grandparents but I felt like I wanted/needed him there. I kept looking over wanting to see him laughing along with everyone. Why does he not think of me?
HereAndThenGone Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 I shouldn't have been drinking tonight but I did and now my mind is on hyperdrive. I can't help but think I have some psych disorder; ADD? Bipolar? Manic depressive? You name it, it all fits. I started to see a counselor once, they had me go through ADD test and they came out negative but my counselor said she believed I had it and that people with a higher IQ can defeat the tests. Okay, fine. Now what? I haven't seen the counselor lately because it's too expensive. I'm not on any meds but I feel like I should be. I feel like I'm losing control and the only thing I can do is hide out until it passes but that's difficult to do when I have so many responsibilities. I feel lile I'm drowning and I have no idea what my next move should be.
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 I can't really say how I felt today, honestly. Weird, I guess? Not really sad, but nowhere near good either. It was a beautiful day out and I just wished it would rain. For some reason the good weather felt like a mockery and upset me. Yep, the weather is out to get me and ruin my day, apparently. I tried really hard to feel happy but I just couldn't break past whatever it was holding me down today. I did realize, however, that I'm actually glad that my ex hasn't contacted me again after our conversation last week. Sure, it hurts that it seems I'm no longer even a passing thought in his mind, but as long as he keeps NC I think I can keep my equilibrium and move on with my life. Dammit, I feel like I'm babbling. I really need to sleep more because this sleep deprivation is making me crazy. Only thing about sleeping is that the whole time I am I have nightmares about him and when I wake up in the morning I don't feel like I've slept a wink anyway. Ah well, maybe tonight I'll get lucky and dream about being disemboweled by a clown or something.
Xemyd Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 He's home again... And someone is at his house with him. I hate having to drive past his house everyday. It's not so bad when he's out of town, but when I know that he's there it takes over my thoughts. I always think he's going to contact me when he's home.
mefisto Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 I miss her so goddamn much. I am crying again. Why am i such a pathetic weakling? I can't imagine how i can move on from her.
JDPT Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 He's home again... And someone is at his house with him. I hate having to drive past his house everyday. It's not so bad when he's out of town, but when I know that he's there it takes over my thoughts. I always think he's going to contact me when he's home. No need to torture yourself anymore. It's time to move on and commit fully to NC.
Xemyd Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 No need to torture yourself anymore. It's time to move on and commit fully to NC. I am commited fully to NC. I have to drive past him, he lives on my street. If I could go another way I would.
lakerman34 Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 I dated a girl for 8 months before. I remember after 2 months feeling as if I was completely over it. This last one, I dated her for a total of about 2-2.5 months (we were on and off, but it amounted to about 2.5 months of "on"). 6 weeks after breakup (and this one is for good--we don't talk to each other and stay far away from each other, though it is tough b/c we are neighbors), this one has been a struggle. I've been doing pretty good, I'd say I'm 95% over it, but that last 5% is taking FOREVER. I still resort to obsessive behavior like checking to see if her car is in the driveway, and when it's not, wondering where she is. She just unblocked me from Facebook, so I set it up so I can't access her account. Positive is, I've gotten in very good shape. It's something I've done b/c of a past relationship gone bad. However, this time, it's proving to be not enough. My roommates both have girls they hang out with, so on weekends, they are with them, and I'm in a new city, in my room, watching movies all night long. The universe is seriously testing me right now.
Itspointless Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 I miss her so goddamn much. I am crying again. Why am i such a pathetic weakling? I can't imagine how i can move on from her. What a wonderful world we live in that having emotions is considered weak and pathetic. Soms things in life we have to live through to get to another place. Your emotions are important, they tell you a lot about yourself and what makes you human. You will get there.
Brimstone Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 ...but that last 5% is taking FOREVER. Same here. It's like a little itch inside my chest I can't get rid of. CAN'T WAIT till it's gone! 1
Targetlock Posted October 25, 2014 Posted October 25, 2014 Not great to be honest, miss her every day, some days are better than others glad i got my job to focus on, still in shock and disbelief at how it ended so suddenly and in such a manner
richburn Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 Not great to be honest, miss her every day, some days are better than others glad i got my job to focus on, still in shock and disbelief at how it ended so suddenly and in such a manner Your not alone, I feel exactly the same had a good week and then it all caught up with me. Emotions eh!! Who would have em.
mefisto Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 What a wonderful world we live in that having emotions is considered weak and pathetic. Soms things in life we have to live through to get to another place. Your emotions are important, they tell you a lot about yourself and what makes you human. You will get there. Hello again, my favorite poster here. Emotions are socially accepted, but male who is crying almost every day is pathetic by almost every social standard. I have been having suicidal thoughts once again. Maybe i have low testosterone, what do you think? I don't feel any masculinity left in me.
lakerman34 Posted October 26, 2014 Posted October 26, 2014 It is important that we stay self-aware and keep our identity in breakups. I could be a little paranoid, but I feel as if my ex laughs whenever she sees me, as if I'm so belittled in her eyes. I wonder what she tells our mutual friends. Thing is, I remember how we couldn't have sex 2 nights in a row because she was raw. Or how sometimes I'd have to go SO slowly to the point of being bored b/c it would hurt her. I remember how I had to constantly wash my sheets because of the lady juices. No matter how small she tries to make me to her friends, I can look at her, and we both know that I've, essentially, conquered her body, and it was easy and boring as well. She knows it. I know it. That's all that matters. We are adults. We dated 2.5 months, 6 weeks into breakup/NC and she can't even look at me. Today, she was in my house, chilling & talking to my roommate. I went out of my room, she didn't leave. I had half a mind to remind her of boundaries, but eh, I decided not to care. My roommate told me she was talking to him about trying to meet boys at clubs at night. I laughed. "HAHA she knows I'm in my room, probably listening. Why can't she just get over it?" I'm trying to accept the fact that a new guy is on his way for her. I don't get out much, so probably not the same for me. It is not a race. I keep telling myself that.
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