Priv Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Dude I know the feeling, I was in your shoes exactly a month ago when I found out my ex was in a relationship. Very similar to your BU, I'm currently at roughly 1.5 years post BU. At first it didn't bother me, as if I wanted or needed to know this but the following day/weeks were a nightmare. That discovery nearly brought me back to square one. However, I applied everything I learned during recovery rigorously to climb out of the whole I was once again in. Push yourself forward bro and I can only suggest to ease up on the drinks, they lead to no good. Hang in there and power through this, you have proven to yourself in the past that you can, you've been here before the only difference is that you are now stronger and faster and much better than the old you. Thanks man, I remember. But mmmmm.... this is not exactly comforting . Did you pull yourself together after those weeks? Because it is funny, but I feel exactly like you are describing. Pretty much OK with what I feel is a lot of subconcsious processing that I am not yet privy to. I read around this site (tend to avoid the breakup section for the last few months though for obvious reasons), where a common thing is that once the dust settles you will see things clearly, have an epiphany of some sorts. This has not happened, and I guess it never will. Did you? I mean, I am healing and moving forward, that is not the thing. Just that little light on the end of the tunnel of that part of your past just does not come and never will come. I guess that is not part of those relationships that gradually chip away at your identity because I never had that problem before. Not sure, maybe that is my epiphany. What do you think? And no worries, NC is/was pretty much my personality before reaching this site, and am sure I will power through this as well (as long as I stay of that d*mn facebook)
Stsm5934 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Today's not so great. It started out that way. I'm wanting answers again and I said I'd stop that. I feel so mad at myself for caring at all about you. I'm feeling scared that I won't ever feel about someone else the way that I felt about you. And even more scared that those feelings weren't even real because the person I thought you were was a bunch of lines you've thrown at every girl you dated. I feel stupid for not paying attention to how you treated me and what it really said about who you were. I just wanted to believe so badly in the way I felt about you. Stupid girl.
JDPT Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Thanks man, I remember. But mmmmm.... this is not exactly comforting . Did you pull yourself together after those weeks? Because it is funny, but I feel exactly like you are describing. Pretty much OK with what I feel is a lot of subconcsious processing that I am not yet privy to. I read around this site (tend to avoid the breakup section for the last few months though for obvious reasons), where a common thing is that once the dust settles you will see things clearly, have an epiphany of some sorts. This has not happened, and I guess it never will. Did you? I mean, I am healing and moving forward, that is not the thing. Just that little light on the end of the tunnel of that part of your past just does not come and never will come. I guess that is not part of those relationships that gradually chip away at your identity because I never had that problem before. Not sure, maybe that is my epiphany. What do you think? And no worries, NC is/was pretty much my personality before reaching this site, and am sure I will power through this as well (as long as I stay of that d*mn facebook) Old inadvertent habits surfaced due to that discovery. It's as if the old "me" came back to started to question things and attempted to confabulate scenarios, and generate a fictitious environment around me with regards to her and her new relationship. However, I quickly realized that, that was the old me and that it's no longer my responsible to try to find answers or feel bad about what I choose to feel. I hope this makes sense. In other words I started to change my mind set and accepted reality for what it was. Yes she is in a new relationship and that's just the reality of it, it's life, the only thing I'm responsible for doing her is accepting that reality and move forward. I suppose that's my epiphany which I'm still processing. Unless we have a good sense of self we can easily compromise our identity while in a relationship. This is something I've learned with this past relationship and will no longer jeopardize later on down the line. What I can tell you is that accept the following days for what they are. It's really all situational and you will be the only one to determine and better gauge what you are feeling. This was nothing more than a bump on the road. Keep in my that your only responsibility here is to continue to move forward with your life, you owe it to yourself. I can only deduct from my actions a month ago is that I still wanted to remain linked to old hurt. I still wanted to orbit around it, but I'm starting to acknowledge the fact that I don't want to continue hurting myself and as long as I stay away from it I will be perfectly fine. I am all that matters from this point forward the past remains in history for a reason, a reason that I no longer care to invest the time in finding answers because it's utterly detrimental to me if I do. Take things easy from this point forward and don't dwell on it. Keep pushing. 1
schickasik Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Its been 10 weeks since we broke up and 6 weeks since I moved out. I was doing fine until I caught up for coffee with him yesterday, and he told me that he started dating again. Now I feel even worse than when we broke up. I couldn't stop crying and thinking about our last 4 years that we have been together. How come he moved on so quickly? Is it petty that I wish that it would not work between him and his new girl?
SycamoreCircle Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 More light filtering through, I suppose. You can see all the problems that way. It's coming up 7 months NC. I will never hear from this girl again. Ever. We lived together. We exchanged fluids. We barely left each others sight for a year. Is that where all her resentment comes from? Or is it from the guilt of leaving a real relationship for an "arrangement"? Two people who f--- from time to time and LIKE each others FB updates. She had the emotional affair. Now, 8 months on, he still holds sway over her. 20 years her senior. She imitates him. Imitates his art, his eye. He gives her a sense of accomplishment and recognition(being a successful artist) and she gives him a sense of youth, "hey, I still got it" sorta' thing. She fled our relationship in the most immature, selfish way imaginable. A person who can't handle intimacy. Idealizing him and devaluing me, amplifying my vulnerabilities to friends and family. Refusing to accept the interest and influence of this older man as a reason. For her to ever reach out to me would require a colossal uptake of responsibility. Even in 10 years, at 35, she wouldn't be able to do it. No, it would require something cataclysmic, something that would bring her to her knees.
Xemyd Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Yesterday was great, Harry Potter marathon all day on TV, Thanksgiving dinner with family, Walking Dead premier, I had no time to think about him, but my night sucked. I tossed and turned all night, waking up multiple times. Every time I'd wake up I'd fall back asleep into the same dream involving him, the dream never ended it just progressed. I'm going to try to let it not affect me today.
ralfgarnett Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Feeling a bit low today but I hate Mondays anyway, yesterday was the first day since she left that I haven't cried it felt weird actually
Priv Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Unless we have a good sense of self we can easily compromise our identity while in a relationship. This is something I've learned with this past relationship and will no longer jeopardize later on down the line. Yep, in effect we caused this ourselves. Not absolving anything, the way the things went down is solely their doing, but we created this by staying and accepting if not embracing their 'unreality'. I feel set back a lot, but I think this is a good thing. Since the discovery yesterday I have managed to force myself to not allow any thought about her in my mind (which were a lot today, but forcefully redirected that). Before the discovery I still had a tendency to allow such thoughts to roam. Haven't checked social media, which is a huge deal since honestly I did this way too often. It feels like an end, but one that happened a long time ago and perhaps I should have accepted a long time ago if I could, which I just obviously could not. Which brings me to this I can only deduct from my actions a month ago is that I still wanted to remain linked to old hurt. I still wanted to orbit around it, but I'm starting to acknowledge the fact that I don't want to continue hurting myself and as long as I stay away from it I will be perfectly fine. I am all that matters from this point forward the past remains in history for a reason, a reason that I no longer care to invest the time in finding answers because it's utterly detrimental to me if I do. Take things easy from this point forward and don't dwell on it. Keep pushing. This is exactly how I feel. Guess you and I have taken a very similar path. 1
JDPT Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 Yep, in effect we caused this ourselves. Not absolving anything, the way the things went down is solely their doing, but we created this by staying and accepting if not embracing their 'unreality'. I feel set back a lot, but I think this is a good thing. Since the discovery yesterday I have managed to force myself to not allow any thought about her in my mind (which were a lot today, but forcefully redirected that). Before the discovery I still had a tendency to allow such thoughts to roam. Haven't checked social media, which is a huge deal since honestly I did this way too often. It feels like an end, but one that happened a long time ago and perhaps I should have accepted a long time ago if I could, which I just obviously could not. Which brings me to this This is exactly how I feel. Guess you and I have taken a very similar path. I'm really just starting to accept, to simply accept that all of this has to happen and that's it's happening for a reason. I'm roughly at 1.5 years post BU and perhaps the reason why I stand where I stand today is because of nothing more than my own doing. I have possibly dealing or prolonged my healing process. I realized that last night as I was laying in bed. I started to go through very old posts and started to see a pattern. I don't' think I was emotionally ready to let go. However, fast forwarding today, I can breathe and think clearer and make better decisions regardless of my discovery about a month ago. Sure I may become upset but I'm simply allowing myself to feel at this point. I'm no longer fighting the thoughts and these feelings. It's as if I'm surrendering and of course I'm not nurturing these emotions of allowing them to perpetuate in any way, I'm simply allowing them to go through me and allowing my brain and heart to sort it out. I have no control over this situation and in reality I never did the day I decided to walk away and a few weeks later win her back. It was all over and the reality of it is that it has taken me this long to realize that I have absolutely no control over this anymore and to simply let it be. It feels good to identify with other and see how interesting life is that puts us in very similar paths and allows us to feed off each other. We are all in this same journey some are a little bit ahead of us and some behind us and that's perfectly fine, it's not a race, it's a journey. It helps so much to check myself into reality and see where I stand and truly acknowledge that what I lived with her has been done and over with long ago. Even if this moment of reality lasts for a few seconds, it feels amazing to know that I can still stand on my own to feet and continue to push on with my life. 1
Cupid's Puppet Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 I thought a vacation was just what I needed, but how the heck did I find myself being lonelier and more depressed among family and friends than without them? My sister said something that upset me so much last night. We were looking at the pictures of all of our siblings' marriages and she said that another one of our siblings would get married before her. At first I felt bad that she would say that about herself, then I thought, well how did she see that sibling getting married before me? When your sister doesn't even believe you're going to get married anytime soon, that says something. Then I get onto my Yahoo and search my cable bill, and because Yahoo feels the need to keep changing up my inbox, it showed related searches with previous contacts. Up pops Facebook pictures of my ex's parents hugged up. And my birthday's coming up. I just want to skip it this year
Gloria25 Posted October 13, 2014 Posted October 13, 2014 (edited) Disappointed, stupid, embarrassed... Pretty much the same this whole weekend... But hopeful, this shall pass:bunny: If I had a rock, I'd crawl under it until it passes... Edited October 13, 2014 by Gloria25
HereAndThenGone Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 He’s still away in the UK. I’ve been sleeping better. I’m still tired all the time. I want to go to bed every night around 8 and I wake up around 6am and can’t get back to sleep. I’ve noticed I’ve been having nightmares the last two nights. I can’t remember what they’re about, and I’m glad. I remember having nightmares with my long-term ex too, I think it’s part of the grieving process. I know when he comes back I’m going to go through another grieving process. Because I’ll know he’s here, close to me but has no interest in seeing me. Also, I know when he comes back, odds are he’ll find someone again here, if he hasn’t already. It’s all pointless to think about and when my head goes there I try to bring myself back to me. What I’m doing, where I’m going. I just miss him a lot, today. Everyday.
sammiexo Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Me too. You're not alone. Try and be strong! hugs, xoxo thanks girl~ hope you're doing well today xo
sammiexo Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Listening to my playlist that's filled with empowering breakup songs really helps.
JDPT Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Terrible day but it actually got way better towards the end.
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Like crap. I'm angry beyond belief and crying my eyes out at the same time. And I did it all to myself. I feel ashamed and weak. I was doing so good and because of that I thought I was strong enough to contact my ex. Welp, right back to square one I go. Starting NC all over again. I did it once and I can do it again. This time I'll have the reminder of the pain I'm going through right now to keep me on the NC path. Now just to scrape my self esteem and self respect off the floor again... 2
Dontfindme Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 The calm, quiet kinda angry - which sometimes isn't so calm and quiet.
Cupid's Puppet Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Frick. I just broke no contact because my ex wished me happy birthday. I'm a hypocrite damn it. He sent me like 10 texts apologizing. I almost feel like I have schizophrenia right now. No way he is apologizing. No way did I just get all those texts. I think I am cuckoo right now. Did I just read that? I have to get confirmation from someone in the morning that my eyes aren't tricking me. The hell? Did my ex just throw some more breadcrumbs toward me? Frick. Not on my birthday. I do not need my birthday starting off with this.
JDPT Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Yesterday got much better towards the end of the day and today I woke up feeling ok. Let's see how long i can keep this up today. 1
Bella2 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Weird, so weird. Today I almost feel like my old self! I'm not anxious, I'm laughing and making jokes with my colleagues, no dark thoughts... It's almost scary Hope this will last! 2
HereAndThenGone Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Day 11 NC I think I’m starting to realize that he’s not coming back. I’m back to that feeling that I can’t see how I’m going to find anyone else I’m interested in again. It’s shallow thinking and I know better but I’ve never been good at trusting that things will work out. Because I’ve seen instances where they don’t for others. I had a weird dream that I was dating Emile Hirsch. Wth? I don’t even particularly like Emile Hirsch. The dreams have been consistent the last 3 nights. I hate the dreams. Dreams are the worst. Dragging more today than yesterday. For some reason the longer I go NC the harder it is to let it go.
Jet Lag Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Today's not so great. It started out that way. I'm wanting answers again and I said I'd stop that. I feel so mad at myself for caring at all about you. I'm feeling scared that I won't ever feel about someone else the way that I felt about you. And even more scared that those feelings weren't even real because the person I thought you were was a bunch of lines you've thrown at every girl you dated. I feel stupid for not paying attention to how you treated me and what it really said about who you were. I just wanted to believe so badly in the way I felt about you. Stupid girl. This could be me. I so feel for you. This is EXACTLY how I feel.
sadsoymilk Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Today has been hard. For some reason I feel pretty okay for a while, and then I get into a really dark mood where I can't stop thinking about everything that has happened. However, something good has come out of it today - it finally clicked that, although I still have feelings for my ex, I DO NOT want him back! I don't know why it took so long to realize this. Even though when I saw him last Friday I felt differently, all I can think today is, "You did not respect me. You did not ever actually care about me, and if you really wanted me back or missed me, you would be with me right now. You really, really hurt me and you do not deserve me." It actually feels kinda good, beneath all the hurt.
Haydn Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Mate, mate. You will. Be you today not something you were with `her` In my thoughts. Yesterday got much better towards the end of the day and today I woke up feeling ok. Let's see how long i can keep this up today. 1
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