Cupid's Puppet Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 What a horrific day! I could not concentrate at all at work today. I kept messing up...wasting company paper. I didn't even know what to tell my boss. Um boss, sorry for screwing up. I'm going through depression and anxiety because of a breakup. Yeah, that will go well... I had 2 breakdowns at work, and I had to do the calm down exercise a few times. I almost got into 3 car wrecks today. I just wish I knew what to tell myself to push myself through this grief. I can't see a happy life without him. All I can see is an "it'll do" life.
JDPT Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 I bumped into you once again, I mean how many more times? It doesn't matter anymore, when I saw you today I felt absolutely nothing, you came across as a stranger, I'm busy I have stuff to do today, tomorrow and for the rest of my life. I need to continue moving on with my life. I have no time to dwell on mistakes, I simply need to learn from them and move forward.
ralfgarnett Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 This morning when I woke I felt sad lonely and needy, I felt like picking up the phone to beg her to come back but I didn't, instead I rang the Samaritans and told them how I was feeling and why, they were kind and listened, I got it off my chest without ringing her and making myself sound sad and needy
HereAndThenGone Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 So, he left yesterday for tour. Officially gone for just over two weeks but what does it matter because for me, he’s gone forever. Right? He never reached out to say good bye. I never reached out either. So I guess that’s it. I miss him a lot today. I feel so stupid to feel this much sadness for him after spending only 2 months with him. I still go over the last time we saw each other. I don’t know why he asked to take me to dinner before my trip if he was planning to pull away after that. It seemed like he was pulling away before that too but he still asked to take me out. I took him out for his birthday, to a nice dinner and maybe out of guilt he felt like he should take me out too before things ended? That doesn’t seem like something a guy would do but maybe, because we have mutual friends and he didn’t want me to have any leverage to be upset with him or think he was using me? Then I wonder why he came back to my place. We had sex like we always do but he was making it even more about me that night. Trying hard to make sure I get off (even though I couldn’t). Then laying with me for awhile, asking me about my travel plans, the days I’d be gone, when I got back and then purposely asking me to go on a hike with him when I got back before he left for tour. Then radio silence my whole trip. When I reached out he responded but it took hours each time. When I returned Monday, I heard nothing. I waited 4 days for him to reach out but he never did. So I told him I enjoyed our time together but I think we want different things and that I hope he was well. He said he understood, thought highly of me “in so many ways” and that he wished me the best because I deserve it. I MEAN WTH? None of it makes sense to me. I’ve gone over it numerous times in my head and I can’t make sense of it. The first few days laid in bed, I barely ate, I drank and cried. I woke up at 2am, 3am, 5am, 6am with some of the worst anxiety of my life. I felt sick. I made myself get out of bed, made some coffee and went for a drive to listen to music and cry more. Then I went home and played guitar, recorded a song and then cried more because I never feel like it’s good enough. I’ve lost 5 pounds, that’s about the only positive right now. I’m going to try to keep the weight loss up. I have maybe 15 lbs let that I don’t want. This morning the anxiety wasn’t as bad but I’m still thinking about it almost every minute of the day. Work isn’t going for well, school is a disaster. I can’t let myself fall apart. Why do I do this to myself.
HereAndThenGone Posted October 9, 2014 Posted October 9, 2014 I feel stupid today. We dated for just over 2 months and I'm this upset? I don't know what's wrong with me. Tomorrow will be a week since it ended. Today I'm constantly doubting wether or not I jumped the gun and ended things too soon. But the more I think about it then more I know I'm just kidding myself. If he would have cared, and wanted to pursue something with me he would have said that in his text back to me. It's hard to imagine he just wasn't into it anymore, when the last time I saw him it was his idea, him paying for dinner, him initiating sex, him asking me to hang out again. I'm driving myself nuts with these mind circles. I just want to see him, or talk to him. I just miss him. Today I feel weak, and tired. And sad.
hedyo Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 After 2.5 months, I finally bumped into him. I'd been dreading the day this happened, but it was actually really nice. Far, far too nice. And there were far, far too many mixed signals. I am going to have to work so hard not to obsess over this. My head hurts. My heart hurts. I was doing so well, too. Argh!
Justm3x Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 Really having a bad day today.... all week i was getting myself together and i sat and convinced myself " im done crying for good"... but it all went very wrong today, weekends are the worse, thats when we did stuff together. The TV remote battery died and i went through the draw to get a battery and there was some photos of him staring at me. i broke down and the rest of the day went down hill, i've had some terrible thoughts today and after 3 weeks of not self harming i started again today. I feel so alone, so lonely
edgygirl Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 Coping well I guess? Going out with my former beautiful lover tonight. Making him my lover again. Why not? After 4 months of being closed for business, I could use some fun. but this is probably how I really feel: Staying in my play pretend Where the fun ain't got no end Oh, can't go home alone again Need someone to numb the pain Oh, staying in my play pretend Where the fun ain't got no end Oh oh can't go home alone again Need someone to numb the pain You're gone and I got to stay high All the time to keep you off my mind, ooh ooh High all the time to keep you off my mind, ooh ooh Spend my days locked in a haze Tryin' to forget you babe, I fall back down Got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you
JDPT Posted October 11, 2014 Posted October 11, 2014 I'm in love with my future. Friends and family are all that matters from this point forward until next time. I think today has been a pretty decent day for me. Some ups, some downs, but you can't win them all yes? So I continue to push forward with all my strength now that I feel much stronger physically coming out of this emotional and physical injury. Back to the gym I go! Oh and yeah I look amazing and you can only wish.
Itspointless Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 A year ago you went away for a couple of weeks. It was the last time I recognized you as you. After that your dismissive attachment kicked in fully. I can't blame you with everything you had to deal with. But I have no others words than saying that it was horrible.
Dante311 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 2nd day into final of 10 breakups. Not well. I thought, honestly by this point, it'd be easier.
Priv Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Pretty bad. Just found out my ex is in a relationship. Which is fair enough, it has been 1 year since we broke up anyway. Mostly mad at myself for letting this get to me since well... I honestly still think about her everyday which is screwed up. I am just terrible with breakups. Truly truly terrible. Plusses are: -My no beer till 18:00 curfew got moved back an hour so I am allowed to have a beer at 17:00. -He is very much into metal and has long hair + beard. I wasn't even allowed to not shave in the weekend because it tickles if I go down on her and it looks bad. Good luck with that. Besides that he seems nice enough. Youth worker or something, decided not to go into too much detail. -Had a date last night. It is not like she swept me off her feet but we did make out some. First time in a year that I was able to do that (did I mention I am terrible with breakups?). -Maybe, just maybe this will have been just the thing I needed to truly move fully forward. 1
ComingInHot Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Priv, I'm sorry you're upset I can see you love and grieve with your whole heart. Wish there was something I could do to make it better for you... ...sending ((hugs))* 1
Priv Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Priv, I'm sorry you're upset I can see you love and grieve with your whole heart. Wish there was something I could do to make it better for you... ...sending ((hugs))* Thanks CIH. Yea, I sincerely did. Shouldn't have checked up on her, and not going to anymore. Can only go downhill from here But you did do something, some hugs are all I need! 1
ComingInHot Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 And just to ruffle your feathers even more, I changed my avatar pic again... MWAAHAHAHAH *LOL* 1
Priv Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 And just to ruffle your feathers even more, I changed my avatar pic again... MWAAHAHAHAH *LOL* I didn't want to say anything because of the context, but I did very much notice. Your avatar looks especially lovely today CIH Can't wait what you will make out fo your avatar when you get a chance to get some new Oakley Aviators 1
sammiexo Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Feeling pretty depressed today and I am crying as I write this. I really wish the heartache and tears would stop. 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I'm feeling really stupid. Ended up calling him last night. Stupid stupid stupid. Don't even know why I did it.
singsparkles Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I'm really not coping well today. I'm officially going into a downward depression. I should have never responded to my ex's text the other day saying he loves me and maybe we can be together in the future, but not now, and he wants to be friends. Why the heck did I respond? I feel like such an f'ing failure. I just wanna sleep forever and never wake up. Being heartbroken is so real. I feel as if I can't get out of bed, eat, or do anything but sulk. I haven't left my bed and I feel tireless and restless and my brain won't stop going a hundred miles an hour. I'm so upset I even let him in my life. I'm so upset I gave him chance after chance. I'm so upset I'm constantly the fool and it's my fault. I just want my pride and dignity back. Once again I sent him a million messages telling him I deserve better and not to call or text me anymore, and of course he doesnt text back. What am I hoping for when I say those things? do I want him to contact me? I really don't know. I do know I'm much happier on the weeks that we don't talk and have NC. The minute he approaches me and I give in and break NC, I go back to square one, but I feel even WORSE than before, bc I keep doing it. I feel sick to my stomach right now, I can't even eat. I pray this feeling will go away. I pray he messages me just so I can ignore him and do the right thing and gain power back. He's all ego and he loves how much he hurts me. It sickens me. He doesn't give a crap about me. I'm just a stupid fool.
singsparkles Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Feeling pretty depressed today and I am crying as I write this. I really wish the heartache and tears would stop. Me too. You're not alone. Try and be strong! hugs, xoxo 1
freebird31 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I feel like there are some things than cannot be explained.....miracles....God's grace.....theres some feelings in our hearts that we cannot explain feeling. I just feel in my heart, that my ex has love for me. Certain experiences, certain circumstances are just special.....are just once in a lifetime experiences. Certain people, friendships are simply unforgettable. I'll never forget our friendship. It was truly a gift. All i pray for is that I can be at peace one day. I pray more that God may open my ex's eyes. I truly wish nothing but health and happiness for him, and more than anything i just hope that he is true to himself in his decisions. In the end, after everything.....if i wasnt what he truly wanted, i can accept that. I pray that with experiences and time...he will realize what it is, that he truly needs and wants. I will not wait for him.....but my heart is just not open or ready to move on....in the meantime, i will just continue to live my life. I can live without him, i know that. But i also cant ignore this strong feeling in my heart. I cannot. I'll do all that I can to move on as healthiest as possible, being it has already been a year and a half. Ill keep moving forward. Whatever happens, happens. Its not in my hands any more.
hedyo Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 After our accidental run-in yesterday, my ex contacted me to admit to his mistakes during the relationship and ask for a possible reconciliation. This is after more than 2.5 months of no contact. I'm kind in shock, and scared of being hurt again. I don't know if we'll manage to fix this. We'll see.
JDPT Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 Pretty bad. Just found out my ex is in a relationship. Which is fair enough, it has been 1 year since we broke up anyway. Mostly mad at myself for letting this get to me since well... I honestly still think about her everyday which is screwed up. I am just terrible with breakups. Truly truly terrible. Plusses are: -My no beer till 18:00 curfew got moved back an hour so I am allowed to have a beer at 17:00. -He is very much into metal and has long hair + beard. I wasn't even allowed to not shave in the weekend because it tickles if I go down on her and it looks bad. Good luck with that. Besides that he seems nice enough. Youth worker or something, decided not to go into too much detail. -Had a date last night. It is not like she swept me off her feet but we did make out some. First time in a year that I was able to do that (did I mention I am terrible with breakups?). -Maybe, just maybe this will have been just the thing I needed to truly move fully forward. Dude I know the feeling, I was in your shoes exactly a month ago when I found out my ex was in a relationship. Very similar to your BU, I'm currently at roughly 1.5 years post BU. At first it didn't bother me, as if I wanted or needed to know this but the following day/weeks were a nightmare. That discovery nearly brought me back to square one. However, I applied everything I learned during recovery rigorously to climb out of the whole I was once again in. Push yourself forward bro and I can only suggest to ease up on the drinks, they lead to no good. Hang in there and power through this, you have proven to yourself in the past that you can, you've been here before the only difference is that you are now stronger and faster and much better than the old you. 1
Justaguy30 Posted October 12, 2014 Posted October 12, 2014 I am doing pretty good today, better than I have in a while I guess. I am still confused as to why all of this happened and I see my ex doing pretty much the same thing she did to me. I just don't understand why a person would lie so much. I think she just didn't want me to think she was a bad person. Well she did an awful job of that. What drives someone to want cheap sex from everyone they find attractive. Ill never get it as I don't enjoy sex unless I have strong feelings for someone. 1
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