freebird31 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 its coming up on a year and half since we have broke up. its been one year since we have really talked. Truth is, i still have love for him. idc what anyone says....that its an obsession....that i should be over it by now. I am over it, i dont think about it anymore. It wasnt until i was dating this new guy im talking to, that i started to think about my ex again. I cant let go of him. The new guy doesnt measure up to my ex. I dont feel half the things I felt with my first. Its not an obsession, its not an illusion. I had crazy love for my ex, i did. I had passionate crazy love for him. I let him go so he can live his life. Its been a year. I dont think Ill ever forget the love we shared, it was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. and idc what anyone says, to this day i know my ex still has that same love for me as well. i mean idk what would happen if we saw each other again, would the spark still be there? Idk. For now, i would just like to be single. I dont think I can ever reach out to my ex........fear of being rejected again. I just have to let him go. ill always care for him, and he will always have a special place in my heart. Idc what anyone says....my love for him was real.
me85 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Beer beer and more beer. Sorry but do you want me to lie and say meditation or something?? But seriously though...beer.
freebird31 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I just pray that my ex truly follows his heart is all......if its me, its me.......i hope he just follows his heart and is true to himself......but i know that is asking alot. Even if i am what his heart wants, theres no guarantees he will act on his love. Theres never any guarantees. Thats okay too. In the meantime, i have managed and will have continued to manage to live without him. maybe when the time is right, i will give it one last chance and reach out to him. Not now though, and not anywhere in the near future.....when the time is right and when i feel the love is still there ...but not now.
Bella2 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Beer beer and more beer. Sorry but do you want me to lie and say meditation or something?? But seriously though...beer. I do both
hedyo Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 About two and a half months since the breakup now. I'm still annoyed by how much the ex is on my mind, BUT I've noticed a shift in how I feel about him. It's like a veil has been lifted, and I can see his bad qualities much more clearly. He's not a bad person, but he's definitely very negative and unhappy. It feels like my desire for him is slowly turning into pity. And although I think we could have worked things out if he had been willing, I am starting to feel like maybe I dodged a bullet. There must be guys out there who share his good qualities and who don't have the same emotional baggage. On a related note, last night I actually bumped into a guy I was completely obsessed with a year ago. He wasn't that into me, but kept stringing me along. I literally thought about him all day every day for six months, until finally it got too much and I cut contact. Well, I felt NOTHING when I saw him. Just complete indifference. And maybe a little amused that I had wasted so much energy on a guy who really wasn't anything special. It felt so good. I'm really looking forward to the day when I can bump into my most recent ex on the street, give him a big smile and say hi, then walk away and not give it another thought.
Haydn Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Nah, you were right to be narked. I read your post. Some here are know all`s. Ignore. Anyway i know how you feel. I moved on a long time ago but i have had the odd twinge recently due to seeing her by sheer luck on the tube. Pissed me off i can tell you. (She looked stunning)......Luckily so did i. Thank you for your support, i didn't know if it was just me being a bit narky, i just felt it came across a bit confrontational and not supportive at all.... Ive put them on the ignore list so I wont have to endure the comments anymore 1
edgygirl Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I feel horrible. I found out something he did right when we were breaking up. I feel emotionally betrayed It's like it made me lose all hope in humanity at once, again. I hate feeling this way. I am not sure I will fully recover from this although I think I will. How can people do certain things? How can they abuse the trust you put on them and the heart you opened and gave them? I should learn. To trust my intuition. Intuition does not lie. Ever. I know where it will end for him. The same way it always does. Karma is a biatch. And he is and was blind. I prefer to find someone who SEES me. 1
MagicRat09 Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Better than yesterday. I cried last night after I had a few drinks so that's lovely. Gonna cut back on the former to stop the latter. And cause it's expensive
Xemyd Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 I've been crying off and on all day, wtf? I miss him, not just having someone, I miss him.
JDPT Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Taking it as it comes, it's never smooth sailing but intry my hardest to weather the weather. Something changed in me though. I can't explain it. I think that for the first time im willing to used all this energy and anger I have inside me and use it to do good and better myself. I can do this and I can do whatever the hell i want as I have proven to myself countless times. 3
Haydn Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Think we are near the finishing line mate. Taking it as it comes, it's never smooth sailing but intry my hardest to weather the weather. Something changed in me though. I can't explain it. I think that for the first time im willing to used all this energy and anger I have inside me and use it to do good and better myself. I can do this and I can do whatever the hell i want as I have proven to myself countless times. 2
JDPT Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Think we are near the finishing line mate. I'm starting to scratch the surface of what people meant when they said that the anger phase was the "best" phase. This engraved anger I have is starting to morphe into motivation. It pushes me to to go out and do positive things. It works in my favor and that's all that matters. She's off with someone else now and that's none of my business, puts a ton into perspective but it's no longer a problem where I need to find a solution for. I continue to leave it all behind me and grow into a better human being. Yes I got my heart broken with this past experience but you know what? It'll happen again and again and again until I figure this out and get it right. And I'm willing to endure The pain to live an eternity of joy. 2
singsparkles Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 Tonight is extra, extra hard. I've gone NC with you before, but our longest NC was for two weeks and we've literally been going back and forth for four months now. Today marks 5 days not talking and I truly want to make it months of NC. I can't lie; tonight I feel so weak and vulnerable and all I wanna do is call you. I truly have to keep telling myself not to and to keep my willpower. Weekends are the worst. I wonder where you are and what you're doing and who you're with and I drive my brain absolutely crazy. The only thing for me to really do is write here, because I refuse to contact you. I just want this night to go by fast and I want these months to go by fast, because I know every day that goes by is a day closer to me being over you. I'm so anxious. I really need to learn to live in the moment and stop wishing for so many things to be the way I want them to be now, because I know that's not gonna happen. I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach today. I keep wondering if and when you are gonna call again and contemplating how I'm not going to respond. Or if you will ever contact me again. It's really no use thinking about because it doesn't matter. I just want to get over you and be free again. I wanna be ME again. 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 4, 2014 Posted October 4, 2014 So after extensive research and self testing since BU I have firmly concluded that beer is no longer a viable mechanism for coping for me. I went from just drinking on Fridays and sometimes Saturdays (pre BU) to drinking 3 to 5 nights a week (post BU). Oh it's all fun and games and giving the finger to the ex while I'm consuming but the next day...oh god, the next day is 10 times worse than any of my bad days so far without a hangover. I've realized that I mostly have good days, with a few mildly blue ones sprinkled in for color, when I haven't had a drink in a few days. But the day after a night of drinking...it feels like I'm right back to the day after the ex and I broke up and I feel like life is always going to suck as bad as it does in that moment and I'll never get over him. I wake up the day after the aforementioned horrid day and feel like the universe is wide open for exploring and who needs a cheating loser of an ex anyway, right? Today was a hangover day. Not as bad as a few I've had in the past, but still no picnic. I've decided that I need to make a pact with myself before this turns into a serious problem. Tonight I'm going to drink my last case of beer for 30 days and see how that goes. Hey, maybe I'll even lose some weight in the deal. I've heard that when people stop drinking for awhile they tend to drop a few pounds. Nothing wrong with that. 1
Bella2 Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 I went out friday night. I went out last night. And of course I saw the ex and his new girlfriend passing by. They didn't see me, thank god. Met up with friends, but felt lonely anyway. Drank way too much. Today is Sunday. I don't like Sundays anymore. Had a drink (no alcohol!) with some friends. But was even in the moment feeling lonely. Looking at happy couples around me: I want that too. To feel happy, with someone in my life. I know everybody keeps saying: you first have to love yourself. How do you do that exactly? Sitting on the sofa, reading LS, television on, should clean the house, but don't have the energy/courage.
singsparkles Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 I'm not coping well at all today and I really need an outlet. It's been a week NC and hes tweeting about grocery shopping, and he has told me he only goes grocery shopping when he has a girlfriend. I'm freaking out and thinking of the worst. and on top of it all, stupid me looked at his social media. It was such a bad idea. I just want to get over this. I know with time, NC will help and time will heal everything. I'm just so anxious to be healed because this feeling consumes my mind. I start hyperventilating and having panic attacks. Good thing my doctor put me on meds for them. The other day he didn't tweet at all and I kept wondering where he was and what he was doing and I had a full blown panic attack while driving in my car and had to stop the car. I know it's so unhealthy to look at social media and to still be this deep in. I need to stop and it needs to be ASAP. I do want to recover and I would never give up and break no contact. I'm just seriously going crazy right now and am obviously not over him and want to be over him so badly. This feeling is horrible, it takes over my body and mind and I feel cripple. I know he's no good and he's so toxic for me and if he is with another girl, he's 99.9% treating her the same way, because its just who he is. He's careless. ...But I can't help but think the worst. I pray that these days start getting better and easier.... today is not one of them.... :/
BC1980 Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 I'm not coping well at all today and I really need an outlet. It's been a week NC and hes tweeting about grocery shopping, and he has told me he only goes grocery shopping when he has a girlfriend. I'm freaking out and thinking of the worst. and on top of it all, stupid me looked at his social media. It was such a bad idea. I just want to get over this. I know with time, NC will help and time will heal everything. I'm just so anxious to be healed because this feeling consumes my mind. You need to block him on all social media, or it's not NC. You can avoid having panic attacks by blocking all social media. You will never know what he is up to, and it will be a burden lifted from you. 4
Haydn Posted October 5, 2014 Posted October 5, 2014 Block. Imagination is easier. Below is perfect. QUOTE=BC1980;5934224]You need to block him on all social media, or it's not NC. You can avoid having panic attacks by blocking all social media. You will never know what he is up to, and it will be a burden lifted from you. 1
singsparkles Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 You need to block him on all social media, or it's not NC. You can avoid having panic attacks by blocking all social media. You will never know what he is up to, and it will be a burden lifted from you. BC and Haydn, Thanks so much for your support through everything. I agree, blocking is the only way. I'm dealing with all these thoughts and I recognized I'm still holding onto hope that we still might get back together, as the very last words he said to me were "I wanna work things out. we can do this and you mean that much to me" and then he just, poof, disappeared... and I think that makes things even harder. As I got a little crazy and sent a million messages asking him why he was playing with my heart again. What I'm trying to say is, you're right... I realized I was holding onto the hope that we would get back together, and thats the only reason I didnt block him completely. I need to let go of that hope and I know I do There is no future, no nothing with him, and I have to come to grips with it. I've been in denial for so long, I need to start acceptance and I know I'll be okay once I bring myself there, and only I have the power to do so and I have to do the right thing to protect my heart. As I've read on this site, social media is truly the devil. Haydn, you are right. Maybe it is best left up to the imagination and to not know anything that's going on with his life. I am only killing myself by lurking and finding new things out. I will block him tonight. I need to give it time as it's only truly been a full week of NC...although we've been NC on and off for months and our longest was 3 weeks. I know I could never pick up the phone and call him, so atleast I've gotten that far, because I finally feel like my pride won't let me and I feel that's a great thing.. feels like I finally have my pride back because it's blocking me from doing a lot of things. I got this and I know things will get better and time heals all wounds... I have to stop thinking everything will be fixed in a day and realize that it takes time to heal and I need to give myself that and be understanding and not so hard on myself. The more I stay NC, the more I will feel better. And it does involve not looking at social media. I have urges CONSTANTLY to look at his social media, as I'm home a lot taking care of my mom and on my laptop... I need to find certain hobbies or little things to do to take my mind off of it every time I feel the urge to look. I just need to be creative and find something. Because I know looking is lethal , and I do love myself enough to know I deserve better than to put myself through this hell and feel this way. I know it all starts with me. I will do the right thing and just stay focused on myself and doing things for me; pampering myself, taking care of my life, working, nursing school, taking care of my mom... thank God I'm busy. And Thank God for all of your support... truly, I don't know what I would do without this site and you wonderful people. You really are my life savors and I hope one day I'm able to repay you if you are in times of need. Hugs, my friends, xx 1
Bella2 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 As I've read on this site, social media is truly the devil. Haydn, you are right. Maybe it is best left up to the imagination and to not know anything that's going on with his life. I am only killing myself by lurking and finding new things out. I will block him tonight. Do it! I really is a relief when you don't know everything that's going on. And Social Media being the devil: yes. I blocked my ex immediately, but then he would still pop up through other people who know him. And a couple of days ago I had a slight nervous breakdown when his best friend sent me an invitation for their Big Birthday Party that they're gonna do together. I prefer times before FB I think I got this and I know things will get better and time heals all wounds... I have to stop thinking everything will be fixed in a day and realize that it takes time to heal and I need to give myself that and be understanding and not so hard on myself. It takes more than one day, that's for sure. Start by deleting all social media, I promise you you will feel a relief. And Thank God for all of your support... truly, I don't know what I would do without this site and you wonderful people. You really are my life savors and I hope one day I'm able to repay you if you are in times of need. Hugs, my friends, xx LS certainly is a life savor, isn't it? Hold on, you can do this!!!
HereAndThenGone Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) It's only been four days but today I'm going back and forth between being pissed off and sad. I feel used. The more I go over it in my head the more I feel like he must have only said the things he did so that I would continuing sleeping with him. I wish he never pursued me. I wish he didn't lead me to believe we could be something and then slowly start to fade out. I'm at work but I can't focus. I'm worried about holding everything down and not getting fired. I'm also really slacking in school now and all the energy I can muster I've been trying to put towards my kids because they need me to be there for them. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in 3 months. I hate this anxiety, this hurt and anger that I have right now. He hasn't reached out since I told him that I think we want different things. I can't tell if his "positive" response back is pissing me more off than if he were to have been mad at me. At least if he was mad at me, if would have showed he cared that he was losing me. Edited October 6, 2014 by HereAndThenGone
ralfgarnett Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 Been feeling sad again today and have cried a few times, started counselling this morning to help cope with the pain, I miss her she is the love of my life and I want her back, we have been married 17 years and have been together 20 years it's a big chunk out of both our lives both now in our forties I just wish it could all be sorted out after all there has been no cheating or domestics, she is having MLC that's all surely there must be hope for us after all we have shared together in our 20 years.
Stsm5934 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 I'm feeling a little closure after writing a letter about my feelings. He'll never read it, but putting the facts down and being honest about the fact that the relationship was never going to make me happy in the long run, helped. I remember a month ago thinking I'd never have a day without crying about him. It's hard to imagine a day with out thinking about him right now, but I know that will come next. Thank god that humans are resilient because so much gets through in our path.
Justaguy30 Posted October 6, 2014 Posted October 6, 2014 I am feeling jaded today, its not that I really want my ex back but I have no options in this town as far as dating. There are too many younger dudes and no hippie women around. I really did love my ex but she just wanted to **** everyone else. It wasn't that she didn't like me it was that she wanted to screw everyone she met which I do not judge her for it was just that she made a commitment to me and we had long term plans and goals. I am not doing great today, all of my friends are mooches and I just want to feel love again but I think it will be some time before I have love in my life.
Gloria25 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 First of all, I'm thankful to vent here...I try not to vent in front of family and friends cuz I'm "the rock" and cannot show weakness - especially when I believe they look up to me to support them. I think I'm reaching to a point where I can finally get some things "resolved", but at the same time don't trust they're gonna let me with that easy cuz they are dirty dogs...And, them being dirty dogs is what scares me - cuz they don't play by the rules and have unlimited resources to drag this out. I'm also scared cuz now that I got the chance to resolve these issues - I have to really, really, play my cards right cuz if they get to close the door on it, I probably won't have the chance to bring it up again. It's times like this I wish I could consult with someone, but my family and friends don't have the knowledge and/or experience to understand what I'm working on and cannot give me an accurate opinion. I also cannot consult with professionals cuz I've tried that and they say what I have going on is too complicated and they don't have the resources to take it on. So, that's what scares me - that whatever decisions I make are mine alone and that responsibility is a heavy one. I'm also scared cuz while I'm doing a lot better - in the past I've been to the point where the stress cut me off from family, friends, and even being able to enjoy sexual relations. I have also got surprise "stress headaches" where I literally cannot function for like a day or two. So, I'm scared that my body is getting to the point where it reacts without me being able to stop it - i.e. the stress headaches... I am doing Yoga again and that seems to help, but I can't help but to be scared. I also pray, but don't ask for much cuz I've gotten to the point where I believe God's gonna make happen what needs to happen and me begging Him to make it go this or that way is just annoying. Maybe I also need to pull out the relaxation/meditation tracks too... Sorry, I just need to vent.
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