StrangerThanFiction Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 I hate mornings. Mornings are the absolute worst for me. I don't start feeling somewhat decent until sometime in the afternoon. Especially when I have to work. Managed to stop myself from texting him last night, but it was a near miss. I came so so close but with encouragement from people here I stuck it out. Ended up texting a friend instead. She just got dumped by her boyfriend last night too, strangely, so I guess that makes us real life break-up buddies. He still has to come grab the rest of his stuff that he left at my place and he told me he'd let me know when that is. My anxiety is getting pretty bad waiting for him to get a hold of me. I'm not ready to see him and I can't stop thinking about how it'll play out when he shows up. Will he bring another woman with him? Will he be cold? All these variables, scenarios, and horrible possibilities keep running through my head and it's making me crazy. I just want it done. 2
dumbass2 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 I hate mornings. Mornings are the absolute worst for me. I don't start feeling somewhat decent until sometime in the afternoon. Especially when I have to work. Managed to stop myself from texting him last night, but it was a near miss. I came so so close but with encouragement from people here I stuck it out. Ended up texting a friend instead. She just got dumped by her boyfriend last night too, strangely, so I guess that makes us real life break-up buddies. He still has to come grab the rest of his stuff that he left at my place and he told me he'd let me know when that is. My anxiety is getting pretty bad waiting for him to get a hold of me. I'm not ready to see him and I can't stop thinking about how it'll play out when he shows up. Will he bring another woman with him? Will he be cold? All these variables, scenarios, and horrible possibilities keep running through my head and it's making me crazy. I just want it done. He was the one that dictated the break up. He is DONE dictating anything to you!!! You get control now. You do not wait on him for anything. That will eliminate some of the anxiety you are feeling. YOU TELL HIM that you will have someone drop the stuff off for him or YOU TELL him that he can come over on such and such day and his stuff will be on the porch and you don't be home. YOU TAKE control now. Do not see him. Do not let him know it's okay to come over whenever he feels like it. Put your foot down and control the things you can control. 2
hedyo Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 I reached 60 days of NC without noticing. I have to admit, it hasn't been as hard as I expected. When we were together, I was always counting the days till I'd see him again. I seem to be good at cutting people off when they hurt my feelings, though. I don't know if that's a good thing in general, but I'm sure I've healed a lot faster with NC. Frankly, I'm surprised at how little I miss him. I miss having someone in my bed and someone I can talk to about my day, but that's missing having a boyfriend, not missing him. Still, I had a nightmare last night about him getting a new girlfriend, so I suppose I do still care in some way. I kind of wish I was better at dating so I could find someone new and just get over him already.
me85 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 (edited) Today is just like any other day at work. BORING! lol It's such a gorgeous day outside. I hate that I'm stuck inside a building for the next 3 hours. ERR Don't know why I'm posting here because I'm not "coping" with my BU anymore. I'm passed all that. I can't lie and say I don't check my email a lot. I still do. ERR lol But it's really out of boredom. I'm indifferent about everything regarding my ex. Although, I would be upset if I heard he was getting married or that he knocked some girl up. I'm sure I'd cry a little. I'm ready to delete pictures though! YAY! Just haven't sat down and made time yet. Been busy living life. (= But it's time, now. Edited September 23, 2014 by me85 1
maradona Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Today has been horrible. I feel like I am drowning. I feel like I am back to day one. I wish I could tell her I miss her. I wish I could talk to her. But I can't. I'm so angry and betrayed. I feel lost. I wish I could erase everything. I hope tomorrow will bring a better day. I hope I can finally move on and enjoy life. I wish I could stop hoping she would come back....
StrangerThanFiction Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 He was the one that dictated the break up. He is DONE dictating anything to you!!! You get control now. You do not wait on him for anything. That will eliminate some of the anxiety you are feeling. YOU TELL HIM that you will have someone drop the stuff off for him or YOU TELL him that he can come over on such and such day and his stuff will be on the porch and you don't be home. YOU TAKE control now. Do not see him. Do not let him know it's okay to come over whenever he feels like it. Put your foot down and control the things you can control. I needed to hear this, thank you. It helped me put this whole situation into perspective and now I have a plan of action. The worst part was not knowing what to do and feeling like I was just riding along with what he wanted. Not my style. Time to take my power back. 1
hockeydan Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 Sign me up for a NC fail. While trying to close out some bills with my ex over our apartment, I took the bait and sparked up an email conversation. Just seeing her email pop up on my phone sank my heart and immediately turned my content day into anxiety ridden. I then bit and responded to questions about my recent life changes (job, location, etc) and got cold, almost angry responses. Despite being shot in the heart, I kept replying (positively) and I kept getting the cold bullets of negativity. So now I am pretty rattled by the exchange and I am trying to pull my feelings back together. I touched the hot stove, got burnt and regret it. This is not the first time I have checked to see if its still hot, and yet I never learn. Maybe this time the lesson will sink in. I think the hardest part about this is she dumped me, yet she seems angry with me for whatever reasons (I know she is mad about being blocked on social media). She hurt me, I guess I don't understand why I feel like she is demonizing me. Another lesson learned in the school of the brokenhearted. Here's to staying strong and cheering on my fellow broken hearts in their quest to heal! Don't touch the stove, stay NC! 1
JDPT Posted September 24, 2014 Posted September 24, 2014 You win some and then you lose some but always striving for greatness 1
Cupid's Puppet Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Can't believe this thread fell to Page 2. This thread is therapeutic for me So I have not been coping well the last 2 days. The day I felt the worst was the day I kept the busiest. That surprised me as people always say occupy your mind with other things by keeping busy. That didn't work at all. All I could do is think of him all that day. I cried back to back 5 times. I tortured myself and started reading old emails I shared with his mom. That woman despises me now. That made me cry more. I did not sleep well at all that night. Before this breakup, I thought the pain after getting my wisdom tooth pulled was the worst. But no, this is the worst pain bar none. The new psychologist was okay. I never cancel my appointment with the old one. I thought I'd give her another shot. After being with the new psychologist, I found the old one easier to handle. I get my feelings and thoughts out with the new guy, and I get tips on how to move on from the old lady. My insurance is probably having a fit, but I don't plan to see 2 doctors forever. I want to see her one last time, and then I'll take a long break to get a feel of the new psychologist.
Miggy Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 I have been apart from my partner since they left me for another woman in Feb this year. They did want to come back in April but I refused due to not being able to forgive them. Yesterday I had an email stating they were moving away to a new job (I also know they have a new woman in that area too) They wished me happiness and good health and hoped we could keep in contact to see how things were panning out for each other and maybe catch up for coffee in the future. I replied in kind but also asked about the divorce they agreed to any grounds I wanted re the divorce. This is a major turn around as before they would not hear of it. I don't know why but suddenly I feel great loss and very lonely, it's as if they had just left yesterday So I'm back here reading good posts and starting all over again with the move on process and hopefully but surely getting over the loss
Feelbettersoon Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 My life has yet again turned upside down and I can't get myself out of this place
Bella2 Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 After two psychologists that really had no clue, I just contacted a "buddhist inspired coach". Waiting for his reponse, hoping for an appointment soon. Fed up of feeling tired, anxious and tired and anxious....
Bella2 Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 Was feeling kind of good half of the day, which was soooo nice. But WHY do people have to keep informing me that they ran into my ex etc. I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jallajalla08 Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 (edited) Been a while since I've written anything on here, but today I feel like venting my feelings So it is nearly a year since my ex broke it off with me. Long story short: went NC and eventually she came crawling back. I rejected her on multiple occasions with within the space of four-five months. It's been a slow process, especially since I've not been able to rebound with other women. During the summer I feel that I made huge improvements and taken a long step towards being completely over her. But a few days ago I saw my ex again, with another guy - Clearly in a relationship. (he's known for being a real d*ckhead around town). It felt like a HUGE setback! I'm positive that I don't want my ex back (if that was the case I would have taken her back when I had the chance). But it's just that feeling of hopelessness that hit me like a brick to the head. Here she is, happy with another guy, while I've been struggeling with girls pretty much all of my life and not making a rapid progress. I've been talking to a couple of girls over the last few weeks, but think I've been friendzoned big-time by both of them, so I feel like I'm back where I was one year ago when she broke up with me. While she on the other hand has moved on just fine eventually. Edited September 30, 2014 by jallajalla08
Justm3x Posted September 30, 2014 Posted September 30, 2014 I wasnt coping well today and then it got worse when I tried to come on here for support I got ridiculed for mentioning the word karma..... I was looking for some support and got s**t on from a great height....
Xemyd Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 I wasnt coping well today and then it got worse when I tried to come on here for support I got ridiculed for mentioning the word karma..... I was looking for some support and got s**t on from a great height.... I read that and was rolling my eyes the entire time. Karma is exactly what you were saying it is. Maybe not the clap, specifically lol. That other person just sounded like some stupid grammar nazi troll so don't even worry about it. I you ever need someone to talk to, you can message me.
Justm3x Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 I read that and was rolling my eyes the entire time. Karma is exactly what you were saying it is. Maybe not the clap, specifically lol. That other person just sounded like some stupid grammar nazi troll so don't even worry about it. I you ever need someone to talk to, you can message me. Thank you for your support, i didn't know if it was just me being a bit narky, i just felt it came across a bit confrontational and not supportive at all.... Ive put them on the ignore list so I wont have to endure the comments anymore 1
Bella2 Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 Thank you for your support, i didn't know if it was just me being a bit narky, i just felt it came across a bit confrontational and not supportive at all.... Ive put them on the ignore list so I wont have to endure the comments anymore Good for you Ignore anyone and anything that sends out negativity. Not something you can use right now!!! 1
hockeydan Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 The blocking hammer knows no bounds! Any all things that are a detriment to your happen should be removed. The blocking hammer has been used liberally in all my social media since the BU, removing any all all people that are working against my happiness. Keep swinging that blocking hammer at all those that don't deserve to be a part of your life! 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 Today I'm feeling like I can't cope at all. It feels like there's no possible way I can live through this or stop feeling like this. But here I am. Another second has passed and I'm still here. I just want this to end. I want to stop tho in about him with another woman. I want to stop comparing myself to her and wondering why she's so much more deserving of his love than I am. Why was I not enough? My body hurts and I feel like I just can't go on anymore. Some days are good, and I feel alright and that yeah, I'm going to make it through to the other side of this. But days like this where all I feel is despair makes me wonder if I'm just fooling myself and I'll be hung up on him for the rest of my life. I know it's only been 2 weeks since BU, and so far I've managed to stick to NC, but it's getting harder and harder to stop from reaching out. Guess I'll have to take it one second at a time and force myself to be strong and stay with NC. God it's just so hard though... I think I should look into counselling. I'm starting to scare myself with some of the thoughts in my head and I just don't feel like I can do this on my own anymore.
Justm3x Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 Today I'm feeling like I can't cope at all. It feels like there's no possible way I can live through this or stop feeling like this. But here I am. Another second has passed and I'm still here. I just want this to end. I want to stop tho in about him with another woman. I want to stop comparing myself to her and wondering why she's so much more deserving of his love than I am. Why was I not enough? My body hurts and I feel like I just can't go on anymore. Some days are good, and I feel alright and that yeah, I'm going to make it through to the other side of this. But days like this where all I feel is despair makes me wonder if I'm just fooling myself and I'll be hung up on him for the rest of my life. I know it's only been 2 weeks since BU, and so far I've managed to stick to NC, but it's getting harder and harder to stop from reaching out. Guess I'll have to take it one second at a time and force myself to be strong and stay with NC. God it's just so hard though... I think I should look into counselling. I'm starting to scare myself with some of the thoughts in my head and I just don't feel like I can do this on my own anymore. I can only guess what thoughts you must have going on in your head... i have the same thoughts... I found getting help eases the problem to a point, i talk to my psychiatric nurse and i cry and i swear and i curse his name... but when she's gone i still feel lonely and abandoned. My problems started years ago but this BU has made things so much worse.... I know how your feeling, talking is the best medicine .... talk to friends, family, talk on here.... it does help..
Bella2 Posted October 1, 2014 Posted October 1, 2014 Today I'm feeling like I can't cope at all. It feels like there's no possible way I can live through this or stop feeling like this. But here I am. Another second has passed and I'm still here. I just want this to end. I want to stop tho in about him with another woman. I want to stop comparing myself to her and wondering why she's so much more deserving of his love than I am. Why was I not enough? My body hurts and I feel like I just can't go on anymore. Some days are good, and I feel alright and that yeah, I'm going to make it through to the other side of this. But days like this where all I feel is despair makes me wonder if I'm just fooling myself and I'll be hung up on him for the rest of my life. I know it's only been 2 weeks since BU, and so far I've managed to stick to NC, but it's getting harder and harder to stop from reaching out. Guess I'll have to take it one second at a time and force myself to be strong and stay with NC. God it's just so hard though... I think I should look into counselling. I'm starting to scare myself with some of the thoughts in my head and I just don't feel like I can do this on my own anymore. I'm so sorry for you. But you're right, it's been 2 weeks... That's nothing! I know it seems unbearable, but you have had some good days, they will come back!!!! I would recommend trying meditation. I do it, to stop the negative thoughts. Look up "mindfullness" on google, maybe you can follow some sessions near where you live. And go see someone to talk and have some perspective.... Take care, hold on and "this too shall pass".
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 I can only guess what thoughts you must have going on in your head... i have the same thoughts... I found getting help eases the problem to a point, i talk to my psychiatric nurse and i cry and i swear and i curse his name... but when she's gone i still feel lonely and abandoned. My problems started years ago but this BU has made things so much worse.... I know how your feeling, talking is the best medicine .... talk to friends, family, talk on here.... it does help.. I totally understand how this BU could have made your previous problems worse. The way in which he ended things with you just disgusts me! What a selfish prick! Sorry, been a little emotional lately and things like cheating now-exes are a huge trigger for me. I do find that talking helps. My parents have been awesome, and all the advice and support I've got on here has kept me from getting too far down into the dumps. But ugh, I wish this healing process would just hurry the hell up! I'm so sorry for you. But you're right, it's been 2 weeks... That's nothing! I know it seems unbearable, but you have had some good days, they will come back!!!! I would recommend trying meditation. I do it, to stop the negative thoughts. Look up "mindfullness" on google, maybe you can follow some sessions near where you live. And go see someone to talk and have some perspective.... Take care, hold on and "this too shall pass". Every time I realize it's only been two weeks it just makes me want to give up because I know I've still got a long road ahead till I'm out of this. It's discouraging. I don't want to still be hurting all the time over him in 6 months, or a year or, god forbid, more than that. I'll definitely be meditating, great suggestion! It'd be a nice way to settle my mind and find my center. I was reading your post about Buddhism and a lot of it really resonated with me! "This too shall pass" and the temporariness of everything especially. Kind've helps really put things in perspective. Thanks for all your wonderful advice and insight!
singsparkles Posted October 2, 2014 Posted October 2, 2014 I am coping much better today. Between nursing school and my mom just having had hip surgery, I really don't get much time to think. I still struggle with loneliness when I come home at night. I try not to think at his social media, but when I do, it's just ignorant/dumb posts and they all prove he is not the one for me and he will never change. I'm working on self love and it's coming along quite nicely. I'm trying to realize all the wonderful things about myself I was blind about before. I have a wonderful heart, I'm giving, compassionate, work hard and would do anything for the people I love. I enjoy being there for people and would never leave someone in the dark in the dust, and for that, I pride myself in. I've also been spending a lot of time at the gym and that's making me feel hella good about myself and everything else. I haven't thought about my ex much today, but when I do, I try to not idealize him and see him for something I thought he was, and I try to see him for what he really is, which helps a lot. He's not the sweet, vulnerable, loving guy I fell for. That wasn't him, and I've come to grips with it. If I met the person who he is today and how he acts now today, I would have never fallen for him. Just focused on pampering myself like taking hot bubble baths in the dark with candles lit, drinking a glass of wine, watching a good TV show or documentary on Netflix, talking to good friends and surrounding myself with people that love me... I know as time goes by it will get easier and easier.... I see now it wasn't my loss, it is his loss. 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 3, 2014 Posted October 3, 2014 Wow, today was so much better than yesterday that I can't even believe I was that upset. I felt normal! Full of joy and hope for the future, even! Sure, I thought about him a few times but it wasn't like yesterday where he's ALL I could think about. And I didn't hurt. Man, you don't realize how much pain you're actually in until it's alleviated. Hopefully this is going to be a lasting thing. Today I laughed. I sang. I flirted with a cute guy at work (it's been ages since I've even been attracted to anyone!)and then made a hilarious a** of myself like I used to before the ex! I feel like it's totally possible to be the confident, self-reliant, goofy woman I used to be instead of the emotionally dependent, anxiety and fear-ridden woman I became with the ex. And look at that! I just realized I'm saying THE ex instead of MY ex! Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal, but to me it speaks of letting go of the possessive and going more into the passive in my thoughts about him. I can do this. I know I can. One day I'm going to look back and feel nothing but gratitude that I got out of this toxic, unhealthy relationship and came out of it with a better life, a better outlook, and...just, BETTER. Maybe one day a good man will appreciate that too. But that's in the future and I know the only thing that matters is this moment.
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