Itspointless Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I don't know if it's just me being anti social or if I'm just not ready. It possibly be fear. In a relation we give a part of our 'selves' away to the partner, as vulnerability is a part of loving - which gives them the power to hurt us and distort our identity; our sense of who we are. If I look honestly to myself I see that I have gotten a bit scared, scared to to get drawn to that ink-black place again that covers your mind and blinds your senses, a place that I never hoped to see again. Sometimes we can only move forward facing our fears, as while doing we can find our answers. Just avoid misleading others as our actions can hurt others just as much as our former loved ones have hurt us. Just try to have some fun. Good luck!
Xemyd Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 It possibly be fear. In a relation we give a part of our 'selves' away to the partner, as vulnerability is a part of loving - which gives them the power to hurt us and distort our identity; our sense of who we are. If I look honestly to myself I see that I have gotten a bit scared, scared to to get drawn to that ink-black place again that covers your mind and blinds your senses, a place that I never hoped to see again. Sometimes we can only move forward facing our fears, as while doing we can find our answers. Just avoid misleading others as our actions can hurt others just as much as our former loved ones have hurt us. Just try to have some fun. Good luck! I think you're right. I am terrified. I'm not who I used to be, this break up has really broken me down. I think I'll just have to be honest with the guy, tell him I need some time.
Itspointless Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I think you're right. I am terrified. I'm not who I used to be, this break up has really broken me down. I think I'll just have to be honest with the guy, tell him I need some time. Another option is that you do not focus so much on the end-result, just have a coffee with him and have some fun. I encountered something like this a few weeks ago with a girl that was on a friends birthday. She contacted me afterwards, which made me feel a bit the same as you I guess. I discovered for myself that I haven't got romantic feelings for her, but it was refreshing for me to take a different approach where otherwise I would have stayed at home.
maradona Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I hate weekends now.. If I could work 24x7 I would... Now. Actually look forward to Monday... Used to spend every weekend together.... Can't wait to create a new routine something... 1
Sixandout Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 This is the worst I've felt in a few weeks. I'm so embarrassed that I'm obviously still not over this. I don't know what to do now
Xemyd Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Today is the day, exactly one year. My dad decided to let me know today that my ex is still working out of town, has a friend living with him, using his dad's truck because his isn't in good shape anymore. My dad knows his dad, they golf together, and I haven't heard him talk about him in about 8 months. I just feel like **** now, my ex is probably never going to come home for good. Apparently working crazy hours away from home means more to him than having someone to come home to. I feel so stupid, I really thought he'd be home soon, and that he'd call and everything would be ok again. I'm so naive. Thanks dad, for ruining my day.
scobro Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 stupid me I broke NC and it set me back weeks....now im hurting again.Do not email your ex Happy Birthday!!you can get a hurtful response.
AquanoxSerp Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Broke NC to tell him to stop contacting me with happy stupid emails and to only bother me if he wants me back. Back to NC and feeling like **** and absolutely miserable. Have a lot of schoolwork to do and all I feel like doing is curling up and disappearing.
StrangerThanFiction Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Day 2, officially. Yesterday I texted him and tried to see if he would reconsider. That was a mistake. Now I feel like I made myself look pathetic and needy. I didn't beg, but tried to convince him nevertheless. All I accomplished was giving him an ego boost and me a blow to my self esteem. Doesn't help that I'm pretty sure there's someone else. Probably the same someone from 2 years ago. Wouldn't suprise me that he's been seeing her the whole time. With his line of work it'd be easy to have two gf's at once and we'd never know. Not to mention the conversation he had with one of his coworkers that I overheard where he mentioned her name. The name of the woman he apparently hadn't spoken to in forever. I should've ended it right there but he made some excuse that could be probable and I swallowed it because I wanted to believe him. Stupid stupid stupid. 6 years of my life wasted. Our 6 year anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks too. Maybe he'll show up to get the rest of his crap out of my house then and that'll be the rest of the closure I need with everything coming full circle. Dammit, now I'm crying. I hate being this weak.
dumbass2 Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 I'm still allowing her to control my life and she is doing nothing on her end to prolong my pain, it's all me, self inflicted. I go through periods where if I know what I know now I would have done things differently and given the relationship a chance. Then I slap myself and look at all she did. I don't know why I can't just let that crap stick in my head about her. It makes me pound my head against the wall. I think I have such a hard time because I allowed her to break up with me when I should have been the one to do it so much earlier. I was a wuss and I hate myself for being that way. Never have been before, but now I'm stuck on it. How and why did I allow myself to do the things I did. I have times where I am at peace with everything and then times when I fall of the wagon. Yes, it is like an addiction and she is the drug and I'm going through withdrawals. Funny, it's like my smoking habit. No matter how hard I try at times, I just can't quit it. It's all on me though. No one can do it for me. One day I'll wake up and it will hit me. I hope it's soon because both are killing me.
Bella2 Posted September 18, 2014 Posted September 18, 2014 I'm still allowing her to control my life and she is doing nothing on her end to prolong my pain, it's all me, self inflicted. Going through exactly the same thing. I go through periods where if I know what I know now I would have done things differently and given the relationship a chance. Then I slap myself and look at all she did. I think I have such a hard time because I allowed her to break up with me when I should have been the one to do it so much earlier. Yep. I hear you. I have times where I am at peace with everything and then times when I fall of the wagon. Funny, it's like my smoking habit. No matter how hard I try at times, I just can't quit it. It's all on me though. No one can do it for me. One day I'll wake up and it will hit me. I hope it's soon because both are killing me. And yet again: I hear you. For the relationship-crap and for the smoking ;-) But you know, the harder you try NOT to think of something, the more you start thinking about it. Do NOT think of an elephant. DO NOT think of an elephant! And of course you think of an elephant. That's why I started "mindfullness". It takes some practice, but does help at times...
johnson_j Posted September 18, 2014 Posted September 18, 2014 Dumbass/Bella It's tough to be in the middle of the "would have, should have" thoughts and feelings. Honestly I should have broke up with my ex before she pulled the trigger on me, and I told her I was considering it and why. She begged me to change my mind, and then just a month later her lies came out and then again I missed a chance to walk away cleanly, instead letting her cling for a while during which time she was trying to fix her issues without any regards as to my feelings. Would have done it different, should have done it different, but can't do a damn thing different now but move forward. A mutual friend told me about my ex the other day. It was not good news (for her), and to hear that she is still struggling did not make me feel good. It is actually painful, it would have been better to hear that she was well, this and that, but I had to make the conscientious decision to keep NC, because if she hadn't lied/etc, I would still be in her life and able to support her. As hard as it is to deal with and understand, what is happening to her is a direct result of HER poor choices, including the fact that I'm not in her life. Hope you all can find some similar perspective - that's why I wrote this out.
hedyo Posted September 18, 2014 Posted September 18, 2014 It's been 8 weeks. It feels more like 8 months! I can hardly remember his face or voice, and I seem to be totally back into my single routine. I've had this restlessness the past few days though. I'm not sad about the breakup exactly, just kind of antsy. It bugs me that things ended so abruptly and that we didn't talk face to face. Still, there is nothing I can or should do right now to fix that. My recovery is more important than what he thinks of me. Taking one day at a time seems to be working.
Xemyd Posted September 20, 2014 Posted September 20, 2014 I've just been given the news this afternoon that my dog and my cat are being put down on Monday. I feel like I have been stabbed in both my eyes, I have never been this miserable ever, even over my ex. Compared to the pain my breakup has caused it now seems like nothing. As much as I want to call him to make me feel better, I know I'd look crazy. I am in so much pain over my pets right now my ex feels like nothing to me.
True Gent Posted September 20, 2014 Posted September 20, 2014 I've just been given the news this afternoon that my dog and my cat are being put down on Monday. I feel like I have been stabbed in both my eyes, I have never been this miserable ever, even over my ex. Compared to the pain my breakup has caused it now seems like nothing. As much as I want to call him to make me feel better, I know I'd look crazy. I am in so much pain over my pets right now my ex feels like nothing to me. So sorry to hear this. Why do they both need putting down? I know how hard it is losing pets, I've had many dogs put to sleep in my lifetime. It never gets any easier to deal with. I've lost my 2 little dogs in a different way, as my ex has them and that's it I'll most likely never see them again. Life really can suck at times. Stay strong and give them plenty of cuddles.
True Gent Posted September 20, 2014 Posted September 20, 2014 Hitting a bit of a low, I'm beating myself up for not attending a cycle club event. I've never been yet and I want to give it a try. I just don't feel like I have the energy to interact with new people right now. Truly can't be bothered. Yesterday I had a Netflix and music day, I didn't leave the house except for picking up a takeaway. Just feel a bit burnt out, I've had a few months of 7 working day weeks and going on a couple of pointless dates. Been exercising a lot which makes me feel great, but the knock on effect is I feel guilty when I have a day or two off. Went to bed late and got up late today. Now I'm just mooching around the house with music playing. It's miserable outside, so I won't get out on my bike unless it picks up out there. Truthfully I just want to have a couple of lazy days to recharge, but I feel guilty for doing so. I miss my dogs which the ex has and I can't remember the last time I had a simple hug. Also she still comes to haunt me in my sleep.
Xemyd Posted September 20, 2014 Posted September 20, 2014 So sorry to hear this. Why do they both need putting down? I know how hard it is losing pets, I've had many dogs put to sleep in my lifetime. It never gets any easier to deal with. I've lost my 2 little dogs in a different way, as my ex has them and that's it I'll most likely never see them again. Life really can suck at times. Stay strong and give them plenty of cuddles. I convinced my parents to give them more time, and myself more time to prepare. My cat is 20 years old and has had health issues off and on his entire life, my dog is 15 and this past year has really started to show his age and has had numerous stomach bugs. Neither of them have a long time to live, probably only a year and they decided better sooner rather than later before they get really sick. I don't see it that way, right now they are happy and doing good, I don't believe in putting them down while they can still enjoy life. So I told my mother to postpone it, at least until after Christmas. If something happens and thy get sick we can always reschedule. The reason for doing both at the same time is for ease. But I don't really agree with that. I basically saved their lives this morning. Last night I couldn't even breathe I was so emotional, but after sleeping I tried to stay calm to really get my point across. I feel instantly better and I'm glad I never did call my ex. I was talking with a friend/fellow pet lover all night an if it hadn't been for him, I would have called my ex. 3
Sixandout Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 Seen my ex with his new other half today. That didn't hurt much. BUT I'm still bothered that he's never text to see how I'm doing. I know he obviously doesn't care anything about me but it still hurts. I don't care that he's with someone else (he got with them within a few weeks of our break up) it kills me that he doesn't care about me on a friend level. Like our 6 years were meaningless and like I am so easily replaceable. Ouch.
Bella2 Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 I also saw my ex with his new girlfriend. In the moment, it didn't even hurt THAT much. It was the next day - yesterday - that I felt miserable. And today I'm still feeling miserable. It's not so much about him anymore. I don't want him back (and he has happily moved on after a couple of weeks...). I just feel very alone. I have to try to get my "single life" working. Being fine being on my own (while I know he's happy with somebody else). I'm having a hard time with that for the moment. What do I do all day in the weekend by myself? At night I usually can hang out with friends, but the whole damn DAY. I just wanna stay in bed, but that of course is not a good idea. I know. I know. I know. Have to really realize that life has not ended, but that this chapter has ended and a new chapter is about to start. Doing my best to stay mindfull. Realising that nothing lasts. Etc. But f*ck, it's difficult.
Gr4veyard Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 (edited) Its been over 6 months, not sure of the exact date, I lost count. Today I have been thinking about him a lot. I cant sleep because I think of him, because I am so ANGRY. How dare he wish me to have a good life when he completely ruined my self-esteem about my personality, the thing I had left that I tought that was the only good thing about me. How dare he wish me to have a good life after he told me that I will be forever alone because of how I am, making me feel unwanted, worthless, and really depressed. And how ****ing dare he say he's sorry after he treated me so ****ing badly that it still hurts me deeply when I think about it. It doesnt make any ****ing difference if he is sorry or not. It cannot be undone and I will never forgive him. I am not going to answer his message. Ever. I was never nothing more than a confidence boost to him, and this is what he is after here again. Well guess what, not anymore. **** him. Edited September 21, 2014 by Gr4veyard
Arient Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 6 months already, I'm doing just so-so. I have had quite a few trips, lost weight, felt healthier, made plans, reconnected with old friends, but somewhere in my mind, still feel the pain and still miss him. Maybe it's the proof of how much I have loved and how strong my love was. It pained me that such a love no longer able to continue, but made me proud about our love too. I want to love like that, or more than that, again, and I have a lot of hope in it. Will try my best to make the remaining months of the year awesome. GO GO GIRL!!!
StrangerThanFiction Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 Day 9 of NC and it's a bad one. I think a large part of the blame for how awful today has been can be placed on the epic hangover I have right now. Over the weekend I hung out with a friend because I was feeling pretty blue and his supposed cure for a broken heart was drinking all the beer you can get your hands on. Seemed like a great idea at the time. The day after? I feel like I'm right back to square one. Been crying on and off and just miserable all day, wondering what the ex is doing, if he thinks about me, if he misses me. Ugh. I've been coming very close to breaking NC a few times now but so far have managed to talk myself out of it right before picking up my phone. God I wish today would just end.
Xemyd Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 This guy keeps texting me to go out. I really don't want anything to do with him. He seems nice but I have no interest and I don't know how to let him off. My ex has seriously broken me, I don't want any situation that could lead to this feeling again. I just want to be left alone.
Bella2 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 This guy keeps texting me to go out. I really don't want anything to do with him. He seems nice but I have no interest and I don't know how to let him off. My ex has seriously broken me, I don't want any situation that could lead to this feeling again. I just want to be left alone. I just had someone quite interested in me. I like him, but that's all. Finally I sent him a message, saying: I think I have to be honest with you, I like you, but I don't want to be in a couple with you. (and a couple of more lines) Just be honest. He reacted very nice, saying he understood, and that he really appreciated me being so honest with him.
Amy74 Posted September 23, 2014 Posted September 23, 2014 So a little over three months since the break-up...I haven't made any active contact--ignored his texts but I did keep an eye on his FB page. I've kinda moved on...new boyfriend, new life...but still think about him every.day. Not necessarily miss him every day...but he's always just there... Yesterday a box arrived from his address. I guess he's purging. He sent me all the bits and pieces that I'd left there...hair dryer, sweatpants, sneakers...but also the gifts he bought for me from his last business trip (when we were still together), one of his t-shirts that I used to wear (sprayed with his cologne), and two pomegranates (Yea, you read that right). I called him to thank him...it was stupid and risky, but I couldn't stop myself. I thanked him for the box and told him that I was especially surprised that he included my earrings and the fruit. He responded, "Oh, what else did I pack in there?" I said, "I don't know, it was a lot of stuff." We exchanged small talk...how's work, how are the kids? He asked me if I have a boyfriend and I told him yes. He sounded surprised, but I'm certain that he already knew. (**** you and your surprise...why wouldn't I have a boyfriend?---I'm cute and funny and successful...*******...) He asked me if I missed him and I said that I did...that I thought of him everyday. He pointed out that the other day would have been our two year anniversary and I said that I remembered....that I still use the date as my passcode. Then I felt like the conversation was taking a dangerous turn so I wrapped it up. "Thanks again for the package...it was nice catching up...take care." Today I want to text him, or send him a foto of me wearing the earrings, or an email...so I'm here instead. I don't want to disrespect E, don't want to risk what I have with him by doing something stupid for someone stupid that I don't even want to get back together with. I broke up with G because he was content with the pseudo relationship that we had...why would I reward him for making another half-hearted attempt. If he wants my attention he's going to have to try harder.
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