Living with parents

[Popsicle]

Im not an economist but I often wonder if kids have more student loan debt nowadays than we had? Is housing more expensive than it was for us older generations? I know in a free market, housing costs will be commensurate to salaries paid due to supply and demand.

[Popsicle]

Ugh I feel like it is not generational, it depends on the attitude of the parents to the child and vice versa.

 

You're right.

And some kids work harder than others. Even kids from the same family.

[introverted1]

There are new "adult-ing" classes popping up to teach these poor souls life skills: how to open a bank account; how to manage money; how to fold a fitted sheet (I'm serious).

 

I've been self-supporting since I graduated college but I still can't fold the fitted sheet right. Maybe I'll have to find a class!

 

More seriously... I am not sure all the blame rests with the Millennials. Their parents are complicit. My kids (ranging in age from 18-24) are all either adulting or well on their way. I don't anticipate that any will be living at home again.

 

That said, I see nothing wrong with moving in with older parents who need care-taking. Or having the older parent(s) move in with the kid.

[purplesoccer34]

It all depends on individual circumstances.

 

I'm 25, and have only recently moved out of my parents' house (a month ago). Right after graduating from high school, I went through college, and then eventually graduate school, which I just finished up. Luckily I landed a nice job immediately after, which has afforded me the opportunity to live on my own.

 

I held a part-time job all throughout college and graduate school, and with all of my money going toward my education, I just couldn't find a way to live on my own as I went through school. My parents encouraged me to stay with them, so it seemed like a good idea.

 

Surprisingly even now, my parents actually prefer that I live them as I work full-time! They liked having me around - I offered to help out with a lot of the cooking, cleaning, and other chores. The other thing is that where my parents come from, living with folks as an adult is perfectly normal. It's a cultural thing. Personally though, I like being on my own.

 

As for the guys I had dated in the past - none of them thought twice about me living with my parents, because they knew that I was in school, and working toward a goal. All of my friends who currently live with their parents now are in the same situation - they're working toward a career. Now, if someone was living with their parents, merely mooching off of them, and had no real goal to work towards, that would more of a problem. But again, it depends a lot on individual circumstances.

 

I agree fully with the sentiment that in general, millennials probably aren't lazy.

[No_Go]

My ex that was mooching off me (he was 29-30 back then, never finished college, never had a consistent employment) was hopping from a relationship to relationship and all his GFs were financially supporting him (think rent, bills, food everything). In the gaps in between he'll ask his mommy for money. That's how he got 'trained' in using women

 

Oh a point about those taking about this being normal for some cultures.

 

I lived across the street growing up from an Asian family. Modest home and I bet a few generations growing up under same roof. Few other grade school friends in California many families did this.

 

Had a Middle Eastern friend his family same thing. However these families were ALL very wealthy and the kids worked their @$$es off from when they were very young they were NOT freeloaders.

 

All of these kids grew up to be wealthy successful adults. The cultures that do this, do this as a strategy to keep the wealth in the family.

 

What I am talking about are lazy freeloaders who absolutely refuse to grow up, don’t work, not going to school and draining parents financial safety net.

 

I have dated countless women who told me they broke in off with dudes because eventually as they got comfortable asked them for money.

 

I wonder where these dudes got that brilliant idea. The bad thing is too many women fall in "love" and the trap.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Yes, I do think (overall/as a general thing) that people are living with their parents much later than they used to, and/or are returning more readily following, say, a divorce.

 

When I was a young woman, anyone living with parents over the age of 24 or so would be getting sort of the hairy eyeball and "When the hell are you going t be a grownup and get your own place?" sort of thing from co-workers, friends, everybody. But work was much easier to come by then.

 

We also were (sorry) less coddled. We were EXPECTED to fall on our faces, potentially lose apartments, and eat Ramen, sleep on sunken beds and drive barely-operational beaters in order to prove we "could" make it on our own. I can tell you my first few apartments darn near killed me financially and twice I was down to renting just a room. But G darn it, I was NOT going to be living with my parents at the advanced age of mid-20s, so...

 

FTR, I moved out officially (from my parents' home) at the age of 21 and was feeling I'd overstayed my welcome even at that point.

[purrrfectlyflawed]

I just broke up with a guy who is 44, 3 kids and loving with his parents. I find it odd people in their 30's do it because it usually Means they are not self supporting. Sounds like you have done well financially. I own a home little debt. Have some retirement. Blows my mind how many people are in their late 30s or 40's and a train wreck with finances. Just my opinion.

[Larryville]

Folks are trying to rationalize this laziness as tough financial or economic times.

However in an era where these young kids are demanding safe spaces on campuses, pissing away college tuitions on degrees that would never amount to anything, are barely able to boil water, are incredibly rude and detached yes as someone said these parents have completely failed a generation of young people and we all will pay for it down the road it's not a matter of opinion it's a fact we're already seeing it every day.

We are raising a generation of young people that are incapable of thinking and rational thought and this affects dating and it affects relationships and if these people are breeding it will affect generations to come.

Those of you that think that I'm exaggerating watch an afternoon of American daytime television. The lack of rational thought is staggering.

[Cookiesandough]

Also depends on culture. Im half Asian half white and in Asian culture it's not unusual for both women and men to live with their parents until they get married. Handful of my cousins didn't move out until they were in their late 30s and getting married. I know my mom didn't want me to move out, dad didn't care, but thought it was normal that I did

Edited February 25, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Dirt]

There could be extenuating circumstances or these woman aren't capable of being independent and they haven't found a man dumb enough to marry them or move them in. Even if they don't try to move in quickly, be careful.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I've got a weird question. My xgf lives with her parents with her child and the new girl I've gone out with a few times lives with her parents.

Is this a new thing?

I'm 42, xgf was 33 new girl I've gone out with is 36. We live in Southern California and I understand things are expensive. I have been on my own since I turned 18, own my own home, which is 7 years from being paid off.

I guess I just find it odd that so many people still live with their parents. Do you think it is because they don't want to deal with responsibility? Or is it just convineant to live at home.

I always worry that these women are going to want to move into my house too quickly.

TIA

 

I actually dated a woman that well, lives on the same property as her father. Yes, there are two separate dwellings on the same 10 acre piece of property.

 

She doesn't have a real income yet (works on a farm, for credit for food there), as she just moved here because she just graduated with a degree that...well, doesn't really have much a demand for the field she graduated in. Very new-agey degree. She's 40 years old.

 

She's just moved here from the big city, so only lived here a couple of years, but you could say she's in transition.

 

I'm thinking women can get away with this (not gender bashing, just my observation) more than men could in the dating world. Personally, I don't think I see her going anywhere with the new degree that she had earned.

 

Anyways, I had noticed someone on my FB feed claiming that more and more 40+ somethings are moving back in with their parents.

 

The usual story, which IS excusable is the fact they got laid off from a job and are struggling finding work now, especially with age-ism.

 

Some go months or years without work and start selling their stuff online or find freelancing, work-at-home (through the computer) jobs instead.

 

I know a guy, in his early 50s, got laid off from a major automobile corp., was a good job, benefits, but it is what it is..he had to move back in with his parents.

 

A lot of 40s and 50-something displaced unemployed or under-employed types. Some even had to sell their homes.

 

If this makes anyone feel better, I know of couples that had moved into one of their parents homes, so apparently, it wasn't an issue with either of them.

Edited February 25, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst

[LookAtThisPOst]

In some cultures it's perfectly normal.....all the family lives together lol. Maybe this is a change happening in our own culture.

 

LOL...there used to be a time when people will live with their parents (both male and female) until they got married. THAT was the only time they moved out.

[amaysngrace]

I'd be okay if my oldest son still lived at home. He's two and a half hours away living in Baltimore with his GF so that's not terrible but I miss seeing him regularly although I guess I'm probably lucky to be seeing him around once a month as it is. He is 24.

 

My youngest two are living home, both still teenagers going to community full time to keep costs at about half, and I'm glad they're still around. My son helps me around the house quite a bit and my daughter would help more but she's also working four days a week on top of maintaining a 3.9 in the nursing program. She saves nearly every dollar she earns and brings dinner home from work a lot too. My son only works in summer.

 

I'm in no hurry to be rid of my children. They'll fly the coop in their own time and that is fine by me.

[chix]

OP, as you can see, there are loads of different views on this, which shows it's not black and white. Just to reitrate, it's no problem for me (it's driven by the culture of my man). I didn't grow up with the culture of my man, but would like to have, I think, because I like that we're all now very connected to each other, and I like the idea that we keep limits on our environmental footprint (inidividual people living alone in individual properties is bad for the environment).

 

These are just my thoughts anyway.

 

All that matters in your case are the reasons why, and what you think of them. Try to avoid any "all people who do this are..." sorts of opinions, because this is not a black and white topic. Best of luck and enjoy the Springtime.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Single father of two children under the age of 12. In my late 40s. Been on my own since I was 18 and off to college (technically, my parents continued to help while I was in college for my first degree).

 

I agree with many that it is generational. Part of me believes that the generation, the parents that had it so good (better) have coddled their children and those off-spring recognize that if times get tough, their parents will step in.

 

I had parents, especially mother, who worked their butts off for us to grow up in a modest, but 'rich' and diverse environment.

 

I don't have debt, save thousands every month and spend very little on myself. I've almost always made sound financial choices and lived below my means (it helps to be reasonably frugal).

 

Work ethic. Upbringing. Opportunity. The environment and people you find yourself around.

 

It's crazy how many ladies share stories of exes or men they met who are simply LEECHES. Unmotivated slackers. It also confounds me to learn why so many ladies get into relationships with such men only to be taken advantage of.

[Lilyana76]

I had one guy from an OLD site that I chatted with for a few weeks. He travels a lot for work, so a meeting was planned but I cut him out after one conversation that turned him into a leech.... He told me he was in a new business venture and one of his partners cut out. So he was having a hard time with funds, and trying to raise his daughter. Things were going to be hard without his partner, money was going to be tight.

 

It was like he was begging me for help...

 

I ran, never spoke to him again.

 

Living with parents, is a no go for me as well. Unless they are helping out elderly ill parents. I have 3 kids to take care of, I refuse to take care of a man. At my age (40) a man should be able to take care of himself, and not rely on a parent or SO.

 

My mother recently battled and beat Leukemia. It took her a year, and she stayed at MY place a few times in between hospital visits, because my home is closer to the hospital. Plus I was here to take care of her, where my dad was working on the road (he owns a construction company). So, I can completely understand taking care of an ill parent.

 

I work my tail off, I have a day job, that I do from home. I work nights as a chef, and then I am trying to start my own catering business. (Cooking is my passion). For me, when I divorced, moving back in with my parents was NOT an option I would settle for. Maybe its a generation thing, but I was taught to, and watched my whole family (grandparents and parents) work hard to get where they are. I knew thats what I had to do.

[chix]

I was just thinking of how many people I know who live in shared living houses willingly, where 20 to 30 people live in their own space within a shared dwelling, and come to gether to do chores and spend time together as they please. Everyone contributes to bills according to what they can (as agreed amongst everyone when they move in, or if their circumstances change).

 

I think there are loads of modern living formations which are bringing people more together, and that's fantastic to me. I know some people have mentioned they know people who live in a shared home and do nothing to help, but I, personally, do not know anyone who behaves like that.

 

Also worth noting, I cannot think of 1 example of shared living where someone I know is unhappy.

 

OP, I think at this stage you should just seek to ask more about it, and then think about whether it is something you can accept or not.

[Cheekbubble]

If its a deal breaker for you, dont even try it.

 

Maybe you should ask them.

 

They are both very mature. And to old to be living at home if there is no serious reason like temporary staying there while looking for a place.

 

Most people i know dont live at home. So maybe you fall for those types.

But if you got it all going on, dont date people that dont got it together.

It gonna keep being a topic and argument. Specially if its their mentality.

[4kad]

I've got a weird question. My xgf lives with her parents with her child and the new girl I've gone out with a few times lives with her parents.

Is this a new thing?

I'm 42, xgf was 33 new girl I've gone out with is 36. We live in Southern California and I understand things are expensive. I have been on my own since I turned 18, own my own home, which is 7 years from being paid off.

I guess I just find it odd that so many people still live with their parents. Do you think it is because they don't want to deal with responsibility? Or is it just convineant to live at home.

I always worry that these women are going to want to move into my house too quickly.

TIA

 

A woman I met from OKcupid is 30 and lives at home due to student loans and high rent costs

[4kad]

And a lot of people may not be looking for love they could just looking for help instead.

 

 

Like the woman I met off Okcupid who keeps trying to figure out how much I make a year while she is currently living at home with her parents paying off student loans.

[CaliforniaGirl]

LOL...there used to be a time when people will live with their parents (both male and female) until they got married. THAT was the only time they moved out.

 

At that time, however, people married considerably younger.

 

This began to change, with college kids and older getting apartments, often in groups, in the 60s and 70s. I believe in the late 1960s marriage age for male/females was 20/22. Currently it is males/females, 29/27 or 29/28 (can't remember which but I can look this up if you need me to).

 

So people living home until they were married as the standard in the way you describe still meant the majority were out and gone in their early 20s.

[William]

Due to getting a report on this thread and noting the starter has not participated at all, I'll close this up.