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My ex is seeing a new girl and im so upset lol [UPDATE: Should I contact my ex?]

Miss Spider

By Miss Spider
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Sweetfish Established Member

Sweetfish

Posted
Posted
Thank you, Marky. We are unique and the moments we shared with them don't get washed away. It's interesting your ex has reached out after years. You stayed in her mind for so long. Crazy. I don't know how you feel about that. I happen to the dumper here. The thing is that some dumpers (myself, at least, and perhaps you ex) there is a fear that we will look desperate and needy to dumpees when reaching out after a long time. Especially when you leave them for someone else and learn it was a bad idea like your ex did, or in my case, telling them that "it's best we don't speak ever again and just move on because I don't see how this can work and I can't do it anymore" ... Then to retract on those words/actions ? You really have to swallow your pride if you do that. So I never did, never found the courage, and closed the communication lines almost completely. So of course he's gone. Your ex has finally reopened it after years. I hope in a few days I will feel start feeling better and can be fully happy for him like some advice columns have said.

 

I truly think the hardest thing for a dumper is understanding the pain they brought to the dumpee.

 

Imagine your a company and you had an employee.

 

 

Eventually, some new guy applies with an amazing resume and you fire your old employee. (Your ex)

 

You as the company are sad, but happy to hire this better and new improved guy who will make the company better.

 

The old employee... is in pain, feels betrayed, and stabbed in the back. All the years of hard work and he was sent to the curb.

 

Meanwhile, he polishes up his resume and finds another company and is happy... he is making good pay and feels secure. Now he took all his investments and puts it into the new company.

 

If the new company (relationship) he is in was not done with urgency your chances are slim.

 

If the new company (relationship) was in urgency to get a paycheck as soon as possible.. most likly it will rebound or he will have strong feelings for you.

 

Suddenly, you the company (the GF/BF) wants your old employee back. This new employee is good...but something is missing.. he just not working out and you got to cut him.

 

Now you want the old guy back?

 

1. Do you REALLY want him back?

 

2. When you scout back for him what new things are you going to offer him?

 

3. Have you resolved you own issues?

 

Honestly, the 3rd option should be your first priority... just for your self.

  • Like 3
Blanco Established Member

Blanco

Posted
Posted

You want him so badly now because you can't have him. As long as he was out there floating around as a single person, he was, in some sense, an option for you.

 

But now he's been snatched off the market and your response is something like a person waiting for a pair of shoes to go on sale and then continually wait for a better deal instead of just buying them. They finally sell out and suddenly, you can't believe how much you loved those shoes. Heck, you'd consider paying full price for them right now if you had the opportunity!

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bluefeather Established Member

bluefeather

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Last night I discovered through mutual friend he has a new Gf. It made me realize I really do love him SO much.

 

Seriously, THAT? THAT made you realize you love him SO much? :rolleyes:

 

You dumped him twice - what are you thinking, third time's a charm? What you're doing is selfish.

  • Like 4
Sweetfish Established Member

Sweetfish

Posted
Posted
You want him so badly now because you can't have him. As long as he was out there floating around as a single person, he was, in some sense, an option for you.

 

But now he's been snatched off the market and your response is something like a person waiting for a pair of shoes to go on sale and then continually wait for a better deal instead of just buying them. They finally sell out and suddenly, you can't believe how much you loved those shoes. Heck, you'd consider paying full price for them right now if you had the opportunity!

 

 

LOL... This is pretty much true.

 

I think for some dumpers swallowing of the pride and facing what they did is just too much for them. I think its a race between figuring out their own problems and healing them selves before going back into the ring. I also know dumpers who are scared to hurt the dumpee again and will not reconnect.

 

If you fought Mike Tyson in a boxing match and lost and demand a rematch you need to go back and train and learn from your mistakes or become more knowledgeable.. You can't do that in a month or 2, that's just silly. Your just gonna get pounded again.. I don't think there is any situation in human nature that your can significantly improve in a couple of months without lots reflection and learning. So when you leave a relationship you should started working on your self promptly.

 

That's why when people breakup I shake my head when they try to patch it up in a couple of months. Your still going to be in shock from the deadly upper cut of the breakup without even taking the time to reflect on what happened. (dumpee or dumper)

 

The last thing you want to happen during your "training" is another challenger go into the ring with Mike Tyson (your Bf) Because like another person said, now another person is in the mix. You also don't want to train too long and be forgotten or denied the rematch. Some times the trainer gives up and doesn't even want a rematch (exactly why a dumpee shouldn't wait around either)

 

I think many people here prefer the take your loss method and move on and not worry about "a rematch" maybe eventually you two will cross in the boxing ring in the future for a friendly match again. :p

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Damn it. You guys are right. I currently have a rubber band around my wrist I'm snapping every time my mind goes contacting him.

 

 

Thanks:(

  • Like 1
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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LOL... This is pretty much true.

 

I think for some dumpers swallowing of the pride and facing what they did is just too much for them. I think its a race between figuring out their own problems and healing them selves before going back into the ring. I also know dumpers who are scared to hurt the dumpee again and will not reconnect.

 

If you fought Mike Tyson in a boxing match and lost and demand a rematch you need to go back and train and learn from your mistakes or become more knowledgeable.. You can't do that in a month or 2, that's just silly. Your just gonna get pounded again.. I don't think there is any situation in human nature that your can significantly improve in a couple of months without lots reflection and learning. So when you leave a relationship you should started working on your self promptly.

 

That's why when people breakup I shake my head when they try to patch it up in a couple of months. Your still going to be in shock from the deadly upper cut of the breakup without even taking the time to reflect on what happened. (dumpee or dumper)

 

The last thing you want to happen during your "training" is another challenger go into the ring with Mike Tyson (your Bf) Because like another person said, now another person is in the mix. You also don't want to train too long and be forgotten or denied the rematch. Some times the trainer gives up and doesn't even want a rematch (exactly why a dumpee shouldn't wait around either)

 

I think many people here prefer the take your loss method and move on and not worry about "a rematch" maybe eventually you two will cross in the boxing ring in the future for a friendly match again. :p

 

I love your analogies lol. How do you even come up with these. Yeah, I'm definitely scared of hurting him again. I don't think it would be a good idea to date him even if that were possible. I'd love to communicate with him again though

  • Like 1
whatdeww18 Established Member

whatdeww18

Posted
Posted
I love your analogies lol. How do you even come up with these. Yeah, I'm definitely scared of hurting him again. I don't think it would be a good idea to date him even if that were possible. I'd love to communicate with him again though

 

I think you've gotten more than enough analogies haha. They are very insightful though aren't they?

 

I'm a little confused as to how you went from you learned that you truly love this ex to not thinking it would be a good idea to date him?

 

I mean break ups are confusing and the emotions that follow, but I don't seem to be following. Would really like some insight into how you're thinking.

 

Do you think you hurt him too much and if you think you love him, letting go to let him be happy is best? Is it that you hurt him too much and it's best not to go back?

 

If so, why would you want to communicate with him? Wouldn't just leaving him to heal without your presence to remind him be best?

 

If not, why not act on the love that you professed on here?

 

Sorry for the bombardment of questions! Just very confused

  • Like 1
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Oh my gawd I just emailed my ex his old email. Gawd help me. I hope he changed his email addy,

 

 

Dumb rubber band ! Why didn't I listen. Please don't read it please don't read it please don't read it

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
I truly think the hardest thing for a dumper is understanding the pain they brought to the dumpee.

 

Imagine your a company and you had an employee.

 

 

Eventually, some new guy applies with an amazing resume and you fire your old employee. (Your ex)

 

You as the company are sad, but happy to hire this better and new improved guy who will make the company better.

 

The old employee... is in pain, feels betrayed, and stabbed in the back. All the years of hard work and he was sent to the curb.

 

Meanwhile, he polishes up his resume and finds another company and is happy... he is making good pay and feels secure. Now he took all his investments and puts it into the new company.

 

If the new company (relationship) he is in was not done with urgency your chances are slim.

 

If the new company (relationship) was in urgency to get a paycheck as soon as possible.. most likly it will rebound or he will have strong feelings for you.

 

Suddenly, you the company (the GF/BF) wants your old employee back. This new employee is good...but something is missing.. he just not working out and you got to cut him.

 

Now you want the old guy back?

 

1. Do you REALLY want him back?

 

2. When you scout back for him what new things are you going to offer him?

 

3. Have you resolved you own issues?

 

Honestly, the 3rd option should be your first priority... just for your self.

 

 

so thoughtful...on repeat

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
Oh my gawd I just emailed my ex his old email. Gawd help me. I hope he changed his email addy,

 

 

Dumb rubber band ! Why didn't I listen. Please don't read it please don't read it please don't read it

 

I think it's selfish. I hope he's moved on from you because it's very apparent that your motives aren't healthy.

  • Like 7
dumbass2 Established Member

dumbass2

Posted
Posted
Oh my gawd I just emailed my ex his old email. Gawd help me. I hope he changed his email addy,

 

 

Dumb rubber band ! Why didn't I listen. Please don't read it please don't read it please don't read it

 

What exactly did you say in the email? That is a pretty selfish move since you know he is seeing someone else and it could be serious.

Purepony Established Member

Purepony

Posted
Posted

Why don't you message him and ask him?

I'm just wondering that way you have a clear answer .....

 

I've been thinking of messaging my ex so I know it's difficult but I think I would like that if I was the guy and you messaged me

 

I'm just saying

  • Author
Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
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Posted (edited)

I emailed my ex tonight(weird, but he had a chance of not getting it vs a text or FB message) I basically said hello and that I'd been thinking of him and would like to get back in touch but completely understand if he doesn't want to.

 

He answered very shortly after and we've spent evening talking through text. Not a great amount, but way more than we have in the last few months. I don't get it though. He's distant, in that his messages are quite short. Cautious? He may just be at work. Could it be because he had a gf? Or just doesn't want to talk to me:) Though we did kind of flirt. Maybe I heard wrong? I'm still going to continue to talk/be his friend but give him space. Whatever happens, happens.

 

He kind of ended our convo but I hope it picks up again. Should I send him a pic of me all dolled up when I go out this weekend? That wouldn't hurt, right?

 

 

Whatdeww, good question. I don't know what flipped in me. Maybe I was suppressing it all along. I just want him in my life. Even as friends. he's notinterested in anything more anymore and most likely seeing someone seriously

Edited by Cookiesandough
Pumpingiron34 Established Member

Pumpingiron34

Posted
Posted

Honestly he's prolly going to wanna reconnect with you and you bailing on him is going to hurt a tremendous ammount and doubt he'd wanna just be friends. So unless your really considering retrying with him I wouldent do it. My ex pretty much pulled the similiar story and her bailing just hurt the **** outta me. If he actually loved you it prolly has not gone away. Trust me

  • Like 3
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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I mean you text them

 

"I love your new facebook pic! Where is that?!"

"Brown county. It was a fun trip"

 

"How have you been?"

"Just working a lot and enjoying the weather"

 

 

 

Not interested? Technically it's your turn to say something but there's nothing to add? No question?

 

How do you handle these cases?

divegrl Established Member

divegrl

Posted
Posted
I emailed my ex tonight(weird, but he had a chance of not getting it vs a text or FB message) I basically said hello and that I'd been thinking of him and would like to get back in touch but completely understand if he doesn't want to.

 

He answered very shortly after and we've spent evening talking through text. Not a great amount, but way more than we have in the last few months. I don't get it though. He's distant, in that his messages are quite short. Cautious? He may just be at work. Could it be because he had a gf? Or just doesn't want to talk to me:) Though we did kind of flirt. Maybe I heard wrong? I'm still going to continue to talk/be his friend but give him space. Whatever happens, happens.

 

He kind of ended our convo but I hope it picks up again. Should I send him a pic of me all dolled up when I go out this weekend? That wouldn't hurt, right?

 

 

Whatdeww, good question. I don't know what flipped in me. Maybe I was suppressing it all along. I just want him in my life. Even as friends. he's notinterested in anything more anymore and most likely seeing someone seriously

 

I'm sorry but your behavior is some of the meanest I've seen here on loveshack. Just a couple of days ago you started a thread, " anyone hope your ex would get a gf" so you could move on. Now that he has found someone, you want to reel him back in?

 

To toy with his emotions. To string him along?

 

He is a human with feelings and emotions and your treating him like a doormat.

  • Like 13
ashy555 Established Member

ashy555

Posted
Posted

I ignore replies like that. You can't force it.

Forcing it does more damage.

If he's interested, he will ask about you. That is showing lack of interest unfortunately :(

 

Wait till he messages you. If not. You have your answer!

  • Like 7
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted

Yeah, I do that when FB people message me but I don't feel like talking. I basically answer about every second message, don't ask questions and then find something I "really must do".

 

Unless the person is a close friend and you know it would be a suitable time for them, I think it's a mistake to assume anyone wants to chat on FB.

  • Like 2
5x5 Established Member

5x5

Posted
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Texting and Facebook messaging can sometimes seem really inane.

 

If you're just texting for the sake of texting, it can't hurt to sometimes give it a rest. And then perhaps save it for a face to face conversation or a telephone call.

  • Like 1
Purepony Established Member

Purepony

Posted
Posted

Don't send him a pic of you please

You'll look desperate and he might just want something sexual

 

Remember that you put yourself in this position so your best bet is to keep things casual and let him make the move !

 

You already opened a can of worms by contacting him and he replied which could be a good sign but he's seeing someone so just wait and see what happens and don't push anything

  • Like 1
TheTraveler Established Member

TheTraveler

Posted
Posted
I mean you text them

 

"I love your new facebook pic! Where is that?!"

"Brown county. It was a fun trip"

 

"How have you been?"

"Just working a lot and enjoying the weather"

 

 

 

Not interested? Technically it's your turn to say something but there's nothing to add? No question?

 

How do you handle these cases?

 

Those are the type of responses I give when I'm bored/not interested in someone

  • Like 4
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
Those are the type of responses I give when I'm bored/not interested in someone

 

This.

 

Whomever you were talking to wasn't interested in keeping the conversation going, OP.

  • Like 2
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

OP, you are going to learn the hard way not to be so selfish and inconsiderate.

 

It's time for you to grow up, and stop using this guy to feed your ego. Because if you didn't realize you loved him until he started dating someone else, then I'm sorry but you have a very immature view of love.

 

Don't be that girl. Stop this now. And don't make a complete fool of yourself by sending him pictures. You will make yourself look desperate and he and his friends (and likely even his girlfriend) will probably have a good laugh at you.

 

I have a feeling you won't listen, but you need to knock it off.

  • Like 16
dumbass2 Established Member

dumbass2

Posted
Posted

The person you were messaging is not interested in anything further.

  • Like 1
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

Is it your ex you were talking to in this case, OP?

 

I've just read and responded to your other thread about him, so I'm wondering if that's who you're referring to here as well.

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