Ever Said Some Really Hurtful Things In a Break Up??

[preraph]

Time to block them all and wash your hands of them. You tried.

[Gaeta]

Of course you did the right thing by her. Who cares what he thinks. You're sad he views you as a bad guy? meh! why do you care about the opinion of a cheating liar anyway.

[DC77]

I've posted a couple of times through this situation. Most recently yesterday about trying to do the right thing. For those not following, the man I was dating for 7 months had 3 other women. One that was his ex. One he was in love with. One on the side in his hometown. And one of convenience, me... I wouldn't doubt more.

 

Everything imploded about 2 and a half weeks ago and we have all been in contact in one way or another. We know he lies. And he continues to lie. He is verifiably pathological. At first it was just 3 of us, and then a week ago the 4th showed up...

 

I have been trying to move on. I've received countless good words of advice. But I can't let go of the hurt. And some days rage. I had put myself back out there on a dating site until yesterday, when he showed up as a prospective match and showed online. He's not even here! He's deployed halfway around the world! I couldn't believe he was still out there hunting again. And I had to wonder if the ex knew. She had called me crying one night and I consoled her through a very uncomfortable half hour and she had asked me to tell her if and when I knew anything. So I contacted her, but this was all talked about in my recent "Thought I was doing the right thing" post.

 

I swore I would never allow something like this to happen to me again. I was with someone for 10 years and i ended it because of his cheating. With this last guy, I can look back and see the red flags, but while I was in it, I had no idea. Neither did any of them! I've been so hurt and there's no consolation. And I can't get it out of my head. He's in a memory. He's attached to the places I go to retreat. He's in a song. He's on the same dating site! And in the midst to all of this MY EX actually showed up after 5 years of not talking right in the thick of it all to boo hoo that he has cheated on his last woman of 4 years. The timing is impeccable. And it's just too f**k*ng much!

 

Everyone has been deleted. Everyone has been blocked. I just want it all out of my head! Never to have existed. I want to move on, but I haven't moved. Help.

[Gaeta]

Everything imploded about 2 and a half weeks ago and we have all been in contact in one way or another. We know he lies. And he continues to lie. He is verifiably pathological. At first it was just 3 of us, and then a week ago the 4th showed up...

 

I have been trying to move on. I've received countless good words of advice. But I can't let go of the hurt. And some days rage. I had put myself back out there on a dating site until yesterday, when he showed up as a prospective match and showed online.

 

Stop stop stop stop it right here!!

 

You broke up 2 weeks ago, no one expect you to be over it already. These things take time. You will have to go through the 5 phases of mourning like anyone else. Accept it hurts, it will continue hurting, let it hurt and just deal with it. It's part of life. Don't try to put a band-aid on it to numb it, it's not a solution.

 

You've been trying to move on! *shaking head* It's too early for you to be back online. You'll just be wasting people's time. You are not ready to date and like I said USING another man to forget this one isn't fair to the new guy and it's only going to delay the work you have to do on yourself.

 

There is no short cut. You hurt and you let it hurt till it doesn't anymore.

 

You don't need a new man. You need girlfriends, family and ice cream.

 

Good luck.

[DC77]

Thanks Gaeta. I had posted a reply but in a clean new thread. Somehow these 3 threads got combined and moved... But thank you for the words of encouragement.

[DC77]

I think I hit my peak when I last posted. Almost like a fever finally breaking. My perspective has completely shifted and I'm on the mend... For anyone going through a similar situation where they found themselves lied to and cheated on, I found this article that helped me make sense of it. I will post this in the other thread as well...

 

https://www.google.com/amp/hellogiggles.com/reasons-never-saw-the-cheater/amp/

 

If the link doesn't work, Google Sarah May Bates without being vengeful

[la74219]

Man this thread really hits home. I'm a male, and we weren't "officially dating", but basically she kept me on the hook for several months after I told her how I felt about her. Just found out there's been another guy involved all of those months. I asked several times, and there was never another guy according to her. Turns out she has never felt this way about anyone before, he's the greatest guy ever, and she never liked me and wasn't happy with me. This is all after going back and forth with me even telling me she really had feelings for me and really liked me and cared about me etc. For half a year this went on. I feel so disgusted by it.

 

But where it's really similar to this story is when I found out about it, I said some terrible things. I just couldn't hold it in. Felt like crap after, and apologized. Deep down I feel like she's a good person, but then part of me is like why should I feel bad about saying the things I said? I really don't know..I guess that's just not me to say those things. And after I said it, I felt like she flipped it on me saying I'm this negative person who is saying all these bad things about her.

 

So OP don't feel alone. I've said the terrible things too. I felt bad after though. But I am completely disgusted by the entire situation, and want nothing to do with her. And like you, I just want all of it out of my head. It will get better though. Feel free to vent on here anytime..I'm listening!