ShatteredLady Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 I think he'd be getting a lot more sympathy & understanding if he said that he was unhappy. His sex life got a bit boring lately (WHILST HIS WIFE WAS PREGNANT & with a new born) so he set out to have commitmentless easy sex. He states that his wife, his marriage etc is really good & he loves her!! 1
Whoknew30 Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 I think he'd be getting a lot more sympathy & understanding if he said that he was unhappy. His sex life got a bit boring lately (WHILST HIS WIFE WAS PREGNANT & with a new born) so he set out to have commitmentless easy sex. He states that his wife, his marriage etc is really good & he loves her!! Loving someone doesn't equal happy being with them or happy in situation you're in with them, just means you love them. There's plenty of people I love that I wouldn't live with doesn't mean I don't love them. He also stated maybe marriage isn't for him, maybe it's not. 1
stillafool Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 (edited) agree....but hard truth. Kid is 2 months old. OP divorces wife and is a great dad.....but BS remarries when the kid is say, 3....that kid is going to grow up with a stepfather being there every night at dinner, every bedtime, every morning, etc...while OP is only going to be there on the days he has visitation. He can still be a good dad, but where his kid is so young he is likely to grow up feeling like stepdad raised him. It's a harsh reality of divorce. I remember my dad being upset that I wanted my stepfather and him to both walk me down the aisle. But my stepdad was just as much a dad to me as my real dad who I saw only on weekends/every other weekend. But you still knew your Dad and he was still in your life. Divorce happens but people still have a relationship with their kids. Having a step Dad to love you to just means double the love in your life. I think it is the responsibility of both parents to make sure the kids know the divorce is not about them but each other. That the wayward spouse may no longer love them but will always love their children. Too many times the betrayed spouse will turn the kids against the wayward spouse and that's not fair. Edited February 23, 2017 by stillafool 1
wmacbride Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 (edited) What do you mean "they can find happiness with someone else" bc he's cheating on his wife doesn't mean another man gets to be his father...bc someone is bad in a relationship doesn't equal them a bad parent. My dad cheated, bad husband, awesome dad. A parent becomes a bad parent when they put their kid to the side, not bc they choose to leave their spouse. What do you think he's already doing? He himself admits to being away a lot, and what's he doing in his spare time? Is he at home with his son or out with his ow? Parents who are divorced can still parent well, but the op sounds like he wants to be there for the fun stuff, not the day to day diaper changes, scraped knees and a broken heart from puppy love. Those aren't "fun". It's also hard to get past that he cheated on his pregnant wife, putting her mental and physical health at risk , and also his unborn child. If that is how someone shows they love their child, they are in serious need of help. Edited February 23, 2017 by wmacbride
Whoknew30 Posted February 23, 2017 Posted February 23, 2017 What do you think he's already doing? He himself admits to being away a lot, and what's he doing in his spare time? Is he at home with his son or out with his ow? Parents who are divorced can still parent well, but the op sounds like he wants to be there for the fun stuff, not the day to day diaper changes, scraped knees and a broken heart from puppy love. Those aren't "fun". It's also hard to get past that he cheated on his pregnant wife, putting her mental and physical health at risk , and also his unborn child. If that is how someone shows they love their child, they are in serious need of help. Statistically, a lot of men cheat during their wives pregnancy, it's not uncommon at all, especially if they married just bc it was the "next step" & not out of 100% really wanting to or being ready...& statistically men that cheat within the first 5 years of marriage do so more bc of marital dissatisfaction vs men that are satisfied in their marriage & only looking for sex.
Author Nathan234 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 You all really want to make me a bad guy, don't you?! ;-) What do you think he's already doing? He himself admits to being away a lot, and what's he doing in his spare time? Is he at home with his son or out with his ow? Very, very interesting insights, please show me a paragraph when I admit such a nonsense. The truth is, I don't spend my "spare time" with my mistress, we meet during my work and SOMETIMES in the evenings when I know I don't have anything planned. My wife is usually away, I don't want to come to the empty house. We talk a little when I'm at home, we almost never talk in the evenings, we almost never talk in the weekends, we meet only Monday-Friday, sometimes we go shopping together or she's with me at work. So you still think I don't change diapers, don't wake up at night to feed him, don't bath him. And who do you think cook and clean? Parents who are divorced can still parent well, but the op sounds like he wants to be there for the fun stuff, not the day to day diaper changes, scraped knees and a broken heart from puppy love. Those aren't "fun". I think I explained myself enough in the previous part. I know you don't have sympathy to me, so I understand. However, you are very, very, very, VEEERY wrong my dear. And you know what, yes I do have a lot of fun with my mistress, but she knows how to annoy me, she gives me a loooooot of headache sometimes, but I deal with it because it's more than sex. She's really amazing.
Author Nathan234 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 So, you all are wondering if I spoke with my wife - yes. I think that no one expect what happened (I didn't). I've learned yesterday that my wife is also having an affair, for 2 years and is happy with that guy and also considered divorce. So I think she was with me mostly for my money I guess. We're done, I don't even feel like working things out. 2
Tayla Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 I think you and your wife are a perfect match. Reconsider. You both have common qualities 2
Author Nathan234 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 I think you and your wife are a perfect match. Reconsider. You both have common qualities No need to be mean.
BaileyB Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 So, you all are wondering if I spoke with my wife - yes. I think that no one expect what happened (I didn't). I've learned yesterday that my wife is also having an affair, for 2 years and is happy with that guy and also considered divorce. So I think she was with me mostly for my money I guess. We're done, I don't even feel like working things out. My goodness, and you both brought a child into this mess. One can never regret a child, but your child deserves more than two selfish parents... But, you have your answer. She has made your choice for you. Best of luck with your mistress. 3
aileD Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 LOL. How convenient . So what's next....DNA test? 7
somanymistakes Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 So, you all are wondering if I spoke with my wife - yes. I think that no one expect what happened (I didn't). I've learned yesterday that my wife is also having an affair, for 2 years and is happy with that guy and also considered divorce. So I think she was with me mostly for my money I guess. We're done, I don't even feel like working things out. Well, no matter what, I'm sure this was a bit of a shock to you, so condolences on that front. It sounds like it probably is for the best for you two to split. Hopefully over time you can eventually manage to keep a civil relationship between the two of you for the child's sake. 3
Author Nathan234 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 LOL. How convenient . So what's next....DNA test? I guess...
Whoknew30 Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 So, you all are wondering if I spoke with my wife - yes. I think that no one expect what happened (I didn't). I've learned yesterday that my wife is also having an affair, for 2 years and is happy with that guy and also considered divorce. So I think she was with me mostly for my money I guess. We're done, I don't even feel like working things out. Well then the choice has been made for you...any break up is hard but maybe you're better off if you weren't happy in the first place...also your son won't remember you together which may be easier for him in the long run. Good luck 3
Author Nathan234 Posted February 24, 2017 Author Posted February 24, 2017 Well, no matter what, I'm sure this was a bit of a shock to you, so condolences on that front. It sounds like it probably is for the best for you two to split. Hopefully over time you can eventually manage to keep a civil relationship between the two of you for the child's sake. We shall try, thank you.
whichwayisup Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 So, you all are wondering if I spoke with my wife - yes. I think that no one expect what happened (I didn't). I've learned yesterday that my wife is also having an affair, for 2 years and is happy with that guy and also considered divorce. So I think she was with me mostly for my money I guess. We're done, I don't even feel like working things out. Well, that just makes it easier for the both of you. Each of you now can be with your affair partners (though is hers married or single?) and live apart. Just always put your child first and be good parents on friendly terms. And most of all, don't allow your OW or her OM around your child. not for a long time, there's a lot of adjustments and it's not fair to change a childs life so drastically and then have him have to face a new step parent. Don't move in with your OW either, you need time alone before hopping out of a marriage and starting a new life with someone else.
Tayla Posted February 24, 2017 Posted February 24, 2017 No need to be mean. It was a statement/observation.
Author Nathan234 Posted February 25, 2017 Author Posted February 25, 2017 Best of luck with your mistress. She's no longer a mistress I reckon. And thank you.
Author Nathan234 Posted February 25, 2017 Author Posted February 25, 2017 Well, that just makes it easier for the both of you. Each of you now can be with your affair partners (though is hers married or single?) and live apart. Just always put your child first and be good parents on friendly terms. And most of all, don't allow your OW or her OM around your child. not for a long time, there's a lot of adjustments and it's not fair to change a childs life so drastically and then have him have to face a new step parent. Don't move in with your OW either, you need time alone before hopping out of a marriage and starting a new life with someone else. No drastic moves, we will leave it like that. The only thing that will definitely change, no more sneaking and that makes me happy for sure. Her partner is also single now (divorced). My child will always be number 1 and I will provide the best parenting skills I can. This was never going to change, though. 2
aliveagain Posted February 25, 2017 Posted February 25, 2017 Get a DNA test done, you are responsible for that child financially until they are adults and or until they finish their schooling. The chances are high that it could be the other man's child, why pay for his child if they are going to be together anyway? You need to talk to a lawyer. Sure didn't see this one coming. 3
stillafool Posted February 25, 2017 Posted February 25, 2017 So, you all are wondering if I spoke with my wife - yes. I think that no one expect what happened (I didn't). I've learned yesterday that my wife is also having an affair, for 2 years and is happy with that guy and also considered divorce. So I think she was with me mostly for my money I guess. We're done, I don't even feel like working things out. Well that must have been a relief. Why would you say you don't feel like working things out when your plan was to divorce and be with your mistress? It seems that now everything is perfect. It should be an easy divorce. 1
Author Nathan234 Posted March 8, 2017 Author Posted March 8, 2017 Well that must have been a relief. Why would you say you don't feel like working things out when your plan was to divorce and be with your mistress? It seems that now everything is perfect. It should be an easy divorce. I was ready to work things out if she was willing to... I mean, I wasn't sure what reaction I will get. My mistress is a very important person to me and if I decided to work on my marriage, she'd always have a special place in my heart and life. I was extremely afraid of losing my status and family, friends... But we're in peace now, I know it was meant to happen, there's absolutely no regret from any of us. We all (including the baby) will have to accept the fact that he will eventually have us as parents and two additional step parents.
Recommended Posts