Fell for my mistress but I love my wife...

[aileD]

Book Summary: No More Mr. Nice Guy | Menprovement

we are "all" women and men raised to be "nice guys" by society, maybe so that nothing changes, but time for change:)

 

as true as it is we all have to be autentic and follow our hearts if we will ever be able to be of benefit to another human being, and ourselves, so Dont ever do what is expected from you but do what you want and feel is right for your wellbeing----- take the fight that may come with some people:cool:

you will only be able to be an attentive father/mother if you are attentive to yourself and your needs first,

drop the illusions, there is no such thing as commitment if that means sacrificing yourself, **** it all and know that the people who cares about you want you to be happy and will be there for you no matter what-

 

We live in a world of selfishness today. Put yourself first. Take care of you first. Your happiness is most important.

 

That's why this world is **** today. We are all told that being selfish is the right thing to do.

 

This is no longer our grandparents generation . Where if something was broke can they fixed it even if they really wanted to just throw it away and buy a shiny new one because it was less work and made you happy.

 

I don't like this line of thinking, never had. I would sacrifice my happiness for my children any day. And for my husband, I would go through the hell (and I have-believe me) because marriage is not about me. It's about your family unit and your relationship with God.

 

I am thankful my husband realized that too before he ran off with his shiny new mistress

[Clay]

We live in a world of selfishness today. Put yourself first. Take care of you first. Your happiness is most important.

 

That's why this world is **** today. We are all told that being selfish is the right thing to do.

 

This is no longer our grandparents generation . Where if something was broke can they fixed it even if they really wanted to just throw it away and buy a shiny new one because it was less work and made you happy.

 

I don't like this line of thinking, never had. I would sacrifice my happiness for my children any day. And for my husband, I would go through the hell (and I have-believe me) because marriage is not about me. It's about your family unit and your relationship with God.

 

I am thankful my husband realized that too before he ran off with his shiny new mistress

 

What a great post. I could swear you were reading my mind.

 

Good for you and your husband. Its nice to see there are some people out here with the same values.

 

C

[wmacbride]

Book Summary: No More Mr. Nice Guy | Menprovement

we are "all" women and men raised to be "nice guys" by society, maybe so that nothing changes, but time for change:)

 

as true as it is we all have to be autentic and follow our hearts if we will ever be able to be of benefit to another human being, and ourselves, so Dont ever do what is expected from you but do what you want and feel is right for your wellbeing----- take the fight that may come with some people:cool:

you will only be able to be an attentive father/mother if you are attentive to yourself and your needs first,

drop the illusions, there is no such thing as commitment if that means sacrificing yourself, **** it all and know that the people who cares about you want you to be happy and will be there for you no matter what-

 

and he we see a description of a sociopath.

 

this would be laughable if not so sad.

 

do you really believe his child will think "daddy doesn't live with us not home, and I almost never see him, but he's happy screwing around with his ow, so all's good"?

[aliveagain]

What a selfish and disrespectful way to celebrate something as wonderful and as beautiful as the miracle of your first child. Shame on you, this amazing moment will never happen again. I am glad you at least acknowledge his existence, the woman that helped you sh*t on his arrival sure got enough of the top billing. Maybe you need to get some professional help and with that help find a way to let him and his mother go so someone can come into their life that really wants them. Any fool knows that no relationship will work if your only in it part time.

[aileD]

What a great post. I could swear you were reading my mind.

 

Good for you and your husband. Its nice to see there are some people out here with the same values.

 

C

 

Thank you, we've learned a LOT over the last few years. And I am not saying you have to live your life unhappy....you change your mindset and you look for the good, and you be grateful for the blessings you have and you work with what you've got-- what you committed to.

 

There are some reasons to get divorced. Falling out of love is not one of them. It just means you didn't do your part.

[Nathan234]

If she wasn't important to me, I would easily let her go, but I've invested too much and I just can't forget about her in a snap of a finger.

 

Please don't blame the other woman because I let her to fall for me, she's invested a lot as well. I know she'd cry and be devastated if I left her, so does my wife.

 

This is very selfish of me, there are two women in my life that I probably don't deserve. My wife and my mistress are very similar actually, but we didn't have so much excitement with my wife when we met. I loved her enough to marry her but for some reason it's difficult to overcome this boredom.

 

Just to let you know guys, my baby is the most important part in my life, I will do anything to show him all these good and positive things in life. My affair is a reason of something which I will warn him about. I won't hide it, I will explain it to him. If me and my wife will fall apart one day, we will be the best co-parents, I assure you.

 

When my baby was born, I spent the whole 2 days in the hospital don't really contacting my mistress, the first month was crazy, we haven't been seeing each other as much, she is very understanding which impress me. My wife is a very good mother, I'm glad that we have a baby together, I know it was a right choice.

 

Is saying that my affair hasn't been planned crazy? Everyone say that right?! I believe some do plan to have an affair, I just wanted to have some fun with no commitment what eventually turned out to be a very important part in my life. I have two lives, with my wife and my mistress. It's like two different worlds.

I deal with my mistress' issues, she has no secrets and its not all honeymoon but we deal with it because we care about each other.

 

The grass isn't greener of course, it's a different kind of grass, I care about them two, I never thought I'd be in that kind of situation. Of course I let myself to it and I don't blame anyone, it's just a little shocking. If it was only about me, I'd just leave it like that but I will have to chose one and hurt another... No one will make decision for me but it's always good to hear other people's opinion.

Edited February 16, 2017 by Nathan234

[BuddyX]

So are you going to be one of these guys, were 10 pages deep into the thread you'll be in the same spot? Talking about how you love both women.

 

Your job as a husband is to provide, protect and be present. You're not doing so well on at least 2.

 

Go NC. And focus on your fam.

[aileD]

Just to let you know guys, my baby is the most important part in my life, I will do anything to show him all these good and positive things in life. My affair is a reason of something which I will warn him about. I won't hide it, I will explain it to him.

 

Yup, the kid is doomed ...you're so clueless you're goign to f*ck up his whole life.

 

get a grip. You're not some PRIZE that both women will cry and fawn over when you leave. Your wife will mourn her MARRIAGE and the life she thought she had and the man she thought you were, then she'll go find another man...a better one who will raise your son for you. yeah, hell you'll be good co-parents but the truth of divorce is that when YOU leave, and the kid is living with his mom and stepfather--- you're just the weekend dad. And your son is young enough that if she remarries soon, your son will probably feel closer to the man that he lives with every day rather than YOU: The weekend dad who cheated on his mom...but it's ok because you explained it to him how it's ok to not honor your commitments when you get bored . That he wasn't good enough to find a way out of the boredom to keep the family together.

 

You're so far up the fantasyland bullsh*t slide that you can't even see things for what they are.

 

LOVE doesn't make things better...just because YOU LOVE YOUR SON doesn't mean you're not going to **** him up because you're selfish and you don't seem to care.

 

and your mistress.....you may end up with her, but she's a girl who cheats with married men and when she gets bored of you she'll probably find someone else.

 

Wake the Fk up.

[aliveagain]

One good relationship is better then two bad ones, one of them is going to fail miserably. Pick one and commit to it and stop playing with peoples lives. Maybe you are a good father to your son but you are one sh*tty husband to your wife. No one respects a person who doesn't respect boundaries. You are in a world of pain and just don't know it yet. Nothing good is going to come from your deception, try reading deadsoul's post and look at your future.

[BaileyB]

I would say that you have a fair bit invested with your wife as well...

 

And, the fact that you say you won't hide the affair and will tell your child means, you have a lot to learn about parenting too... You should never burden a child with adult problems. And, if you tell the child when he is an adult, be prepared for the fact that they will never look at you or respect you in the same way.

 

There is definitely a special place for a man who cheats on his pregnant wife. For you to say proudly that you stayed away from the other woman for the two days your son was in hospital... There are just no words. You are father of the year!

 

What a selfish, selfish man... You should tell your wife so that she knows the man who claims to be a loving husband and devoted father is anything but...

[ShatteredLady]

How many times have you cheated on your wife? Has she ever discovered any of your commitmentless fun in the past?

[BaileyB]

The best thing a father can do for their children is love their mother.

 

To love and respect the mother of his children... to create a stable and happy home from his children to learn and grow... and to provide a strong example of what it means to live a life of integrity and decency.

 

I would ask you, do you really think that you are a good father? Will your child be proud of the decisions you have made or the way you have loved his mother? Even if you really are a good father to your son... You are definitely a ***** husband.

[whichwayisup]

Where to begin, I'm not really a fan of seeking help online, but there is no one I'd talk to. I really need to vent.

 

Everything started a little more than a year ago, we've had a one night stand few years ago. At first, I've had no intention of falling for her, not even getting to know her. My marriage was good but a little boring, especially in the bedroom. My wife got pregnant in March last year, me and the other woman (let's call her X) have been talking casually, not hard feelings. We just started talking more and more and I've started to getting to know her and now she's as important to me as my wife. And trust me, I know her a few years but I've never was interested of getting to know her better, it was good as it was. I haven't planned this, neither did she. It was just a little talk here and there, I was chasing her for a few years because she wasn't that interested (she didn't know I was married).

 

When we've started talking more often, I've noticed how interesting she is, she's beautiful inside and out. We can talk for hours, we can just sit staring at each other and holding hands, the chemistry is so strong. The thing is that when I am with her, I don't think about my wife. Not at all... But when I'm back home, I'm a proper husband and dad.

 

What do I do next, leave my wife... leave my mistress. I don't want to do any of it. I know I will have to make a decision one day, maybe even soon but I have no idea what I want to do. I know what I should do, but this is not what I want.

 

If only you realized what you're about to give up. A wife and child yet because sex was 'boring' you CHOSE to give attention and emotionally invest in another woman instead of investing and reconnecting, putting energy into your wife. It's sad that you lied to this OW too, led her on and made her probably fall for you. I'm betting if she knew you were about to become a new father and was married she wouldn't have got close to you, but you took that option away from her.

 

Now, you're in a place that you have to choose between two women. Which neither you deserve. Sorry that my words are harsh...Just really makes me sad that you put yourself and your own needs first and created this horrible mess.

 

I hope you seek counseling and fix what's broken inside of you. Seems you're not ready to be family man and be a committed loving husband to your wife.

[Mr. Lucky]

No one will make decision for me but it's always good to hear other people's opinion.

 

BS, that's exactly what you're waiting for - someone to make the decision for you.

 

One of these women will kick you to the curb. All that will leave is a well-earned opportunity to claim you ended up with the wrong one...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Popsicle]

You're not going to make any decision. You're just going to continue to be a cake eater until you get caught and then the decision will be made for you.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Nathan, all I can advise you to do is recall the adage "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush"! That's all you need to know to make a decision for the good of everyone.

[Darren Steez]

my baby is the most important part in my life, I will do anything to show him all these good and positive things in life.

 

we will be the best co-parents, I assure you.

 

 

All I see are some words and ego.

 

What makes you think when your wife finds out she's going to want to have anything to do with you let alone be the best co-parents, thing is you're not even a good parent now, nor a husband.

 

But good luck to you all the same.

[Furious]

If she wasn't important to me, I would easily let her go, but I've invested too much and I just can't forget about her in a snap of a finger.

 

Please don't blame the other woman because I let her to fall for me, she's invested a lot as well. I know she'd cry and be devastated if I left her, so does my wife.

 

This is very selfish of me, there are two women in my life that I probably don't deserve. My wife and my mistress are very similar actually, but we didn't have so much excitement with my wife when we met. I loved her enough to marry her but for some reason it's difficult to overcome this boredom.

 

Just to let you know guys, my baby is the most important part in my life, I will do anything to show him all these good and positive things in life. My affair is a reason of something which I will warn him about. I won't hide it, I will explain it to him. If me and my wife will fall apart one day, we will be the best co-parents, I assure you.

 

When my baby was born, I spent the whole 2 days in the hospital don't really contacting my mistress, the first month was crazy, we haven't been seeing each other as much, she is very understanding which impress me. My wife is a very good mother, I'm glad that we have a baby together, I know it was a right choice.

 

Is saying that my affair hasn't been planned crazy? Everyone say that right?! I believe some do plan to have an affair, I just wanted to have some fun with no commitment what eventually turned out to be a very important part in my life. I have two lives, with my wife and my mistress. It's like two different worlds.

I deal with my mistress' issues, she has no secrets and its not all honeymoon but we deal with it because we care about each other.

 

The grass isn't greener of course, it's a different kind of grass, I care about them two, I never thought I'd be in that kind of situation. Of course I let myself to it and I don't blame anyone, it's just a little shocking. If it was only about me, I'd just leave it like that but I will have to chose one and hurt another... No one will make decision for me but it's always good to hear other people's opinion.

 

 

In other words you're quite happy being a cheating liar and love cake. Your wife may love you, your mistress may love you but it's obvious you love yourself more than your two women and little baby combined. The only reason you have both is because you are a liar.

 

I doubt you are sincere about getting good advice. You'll continue being the center of your universe and your ego enjoys having the cake buffet all to yourself until the buffet is shut down when you get caught.

 

Do you even care about the damage and heartache that will unfold when your lies and double life are found out.

 

My advice still stands, divorce your wife and go be with your mistress.

[wmacbride]

If she wasn't important to me, I would easily let her go, but I've invested too much and I just can't forget about her in a snap of a finger.

 

Please don't blame the other woman because I let her to fall for me, she's invested a lot as well. I know she'd cry and be devastated if I left her, so does my wife.

 

This is very selfish of me, there are two women in my life that I probably don't deserve. My wife and my mistress are very similar actually, but we didn't have so much excitement with my wife when we met. I loved her enough to marry her but for some reason it's difficult to overcome this boredom.

 

Just to let you know guys, my baby is the most important part in my life, I will do anything to show him all these good and positive things in life. My affair is a reason of something which I will warn him about. I won't hide it, I will explain it to him. If me and my wife will fall apart one day, we will be the best co-parents, I assure you.

 

When my baby was born, I spent the whole 2 days in the hospital don't really contacting my mistress, the first month was crazy, we haven't been seeing each other as much, she is very understanding which impress me. My wife is a very good mother, I'm glad that we have a baby together, I know it was a right choice.

 

Is saying that my affair hasn't been planned crazy? Everyone say that right?! I believe some do plan to have an affair, I just wanted to have some fun with no commitment what eventually turned out to be a very important part in my life. I have two lives, with my wife and my mistress. It's like two different worlds.

I deal with my mistress' issues, she has no secrets and its not all honeymoon but we deal with it because we care about each other.

 

The grass isn't greener of course, it's a different kind of grass, I care about them two, I never thought I'd be in that kind of situation. Of course I let myself to it and I don't blame anyone, it's just a little shocking. If it was only about me, I'd just leave it like that but I will have to chose one and hurt another... No one will make decision for me but it's always good to hear other people's opinion.

 

oh for godless sake.

so you spent two whole days at the hospital without contacting your ow? what a hero!

You child is just a baby, and you have zero understanding of what true parenting is. It's not about making you happy, but about being the best damned father or mother you can be, and if your mind is full of worry about yourself, that can't happen.

 

Your child doesn't care if you are happy or not, and that's as it should be, because it is not a child's responsibility to make mommy or daddy feel good about their crappy choices. Their job is to grow up to be the best human being they can be, and that's hard to do when one of your moral compasses ( your father) is completely off.

 

I can assure you that one thing your child will care about is if you hurt their mommy by cheating on her, and all your excuses won't matter. My own family experienced this. My kids found out my spouse had cheated ( and that was almost 10 years ago-they found out on their own, as we had wanted to hide that from them). My wh handled it really well, took responsibility, and admitted his mistake to them when they asked.

 

Even though he did all of that, it still deeply affected them.They don't trust romantic relationships and feel like they lead to nothing but heartache. This is not something he or I ever predicted would happen, and it is one of the hardest parts of the fallout for his A to that he has had cope.

 

As for your ow, she is a fully grown adult, capable of saying for little words. These are " no- you are married". She didn't do that, and was having sex with a married man with a pregnant wife. Sounds like a real shining star to me.

[wmacbride]

You're not going to make any decision. You're just going to continue to be a cake eater until you get caught and then the decision will be made for you.

 

exactly.

he gets to "explore his feelings for the ow" because "the heart wants what to wants", and meanwhile, his wife and child will pay the emotional price for his philandering.

 

op, as father puts his child first in all things, even what's in his pants.

[Southern Sun]

If she wasn't important to me, I would easily let her go, but I've invested too much and I just can't forget about her in a snap of a finger.

 

Please don't blame the other woman because I let her to fall for me, she's invested a lot as well. I know she'd cry and be devastated if I left her, so does my wife.

 

This is very selfish of me, there are two women in my life that I probably don't deserve. My wife and my mistress are very similar actually, but we didn't have so much excitement with my wife when we met. I loved her enough to marry her but for some reason it's difficult to overcome this boredom.

 

Just to let you know guys, my baby is the most important part in my life, I will do anything to show him all these good and positive things in life. My affair is a reason of something which I will warn him about. I won't hide it, I will explain it to him. If me and my wife will fall apart one day, we will be the best co-parents, I assure you.

 

When my baby was born, I spent the whole 2 days in the hospital don't really contacting my mistress, the first month was crazy, we haven't been seeing each other as much, she is very understanding which impress me. My wife is a very good mother, I'm glad that we have a baby together, I know it was a right choice.

 

Is saying that my affair hasn't been planned crazy? Everyone say that right?! I believe some do plan to have an affair, I just wanted to have some fun with no commitment what eventually turned out to be a very important part in my life. I have two lives, with my wife and my mistress. It's like two different worlds.

I deal with my mistress' issues, she has no secrets and its not all honeymoon but we deal with it because we care about each other.

 

The grass isn't greener of course, it's a different kind of grass, I care about them two, I never thought I'd be in that kind of situation. Of course I let myself to it and I don't blame anyone, it's just a little shocking. If it was only about me, I'd just leave it like that but I will have to chose one and hurt another... No one will make decision for me but it's always good to hear other people's opinion.

 

Why don't you be this open with your wife?

 

Let her know that you are now in this other relationship that you never intended. All you wanted was a little fun on the side and now you've grown to love this person...in addition to her.

 

Ask her if she would be willing to share you. It's only fair for her to know what she is dealing with.

 

You never know what could happen. But then, at least your hands would be clean.

[Midwestmissy]

That poor child deserves two parents with excellent moral compasses, and before he's even born, he's been shafted. The sexiest men in the world stand up for their wives and families. The losers cheat. And lose.

[Ruffian1]

then she'll go find another man...a better one who will raise your son for you. yeah, hell you'll be good co-parents but the truth of divorce is that when YOU leave, and the kid is living with his mom and stepfather--- you're just the weekend dad. And your son is young enough that if she remarries soon, your son will probably feel closer to the man that he lives with every day rather than YOU: The weekend dad who cheated on his mom..

 

He knows this, that is why he lies and hides the OW.

 

How about giving you W the option to get some on the side when she thinks YOU are boring?

 

You went 2 whole days:o

 

You must be so proud:bunny:

[gettingstronger]

I know people say you can love two women but you can't- not in the way a wife expects to be loved by their husband. Give one or both up and be honest about it. It really is that simple.

[Mr. Lucky]

Give one or both up and be honest about it.

 

I'd guess the latter would take care of the former ...

 

Mr. Lucky