Girlfriend of two years kissed an ex boyfriend

[Davidh22]

I am afraid you are in for a world of hurt in the future.

 

But what do you really think?

 

I know you are here to give the harsh advice but I know it is also difficult when you don't get to see the full situation. I came on here mainly as I didn't have an outlet or anyone to discuss this with and I really appreciate all the comments. I'm taking them all on board and hopefully I can make the right decision, if there is one.

 

Any more advise or comments though would be great and hopefully I can get back on here in the coming weeks and let you know how it turned out!

[smackie9]

The ball is in your court now......it's all up to you.

[road]

Please be advised that rarely does somebody get the actual true story the first time around.

 

Sitting on it for a week shows more of a knack for hoping it goes away as opposed to feeling very awful about it.

 

You say this guy has zero links to you, then if that is the case why even say anything to you at all? If she had a week to sit on it she would ave been just as eager to never tell you. If I were you I would wonder if someone perhaps saw it or knew about it and threatened to tell you if she didn't, nd you gt the PG version of it in hopes she could stem the tide.

 

Again, people expose themselves usually not out of guilt, but as a means to get out ahead of something for fear of somebody spilling the beans on them. Again, a week of keeping her mouth shut and all of a sudden she admits to a kiss? I would not be buying that. Especially with drinking involved.

 

 

I would be very suspicious given how she went about it that it ended with a 10 second kiss. You only know what she told you. You weren't there.

 

Years of watching life leads me to say: dump her cheating butt.

[Davidh22]

Years of watching life leads me to say: dump her cheating butt.

 

So this would be regardless of who the person was, relationship, situation, etc? As this seems the logic of a couple of others I suppose it leads me to ask: Is there any cases where someone who cheats, even be it like this situation here, can then go on without ever doing it again? Does anyone have experience of this happening? Or is it always pretty much 99% a lost cause?

 

I'd like to think there are cases where a SO has cheated, then by realising their error made sure this never happens again, does anyone have any experience of this? Or are you basically saying I should start warming up the car?

[DKT3]

So this would be regardless of who the person was, relationship, situation, etc? As this seems the logic of a couple of others I suppose it leads me to ask: Is there any cases where someone who cheats, even be it like this situation here, can then go on without ever doing it again? Does anyone have experience of this happening? Or is it always pretty much 99% a lost cause?

 

I'd like to think there are cases where a SO has cheated, then by realising their error made sure this never happens again, does anyone have any experience of this? Or are you basically saying I should start warming up the car?

 

The thing is many of us here are pretty confident you do not have the full story. So we are kind of working with different information. Those of us that have been down this road know we will likely never know the true whole story.

[Space Ritual]

As this seems the logic of a couple of others I suppose it leads me to ask: Is there any cases where someone who cheats, even be it like this situation here, can then go on without ever doing it again?

 

Yes there are cases where a cheater has been able to restore trust.

 

The work involved doing that is a years long process that they must undertake without any guarantee the victim is going to even stick around. That type of commitment is very daunting. The work necessary to make oneself a safe person to be around is more often than not too difficult for a person to do, since it involves that constant level of dedication without assurance of a reward. So it is much easier for someone to just give up, move onto the next relationship, and repeat the same behavior when a similar opportunity arises.

 

People are more apt to rush to a quick reconciliation with the cheater without getting to the root cause of the act itself. Thus almost guaranteeing the behavior will eventually return.

 

That is why if you are going to forgive her, you need to be 100 percent sure you know what exactly you are forgiving her for. And be willing to walk away from the relationship if need be to save your own sanity. Otherwise nothing will change,

[frigginlost]

Quick story for ya --

 

My girlfriend ran into an ex at a pub.

 

They had not seen each other in years.

 

I got a text at 11:00pm that night of "xoxoxoxox"

 

Three weeks later she confessed to "kissing him"

 

She showed massive amounts of remorse. It confused me as it was "just a kiss"

 

We moved on.

 

6 months later she flew to a different state to visit a girlfriend. I offered to drive her to the airport. She refused with "no thanks honey, I got it covered". My radar pegged.

 

She returned 4 days later. As she was unpacking I noticed the baggage claim ticket on her suitcase showed a completely different state than where I was told she flew to.

 

I confronted. She told me it was a connection flight. My radar was now off the chart. Later that evening I went to connect her tablet to my wifi signal and noticed that there was a newly created connection link to a network with her ex boyfriends name...

 

Game, set, match.

 

If you want my opinion, she is trickle truthing you. If you move forward do so very, very, cautiously...

 

Piecing things together after the fact, that "xoxoxox" text I got from her was just about the time she was sucking his d*ck.

Edited March 13, 2017 by frigginlost

[smackie9]

OK you guys before post you should check when the last time the OP had answered this thread.....it was almost a month ago. OP is long gone, this thread is pretty much dead.

[Darren Steez]

So this would be regardless of who the person was, relationship, situation, etc? As this seems the logic of a couple of others I suppose it leads me to ask: Is there any cases where someone who cheats, even be it like this situation here, can then go on without ever doing it again? Does anyone have experience of this happening? Or is it always pretty much 99% a lost cause?

 

I'd like to think there are cases where a SO has cheated, then by realising their error made sure this never happens again, does anyone have any experience of this? Or are you basically saying I should start warming up the car?

 

Cheating is not an error and not a mistake, Cheating is always a series of decisions that lead up to the actual cheating itself.

 

Your girlfriend is not stupid, she knew they were flirting and ultimately if he isolated her what was going to happen..and it's not like their lips touched and an electric shock of guilt and repulsion blew them apart..no they kissed for quite a while..

 

So they flirted, she allowed herself to get isolated then proceeded to kiss/allow the guy to kiss her. Her curiosity sated. Where were you in her thoughts while she was doing this?

 

She wanted/allowed the stuff to happen and it did. To me that's a massive red flag. Next time she fancied a guy it will definitely be easier mainly because there weren't any consequences for her actions towards you.

[kendahke]

So this would be regardless of who the person was, relationship, situation, etc? As this seems the logic of a couple of others I suppose it leads me to ask: Is there any cases where someone who cheats, even be it like this situation here, can then go on without ever doing it again? Does anyone have experience of this happening? Or is it always pretty much 99% a lost cause?

 

I"m sure there are, but I'm not willing to take that chance. I know that once I detect deception, I put distance between me and the deceiver. I have no room in my life for liars. Lying might not be a big deal to you... to others, it's a bottom line "I will walk" issue.

 

For me, they are a lost cause. Dealing with liars is taxing and tedious--you never can trust what they are saying.

 

If the person I'm with cannot exercise good judgment and ends up doing things that cause them to emotionally crash and go into damage control mode in the extreme, then that's telling me that something more happened and they are trying to manage my response.

 

I'd like to think there are cases where a SO has cheated, then by realising their error made sure this never happens again, does anyone have any experience of this? Or are you basically saying I should start warming up the car?

 

I've had experience in this. The ex cheated and I found out. He was screwing his way up and down the Northeast Corridor. He went into the whole pleading and crying for a second chance. Said it'll never happen again. Guess what? 2 months later, he butt dialed me going to his side piece's condo and I heard everything. So no---I learned that lesson the hard way---don't give liars/cheaters a second chance to punk you because they will. Me taking him back told him there were no serious consequences for him to fear enough to change his tack.

 

I've never once cheated on or engaged in any inappropriate behavior with any boyfriend I've been with. Why? Because I know right from wrong and I don't put myself in compromising positions. With the exception of my daughter's dad, I don't give any of my ex's an audience--it has to do with honoring and respecting the esteem of my current relationship and not elevating their feelings above my partner's just because my partner isn't in close proximity. It's really not a hard thing to do--you just don't open yourself up to that level of messiness.

 

We've told you what we think you should do. Either you agree with our advice or you don't. If you feel you need to give her second chances and hold on to her, then do it. Just don't be surprised in the future you find out she and this ex are still in contact with one another.

 

All of this wanting to contact him again in front of you to tell him anything? Why? There's a block feature on her phone. The fact that she can't figure out how to use that but wants to have a pointless, dramatic last conversation with him is telling. Why does she need to do that? Why do his feelings matter that much that she'll put on this show for you? She doesn't have to say another word to him for the rest of her life--he doesn't need to be alerted to the fact he's being dropped off at the mall.

 

Her behavior is a bit over the top for a 10 second smooch. She's behaving as if she spent the night having sex with him. So yeah, she may agree to that polygraph in theory because she knows you're not going to follow through--but make the appointment and tell her you're taking her to it and then see how she reacts. It's interesting that she wasn't the one suggesting that she make her own appointment to prove that she's telling the truth...

[kendahke]

OK you guys before post you should check when the last time the OP had answered this thread.....it was almost a month ago. OP is long gone, this thread is pretty much dead.

 

I'm responding for the benefit of others looking for advice on this, even if the OP is long gone.