Author Jj66 Posted March 6, 2017 Author Posted March 6, 2017 Great weekend. It would seem that none of the breakup drama ever happened or it doesn't matter to her. She's interviewing for a job. If she gets it she wants us to buy our "forever" house. No marriage. Just cohabitation for life
Dis Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Great weekend. It would seem that none of the breakup drama ever happened or it doesn't matter to her. She's interviewing for a job. If she gets it she wants us to buy our "forever" house. No marriage. Just cohabitation for life Hey Jj My head is dizzy for you Hot and cold, hot and cold I dont see a lot of stablity or security in this relattionship. I see the opposite If I were you I'd be very nervous and feel like I'm constantly standing on shaky ground...for a good reason Are you sure you want to proceed? I'm sure there are a lot of women out ther who wont push/pull every other week I dont think you're seeing this for what it is...which is super easy to do when you're standing in the middle of it I just think you deserve better than this 2
Dis Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 I just want to say something about the eternal love toast you mentioned I'm going to be very honest...very honest I think its appalling that she wouldnt even raise her glass to a toast you were making to her, possibly your relationship, and your romatic vacation because....she 'doesnt belive in eternal love' I'm sorry but that is just such a rude, immature, spiteful thing to do Even if she really doesnt believe in the eternal love, I'm pretty sure she can suck it up and raise her glass to make you happy That just spoke volumes to me 4
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2017 Posted March 6, 2017 Great weekend. It would seem that none of the breakup drama ever happened or it doesn't matter to her. She's interviewing for a job. If she gets it she wants us to buy our "forever" house. No marriage. Just cohabitation for life You're in your make-up honeymoon phase. This is no time to be committing to something as big as buying a house together. If I were you I'd give this another full year before making any type of decision. 5
dumbass2 Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Great weekend. It would seem that none of the breakup drama ever happened or it doesn't matter to her. She's interviewing for a job. If she gets it she wants us to buy our "forever" house. No marriage. Just cohabitation for life You mean her "forever" house. Sorry, I don't like where this is going so soon after what went down and her feelings on marriage. I think you're making a mistake this soon. 1
Author Jj66 Posted March 7, 2017 Author Posted March 7, 2017 Yes. Im not committing to anything. I have an "out" for the next 27 months since my daughter graduates high school then and I can't really move before that anyway.
CollegeKid101 Posted March 7, 2017 Posted March 7, 2017 Jj66, Just wanted to say I read through your thread and while you made some mistakes (I know, the irony of a kid about to graduate college giving you relationship advice sounds ridiculous), I believe she was too cold, too blunt, and not sympathetic enough. Yes, two months out is a bit far, but I honestly believe you handled this great. Good luck and I wish you the best.
Popsicle Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Yes. Im not committing to anything. I have an "out" for the next 27 months since my daughter graduates high school then and I can't really move before that anyway. That still doesn't mean you should buy a house together. Rent? Maybe but buy? No.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Ha. I have noticed that men that keep saying how they dislike the drama are the ones who on a subconcious level enjoy the drama. Give them a peaceful and stable relationship with a loving, warm woman and they aren't into it. This honestly sounds very unhealthy on both ends. You are too attached to see that right now. 3
BluesPower Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 I just read all the drama and wow... Is this a new thing for her in general? Like dis said, I'm dizzy. Why does this stuff happen with women in general? My number one kind of gets pissy every two or three months. She is usually stressed, and kind of takes it out on me. I let her to a point and then I am like, look I get it, but that is enough for now you need to stop or stop talking to me. Or she gets upset about something and basically I say call me when your feeling better, after I have already spent time comforting her mind you. Then for whatever reason they come to their senses and everything is cool. But I just don't get the need for drama about this stuff. Why can't they just say "I am totally stressed at work or whatever and I need you to comfort me and hold me". If they would do this without all the drama, would that not be simpler? I'm like you, I just do not get it sometimes????
Author Jj66 Posted March 8, 2017 Author Posted March 8, 2017 Push-pull is not entirely new, but the high amplitude swings that make you dizzy are definitely a recent thing. She just went to doctor last week. She is going through menopause. I suppose hormonal swings could explain a lot of the emotional ups and downs. They say you always see pebbles before you see boulders. It's been 11 months now. We've had 2 boulders. The first one was after 4 months and happened while on a European vacation together. The fall out was that communication was improved and the relationship became stronger. The 10 month fight, which happened during this thread is the one that made this relationship seem like it was crazy. What bewilders me most is how she can move past it so quickly as if nothing ever happened while I'm still processing and (re)evaluating. This past weekend (before the forever home conversation) while we were visiting a historic city, she mentioned us perhaps moving there because there was a university she could work at. I said I wasn't going to move there. She paused, taken aback by my bluntness. She said, "our fight really damaged us didn't it?" I asked "why do you say that?" She answered "Because before Valentine's Day you would have told me you'd follow me anywhere" I replied, "I'd be lying if I said it didn't have an effect. It's shaken my confidence in us but I'm sure we will recover. But that's not what this is about." She said she was sorry about the fight. Me too. Then I said "I really don't know what I would have said before but if we do move in together it needs to be good for both of us. I said I don't want to live here because it's not practical. It's too far away from my kids. The drive is too long and the flights are even longer. Plus, I can't afford to live in the historic area and I don't like the rest of the city. I used to live in [nearby city]. I like visiting but don't want to live here. If it's the only place you can get a job we can talk then, but I just want you to know that I strongly prefer someplace else"
BluesPower Posted March 8, 2017 Posted March 8, 2017 Yeah, that menopause is a thing for sure... It really causes some serious mood swings for some women. There are things they can take for that. Hang in there, maybe it will work out...
Author Jj66 Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 It's our one year Tinderversary. Lol. I don't celebrate that of course but I'm good at remembering dates. Its been all good since my last post. No drama. Nothing to complain about at all. No head spinning from appearing to go in two different directions in rapid succession. Just an overall kind of normal. 4
KBob Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 It's our one year Tinderversary. Lol. I don't celebrate that of course but I'm good at remembering dates. Its been all good since my last post. No drama. Nothing to complain about at all. No head spinning from appearing to go in two different directions in rapid succession. Just an overall kind of normal. Good to hear, I'm happy it worked out for you. Happy Tinderversary!
grays Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 I think you should celebrate your tinderversary. I have one guy that I have a tinderversary with that we both remember. We only lasted for a year and a half but he texted on the t'versary after and I had been thinking about him, too. Sigh...
Author Jj66 Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 I think you should celebrate your tinderversary. I have one guy that I have a tinderversary with that we both remember. We only lasted for a year and a half but he texted on the t'versary after and I had been thinking about him, too. Sigh... Well, the tinderversary did not go without notice. I sent her a good morning happy tinderversary text. Then the next day I received the most flattering card I have ever received for any anniversary ever. Thank you for a year of experiences and laughter which I'll never forget. I believe that your stunning good looks, kindness, wit, and honesty are what draw people to you. It's your selflessness, sense of adventure, intelligence, cute ass, and sexy time that have captured my heart. I'm deeply in love with you and looking forward to our next year together (Dynamic planning - wishful thinking) Her-name XOXOXO Kind of makes my happy good morning, happy tinderversary, I'd swipe right again text pale by comparison, just sayin. I had already sent her flowers and what I believed to be a thoughtful note to be delivered on the anniversary of our first date next week since we aren't able to be together then.
allez102 Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 Yeah, that menopause is a thing for sure... It really causes some serious mood swings for some women. There are things they can take for that. Urgh. Men who assume that the root cause of relationship problems is "the menopause". Now THAT'S unattractive - making sweeping statements about women, despite a woeful attempt to disguise it by putting the word "some" before women. Sheesh. Anyway, OP, I've just read the whole thread - it's been an emotional rollercoaster for me so can't imagine what it's been like for you! I totally agree with all of the posters who have mentioned avoidant attachment styles. Having said that, if it were me, I would have found your texts (particularly the ones in your OP although granted, you have since admitted you were drunk) to be smothering. You seem to have put her on a pedestal. Glad to see there have been improvements in recent weeks and hope it all works out for you. 1
BluesPower Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 Urgh. Men who assume that the root cause of relationship problems is "the menopause". Now THAT'S unattractive - making sweeping statements about women, despite a woeful attempt to disguise it by putting the word "some" before women. Sheesh. Sorry to upset your applecart. I have lived it. The mood swing thing is just a nightmare. And it really is an issue for SOME women. My GF is 50 and has had no issues with it. Some do.
Author Jj66 Posted March 29, 2017 Author Posted March 29, 2017 Urgh. Men who assume that the root cause of relationship problems is "the menopause". Now THAT'S unattractive - making sweeping statements about women, despite a woeful attempt to disguise it by putting the word "some" before women. Sheesh. Anyway, OP, I've just read the whole thread - it's been an emotional rollercoaster for me so can't imagine what it's been like for you! I totally agree with all of the posters who have mentioned avoidant attachment styles. Having said that, if it were me, I would have found your texts (particularly the ones in your OP although granted, you have since admitted you were drunk) to be smothering. You seem to have put her on a pedestal. Glad to see there have been improvements in recent weeks and hope it all works out for you. Yes, I was bit overwhelming/smothering in those texts. I've since backed off a lot. She's initiating almost all texting sessions and calling me frequently. She didn't do that before the 'break up' I think we are really good right now. Here is to hoping it continues. 2
Recommended Posts