Sweetfish Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 I understand that he isn't into me right now because I gained weight. But the only reason I am ok with him wanting other women is because I am very open sexually. Plus if he is single he absolutly has every right to try out other women. I would rather him date while we are apart and find out that we were a good match, then him always wondering what sex is like with other people. Like i said in my post have have dated and slept with other men after him and he has not been with anyone. OK... so the truth starts to unravel.... Interesting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vrunner1990 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 delete him, erm, unfriend him from all social media. go dark. the sooner the better. I"m sorry to be harsh, but get a hold of yourself! you are so much better than this. But we are still friends. We were always close friends before wanting to try dating seriously. I don't really want to throw away a friendship. He has been nothing but honest with me. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 I understand that he isn't into me right now because I gained weight. But the only reason I am ok with him wanting other women is because I am very open sexually. Plus if he is single he absolutly has every right to try out other women. I would rather him date while we are apart and find out that we were a good match, then him always wondering what sex is like with other people. Like i said in my post have have dated and slept with other men after him and he has not been with anyone. The problem with this line of thinking if that he doesn't want you to be okay with it. I think he told you this as a means of putting you off him. He didn't expect that you would apparently be fine with it. And if he truly never goes out, then you're going to be waiting a long time for him to actually date around and get it out of his system. That isn't related to your weight, so you can expect that being in shape by x-date isn't going to matter if he's still holed up in his room and not meeting the other women he says he wants to experiment with. There's just so much working against you here, OP. I know you really like him, but it doesn't appear to be mutual. I think you are going to wind up hurt, girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vrunner1990 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 If you're committed to the prospect of capturing his interest, then full steam ahead. He might show some interest at -50 pounds, but don't let that deter you from your goal. Thanks! Yes I will continue to lose weight! If he shows interest then awesome. If not I will still look hot! lol Thank you gain for your reply! Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 People need to find their partners attractive. If he didn't find you attractive at the heavier weight he shouldn't be crucified for it. I mean 60 lbs is a significant amount. I would however have concerns about you aiming to restart this relationship though. It is taking you a long time and a lot of work to lose the weight. I'm not trying to be negative but the odds of regaining some part of that weight over the long term is probably fairly good. I don't want you to set yourself up for heartbreak again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vrunner1990 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 The problem with this line of thinking if that he doesn't want you to be okay with it. I think he told you this as a means of putting you off him. He didn't expect that you would apparently be fine with it. And if he truly never goes out, then you're going to be waiting a long time for him to actually date around and get it out of his system. That isn't related to your weight, so you can expect that being in shape by x-date isn't going to matter if he's still holed up in his room and not meeting the other women he says he wants to experiment with. Thanks for another great reply! The thing is when we were younger he was very into me and we spent a lot of time together. But I was single and ended up dating another guy and getting a boyfriend. So we never got a chance to offically date. The messages he sent me while we were apart let me know that he still had strong feelings for me. But my weight gain got in the way. I guess that is why I am kicking myself and blaming myself because he used to put me on a pedestal Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 But we are still friends. We were always close friends before wanting to try dating seriously. I don't really want to throw away a friendship. He has been nothing but honest with me. in simpler terms: HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU! friend or not, get some self-respect and distance yourself from him. To really do that you need to go NC, 100% Maintaining social media contact will only delay the time it takes to move on. Maybe, after you have completely moved on you might be able to re start a friendship, but that is ONLY after you have completely moved on. Sorry love, you're delaying your grieving process and losing not just self respect, but his as well You are so much better than this! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vrunner1990 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 People need to find their partners attractive. If he didn't find you attractive at the heavier weight he shouldn't be crucified for it. I mean 60 lbs is a significant amount. I would however have concerns about you aiming to restart this relationship though. It is taking you a long time and a lot of work to lose the weight. I'm not trying to be negative but the odds of regaining some part of that weight over the long term is probably fairly good. I don't want you to set yourself up for heartbreak again. FINALLY! I AGREE HE SHOULD NOT BE CRUCIFIED FOR HAVING A PREFERENCE A 60 lb weight gain is A LOT and honeslt i do not find myself attractive at that weight which is why i have already lost 20 pounds. Honestly I actually respect him for it. Also I would work on keeping the weight off. I do not like being over weight. I find myself more attractive when I am thin. But the birth control messed me up. I am off of it now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vrunner1990 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 in simpler terms: HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU! friend or not, get some self-respect and distance yourself from him. To really do that you need to go NC, 100% Maintaining social media contact will only delay the time it takes to move on. Maybe, after you have completely moved on you might be able to re start a friendship, but that is ONLY after you have completely moved on. Sorry love, you're delaying your grieving process and losing not just self respect, but his as well You are so much better than this! In my post I have already said I am going no contact. I have not discussed getting backed together with him since January. So I don't see how I am showing signs of no self respect. We were close friends before trying to date. I do not want to throw away a friendship for a temporary relationship if that makes sense Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Thanks! Yes I will continue to lose weight! If he shows interest then awesome. If not I will still look hot! lol Thank you gain for your reply! While you think in hindsight this is a good idea... And your tring to be proactive. Let him have sex now with women. Go in for the kill later. You do realize there is always a more fit more hotter female always around the corner. So if your idea of going for the long hill battle with a guy like above... You always risk being dumped... you can modulate weight... But looks are looks.... I don't think your looking at this in a mature aspect. On top of that will you continue the open relationship in the future? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vrunner1990 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 While you think in hindsight this is a good idea... And your tring to be proactive. Let him have sex now with women. Go in for the kill later. You do realize there is always a more fit more hotter female always around the corner. So if your idea of going for the long hill battle with a guy like above... You always risk being dumped... you can modulate weight... But looks are looks.... I don't think your looking at this in a mature aspect. On top of that will you continue the open relationship in the future? Gaining 60 lbs is kind of crazy. l looked like a different person. So I don't blame him not even a little. 60 POUNDS Not 10 or 15. I understand that there is always hotter fitter women. But when I was at my normal weight he was crazy about me. But I ended up dating someone eles and moving away. As for an open relationship. I never suggested an open relationship. I said while he is single he can sleep with other women. If he chose to commit to me later down the road that would be different. Hope that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Lol. When my bf dumped me years ago I used that as motivation to lose weight and got in incredible shape. There was nothing better than battling my anger, sadness, sexual tension, etc in the gym. When he saw me again 7 months after the break up he was blown away and chased me like there was no tomorrow. He was smitten...with my new body. We still had the same issues though. Use your ex as motivation but set your sights higher. You ex is not your end goal..you may think so but when you starting gaining confidence and start understanding your worth..my guess is you'll be over him by then. My motto during the weight loss: I'll be his hottest EX. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vrunner1990 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 Lol. When my bf dumped me years ago I used that as motivation to lose weight and got in incredible shape. There was nothing better than battling my anger, sadness, sexual tension, etc in the gym. When he saw me again 7 months after the break up he was blown away and chased me like there was no tomorrow. He was smitten...with my new body. We still had the same issues though. Use your ex as motivation but set your sights higher. You ex is not your end goal..you may think so but when you starting gaining confidence and start understanding your worth..my guess is you'll be over him by then. My motto during the weight loss: I'll be his hottest EX. That is so awesome you lost all the weight! If anything the best part about this whole thing is my motivation at the gym is CRAZYYY! I've been kicking ass and doing great. Honestly getting rejected is the best thing that could happen to me. Because I was sooo unhappy with myself after the weight gain. I also know he could see how insecure I was because I talked about it a lot :/ Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Guys get hammered hard for this....sometimes unfairly.. Not to make a blanket statement but women always seem to be in their best shape after they get dumped or when they are on the make...I never could quite understand why or how that makes sense...I mean, wouldn't you want to be your best when you are with someone you love and care about? Wouldn't you want to be happy with yourself when you are in a happy relationship?? Think of it this way...60lb is a lot, esp for a woman....Most guys, if you show them a photo of their gf/wife, then photoshopped them 60 lbs heavier. most would say they wouldn't have approached them in the first place.. As far as this guy goes....forget it. IMO He's got a hang up about your weight...Even if you knock the weight off, he'll probably roll his eyes every time you put a single cookie to your mouth...And you don't need that kind of pressure...The incidences of heavy people keeping weight off in the long term is very slim(unintentional pun there)... Now excuse me while I don my flame suit.... But really...I wish you well...but I think you are not doing yourself any justice trying to get him back...Possible? Sure...Likely.? Nope... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 FINALLY! I AGREE HE SHOULD NOT BE CRUCIFIED FOR HAVING A PREFERENCE A 60 lb weight gain is A LOT and honeslt i do not find myself attractive at that weight which is why i have already lost 20 pounds. Honestly I actually respect him for it. Also I would work on keeping the weight off. I do not like being over weight. I find myself more attractive when I am thin. But the birth control messed me up. I am off of it now. Are you looking for advice that matches your frame set. There are medical conditions that can alter weight... birth control made you gain weight... the more fickle society becomes the more i want to become a divorce lawyer. Cant wait till your fully in love and vested and have children, walk in and catch your husband pounding something 30 lbs lighter... You will put the blame on your self. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vrunner1990 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 Are you looking for advice that matches your frame set. There are medical conditions that can alter weight... birth control made you gain weight... the more fickle society becomes the more i want to become a divorce lawyer. Cant wait till your fully in love and vested and have children, walk in and catch your husband pounding something 30 lbs lighter... You will put the blame on your self. lmao I don't want kids! Also marriage is something i'm not even sure about either. I just want him. Also he is not really a promiscuous person at all which is why I think he wants to explore that side of him. You might think I am strange but the thought of him exploring his sexuality is a turn on for me. (I know i am a weirdo) I want him to enjoy himself. Just a little more background on me. I am a cam girl so I talk about sex ALL DAY! He knows this and has known this since we first met and were friends. in 2011. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 There are lots of hormone therapies besides depo provera and they won't all make you gain that amount of weight. Now, after a certain age, women do tend to put on some pounds naturally. For me, it was 23. I had to fight it from that point on and have long since given up. But I've been on hormones since I was 18 and they were not to blame. Maybe a couple pounds, but not 60, so change birth control pills or use a bioidentical cream or something like that. But yeah, never stay with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself in any way. Better off alone than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vrunner1990 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 There are lots of hormone therapies besides depo provera and they won't all make you gain that amount of weight. Now, after a certain age, women do tend to put on some pounds naturally. For me, it was 23. I had to fight it from that point on and have long since given up. But I've been on hormones since I was 18 and they were not to blame. Maybe a couple pounds, but not 60, so change birth control pills or use a bioidentical cream or something like that. But yeah, never stay with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself in any way. Better off alone than that. Thank you for your reply! I have been off depo for over 2 years now. at first i couldn't lose it. But I think the medicine is out of my system because the weight is finally starting to come off. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Guys get hammered hard for this....sometimes unfairly.. Not to make a blanket statement but women always seem to be in their best shape after they get dumped or when they are on the make...I never could quite understand why or how that makes sense...I mean, wouldn't you want to be your best when you are with someone you love and care about? Wouldn't you want to be happy with yourself when you are in a happy relationship?? Think of it this way...60lb is a lot, esp for a woman....Most guys, if you show them a photo of their gf/wife, then photoshopped them 60 lbs heavier. most would say they wouldn't have approached them in the first place.. As far as this guy goes....forget it. IMO He's got a hang up about your weight...Even if you knock the weight off, he'll probably roll his eyes every time you put a single cookie to your mouth...And you don't need that kind of pressure...The incidences of heavy people keeping weight off in the long term is very slim(unintentional pun there)... Now excuse me while I don my flame suit.... But really...I wish you well...but I think you are not doing yourself any justice trying to get him back...Possible? Sure...Likely.? Nope... TFY Totally, agree its called bait and switch. But in a world of double standards its a losing battle. But to have a in and out door policy based on someones weight or fiscal status.... this dating mind set will transfer into the next stage which is ultimately marriage or kids. Playing with fire! Cause when you have kids or get married... The guy 9 out of 10 will get worked over. So you can't exercise this idea as openly as most poster say unless you have A. An advantage: Your a woman B. Your never plan to marry or have kids with any women. Good luck because by year 3ish most women will hint marriage... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Thank you for your reply! I have been off depo for over 2 years now. at first i couldn't lose it. But I think the medicine is out of my system because the weight is finally starting to come off. Good. There are other alternatives. I've been on hormones for 40-some years, no side effects the combo I'm on now (estradiol and medroxyprogesterone). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vrunner1990 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 Guys get hammered hard for this....sometimes unfairly.. Not to make a blanket statement but women always seem to be in their best shape after they get dumped or when they are on the make...I never could quite understand why or how that makes sense...I mean, wouldn't you want to be your best when you are with someone you love and care about? Wouldn't you want to be happy with yourself when you are in a happy relationship?? Think of it this way...60lb is a lot, esp for a woman....Most guys, if you show them a photo of their gf/wife, then photoshopped them 60 lbs heavier. most would say they wouldn't have approached them in the first place.. As far as this guy goes....forget it. IMO He's got a hang up about your weight...Even if you knock the weight off, he'll probably roll his eyes every time you put a single cookie to your mouth...And you don't need that kind of pressure...The incidences of heavy people keeping weight off in the long term is very slim(unintentional pun there)... Now excuse me while I don my flame suit.... But really...I wish you well...but I think you are not doing yourself any justice trying to get him back...Possible? Sure...Likely.? Nope... TFY Thank you for your reply! When I was with him and dieting on the trip. He would actually tell me to eat more. So I don't think he would roll his eyes if I ate. I think he just wants me to be healthy. Relationship or no relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vrunner1990 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 But to have a in and out door policy based on someones weight or fiscal status.... this dating mind set will transfer into the next stage which is ultimately marriage or kids. I don't want kids. And honestly I don't want marriage. And Trust me I know the benefits of getting married but at this moment I do not want that for myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 (edited) lmao I don't want kids! Also marriage is something i'm not even sure about either. I just want him. Also he is not really a promiscuous person at all which is why I think he wants to explore that side of him. You might think I am strange but the thought of him exploring his sexuality is a turn on for me. (I know i am a weirdo) I want him to enjoy himself. Just a little more background on me. I am a cam girl so I talk about sex ALL DAY! He knows this and has known this since we first met and were friends. in 2011. So you have an alternative life style.. Than your ideas of a relationship will be... different. You should state this in the initial thread. No matter what your relationship dynamics will be different than say the average run of the mill relationship... Its like taking your car to a dealership and not telling them you offroad the car.. thats why it behaves x way. You will leave the dealer confused as to why your "car" or "relationship" behaves differently. I kinda think L.S. should have an alternative lifesytle thread... but I doubt that will happen. However, how you think now and later will change. Trust me Edited February 13, 2017 by Sweetfish 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Onnanoko Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 So in December 2016 we made plans to reunite. He also asked me if I wanted to move in with him. I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship. He on the other hand has not been with ANYONE since we have been apart. No sex, no flings, nothing. I had put on about 60lbs from taking the birth control Depo Prevera. But I was working out at the gym everyday to lose the weight. I let him know this and sent him several pictures and videos of how i looked. We also video chatted every morning. So my trip there lasted 10 days. On day three I sensed that he was not really into me or whatever, so I asked him if he still wanted to date me or wanted me to move in. He told me HE COULD NOT GET OVER THE WEIGHT GAIN. I was sad and mad at first and wanted to go home. But after thinking about it I was not happy at all with myself. I asked him if I lost the weight could we try again, he said yes. So I went home after the 10 days were up. I was heart broken but knowing that helped me not be as depressed and I was able to get my ass in the gym. We continued to stay in contact. He will initiate sometimes. When I initiate contact sometimes I am ignored. Anyways I would like to go FULL NO CONTACT. I have lost 20 lb since my trip in December and I have 40 more to go. I want him to want me again. I am in love with him. But I have a feeling all he wanted was sex because he was going through a dry spell. I am not mad at him because he is fit and I want to be sexy again and honestly this situation has motivated me to kick ass at the gym. So i was thinking 30 to 60 days no contact or even no contact till the rest of the 40lbs are gone. We are FB friends (if that matters for anything) So he sees my progress. Any tips for me?? I will be using this thread to help me through this difficult time. I want him to be in love with me and never let me go. I am pretty but I look wayyy better when I am thin. All advice is appreciated! Much love and thank you for reading! Long story short: Got back with old flame Dec 2016. He rejects me for gaining to much weight says we might have chance when I lose it. I have lost 20 lb since seeing him and plan on losing another 40. i WANT TO GO NO CONTACT TILL ALL THE WEIGHT IS GONE! You have to want to lose the weight FOR YOURSELF. Be healthy and remain in shape because you want to do this for YOU. Never do this for anyone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vrunner1990 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 So you have an alternative life style.. Than your ideas of a relationship will be... different. You should state this in the initial thread. No matter what your relationship dynamics will be different than say the average run of the mill relationship... Its like taking your car to a dealership and not telling them you offroad the car.. thats why it behaves x way. You will leave the dealer confused as to why your "car" or "relationship" behaves differently. I kinda think L.S. should have an alternative lifesytle thread... but I doubt that will happen. However, how you think now and later will change. Trust me Hmm I probably should have said something but I didn't think that it would matter I guess since every one views relationships a tad different. Also my post was already super long lol Link to post Share on other sites
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