Start over as friends?

[Redhead14]

Hi everyone, just looking for support. What do you guys think about starting over a failing relationship as friends?

 

My boyfriend "broke up" with me after two years because we have been arguing a lot lately. We also have some unresolved trust issues... he rarely wanted to talk about them, so they kept resurfacing.

 

I say "broke up" because he didn't flat out end things. In fact he said he didn't want to break up and he didn't want to see other people, but that he wanted to start over as friends. He said by starting over as friends, we can take the pressure off and REALLY get to know each other and that is how we will resolve our issue. He says it is the only chance we have for our relationship to get better.

 

Another reason he wanted to take a step back and be friends is because he is getting his life back together. Last year was really rough for him financially and he is going through a custody battle. He said he couldn't take the pressure of being in a relationship along with everything else.

 

I entertained the idea, and I WANT to be there for him, I love him. I love his kids, too, so it's very hard for me to just walk away.

 

But I also know that going from girlfriend to friend is a slippery slope. To me, if you really want to be with somebody, you don't need to break things off or downgrade the person to work on things. It also feels like it's his way of saying he wants out, without the risk of losing me .

 

I ended up telling him that we need to take some time apart first before I can even try to be friends with him. I really wanted to keep trying and work things out, but it feels like I'm just being dumped. In retrospect, he hasn't been treating well at all the past few months and I need to heal and reconsider if I even still want him in my life.

 

I made the right decision, right? I feel pathetic even just asking that. Of all the timing, he did this two days before my birthday...

 

He's just putting you on the backburner in case he doesn't find someone before he gets really h*rny again . . . it's keeping you on a string. Get out your scissors . . .

[sunandbutterflies]

That sounds like a challenging situation to be in. As a few other members have mentioned, I think it would be a wise idea to take some time away from him. I was just reading an article about how sometimes fellows want to experience the positive things of having a girl around as they did in a romantic relationship but also the freedom to "move on." The article mentioned being "someone's bright star" instead of just being one of the stars. (I would be happy to share the article with you, if you would like..)

 

While I think that it would be nice to be polite if your paths crossed, I think that it would be wise to put some distance between your heart and his. (Easy to say and not so easy to do, right?) I hope that you find someone who will treasure and cherish you as much as you do him.

[Been]

Don't unless you like setting yourself up to get really hurt.

Oh it sounds great. Let's stay in eachothers life's-great until someone meets someone else and then what?Hey lets go hangout with my ex girlfriend?Or hey I'm going to hang out with my ex boyfriend?

And EVERYONE always says they don't want to date after they break up with someone.

He doesn't want you for a girlfriend walk away. Give it some time and maybe down the road the two of you can be friends but not RIGHT after breaking up-too many feelings.