Jadedbyluv Posted January 22, 2017 Posted January 22, 2017 This is more for venting than a need for any real advice. Just part of the process. In August, I wasn't really looking for a new relationship. I was just dating as more of a distraction from the on/off relationship I was involved in. I met a guy on Bumble who was older but he seemed intriguing. I cancelled our first date we had planned, and I was going to cancel again but I went because it was a Friday night with no other plans. I was so glad that I didn't cancel. It was an amazing first date, and it would have lasted all night but I was trying to exercise constraint. When I got home, I texted my best friend immediately. I really wanted to tell her that I thought I had found the one but I thought it was a bit crazy so just told her that I just had an incredible first date with this amazing guy. People have always told me when you meet the one or whatever, you just know. I never believed any of that until I met him. It seemed a little crazy to feel that so soon but it felt real. I've dated a lot of guys over the years but I never felt what I had with him. Nothing remotely close. I was smitten with him immediately. We had such chemistry and such a connection. Even though there was an age gap, we had so many things in common. We spent a lot of time just talking about anything and everything. We would spend all night lying in bed talking, and I truly let my guard down. One night he told me that we were lucky because people spend so much time looking for what we had and we found it with each other. I felt the same way, and sometimes I had to pinch myself because it seemed too good to be true. I felt genuine happiness with him. Something I felt like I was missing for a long time. I am not saying it was a perfect relationship. I still had some insecurities and doubts. We had some communication issues. But I really tried because I wanted to make it work. My insecurities were from him being older and never married, I guess in the back of my mind I worried he has some commitment issues. He told me he was jaded and I could sense that. We spent the last few weekends together doing coupley stuff. We went looking at dogs together. It was always we, we, we. He made a joke about him being the king of something, and how I would be his queen. Then it all came crashing down yesterday. He finally told me that he isn't really relationship material. He said he's older and feels like that time has come and past. He likes his independence, and he said he's kinda selfish. All of this stuff would have been nice to know a few months ago. He went on to say he does have feelings for me and that we do have a connection, and the best of what we had is still there. I feel so much right now and nothing at the same time. I was so sure what we had was real. And I was completely wrong. This hurts differenly.
Author Jadedbyluv Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 (edited) Sighh. Heartache sucks. You do everything you can to protect yourself but sometimes there is no way of avoiding it. I did post about my last relationship here some. [ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/598226-too-soon-say-i-love-you ] For me, he was the real deal. I fell for him quite fast. We had chemistry and sizzle, and I really enjoyed how our relationship had progressed. The relationship was pretty great but not perfect. Yeah, I had insecurities. He was 15 years older than me and never married. My last guy I dated was 11 years older and had commitment issues so there was this little voice in my head wondering if I was in the same boat. We talked some about our relationship after having some doubts, and I thought we were in a good place. So we had a convo the other day when we were talking about him coming out with me for my birthday. He thought it was because I'm trying to introduce him to all my friend which yeah they would have been there. But I just wanted him to be there to have fun with me and celebrate. My friends are laid back and it would just have been a fun and light night. Anyway, the conversation steered to him saying how he knows how hard I'm trying but he just isn't good relationship material. He said he's at a age where the time to be in a relationship like that has past. He's kinda selfish, independent and likes his alone time. It's hard to constantly make plans. He continued to say that we did have a connection, and he does have feelings for me and we can continue to have the best of what we had but that's not a relationship. How can be continue to have the best of what we had? I was kinda taken aback by the whole convo. It was news to me he wasn't really a relationship guy considering everything up to that point felt like a real relationship. He so openly talked about the future and stuff we should do together. Earlier in the week, he talked about going to some home show together so we could get ideas for his house. He talked about gardening in the spring together. He got an extra bike for me to go for rides around town. Asked me when we were going to start his online store. It was always stuff like this. Lots of WE and us. While I had some doubts sometimes, I thought he did see something with me considering how many times he talked about this stuff. And the fact that he doesn't feel like he's relationship material now makes it feel kinda misleading. I fed into it. I looked forward to all of those things. I want to blame myself like always. Like I did something wrong. That maybe if I were better or enough, he would stay. Part of me wonders if this is just timing. He is going through an identity crisis or mid-life crisis of sorts. He recently left the career he had after 15 years. It was his own personal choice but he feels it's what defined him for so long and now he doesn't really know who he is. Also, he got a new house that is a real fixer upper. He has felt really overwhelmed with the process and hasn't made much progress. He keeps finding little things to distract him from the big picture. Maybe if he were in a better place, the relationship could have had legs. So many emotions right now. My heart is broken. I felt real love for the first time in my life. I thought this one really had potential. I'm going to miss him so much. There was so much I loved about him. He really did become one of my best friends and he challenged me and gave me some of the best advice. Things ended amicably but they still hurt. I'm still trying to understand some of it. Where do I go from here? Edited January 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added link to consolidated previous threads ~6
Author Jadedbyluv Posted January 23, 2017 Author Posted January 23, 2017 He said we should talk again sometime. I haven't really talked to him since Saturday. Just asked if I could drop things off at his place and he made it seem like it was too soon.
Recommended Posts