Too soon to say I love you?

[Jadedbyluv]

I have been dating an amazing man for the last two months. He has so many of the qualities that I have been looking for in a partner. In the last two months, I have had more meaningful conversations with him then men I have dated over a year. We spend hours talking and it never gets old. The time we spend together is always so amazing and great. We have so much fun together and we are always laughing and smiling. Not to mention, the physical intimacy is pretty perfect.

 

That being said, I know I'm falling for this guy. My friends see it too.They said they have never seen me this happy. My best friend said I need to stop telling her how much I like him and tell him myself. I've hinted around it here and there. Trying to say it without words. But I do want to say it for real.

 

So my question really is, would it be too soon to say it? I do think he feels the same way. I don't want to say it too early either and ruin a good thing.

 

I'm going away on vacation for a week and I kinda want him to know how I feel before I go away.

[Hyperfocal]

Middle ground: maybe ask him what he thinks of the concept of love. Then you can decide from there.

 

It sounds like you are trying to work your conscience between being natural and strategic. Natural is what I'd generally advise, but it may not be so simple.

[kendahke]

If you have such ease of conversation with him and can talk to him about anything, I dont' see why you can't tell him that you really like him and are glad he's in your life. Telling him you love him can wait until he's made a declaration to that effect to you.

 

You can't ruin a good thing. If you're incompatible, then it will make that more obvious than it is now by telling him how you feel about him. From what you've written, it doesn't sound like that's your experience with this guy.

 

I think it's far more important that there is a genuine like for a person as a basis on which to begin building love. You can love someone and not like them (that happens when two incompatible people have sex too soon and fall into the "love" trap, then find out they can't stand the person they're with. It happened with my ex and his ex wife. He loved her, but they couldn't be in the same room longer than 5 minutes without her starting some mess).

[Jejangles]

It's never too soon to say what you feel. My boyfriend said it to me at just over a month, which felt very early to me, but I appreciated him saying what he was feeling. And his I love you didn't come with conditions, he was ok with me waiting until I felt ready to return the feelings. I didn't say it back until around 5 months!

 

If you have great communication, which is such an important foundation to a relationship, then you can be honest and say what you're feeling and it's never wrong.

[Gaeta]

You are infatuated it's different than loving someone. Just enjoy this phase and think of saying you 'love' him after the butterflies settles.

 

I take my ILY very seriously. If I tell a man I love him it's because I am ready to give him a kidney if he needs one. Are you ready to make that kind of sacrifice for a man you've known 2 months? If not, than it's not love yet. It's adrenaline, oxytocin, butterflies, rainbows and unicorns.

[preraph]

Saying "I love you" first is a huge gamble. It can totally ruin a budding relationship. It is better to show that you love someone and not start putting it into words because then that obligates the other person to respond in words, and what if he isn't ready, so he just ghosts on you instead because he can see you're taking this way more seriously than he is?

[hippychick3]

It's probably a little early for real "love" and is most likely infatuation and the budding of love.

 

I'd suggest you just enjoy the moment and the happy feelings without having to "talk about it" by giving it a label just yet. It isn't necessary right now and could possibly backfire this early.

 

Just have fun and bask in the moment!

[abby_tx]

I soeak

From experience...don't say it. Wait. What you feel now is great but it will be better and more meaningful if you wait.

[Jadedbyluv]

If you haven't guessed by my username, I am still quite jaded with dating. I have been hurt quite a bit in the process, and I know there is a risk of getting hurt again when putting myself out there.

 

That being said, I have been dating a guy for about 3 months now. Things have been pretty great thus far. I have pretty strong feelings for him and have felt there is potential there. Along the way, he's talked about us and we like there is a future there. Just this past weekend, we spent the entire weekend together doing coupley like stuff like going to pick out paint together for his house, looking at dogs together, etc. It's been a lot of us and we. No reason for me to think anything was wrong. When we left each other Monday morning, I told him I had a great weekend and he said it was the best.

 

When I left his place Monday, he was also coming down with something and he was not feeling well. I told him to feel better and let me know if he needed anything. I checked in on him via text since Monday and he hasn't been very responsive. Granted, I know he's sick but it's really out of his character to act this way. We haven't talked since Monday other than some very short text interactions and I'm starting to feel anxious.

 

I don't know if I am reading into it. But with past experiences, this is how things start to fade out. I can't sleep right now bc I am worried I did something. Or wondering he has already lost interest. I don't want to come across a certain way or look clingy or needy but I start to panic in these situations.

 

What do I say to him? Am i overreacting?

[Toodaloo]

He is sick...

 

How about doing something for him like making him up some meals he can throw in the microwave or taking him round something, like paracetamol or cough syrup or orange juice etc to help him feel better?

 

In your desperation to not be clingy you are failing to show you care... He may well start to back off because of this...

 

That is my view anyway.

[Sara1989]

I understand how you feel as it sounds like we had similar bad experiences with dating. What I will advice, is calm down! I know it is hard but you been dating this guy for three months, you just had a wonderful weekend together.

 

Toodaloo advice is great, offer to go round with some food or something. Be caring and proactive.

[Jadedbyluv]

I offered to bring him medicine and homemade soup. He said he wasn't up for company in his condition. I've tried but he hasn't been responsive to my offers.

[mushroomlol]

I offered to bring him medicine and homemade soup. He said he wasn't up for company in his condition. I've tried but he hasn't been responsive to my offers.

 

 

I had this situation before that my BF was sick and didn't want me to visit him. He said he was sleeping all the time so can't get up to meet me. Duh. When I insisted to visit, he does look tired.

 

He prob just doesn't want you to see him being weak. Tell him that you are worried and to text you when he gets better. Give him some space and time to recover. Does he have any other things happen in life?

[joseb]

Maybe he is really ill.

I had flu recently and I could barely stay awake for more than a couple of hours at a time. I didn't really want to eat anything, talk to anyone, even look at anything. I felt awful. If Scarlet Johansen offered to come around with soup I'd have politely refused! So it's possible he is really ill (not just man flu!)

[Redhead14]

If you haven't guessed by my username, I am still quite jaded with dating. I have been hurt quite a bit in the process, and I know there is a risk of getting hurt again when putting myself out there.

 

That being said, I have been dating a guy for about 3 months now. Things have been pretty great thus far. I have pretty strong feelings for him and have felt there is potential there. Along the way, he's talked about us and we like there is a future there. Just this past weekend, we spent the entire weekend together doing coupley like stuff like going to pick out paint together for his house, looking at dogs together, etc. It's been a lot of us and we. No reason for me to think anything was wrong. When we left each other Monday morning, I told him I had a great weekend and he said it was the best.

 

When I left his place Monday, he was also coming down with something and he was not feeling well. I told him to feel better and let me know if he needed anything. I checked in on him via text since Monday and he hasn't been very responsive. Granted, I know he's sick but it's really out of his character to act this way. We haven't talked since Monday other than some very short text interactions and I'm starting to feel anxious.

 

I don't know if I am reading into it. But with past experiences, this is how things start to fade out. I can't sleep right now bc I am worried I did something. Or wondering he has already lost interest. I don't want to come across a certain way or look clingy or needy but I start to panic in these situations.

 

What do I say to him? Am i overreacting?

 

Go with what you know . . . you had a great couple of days, now he's sick and so maybe not as chipper, talkative, etc. Let him be and give him space. Never do anything if you're coming from a place of feeling insecure or anxious . . . sit back and observe. If you don't hear from him tonight, give him a call tomorrow just to "check in" and see if he needs anything. Don't do everything by text, it's impersonal IMO to use texting to build a relationship and express important things like being supportive and caring.

[hippychick3]

I, personally, would pull way back and not contact him until he contacts you. You've made it clear your concern for him and willingness to take care of him. If he's pulling away for whatever reason, the best thing you can do is to pull back as well.

[Toodaloo]

I offered to bring him medicine and homemade soup. He said he wasn't up for company in his condition. I've tried but he hasn't been responsive to my offers.

 

In that case pull back and don't panic. Send a message or phone in a few days just checking in that he is OK and re-offer the soup etc.

 

Let him come to you.

[Larryville]

I offered to bring him medicine and homemade soup. He said he wasn't up for company in his condition.

 

If dude actually said it that way that is a sanitary response...

 

I don’t know about others but for me when I’m sick I WANT ATTENTION from the object of my desire.

 

She wants to cook, get meds, take care of me in any way I’m cool, because that is what I'm doing... yes unless she says... "wasn't up for company" at 3 months should be past the being called "company"

 

If some does NOT “want your company” Do what HC3 stated stop contact. Any and all contact. See if dude chases you (after his phantom illness) yes I’m skeptical

[hippychick3]

If dude actually said it that way that is a sanitary response...

 

I don’t know about others but for me when I’m sick I WANT ATTENTION from the object of my desire.

 

She wants to cook, get meds, take care of me in any way I’m cool, because that is what I'm doing... yes unless she says... "wasn't up for company" at 3 months should be past the being called "company"

 

If some does NOT “want your company” Do what HC3 stated stop contact. Any and all contact. See if dude chases you (after his phantom illness) yes I’m skeptical

 

Exactly. When my BF is sick, he wants me to take care of him like a baby. He supplies me with vitamin C to keep me from getting sick (not that it probably works) and gratefully accepts my caretaking.

[Toodaloo]

I don’t know about others but for me when I’m sick I WANT ATTENTION from the object of my desire.

 

Oh hell no!

 

When I am sick all I want is a head popped round the door to check I am still alive... Leave me to my sweat infested snot pit on my own thanks... I will poke my head out when I am ready...

 

The only living beings I want near me are my dogs... but that is because they double up as hot water bottles and also seem to think my moaning and complaining is in actual fact endearments...

 

Everyone else can f off and leave me alone... Yes I really am that bad a patient!!!

[Eternal Sunshine]

I also want to be left alone when sick but if a bf offered to see me, I would be grateful. I would probably tell him that I am pretty tired but would let him bring me a token something and say hi.

 

His response is pretty cold and I would be skeptical...

[Jadedbyluv]

I don't think he is lying about being sick. On Sunday, he was lethargic and he took medicine. When I left, he told me I was a good caretaker and he did say he didn't want me to catch whatever he had. He did text earlier and apologized for not being spunky.

 

I get if he needs space to recoup but it's his communication. Sometimes the way he communicates makes me question his interest. My issue is comparing past relationships and dating experiences to him. I dated a guy once who said he was sick only to ghost on me, and I'm terrified of that happening again.

[joseb]

I don't think he is lying about being sick. On Sunday, he was lethargic and he took medicine. When I left, he told me I was a good caretaker and he did say he didn't want me to catch whatever he had. He did text earlier and apologized for not being spunky.

 

I get if he needs space to recoup but it's his communication. Sometimes the way he communicates makes me question his interest. My issue is comparing past relationships and dating experiences to him. I dated a guy once who said he was sick only to ghost on me, and I'm terrified of that happening again.

 

Ok, you need to get over your past experiences and stop projecting them on this guy.

And anyway, what's the point of getting so worried?

 

I would be terrified if someone held a knife to my throat in a dark alley.

I don't get terrified thinking someone I only met fairly recently might decide that our relationship isn't working for them.

 

Regarding helping when sick, I got several offers and told everyone to stay away. I didn't want to be responsible for spreading what was a very nasty virus.

[Jadedbyluv]

I have been dating this guy for 4 months. For the most part, it's been a good relationship. We are very compatible, and we do have some undeniable chemistry. I have really fallen for this guy. He has a lot of the qualities I have looked for in somebody. He treats me better than any other man I have dated.

 

That being said, we still have not talked about exclusivity. I really did feel like we were on the page for the most part and just avoided the topic. One of the reasons I have avoided the topic was because I have been burned before and I wasnt ready to get hurt again. Stupid, I know.

 

The other night we were together, and he was showing me something on his phone and i saw he still had the bumble app. My heart sank a little because I wasnt prepared for that. When I brought it up that it was on there, he casually dismissed it as where we met but didnt say why it was still there. It's been bothering me ever since. Plus, his communication and lack of intimacy the last week or so has me feeling like he is losing interest.

 

Now, I feel like the talk of exclusivity definitely has to happen but I am terrified. I feel like there is a big chance we arent on the same page anymore. I am not prepared to get heartbroken again especially after making so many plans for the future together. And the last few guys i have brought up exclusivity with told me they didnt want exclusivity so I am already expecting the worst.

 

I suck at these kinds of talks. I want to do it in person but dont know if I can wait that long. I also have no idea what to say. Any tips or insight?

[smackie9]

Wow and you waited 4 months? A man doesn't wait if he is seriously into you......

 

IMO stop wasting your time wondering and just come out with it.