Christian2282 Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I don't know why it ended exactly, but it's just that -it's done. I know it would be the hardest thing in the world, but you should delete him! That's probably scary just reading that response, I would panic too but your giving him the control to keep you on the sidelines while he looks for someone else. You are torturing yourself by leaving it open ended like this (I'm guilty of that in past as well) or as if to let him know that you are clinging to what was. It isn't and it's time to move on as hard as it will be. I left an abusive marriage last month so I'm in the same boat of having to start all over-I'm terrified that every man is a user, wants younger women, and will cheat- I know God will send me the right man eventually. You sound fairly young and I'm 34 so you still have time to find someone who can't wait to message you unlike your ex. Would you rather settle for someone who starts to text you and decides not to at all... or a guy that says I'm so glad you called I was just thinking of you? How exciting is that just reading the last one- we all want a guy who is interesting in our looks of course but especially in what we have to say. We also want to be loved and you need someone you can count on. The older you get the more you will desire to have someone that will be there because we never know what will happen and the kind of care we will need from a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. Prayers to you and find peace with whatever you decide to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 And there we have the reason he left! Instead of discussing how you felt calmly, you told him in no uncertain terms to go find someone else. You were using beak up words. Yes, I realise you apologised, but you can't unring a bell. This is simply not how we speak to a person we care about. He had enough on his plate without dealing with this type of attitude. Is there any reason you didn't say something like "I really miss seeing you"? I had previously said I would love to spend more time with you,I enjoy your company,we don't always have to go out just come over and watch a movie together..he agreed and said he would come over after football on the Tuesday. Got to Tuesday and he never mentioned it and just said he had a bad day so I said have a nice relaxing night in the house and put your feet up ..then the Thursday happend ..all he ever wanted to do was lie in his bed on Facebook.. All I wanted was to see him a little more The last time he was over mine he sat on his phone all night,I said to him I wouldn't mind a cuddle and he said "oooh I don't do clingy women" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 I can't get my head round if he ain't in the slightest interested why does he bother to still watch my snapchats..why couldn't he even say HNY Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 First , you are over reacting. Chill. People ghost all the time. If he chose to tell you that he is done etc, you would go on and on and possibly make his life difficult. Some people choose to ignore. And that works. See, you are not sending him anymore messages. If you did , he will either ignore again or start keeping a log and lodge a complaint. It's very likely that you missed the red flags. You say he got jealous of your meeting with guy friend. How do you know ? What did he say ? Did he get jealous or you made him feel jealous? He doesn't want that drama. Take a chill pill and get some therapy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 He doesn't like clingy women. You should be running the other way. This guy isn't emotionally healthy and he is emotionally unavailable. Your problem is that you are beating yourself up over his immature and ambivalent behaviors. This isn't about you. You said he's had short relationships. That means he cannot attach to women on a deeper level. There's something that triggers him when he gets too close and when that happens he steps away and plays the hot and cold. If you struggle with depression and lack of self-value, it would be best for you to work on yourself rather than trying to get an ambivalent man to validate you. Once you see the red flags, move on. Stop trying to crack your brain trying to make sense of unhealthy behaviors. You'll never get an answer because chances are, even he has no clue or deeper sense into why he does what he does. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 First , you are over reacting. Chill. People ghost all the time. If he chose to tell you that he is done etc, you would go on and on and possibly make his life difficult. Some people choose to ignore. And that works. See, you are not sending him anymore messages. If you did , he will either ignore again or start keeping a log and lodge a complaint. It's very likely that you missed the red flags. You say he got jealous of your meeting with guy friend. How do you know ? What did he say ? Did he get jealous or you made him feel jealous? He doesn't want that drama. Take a chill pill and get some therapy. Over reacting? Because someone who I was seeing who I believed cared treated me like crap ..yeah of course I'm over reacting Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I had previously said I would love to spend more time with you,I enjoy your company,we don't always have to go out just come over and watch a movie together..he agreed and said he would come over after football on the Tuesday. Got to Tuesday and he never mentioned it and just said he had a bad day so I said have a nice relaxing night in the house and put your feet up ..then the Thursday happend ..all he ever wanted to do was lie in his bed on Facebook.. All I wanted was to see him a little more The last time he was over mine he sat on his phone all night,I said to him I wouldn't mind a cuddle and he said "oooh I don't do clingy women" OP, this guy was just not that into you anymore. That comment pretty much sums out how he felt about you. Don't send that message you'd drafted. It's childish and won't get you the response you're hoping for. You need to pay closer attention to the red flags next time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 So between Monday and Thursday he went off me? If that's the case how do I make him into me again? Link to post Share on other sites
Formerfiveo Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 OP, You've been given 6 pages of excellent advice, but it seems like you only want an answer to "why did he do/say that?" It's totally understandable, and I'm so sorry you're going through such pain and confusion. But the end result is the same. He doesn't want to be with you. He's only interested in playing games and checking to see that you're willing to stay on the back burner as an option, in case he feels lonely. You are worth more than that. Believe it and act like it. Don't settle for his crumbs. Words are cheap, as you've found out. Please take care of YOU and don't feed his ego. DON'T send any texts and DON'T ring him back. It's his loss that he doesn't want to be with you, and you are above playing his silly games. Be strong!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 I've deleted the message and I won't send it. I'm at a spa with a friend and he has been looking at pics I've posted (3) that's frustrating when he hasn't even spoke but it is what it is I guess. His loss ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 He doesn't like clingy women. You should be running the other way. This guy isn't emotionally healthy and he is emotionally unavailable. Your problem is that you are beating yourself up over his immature and ambivalent behaviors. This isn't about you. You said he's had short relationships. That means he cannot attach to women on a deeper level. There's something that triggers him when he gets too close and when that happens he steps away and plays the hot and cold. If you struggle with depression and lack of self-value, it would be best for you to work on yourself rather than trying to get an ambivalent man to validate you. Once you see the red flags, move on. Stop trying to crack your brain trying to make sense of unhealthy behaviors. You'll never get an answer because chances are, even he has no clue or deeper sense into why he does what he does. OP, please consider what Zahara is saying here. It seems that you are obsessing over his behaviors and thought process, but that energy would be better spent, I believe, on yourself and your own mental health challenges and patterns, particularly your belief that someone else (in this case your ex) defines your self-worth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlkVelvet Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I've deleted the message and I won't send it. I'm at a spa with a friend and he has been looking at pics I've posted (3) that's frustrating when he hasn't even spoke but it is what it is I guess. His loss ... Could you please block him already?? All you're doing is prolonging the pain. I bet if you block him, he'll call you. THEN you'll see he's just a game-player. Zahara's advice is right on the money. No, its NOT your fault, you did nothing wrong. He's just not the right guy. It happens to the best of us. Here's a secret many are never fortunate to understand: You really CAN'T do the WRONG thing with the RIGHT guy. If he's really into you, and he wants to be with you, he WILL be, and you wouldn't be able to get rid of him. Hold out for THAT. It's out there for you if you believe you deserve it, and refuse to accept anything less. Take a break from social media. It sucks. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 I honestly think without this forum the last couple of days I would of gone crazy. I really appreciate people giving me some advice,I struggle with letting people go who I care about even when they treat me poorly,I really need to work on that. I have been quite teary again today,I have a feeling he is getting a kick out of this. A few weeks ago he let his guard down after a few drinks and said "I'm the best looking bloke in this pub,your lucky girl" For a moment I was a bit put off by the arrogance but thought "drink talking" I'm having arguments with myself.. The rational part of my brain is saying - he's no good,you deserve better The stupid part is saying-try and get he's attention again The whole watching my snaps is annoying me but I feel like if I block him that's it ..no chance Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 OP, please consider what Zahara is saying here. It seems that you are obsessing over his behaviors and thought process, but that energy would be better spent, I believe, on yourself and your own mental health challenges and patterns, particularly your belief that someone else (in this case your ex) defines your self-worth. Yes, OP, you need to get out of HIS head and into YOURS and be focused on you and your life now. Be in the moment for yourself. All the emotional energy and mind-f'ing yourself is a waste. You are wasting the here and now by doing all this to yourself. Actually, you need to get out of your own head too for a while too. Give yourself a break! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 You really need to stop asking yourself what you did wrong and start asking yourself why you seem to fixate on guys who are pretty clearly laden with red flags. You seem to struggle with the reality that not everything bad that happens in our lives is a result of something we did or didn't do. Going by the other thread, this guy is kind of a bum who's got anger issues, kids from multiple women, and, really the red flag for me, that includes one kid he's not permitted to see. Spend the coming weeks and months focused less on what you can say to bring him back and more time examining why you even feel the need to reach out to someone so obviously unhealthy for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 The whole watching my snaps is annoying me but I feel like if I block him that's it ..no chance No chance at what? Trying to make a man who doesn't want you to want you? Hoping silly snapchat will turn him into an amazing man? Check your thought process. If you feel you deserve nothing, you'll cling at nothing. Until you love yourself and desire more for yourself, you'll keep chasing men that will only keep devaluing you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
paige1136 Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 Basically it ended 2 weeks ago. Well no real ending he just stopped responding after a disagreement. Anyway he kept me on his Facebook and snapchat. He was still looking at my snaps. Yesterday for the first time in two weeks he liked one of my Facebook posts(still no reply to my text off two weeks ago) So last night I snap chatted him a happy new year message. He opened it and started typing a message back but no message came through. I'm gutted how things have turned out. If he doesn't want me in his life just delete me from everything. I'm really hurt,not even a HNY message back. Late to this thread, but I wanted to reply because I am in the exact same scenario (very recent break up before the holidays) - except I'm your ex. If you guys had a discussion that conclusively (in his mind or both of your minds) was a break up, he doesn't see any point in continuing to talk to you anymore. It's just going to be circular. So he's continuing with no contact. That's my perspective, at least. In terms of social media, maybe he just hasn't gotten around to updating them. Or he sees potential of being friends way down the road (months or years from now) so he doesn't want to burn that bridge. Whatever the reason, I wouldn't overthink it; I know, way easier said than done, but I'd try not to. Take this time to celebrate the new year, new you and the single you. And when you feel ready, starting seeing others. He may come back (don't they always!) once he realizes you're moving on and not sending him messages. Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 You're only making things drag on by keeping tabs on him on social media. You need to remove him, who cares what he thinks. Facebook and snapchat are an enormous waste of time, by the way. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 Late to this thread, but I wanted to reply because I am in the exact same scenario (very recent break up before the holidays) - except I'm your ex. If you guys had a discussion that conclusively (in his mind or both of your minds) was a break up, he doesn't see any point in continuing to talk to you anymore. It's just going to be circular. So he's continuing with no contact. That's my perspective, at least. In terms of social media, maybe he just hasn't gotten around to updating them. Or he sees potential of being friends way down the road (months or years from now) so he doesn't want to burn that bridge. Whatever the reason, I wouldn't overthink it; I know, way easier said than done, but I'd try not to. Take this time to celebrate the new year, new you and the single you. And when you feel ready, starting seeing others. He may come back (don't they always!) once he realizes you're moving on and not sending him messages. No discussion tho- I asked if he wanted to continue and he said it was up to me and what did I want to do ..I said I still wanted to see him and he said ok..then still being weird with me. Like he was punishing me for speaking up... Then just disappeared Only a few days previous he was saying he missed me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
paige1136 Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 No discussion tho- I asked if he wanted to continue and he said it was up to me and what did I want to do ..I said I still wanted to see him and he said ok..then still being weird with me. Like he was punishing me for speaking up... Then just disappeared Only a few days previous he was saying he missed me. He deflected the question to you so he didn't have to answer it. I echo everyone else's thoughts - break up with him and delete his number, social media, etc. if it makes it easier. Link to post Share on other sites
BlkVelvet Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 (edited) No discussion tho- I asked if he wanted to continue and he said it was up to me and what did I want to do ..I said I still wanted to see him and he said ok..then still being weird with me. Like he was punishing me for speaking up... Then just disappeared Only a few days previous he was saying he missed me. Ummm, mine said he missed me and couldn't wait to see me THAT day, and then petty argued with me and ended it THAT night. And POOF! He was gone. So, what's your point?? I know its hard, but start telling yourself that this person was just full of s***. It doesnt really matter why. Its just like that sometimes. C'est la Vie. Edited January 2, 2017 by BlkVelvet Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 He deflected the question to you so he didn't have to answer it. I echo everyone else's thoughts - break up with him and delete his number, social media, etc. if it makes it easier. The night before when I asked if he was still interested he said he was..anyway it's no good me keep going on about it as I guess il never get the answers ..I just think how he treated me was awful Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louisesarah Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 I wish I could hate him ..I just can't. It chews me up he has the audacity to still watch my snapchats yet leave everything up in the air..no ending or nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 No one says you need to hate him. Look, this is starting to follow the pattern of many of your other threads that have swelled up because despite what anyone says, you return with something along the lines of, "Yeah, but..." I still stand by my original comments that your fixation on this guy is a symptom of your poor self-value rather than any real true connection you think you shared with him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 I wish I could hate him ..I just can't. It chews me up he has the audacity to still watch my snapchats yet leave everything up in the air..no ending or nothing. OMG, block him! He can't watch your snaps then, problem solved. Link to post Share on other sites
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