ASG Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 A friend of mine was ACTIVELY trying to get pregnant with her husband, and every month she would get a little bit disappointed when her period would show it. Then one month, it didn't. YAY! They went to the doctor... and she was 4 months along. No other symptoms, nothing. And she already had one child, so it wasnt like she didn't know what it was like to be pregnant. She just had no symptoms. My own mother only realised she was pregnant with my brother at 15 weeks. She didnt have a period, which is what triggered a suspicion, but she had just given birth to me, so it was to be expected to be irregular for a while. She had no other symptoms. There is someone on these boards that is raising another man's twins, as his now wife was pregnant when they got together. But he was in love with her and decided to look past it. I believe he is possibly in their birth certificate. Why is this such an alien thought to you? (not judging, genuinely asking) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 My BF's mom had just given birth to him (she was single) when she met the man that became her husband. He did not hesitate to date her even if she had a new born. We're talking 1967 here when being a single mom was taboo. Many married couples their first child is from a previous partner. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 A competently done ultrasound (which I assume is 99.9% of them) that indicates a pregnancy of 25 weeks is highly reliable. Any error would be one the order of +/- 1-2 weeks, not minus 15-20 weeks. The patuent should ask for and receive the associated photos. Heck, at 25 weeks it should be possible to palpate the fetal skull inside the abdomen. As to whether she could be authentically surprised - YES!! It does happen, and since she is still very thin even at 25 weeks, and was still getting a monthly cycle, it's plausible. Not common but it absolutely does occur. 32 weeks here:Mom went in for operation, came out with surprise baby 2 Link to post Share on other sites
IfonlyIknew Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Do you care about this woman? I seem to be on the other end of the spectrum here... If she's your exclusive girlfriend, but got pregnant before you were exclusive... you are in her life today, they are not. You must not be that serious about her to toss her so easily with conditions. Many men step up to the plate in this situation. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 (edited) She is 25 WEEKS pregnant. Whoever was doing the ultrasound said she would have got pregnant around August 7, which is before we were exclusive but we were intimate. I can't comprehend how this was missed. She's thin and doesn't look pregnant at all. She was getting periods, she said they were a lot lighter but she was getting them every month and I know she was because we were being intimate and I saw a bit of blood sometimes. She hasn't been sick at all. How can it go unnoticed for that long? She isn't a stupid woman, she is actually very intelligent. She has a bachelors and masters degree, she works in health care at one of the best countries in the hospital, she is very good at what she does. Yet this was missed? For 6 months?! It's possible. Some women are very fortunate that their first trimester is uneventful--and doesn't show yet. Yes, that is possible depending upon the woman, her genetics, the strength of her abdominal muscles. There are other things which may indicate, like the change of the breasts, but that's not to say all women experience pregnancy the same. We don't. I was sick as a dog for the first 4 months of my pregnancy and lost 20 lbs before gaining (the same thing Kate Middleton was afflicted with in her pregnancies), hence my stopping with one child. Some women bleed even while pregnant, so again, each woman--heck, each pregnancy by the same woman can be different as night and day. I have serious doubts that it is mine. I'm 31, I know how to use a condom and always have. There was none of the "just the tip" crap. I've had plenty of sex and not a single scare. It could be, and if it is mine I'll accept that and be the best dad I can be. It would just really shock me. I'd place a higher bet on someone slipping the condom off or not using it properly. All it takes is one with a sense of direction and some determination. Edited January 20, 2017 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pill Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Do you care about this woman? I seem to be on the other end of the spectrum here... If she's your exclusive girlfriend, but got pregnant before you were exclusive... you are in her life today, they are not. You must not be that serious about her to toss her so easily with conditions. Many men step up to the plate in this situation. They've only been dating for a few months, and they're still young. They haven't developed the relationship to the point where either of them should feel comfortable raising a child that isn't his. 99 percent of men would never "step up to the plate", they'd be running out of the park as soon as possible. Why would any man be okay with being responsible for every aspect of childbirth except the actual creating of the child. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 They've only been dating for a few months, and they're still young. They haven't developed the relationship to the point where either of them should feel comfortable raising a child that isn't his. 99 percent of men would never "step up to the plate", they'd be running out of the park as soon as possible. Why would any man be okay with being responsible for every aspect of childbirth except the actual creating of the child. They are not 'young'. OP is in his early 30s. As time goes by it will be harder and harder for him to date women that don't already have children from another partner. No one is telling him to 'raise' that child. He could continue dating her though and getting to know her. He seems like he likes her very much and she sounds like a woman with a good head on her shoulders. Sure some men would run as many men and women in this world are one dimensional and can't think outside the box. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Pill Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 They are not 'young'. OP is in his early 30s. As time goes by it will be harder and harder for him to date women that don't already have children from another partner. No one is telling him to 'raise' that child. He could continue dating her though and getting to know her. He seems like he likes her very much and she sounds like a woman with a good head on her shoulders. Sure some men would run as many men and women in this world are one dimensional and can't think outside the box. Early 30s is pretty young to be investing in a child that's not his. And you're lying to yourself if you don't think being with this woman will literally be the same thing as raising him. All of her attention when it's born will he dedicated to the child. She's going to need help and he's the one she'll be looking for it from. There is no way they would be able to develop the relationship as the two of them. And if she had a good head on her shoulders she wouldn't be pregnant with no idea who that father is. There is nothing one dimensional about someone silly enough to be in a relationship with a pregnant woman. Relationships are already hard, adding in a random child is like trying to kayak through a typhoon. And considering raising an infant is even more hard, it's nothing but tension in store for both of them if he's not fully dedicated, which he won't be looking. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
purrrfectlyflawed Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 I find it very hard to believe she just found out she was expecting. And yes it is very possible this is not your kid. I don't see the point though in wasting $1000 on a dna test now. That is done via amnio and there is a 1% risk of miscarriage. After the birth you can get a dna test. Has she told you about any other potential father? Make sure you see any results of the dna. I can tell you she did not have safe sex if she is pregnant. It's easy just to blame condom or birth control failure instead of taking responsibility for unsafe sex. I've had 2 babies and got pregnant both times when I was totally off birth control and did not use a condom. Of course it was with my husband at the time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ElizabethIII Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 (edited) [] Get the test op Edited January 20, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redacted off topic content ~6 1 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 OP if she conceived this baby before you were exclusive that's none of your business. Unless you agreed to be sexually exclusive. Be supportive and move forward from here. Just my 2 cents. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted January 21, 2017 Share Posted January 21, 2017 Do the paternity test and resolve that question first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rouik Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I hope that you both decide against an abortion, I can understand the feelings of not being ready to be a parent but adoption is the way to go if you don't want to be parents. I also understand if you are not ready to raise another persons child, but if you really care for your girlfriend adoption again would be the best option, leaving her to completely fend for herself would not be good for her or the baby. I hope you guys can find a way to make it work but at the end of the day its three lives that are being affected with whatever decision you make. try and do what's best for yourself, your girlfriend, and that baby girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pill Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I'm surprised that no one feels she should figure out who's child it is first then try to make it work with that man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I'm surprised that no one feels she should figure out who's child it is first then try to make it work with that man. Because poking in her belly while she is pregnant is dangerous. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I hope that you both decide against an abortion, I can understand the feelings of not being ready to be a parent but adoption is the way to go if you don't want to be parents. I also understand if you are not ready to raise another persons child, but if you really care for your girlfriend adoption again would be the best option, leaving her to completely fend for herself would not be good for her or the baby. I hope you guys can find a way to make it work but at the end of the day its three lives that are being affected with whatever decision you make. try and do what's best for yourself, your girlfriend, and that baby girl. They can't have an abortion. She's 25 weeks along. So abortion has stopped being an option at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 There's a simple blood test that can determine paternity during pregnancy. Non-Invasive Prenatal Paternity (NIPP): A non-invasive prenatal paternity test is the most accurate non-invasive way to establish paternity before the baby is born. The process is state-of-the-art, combining the latest technology and proprietary methods of preserving and analyzing the baby’s DNA found naturally in the mother’s bloodstream. This test requires only a simple blood collection from the mother and alleged father and can be performed any time after the 8th week of pregnancy. The test is 99.9% accurate. Paternity Testing - American Pregnancy Association 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 There's a simple blood test that can determine paternity during pregnancy. Amazing what we can do nowadays eh! but still can't cure a common flu. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I'm surprised that no one feels she should figure out who's child it is first then try to make it work with that man. Because a pregnancy does not make a relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pill Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Because a pregnancy does not make a relationship. But it sure as hell ruins one 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 But it sure as hell ruins one only when someone's agenda doesn't include being supportive. She would be well rid of someone like that in her life--one doesn't need that kind of stress while pregnant. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueRidgeMT Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 only when someone's agenda doesn't include being supportive. She would be well rid of someone like that in her life--one doesn't need that kind of stress while pregnant. People please stop. If this is not the OP child, he is not the villan here. They have not been dating long at all, and throwing a baby (one that is possibly not his) into the mix isn't going to make it easier. I simply do not know why people are getting all worked up because the OP may not stay with this chick if the kid is not his. He has every right to decide that he is not ready for something like that, because he WILL have to be a part of that child's life whether he likes it or not if he continues dating her. And to those saying what's the difference between that and dating a single mom who already has a kid. Well..because he would KNOW what he is signing up for. He already knows she has a kid, knows her baby daddy situation, maybe has met the kid, etc, and decided this is something he can deal with. He CHOOSES to go into that relationship. He did NOT choose this. If the kid is NOT his, then he has no obligation, and should not be made to feel like a heel because he cant deal with it. He doesn't need to be made to feel like he should fall on the sword for someone that he hasn't even been dating that long, and probably isn't even totally 'IN LOVE' with. This situation may suck for this woman, but don't blame the OP because he doesn't want to join in the suck-fest. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 I'm married, a size 0 & didn't know I was pregnant until 6 months along...& it was my 2nd child & my degree is in medical industry...no morning sickness, full periods & no baby bump until 8 months. Never knew how a woman didn't know, until I was one of them. I had absolutely no clue. Found bc the stomach issues I thought I was having, ended up being a baby. A 9 1/2 pound healthy baby at that. Wether or not you stay with her or it is or isn't hers...it does happen were a woman doesn't show any real signs. Especially women that don't gain a lot of weight. Don't judge her on not knowing, also don't blame her alone, you know how women bc pregnant, you didn't want the worry than don't rely on the woman alone to take care of birth control...good luck to you bc it is a tough situation Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 If the kid is NOT his, then he has no obligation, and should not be made to feel like a heel because he cant deal with it. He doesn't need to be made to feel like he should fall on the sword for someone that he hasn't even been dating that long, and probably isn't even totally 'IN LOVE' with. OP understands that the logic, if this child isn't his, would be to move on. Then he says he does not understand why it makes him feel bad to move on even under those circumstances. He likes her a lot. To me that is him opening the door on continue seeing her. I am telling him if he feels that way then to give a try to dating her still. If he had said he cannot handle this and it's a deal breaker of course no one would pressure him to do it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Erised Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I can tell you she did not have safe sex if she is pregnant. It's easy just to blame condom or birth control failure instead of taking responsibility for unsafe sex. I've had 2 babies and got pregnant both times when I was totally off birth control and did not use a condom. Of course it was with my husband at the time. I have been pregnant thrice now, twice on birth control. One was the pill taken without missing any and no interacting drugs like antibiotics, and one was a hormonal IUD. I was born post vasectomy. This pregnancy I'm in currently, the intentional time, I had just removed my IUD, hadn't even gotten a period yet, only saw my fiance for two days that month because he was out of country, and boom, pregnant. So I'm thinking without control I would have been pregnant many more times in my life, but control didn't stop it. All those control methods more effective statistically than just condoms. Condoms do break. Some people get pregnant easier than others. You can't tell him anything. The only way you can guarantee no pregnancy is abstinence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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