Is staying in and relaxing an acceptable date?

January 19, 2017

Unfortunately in your case? No.

You see each other "every few weeks." You don't go out, you stay inside and "hang out."

You're not dating, you're basically a space filler for when he's bored and is done prioritizing every other aspect of his life.

I think you're selling yourself way short, and not being treated as you should.

This is low interest, minimal effort--- if any effort at all.

Sitting at home, watching movies, relaxing, making dinner together, is FINE.... when you're an established couple and in a routine. That doesn't seem to be where you and this guy are at, at all.

January 19, 2017

Whatever you let get started, it's just going downhill from there. If you don't want a man who is content to just stay in and relax, then don't keep dating him. He has no motivation to change this late in the game.

I know two women who married guys who didn't want to go do anything and neither of them are happy and then if they want to go without them, there's tension and they're refusing to watch the kids for her to have a night out and just making life hell for her in general.

So don't keep dating someone who's not a good match.

January 20, 2017

Could be because it's winter time. I can't see someone doing that in May and June

Yeah I mean, Ill speak for myself. Im a horrible date planner, and its even worse this time a year when its cold and shorter days... lessens the options 10x. Could be a mix of fatigue, and just not that great at planning things to do.

That said... if you are still in the so-called honeymoon stage, but you see eachother once every few weeks, and after that amount of time he hasnt put any effort into planning something. Could be your sign right there

Edited January 20, 2017 by gorf

January 20, 2017

It depends. Do you think it's acceptable? Do you like staying in? I do, but I think he should at least offer to go out. Unless you've voiced to him you like to stay in and hang out, tired or not, doesn't seem like he's trying very hard to woo you.

January 20, 2017

If you don't wanna stay in, try paying for the dates for yourself! Maybe he has run out of money to afford all the dates you've been wanting. If you are unhappy, take HIM out and pay for it. Simple.

And most men may not want to say they ran out of money.

January 21, 2017

So let me get this straight - you're only meeting once every few weeks, and every single one of those 'dates' solely revolves around 'hanging out at home' (presumably involving sex)?

I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound like a relationship to me, it sounds like a FWB situation. I have absolutely nothing against staying in and relaxing with my SO, but if it's ALL we ever did, especially if we only met once in 3 weeks.... yeah, I'd get tired of it pretty quick. Couples certainly do just hang out at home, but most of the time a relationship ALSO involves going out and doing things together occasionally.

Anyway, to answer your initial question, yes, I would expect that. My SO works ~70 hours a week and while we hang out at home plenty, we also go out at least 1-2/week on average. Not necessarily fancy dinner dates, but possibly brunch, or activities like movies/mini-golf, or even just a walk in the park or a picnic together. If it's winter I empathize, it gets harder to go out, but unless there's a bad snowstorm I don't see why it isn't possible.

January 21, 2017

So let me get this straight - you're only meeting once every few weeks, and every single one of those 'dates' solely revolves around 'hanging out at home' (presumably involving sex)?

I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound like a relationship to me, it sounds like a FWB situation. I have absolutely nothing against staying in and relaxing with my SO, but if it's ALL we ever did, especially if we only met once in 3 weeks.... yeah, I'd get tired of it pretty quick. Couples certainly do just hang out at home, but most of the time a relationship ALSO involves going out and doing things together occasionally.

Anyway, to answer your initial question, yes, I would expect that. My SO works ~70 hours a week and while we hang out at home plenty, we also go out at least 1-2/week on average. Not necessarily fancy dinner dates, but possibly brunch, or activities like movies/mini-golf, or even just a walk in the park or a picnic together. If it's winter I empathize, it gets harder to go out, but unless there's a bad snowstorm I don't see why it isn't possible.

I am not having sex with him..

January 21, 2017

Sounds like a huge waste of time.

January 23, 2017

So you don't have sex, you don't go out, you only see each other once every few weeks... why bother?

January 23, 2017

Should a man who works long hours still be expected to take a woman out on a date rather than staying in and relaxing? I met him a few months ago and we've hung out multiple times. We see eachother every few weeks or so. We're both in our 30s. I'm fine staying in and relaxing, I would just hate for it to become a routine.

Not at the few months of knowing each other and seeing each other sporadically point.

Sounds to me as if it's already become a routine. You have incompatible work schedules, he works long hours and isn't inclined to arse himself into taking you out. You could probably gauge his level of enthusiasm by taking him out on dates and see if he gives you the same excuses about work schedules and long hours.

If I was you, I'd do the above and then take a wait and see attitude--then make your decision based on what's fallen out in experience.