JamesM Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 OK, I will tell you... . Like every man that has been cheated on, it is the most horrible thing in the world, there a couple of things worse but this is one of the worse. It is better to be divorced and happy than married and miserable. He should bang the new girl and start the divorce process. Bottom line. For me, when my wife's drug addiction got to the point that we were not having sex, I was out getting laid with in the month. And I felt not guilt what so ever. How's that??? A very honest answer. Thank you. It also gives the OP a more complete picture of your original response. A couple of responses to the points above. The OP's wife will feel the same pain as you felt. Do you think she should? And is going without sex that horrible? Why did you feel it was okay to get laid within the month? Did having sex with the other women help you have a better relationship with your wife? What was your rationale for "not feeling guilt?" While I certainly cannot condone what you did, I understand why. However, I question if the OP would be better off or worse off. I think he is chasing a fantasy to replace his marriage, but sadly, his fantasy will never be a reality no matter how many women he "lays." If he has decided to leave the marriage, then he would be far better off divorcing before he chases any other woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 Yes James not having sex is a bad thing. Good grief... Listen is a woman is not in to you, you don't get butt hurt about it, you go find a better one. As far as guilt goes, If my wife is not having sex with me for whatever reason, she should expect that I will get those needs filled elsewhere, short of some type of sickness or injury. Since I will never ever get married again, that won't be a problem. OP, need to dump wife and bang Ashley, Bottom line. Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 No, sorry Ashley is in to you... I mean if you are in a sexless marriage, bang her. But it is really more than that. You want a woman to desire you and want you, which is what a lot of women, sorry ladies, just do not understand. Men want to be desired as much as women do. My Number one GF makes me feel like a king, that is why she will always be number one. And you know she is a little heavy, and I could care less. She is a monster in the bedroom, every moment that we are together she wants me. Today she called me her boy toy, which is a little insulting, but frankly I am her sexual toy and I like it. I say bang Ashley, just get it over with, you are going to have to get a divorce pretty soon anyway. You wife does not love you and she is not attracted to you and you don't do it for her, so what choice do you have. Just start banging the new girl and start the divorce proceedings. You will be so much happier... I don't think Ashley is into the OP the way he thinks she is. It sounds like she has let him know her boundary is friendship by mentioning her husband at home ore often. She can sense he is interested in her, and she is putting him off gently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Yes James not having sex is a bad thing. Good grief... Listen is a woman is not in to you, you don't get butt hurt about it, you go find a better one. As far as guilt goes, If my wife is not having sex with me for whatever reason, she should expect that I will get those needs filled elsewhere, short of some type of sickness or injury. Since I will never ever get married again, that won't be a problem. OP, need to dump wife and bang Ashley, Bottom line. OP, regardless of what others think, me included, you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror every day. Is cheating on someone who you really are? You have options here that go beyond cheating. I think you do love your wife,and she loves you too but not in the way you want. So what are you going to do about it? If you both love each other, but sex is not on the table, then explain to her how you have been feeling and ask her for suggestions to help address the issue. Ask her how she would feel about an open marriage or you seeing a "working women" for sex. She may be okay with that. Even if she isn't, at least she will know how serious you are. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Yes James not having sex is a bad thing. Good grief... That depends. Listen is a woman is not in to you, you don't get butt hurt about it, you go find a better one. Agree...unless you are married. Then you work at changing it and stick to a commitment you made. As far as guilt goes, If my wife is not having sex with me for whatever reason, she should expect that I will get those needs filled elsewhere, short of some type of sickness or injury. Her reason is....Illness? Pregnancy? Those are reasons that you would break a commitment to her? Since I will never ever get married again, that won't be a problem. Remember that when the next great one comes along and is into sex big time while dating.... OP, need to dump wife and bang Ashley, Bottom line. Now you changed your tune! Dumping wife (ie divorce) and THEN banging Ashley....that is a better way. Then we have no affair on his side...however, she is still a married woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Hard to sort through all the quotes. 1) Yes James, not having sex in a marriage is a bad thing, short of illness or injury. Sex does not require love, but romantic love requires sex. 2) "Unless you are married" ... not really James. If your wife is not into you, you can try to fix it, but if you can't you DUMP her. In general, a huge percentage of the time, if a woman loses interest, it is really hard to get back to a good place. IMHO, if you are not married you don't really even need to try. What kind of a man begs a woman back? This kind of thinking is what is wrong with so many men. They are weak, sorry to say but true. There are just as many woman out there that are wonderful as there are men. If the one that you are with is done with you, move on...Married or not. 3) "As far as guilt goes, If my wife is not having sex with me for whatever reason, she should expect that I will get those needs filled elsewhere, short of some type of sickness or injury." Her reason is....Illness? Pregnancy? Those are reasons that you would break a commitment to her? So next time you may want to finish the sentence before you comment. Of course these things matter!!! 4) Yes you are correct, if Ashley is married then he should not go there. Overall, look I get where you are coming from, and I am thinking that you are little younger than me so we have different age based life experiences. What I am tell you and OP is this, if you want to save a marriage you have to be ready to walk away. Women will never respect a weak man and any that say they do are just lying. Woman want a man that respects himself and her. They don't want a puppy dog lapping and their feet, well maybe some but not most. The other thing that you should understand is that even though I am going though my second childhood with women, Dude, I did it all for 26 years. Half of my life dedicated to a woman that was a drug addict, that come to find out never loved me. I raised the kids, alone, I made all the money, she never ever had to work one day for the last 26 years. , and I took care of her and her "Illness". I would rather not see someone else make the mistakes that I have made. For OP, if she is not into him, and not in love with him and he is living this kind of life, Yes he needs to divorce and move on. You cannot make someone love you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 1) Yes James, not having sex in a marriage is a bad thing, short of illness or injury. Sex does not require love, but romantic love requires sex. As someone who also agrees that sex is important to marriage and has argued that it is, romantic love, or rather real love in a marriage, does not REQUIRE sex. 2) "Unless you are married" ... not really James. If your wife is not into you, you can try to fix it, but if you can't you DUMP her. In general, a huge percentage of the time, if a woman loses interest, it is really hard to get back to a good place. IMHO, if you are not married you don't really even need to try. Your experience and mine are different, and the answer given by each is based on experience. There is short term lack of interest and long term. We do agree on the last sentence. If you are not married, then quit. What kind of a man begs a woman back? This kind of thinking is what is wrong with so many men. They are weak, sorry to say but true. There are just as many woman out there that are wonderful as there are men. If the one that you are with is done with you, move on...Married or not. Every situation is different, but of a woman is truly done with a man or vice versa, then something drastic needs to be done. 3) "As far as guilt goes, If my wife is not having sex with me for whatever reason, she should expect that I will get those needs filled elsewhere, short of some type of sickness or injury." So next time you may want to finish the sentence before you comment. Of course these things matter!!! Sorry, but the wording of your sentence actually says that "she should expect that I will get those needs filled elsewhere, short of some type of sickness or injury." In other words to the normal reader not knowing your thoughts, you say that you will have sex when your wife won't have sex unless you are injured or sick. 4) Yes you are correct, if Ashley is married then he should not go there. Thank you. Overall, look I get where you are coming from, and I am thinking that you are little younger than me so we have different age based life experiences. I will take that as a compliment! I will admit that I am now in my fifties though. What I am tell you and OP is this, if you want to save a marriage you have to be ready to walk away. Or said maybe a little better, SHOW that you are ready to walk away...and be prepared to do it. One bluff will work, but twice a bluff won't. Women will never respect a weak man and any that say they do are just lying. Woman want a man that respects himself and her. They don't want a puppy dog lapping and their feet, well maybe some but not most. Agree. Dude, I did it all for 26 years. Ditto and more. Half of my life dedicated to a woman that was a drug addict, that come to find out never loved me. I raised the kids, alone, I made all the money, she never ever had to work one day for the last 26 years. , and I took care of her and her "Illness". I feel for you. Seriously. My marriage has been affected by pain an depression (hers), and while some call an addiction an illness, it borderlines on a choice too. I would rather not see someone else make the mistakes that I have made. I would hope someone learns from them but also realizes that every situation is different. For OP, if she is not into him, and not in love with him and he is living this kind of life, Yes he needs to divorce and move on. Alot of ifs...but one more is, if he knew that she would change,then would he stay? If there is hope, then would he stay? If he hasn't tried everything, perhaps trying something new is worth it? You cannot make someone love you... And you cannot make someone buy something....but every day salesmen and saleswomen prove that statement wrong. You cannot MAKE them but boy oh boy, you certainly can persuade them! Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 James I agree with most of that last post...not all but most... Just have to disagree completely on point number one. Short of sickness or illness romantic love has to have a sexual aspect to it or it is not "Romantic Love" IMHO. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 James I agree with most of that last post...not all but most... Just have to disagree completely on point number one. Short of sickness or illness romantic love has to have a sexual aspect to it or it is not "Romantic Love" IMHO. Peace... Hey, I am glad you used the word "most!" Anyhow, we will agree to disagree then about sex, but IMO and based on other stories here, it is entirely possible to keep a marriage going without sex, and when a disability or illness interferes, then a relationship can be modified to allow for the lack of sex. Desirable? No. As passionate? Probably not. Love is a commitment and not a feeling. Peace back. I never debate to make enemies. After more than eleven years here and many, many passionate debates in every area, i still try to leave each thread realizing that my opinion is just one among thousands. Probably the best one though... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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