He ghosted me. Mostly a rant.

[basil67]

I feel used only if a one night stand was all he wanted. When we would text he always wante to hang out even if sex wasn't involved.

 

You've got it backwards. If him shagging you and then regretting it makes you feel used, then you shouldn't have instigated sex without being in some type of relationship with him.

 

For him to use you, it would have had to be HIM chasing you and making false promises.

 

Lastly, you talk about your spontaneity like it's a good thing. But look at where that spontaneity has landed you. Flat on your rear end.

 

A bit of personal responsibility would not go astray here.

[Whodatdog]

I dont know too many single guys who will turn down a 2 am drunk call from some girl for a quickie in the car. Doesnt mean he cares for you. At all.

 

If he texts you again, it wont be for a date. It will be for sex. Because you've already established to him that is what you are. The girl he calls for a date because he really likes her, sadly wont be you.

 

Respect yourself a little more than that.

[Cookiesandough]

Wow that doesn't sound misogynistic at all! a woman never needs to "behave". So you can suck it. I can do whatever I want and I'm entitled to my emotions whether I acted stupidly or not. And I'm assuming you think it's ok to sleep with someone if they're drunk? That they Were asking for it ? Not saying I didn't. I did but you're acting like I was totally using my better judgment. Had I been sober, I for sure wouldn't have gone that far there. If it were at my place, no problem.

 

It's just that coming off in your posts more like someonr who just read a book on sex positive feminism and feels sexually liberated. So you go goes out and chase men until they eventually sleep with you with whenever, wherever. Yet, you are surprised when they don't text you again and you call that being used. Reality is, most people treat people based on how they behave. They form opinions about people based on their behavior. You're responsible for alcohol intake as well. You drive the car drunk, that's on you. I'd see a case if you were drunk and he pressured you for sex and you felt used. But you had sex, enjoyed it, and only regret it now because he doesn't like you much. That's not being used.

[basil67]

And by the way, he did text me back. He apologized. Said he doesn't think any less of me. Guess not all guys judge you for doing the exact same thing they're doing. Hmmm

 

So he didn't ghost and there's no problem.

 

Glad to know you've got it sorted out.

[Fatty23]

How old are you fatty?

 

Some comments are a bit harsh and unnecessary. OP is feeling a little sh***y about her circumstances and came here for advice. She doesn't want any patronizing/aggressive comment. A little understanding goes a long way sometimes.

 

Fatty it seems that this is one of many learning curves for you. I have had my fair share. We all love sex. It can be really fun but you have to be careful. I have learnt not to do it willy nilly anymore as I cannot cope with the emotional consequences of it.

Messaging him at 2am and meeting up in a car park... You will learn very quickly that you most likely ARE being used.

You need to show people how YOU want to be treated and respected.

 

I had a guy who treated me like this for a long LONG time. I was like putty in his hand. He always buttered me up for about 2 weeks beforehand. As soon as he got sex, no reply. I'd text him to say he left his jacket once and made a little joke as you know... I thought we may be friends. Got nothing for weeks. He just assumed a text from me, meant I wanted more from him. I knew he was a dick but was addicted to the fun. I taught HIM how to treat me. I thankfully had enough and grew a backbone. Stopped responding to him completely as I only ever felt like sh** afterwards. I also learnt a good thing from that experience and will make sure that I never put myself in that position ever again.

 

Its a harsh world out there. You just need to figure out how to navigate your way around without hurting yourself too much in the process.

 

Thank you so much for this! It's nice to hear someone's gone through something similar. I don't know why all these commenters get their panties all up in a bunch. Or act like they never care when someone ignored their texts! It's so ridiculous. I was so drunk and made a mistake. I think he's done worse for sleeping with a drunk girl anyway. But of course it's always the woman's fault.

 

You're right about people treating you how you let them. I know this. I don't normally hook up with guys like this but when I do I cut my losses and don't care. but it's different with him. I've known him for so long. Even if we're not super close it's weird to know we have so many friends in common and all that.

 

Anyway, I know I'm NEVER doing that again. We'll see what the future holds. I don't think he wants to ignore me. I told him I felt ****ty and he said he's going through a hard time. So maybe we'll talk more? I honestly don't care if we're constantly talking Or not. Just knowing he's not gonna disappear on me makes me feel better.

[William]

After some clean-up it looks like the OP has resolved her situation so we will leave this one closed. ~T