Too fat to be dating

[Versacehottie]

**female poster disclaimer**

 

It is possible to be 100lbs and curvy. I'm definitely not curvy so I'm not talking about myself , but I know people who are tiny (5'2" and under) who are hour-glass, they don't weigh any more than 100 - 110lbs, which, for their height, is considered a normal BMI. Afterall fat doesn't weigh as much as muscles.

 

As for your weight, what matters is how YOU feel about yourself. If you're happy with the way you look, that confidence radiates and creates attractiveness. I also know women who are definitely "overweight" BMI speaking, but they're also incredibly attractive because of the way they carry themselves I'd be all over them if I was a male On the flip side, my BMI was always in the normal range, but back when I had poor eating habits and had some extra weight compared to my baseline, I had a poor self-image. You can be overweight and still sexy, or normal weight and... not. You gotta love yourself first before others do.

 

Yeah agreed with you and clia. Curvy is a shape, i.e..hourglass-ish which can occur at 100 lbs or 300lbs and many points in between, probably above and below too. Basically indicates that waist is defined from the hips/bust zone regardless of pounds on the frame. I think a lot of people are shocked when actually overweight people use that term to describe themselves and it's not accurate.

 

I think for the OP's issue you should just be sure there is transparency in your photos and let the guy decide for himself whether or not it's attractive to him rather than come up with a label that means different things to different people. I have to say, you have a really engaging personality in your post which shines through and a really healthy attitude/self-esteem it seems so I definitely don't think you need to wait to date. Just take great precautions that are more likely to protect you from a lot of dating failures that are unnecessary or that you would attribute to your weight because that could affect your great attitude. Like someone said, a lot of first dates are not successful for 100 reasons.

 

Try to make sure your mom doesn't get too involved. It sounds like she means well but delivery is not great!! I think that might hurt your self-esteem more than anything some first date guy does. It can help to say something like: I like how I look and when I am working eating better/working out it is for overall health. Something like that. Send a message that you are ok with who you are.

 

As for the spanx so many people wear them from 100 pound on up--just make sure you get them off before any action happens! Good luck

[introverted1]

No one is too fat to date, as people are attracted to a wide variety of shapes and sizes.

 

I agree with the others, though, that words like "curvy" and "bigger" are meaningless -- you can be curvy at any weight and bigger is a comparative so you'd have to have a baseline to compare to for this word to have meaning. Better to just tell prospects your height and weight and let them decide.

 

OTOH, if you are bothered by your weight, take steps to lose some.

[preraph]

All a person has to go on on online dating is photos. If you want to save yourself a world of hurt, you need to use a photo taken yesterday showing your full body from different views and your face. Let them decide.

[Popsicle]

Something I've learned from hanging out with men is that if they ask you out (especially after seeing you in person) they are attracted to you. So you already passed that test.

 

Something I've learned as I've gotten older is that people will match or they won't. Not every date will go well. Not everyone is a good match for you.

All a person has to go on on online dating is photos. If you want to save yourself a world of hurt, you need to use a photo taken yesterday showing your full body from different views and your face. Let them decide.

 

 

 

This.

 

Also, your mom is a jerk.

[Imajerk17]

Take this from a guy, many many fellas actually prefer as their physical type a woman who is curvier. They have since the beginning of the human race, *long* before Ashley Graham became famous. The media w their long-standing obsession with thinness, had this all wrong for the longest time.

 

No one is everyone's physical type though. So just because one guy didn't find you physically attractive doesn't mean that other guys won't either, especially because you were already getting a lot of dates.

 

Meanwhile, your mom sounds toxic when it comes to your confidence on dates. When it comes to that at least, don't listen to her.

Edited January 18, 2017 by Imajerk17

[CaliforniaGirl]

Take this from a guy, many many fellas actually prefer as their physical type a woman who is curvier. They have since the beginning of the human race, *long* before Ashley Graham became famous. The media w their long-standing obsession with thinness, had this all wrong for the longest time.

 

No one is everyone's physical type though. So just because one guy didn't find you physically attractive doesn't mean that other guys won't either, especially because you were already getting a lot of dates.

 

Meanwhile, your mom sounds toxic when it comes to your confidence on dates. When it comes to that at least, don't listen to her.

 

But the thing is, if the OP had accurate, current, non-"posed"-style (like down from above the head, you know what I'm talking about) shots then this guy already knew her body type. Right?

[Michelle ma Belle]

I can't really add to much more to what's already been said; yes, bigger girls (and guys) can and do have very fulfilling lives that include dating and lots of hot sex and yes, your mom basically c*ckblocked you before you ever got out the front door.

 

You already know you can get dates and can rock it out hard no matter your size but you let your mom get in your head which doesn't help. I have a mom very much like this and even though I know deep down her opinions and comments and 'constructive' criticism comes from love, sometimes the delivery and the timing leaves little to be desired. You seem to be aware of the damage your mom caused and are already planning a work around for your next date. Lesson learned. Good for you.

 

As for the date, just like MissPeach said, not every match ends up being a match for whatever reason. That's life. It doesn't appear you've been misleading in any way about who you are so whatever 'issues' he may have had with you are ultimately HIS issues, not yours. Good riddance

 

And you don't have to be a big girl/boy to end up with the same results by the way. I remember going out on what I thought was an awesome date that went on for many more hours than I was expecting (at his doing) only to hear nothing but crickets afterwards. Such is life. Sometimes things don't make much sense therefore you shouldn't waste much energy trying to figure it out. Best to chalk it up as an experience, good or bad, and move on with your head held high.

 

Good luck.

[GunslingerRoland]

I will say however to get rid of any ambiguous language like "curvy" and "bigger". Those don't really say much. I always liked it when women just stated their height and weight and then had clear pictures, including full body shots. Shows they're not hiding behind anything and a take it or leave it attitude. If you're attracted, great, if I'm too big for you, also great...

 

I agree with using more clear words than curvy, and I also agree with including realistic full body shots... however I don't think women should be forced to include their weight. Especially since many men have no idea how much real women weight (as indicated by all the people in this thread arguing that a woman can be curvy at 100lbs)

[Brittybritt92]

But the thing is, if the OP had accurate, current, non-"posed"-style (like down from above the head, you know what I'm talking about) shots then this guy already knew her body type. Right?

 

 

 

YUP. I have MANY photos. Also with someone I'm interested in, I add them on facebook and instagram. Every photo I've ever had- whether it was taken of me, selfies, etc. is on there.

 

 

BTW he wasn't this gorgeous guy. There was no chemistry there. Plain and simple. I've dated for many years and just got out of a long relationship. I just felt incredibly off my game-- I would never go after someone that I genuinely felt didn't like me. That's why the whole thing was weird to me.

[Brittybritt92]

I can't really add to much more to what's already been said; yes, bigger girls (and guys) can and do have very fulfilling lives that include dating and lots of hot sex and yes, your mom basically c*ckblocked you before you ever got out the front door.

 

You already know you can get dates and can rock it out hard no matter your size but you let your mom get in your head which doesn't help. I have a mom very much like this and even though I know deep down her opinions and comments and 'constructive' criticism comes from love, sometimes the delivery and the timing leaves little to be desired. You seem to be aware of the damage your mom caused and are already planning a work around for your next date. Lesson learned. Good for you.

 

As for the date, just like MissPeach said, not every match ends up being a match for whatever reason. That's life. It doesn't appear you've been misleading in any way about who you are so whatever 'issues' he may have had with you are ultimately HIS issues, not yours. Good riddance

 

And you don't have to be a big girl/boy to end up with the same results by the way. I remember going out on what I thought was an awesome date that went on for many more hours than I was expecting (at his doing) only to hear nothing but crickets afterwards. Such is life. Sometimes things don't make much sense therefore you shouldn't waste much energy trying to figure it out. Best to chalk it up as an experience, good or bad, and move on with your head held high.

 

Good luck.

 

 

You must have a mom similar to mine because that's EXACTLY how I felt, cockblocked before I left the house haha.

 

I've been in both positions where I've been disinterested or I've felt the disinterest. I think what was annoying was that I left the house feeling SO low before I even got to the restaurant. We had a fun dinner but sometimes chemistry just isn't there I guess. On to the next one.

[mightycpa]

Personally, these days I like my women waiflike. Unfortunately, big-breasted doesn't usually go along with that.

[purrrfectlyflawed]

You are not too fat to date. As long as your pictures give an honest impression of your build then thats all you can do. Some guys like it, some don't. I have put on a little weight since Christmas..I've gained about 15 lbs. Yuck. But I can lose it if I really try, pretty quick.

 

I am curvy. I am a size 8-10 usually. Told I have legs and a butt that will stop traffic and I'm busty. I have curves. Curvy to me, means boobs and butt and possibly a few extra lbs but not obese or a BBW.

 

The heavy girls that piss guys off on blind dates are the ones that mask their weight. Old pics, pics from the neck up generally mean a girl is probably misrepresenting herself. Describing yourself as a few lbs overweight or heavier is a good way to tell guys you are not a size 2 so don't expect it.

 

Your mom was rude. Have fun and be yourself. Good luck

[thefooloftheyear]

Mom tells it like it is....I like it, and my mom is the queen of that stuff..That's good..Thats what a lot of mom's like to do.....Do you want smoke blown up your ass like your friends probably do???

 

He probably flaked on you, because you were too heavy...But who knows...Most of the "so called chubby chasers" are only doing it because its an easy way to get laid, they don't have much to offer, or it's just a fetish...Is that what you want??

 

Either own it and be honest with people, or use this as an opportunity to get into shape..If you do the second option, just don't blow up on the guy once you get comfortable...That's just another bait and switch..

 

Good luck...

 

TFY

[Michelle ma Belle]

I agree with using more clear words than curvy, and I also agree with including realistic full body shots... however I don't think women should be forced to include their weight. Especially since many men have no idea how much real women weight (as indicated by all the people in this thread arguing that a woman can be curvy at 100lbs)

 

Amen!

 

Men really have no real clue when it comes to women and their weight. They fixate on a 'number' and think that is all that matters when in reality 150 lbs on a woman can run the gamut physically speaking depending on her height, bone density, size of her breasts, size of her butt, how much muscle she has, size of her hips, thighs, and on and on. Too many variables to consider to make assumptions based on what number flashes on the scale.

[preraph]

The fact you say you have "many photos" tells me they are not all current and some no longer look how you look. If you do that, they don't know that one is before you gained weight. You need to put only current photos up on dating sites. FB is another thing, but you should put dates on them if they're old.

[BaileyB]

Something I've learned from hanging out with men is that if they ask you out (especially after seeing you in person) they are attracted to you. So you already passed that test.

 

Very true. Like every other woman, I've always been self conscious about my body, my curly hair, and other "imperfect" features. My current relationship has been most enlightening because I have realized how very little he cares. He doesn't understand my concerns, and he loves me for the person that I am... "flaws" and all...

 

As women, we are always our worst critics. So remember, if they ask you out, they are interested. And if they turn you down simply because of your weight, then they are not worth your time. When someone truly loves you, they will see your beauty...

[CaliforniaGirl]

Look, OP...even though your mom was SUPER artless in the way she said it, I think she was trying to let you off the hook in case you really were too nervous/are too nervous right now (or "not ready") to date. She saw you got the Spanx. She's a mom. She probably felt like, "(OP) doesn't feel good about herself...that hurts me to see, I am her mother...I will give her an 'out' so she can avoid pain the next time by waiting until she feels self-confident." (Or...not exactly like that, but more or less.)

 

I can't read your mom's mind but I do know moms (and am one) and I also know things don't always come out the way we want them to, ESPECIALLY if we feel anxiety BOTH for ourselves and for someone we really love and can't stand to see hurt. I think that was the case with your mom.

 

So it all came out like...poo, but really it sounds *to me* like she was trying to give you a good excuse to take a breather and to not get hurt.

 

Unfortunately, paradoxically enough, in trying not to let you get hurt by someone else, her words themselves hurt you.

 

You were nervous about your date and obviously about how you looked. Mom tried to "help," but she's obviously no beautician. Then the next morning you came to her to talk about the date...she didn't come to you (is that right?). Again, she knew right away you were pretty unsettled about it. (We can tell and we're perfect strangers...so definitely, your mother could tell.) She rushed to get rid of the situation for both of you by suggesting you put a halt to dating for now.

 

I have done this, in a way. Or wished I could. Right now my son is up for the spelling bee. He won for his class, but it's a special ed class...only five people. We have been over and over the words. Yet I have a nightmare vision that on Friday, he will be the very FIRST kid out...and our weeks (literally) of work will mean nothing, in his eyes. And I wish I could call him in sick that day and just avoid it.

 

I do. God, I do.

 

I really, really, really feel that's the sort of place your mom is coming from.

 

Don't go to her next time about dating if you don't want to hear her input...and DON'T expect her to be impartial OR to say things just the right way. In fact, count on her screwing it up because she is emotionally invested in this. She loves you.

 

And if you really are confident with yourself, your body and so on...then you don't need to worry about dating in that regard and you can hold out for the guy who will love you as you are. So there's that issue solved, too.

[GemmaUK]

As long as you are happy with your weight, *your photos are up to date and not taken from angles so as not to deceive then whatever your Mum says should be water off a duck's back.

 

The date just didn't turn out well.

If he looked shocked when he saw you then go back and re-check your photos for the above*. Something is not right if he looked shocked and you read that in his expression.

 

By the way I'm curvy also - but I'm 112lbs. Stats are 36, 24, 36 and 5ft tall.

If those are not curves then I will need curves explaining to me.

I have been heavier (back in my 20's/30's) but I was actually less curvy when I was heavier..

I wasn't happy with my weight though so I lost it and kept it off the last 14 years.

[thefooloftheyear]

As long as you are happy with your weight, *your photos are up to date and not taken from angles so as not to deceive then whatever your Mum says should be water off a duck's back.

 

The date just didn't turn out well.

If he looked shocked when he saw you then go back and re-check your photos for the above*. Something is not right if he looked shocked and you read that in his expression.

 

By the way I'm curvy also - but I'm 112lbs. Stats are 36, 24, 36 and 5ft tall.

If those are not curves then I will need curves explaining to me.

I have been heavier (back in my 20's/30's) but I was actually less curvy when I was heavier..

I wasn't happy with my weight though so I lost it and kept it off the last 14 years.

 

That's great for you, but many women think round is actually a form of "curve"

 

TFY

[CaliforniaGirl]

By the way...where, anywhere, in the OP does it say the mom said she was "too fat to date"?

 

OP, you titled this thread that way BUT even you yourself said the fact that you felt the need to wear Spanx might be a sign you're not ready to date, according to your mom.

 

How is that her saying you're "too fat to date"? Isn't she saying "too insecure with your body to date"? Which, frankly, WOULD make sense, in fact for any of us...if we're feeling insecure about ourselves, yes, that's a bad place to come from and jump into dating. Bad choices often result.

 

She may have been wrong in assuming that the Spanx meant you felt insecure about your body but that still doesn't mean she said, "you're too fat to date" or "lose X amount before you date." YOU said those things, to us. Did SHE actually say them, to you?

[Gr8fuln2020]

Thanks for your response! I appreciate the feedback, but politely disagree..

 

 

100 lbs is not 'curvy'. I have and always will have curves. Boobs, butt, hourglass shape, etc. I think that everyone has a different opinion of 'curvy' and to only describe yourself as curvy could probably be misleading, I agree!! But at the same time, my pictures make it very clear I'm not 100lbs. lol. I have never edited photos, or used old photos (I think I looked less attractive when I was younger!)

 

 

I dated a 110 lbs lady (and about 5'1 tall) and she was definitely curvy. Beautiful figure. Curvy IS often used by heavier women to hide that they are 'heavier.' But, it is also used by women who simply have an hour-glass figure.

 

To be honest, wearing spanx is just a bad idea regardless of physique. It can look a little tacky and a lot tacky if it reveals, accentuates features of your body that are really not that flattering. I don't know what you were wearing with them, but he probably saw more of you than he wanted. I am willing to bet that if you had worn something classy, more elegant, his response would have been different.

[GemmaUK]

That's great for you, but many women think round is actually a form of "curve"

 

TFY

 

I know - seen it for myself and I've known women who photoshop out their triple chins. Goiter like chins - no kidding!

Men do it too. 'Athletic' seems to mean the watch football at the pub..

 

I am curvy.

If I was overweight I would be honest about it.

I am not overweight because I wanted to sort it and I did. Simple.