Ilovepizzalady Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I can't believe you're actually trying to justify her position. Are you saying we shouldn't judge her for cheating because its a significantly long relationship? I also don't agree with you on your point of view that she should continue a relationship with her finance after the attraction is gone to the point she has to be with someone else to meet her needs. This is unfair to both her and her fiance. She does not respect him and she probably has lost even more respect for him that he even stayed with her after he caught her. One of the most important things to keep a relationship healthy is loyalty. You're right to say that after a long term relationship you're most likely going to lose some sort of attraction, but the main problem with this is I cannot accept someone who is not loyal and consider it be an okay trait. If someone is unhappy, they should walk away and not put someone through this type of pain of cheating. "Kissing" in her original post was considered "nothing happened". Cheating is cheating. She is clearly not satisfied in her current relationship which has led to her jump at the first exciting / attractive guy to pop up in her life. If you look at her post, it's more about the new guy than her current guy. How can you justify suggesting a relationship should continue when the main thing on her mind is the new guy, not the old? How can a relationship work when their mind and heart is not in it with them? Do you expect her current significant other to go and live a sexless marriage while she's out entertaining other men to fulfill her needs? She made her choice and she should own up to it by ending it with her current man. She sounds like she is only keeping her current boyfriend because she can't get the other guy to commit...but believe me, if she could, she would drop her boyfriend in a heartbeat and he would be sitting around thinking "what happened?" This all "sounds" like the right thing, but it's just not realistic. You don't just up and leave when you are thinking about or crushing on someone else. Everyone (including her guy) has had crushes on other people during their very long relationships. Just because you have a crush doesn't mean you should leave or cheat. You should resist it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nadine123 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 This all "sounds" like the right thing, but it's just not realistic. You don't just up and leave when you are thinking about or crushing on someone else. Everyone (including her guy) has had crushes on other people during their very long relationships. Just because you have a crush doesn't mean you should leave or cheat. You should resist it. Having a crush on someone is something and doing something about it (kissing, sex, constantly texting them) is something else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovepizzalady Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Correct, but I think the original question is more about whether this is normal that she feels this way and yes it is. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Cheating with someone you don't know on a one night stand when you're drunk that you never contact again is one thing. Cheating with someone and staying in touch and fantasizing about them is a quite another. For me, I could work through the one night stand, but not if it's someone who she has also stayed in contact with after that night. OP should come totally clean and end the relationship. I'm sure as it the trust on his end is gone after at least knowing about the texts. I get the feeling OP didn't tell him everything including the kissing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovepizzalady Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Are we offering advice to her or her boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedbuthopeful1 Posted January 20, 2017 Author Share Posted January 20, 2017 Hi Guys- thanks for the replies- some interesting feedback and opinions for me to consider. Just a couple if things to point out: 1. I did not have sex with this other guy- we shared a taxi and went back to his and kissed- i stayed in his bed but we did nothing else- he tried of course but we did nothing else. There's no point in lying on here I don't know any of you guys? 2. I am currently seeing a therapist about this, which doesn't seem to helping much hence I am on here! 3. My partner is great but no angel either he has cheated in the past but so have I- we broke up for a year and got back together as we were being stupid and were teenagers at the time. We still loved each other. Nothing has ever happened again since then. That was 13 years ago- a long time. A lot of the feedback on here has been really useful - thanks guys. Over the past few days I have decided that in fact me being attracted to the younger guy was just a symptom of my unhappiness in the relationship. The spark has been gone for sometime and I needed to feel that passion again. Also the fact that I could imagine myself marrying and having kids with this guy has made me think that I do really want these things- and there is a real reason that I am dragging my feet with my partner on this. I am not sure what will happen and still have a lot of thinking to do but feel more confident I will make the right decision and one that is good for the both of us. As some of you have reminded me we only get one shot at life. thanks all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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