Bummed out

[stillafool]

He told me to sleep on it and talk about it the next day but he never called. I sent him an angry text and he said he was waiting fo me to call. Then, he told me he didnt like the angry text and didnt want his relationship to continue like that. At that point he had to go back to work and said we would call me back to continue the conversation....

 

Then, he rescheduled the call twice, and after I didnt hear from him in the next five days I said all the hurtful things....

 

So now this is the third time you're calling to talk?

[Nicole10]

So now this is the third time you're calling to talk?

 

Yes, pretty much but keep in mind, I broke up with him three times and got mad every time he would text me less than what was usual. And when he said he was waiting for me to call, maybe he really was. And instead of asking if he was free to talk I got mad at him. Cant blame him, if he has really to think hard about continuing this. But I cant also blame myself for not being ok with certain behaviour. I am not sure anymore. It is possible that things have gone too far already and are too complicated. Anyway....

I already sent a long text, told him that I realized I have some things to work on (the way I communicate etc) and that I can promise to work on it. I also told him I dont want to be additional stress in his life.... at the end, I asked if he would be open to the idea of us meeting at some point again.

I am willing to accept whatever he says. He read the text and hasnt replied yet.

Edited January 10, 2017 by Nicole10

[Nicole10]

So, it's been again a day and he hasnt reply to my text to see each other again at some point. It took him a day to reply to "miss you" text. Does it mean he is thinking about it or his silence should tell me everything?

[Minka101]

So, it's been again a day and he hasnt reply to my text to see each other again at some point. It took him a day to reply to "miss you" text. Does it mean he is thinking about it or his silence should tell me

Silence is not "yes" and not "no" but I wouldn't be too optimistic.

[Zahara]

So, it's been again a day and he hasnt reply to my text to see each other again at some point. It took him a day to reply to "miss you" text. Does it mean he is thinking about it or his silence should tell me everything?

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

 

This is your relationship with him.

 

You've had to end it with him 3 times because you weren't getting what you want. The pattern is again repeating itself.

 

When do you find acceptance for what is? Silence is a response. If someone has to go through this much angst to get their partner's attention, you have your answer.

 

You are clinging for dear life. Let him go. This is not what a relationship should look like.

[Nicole10]

But I feel like I was too needy. It is not sustainable to have the same level of texting as at the beginning of the relationship and he apologized about being too busy to text all the time (he still texted me few times a day). It took me two break ups to accept that this was the new level of communication. And the third break up happened when he didnt text me for the entire day. I can't stop blaming myself.

I cant decided if he was losing interest or I was too childish.

[Zahara]

But I feel like I was too needy. It is not sustainable to have the same level of texting as at the beginning of the relationship and he apologized about being too busy to text all the time (he still texted me few times a day). It took me two break ups to accept that this was the new level of communication. And the third break up happened when he didnt text me for the entire day. I can't stop blaming myself.

I cant decided if he was losing interest or I was too childish.

 

I read your past post about how your relationship evolved. He was not that invested in it. Often the word/excuse "busy" is used to create a comfortable enough distance for a person to manage the relationship on their terms. You mentioned him seeing you on a regular basis which was every 2 months? That's not regular basis!! I don't believe he was truly emotionally invested. When it starts to become hot and cold, push and pull, you get out. You don't break up to provoke change from the other. It doesn't change the situation nor does it change who he is. All it does is create more anxiety within yourself but worse off, you will start to lose all sense of boundaries and self-respect.

 

When it's important to someone they'll find every which way to make it work. When it isn't, they won't. He's showing you and he's shown you more than once.

 

Stop chasing him.

[Nicole10]

I read your past post about how your relationship evolved. He was not that invested in it. Often the word/excuse "busy" is used to create a comfortable enough distance for a person to manage the relationship on their terms. You mentioned him seeing you on a regular basis which was every 2 months? That's not regular basis!! I don't believe he was truly emotionally invested. When it starts to become hot and cold, push and pull, you get out. You don't break up to provoke change from the other. It doesn't change the situation nor does it change who he is. All it does is create more anxiety within yourself but worse off, you will start to lose all sense of boundaries and self-respect.

 

When it's important to someone they'll find every which way to make it work. When it isn't, they won't. He's showing you and he's shown you more than once.

 

Stop chasing him.

 

We live 2000 miles apart, we cant see each other more often than that. I am in school, plus I work and cant afford to take a week long vacation every month. He was the one who planned all the trips and offered to fly to my city to see me (every single time, but few times I opted to go somewhere instead). He also offered to pay all the expenses for the trips in the future when my school becomes more intense (I wont have the time to work). That gave me the impression that he was invested. But maybe, he realized that doing that for the next two years is not possible. Or lost whatever feelings he had.

[Zahara]

We live 2000 miles apart, we cant see each other more often than that. I am in school, plus I work and cant afford to take a week long vacation every month. He was the one who planned all the trips and offered to fly to my city to see me (every single time, but few times I opted to go somewhere instead). He also offered to pay all the expenses for the trips in the future when my school becomes more intense (I wont have the time to work). That gave me the impression that he was invested. But maybe, he realized that doing that for the next two years is not possible. Or lost whatever feelings he had.

 

The beginnings of romance is always exciting. People feel that they can do just about anything because they're blinded by those intense feelings of newness. Then the reality sets in. The burden of fulfilling another person's expectations start to set in. The realization that it's too difficult to maintain when distance is such a barrier.

 

Whether he's lost his feelings or accepted that it's just too much to handle, you truly need to be realistic and maturely rationalize ("love" aside) if this a situation worth chasing and how/if it can fulfill you. Yes it hurts to let go but it would be time to look at this with unemotional eyes. Do you really want to be with a man that can only see you once every 2 months?

[Minka101]

The beginnings of romance is always exciting. People feel that they can do just about anything because they're blinded by those intense feelings of newness. Then the reality sets in. The burden of fulfilling another person's expectations start to set in. The realization that it's too difficult to maintain when distance is such a barrier.

 

Whether he's lost his feelings or accepted that it's just too much to handle, you truly need to be realistic and maturely rationalize ("love" aside) if this a situation worth chasing and how/if it can fulfill you. Yes it hurts to let go but it would be time to look at this with unemotional eyes. Do you really want to be with a man that can only see you once every 2 months?

 

Long distance is hard