joodee Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Don't initiate any more conversation, let him come to you. I learned that from experience. In time you will find you don't want to talk to a guy that doesn't bother to contact you first. Guys who don't contact you first are really interested in you as a person. I don't say that to be mean, I am speaking from experience, and guys who give a rat's a$% about a gal always will call first, that's the nature of men. I used to constantly contact this one guy for years, looking back, all his actions spelled out one thing: he didn't care, and I should have been open to other guys who would have the decency to contact me first. Maybe if I had gotten strong then I wouldn't have fallen for the attention of the now x-mm. Read that book "He's Just Not That Into You." It's really good. Keep posting!! Link to post Share on other sites
Miffy Posted July 22, 2005 Share Posted July 22, 2005 Yes Joodee, I read that too, highly recommended - all the excuses are there, it hurts a bit to read some of the chapters and realise you've been taken for a fool but better to know late than not at all! Link to post Share on other sites
Author newbby Posted July 22, 2005 Author Share Posted July 22, 2005 thanks joodee, he contacted me tonight and i am working on getting it back to normal i have read the book and it is good, i do think men are a little more complex than it says though Link to post Share on other sites
Author newbby Posted July 25, 2005 Author Share Posted July 25, 2005 the exmm knocked on my door in the middle of the night last night, i told him to go away, i was sleeping. then today he told me that his wife was kissing his friend in front of him at a party last night. all rather strange. i wonder if this really happened or it is an exaggeration and if it happened whether this is why he came round last night. are we just ways for them to work out their wife issues? i asked him if it bothered him and he said no. maybe he just viewed it as general drunken party fun. is this normal behavior of husbands and wives? are they just so comfortable with each other, that this kind of thing isnt an issue? its just fun? Link to post Share on other sites
joodee Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 That all sounds a little too strange for me. Maybe it's just that I'm really tired from not sleeping due to working all the time and having so much to do right now with visiting family, maybe I'm just feeling punchy, but Newwby, if I were you, I'd re-read some of the chapters in "He's just not that into you" and kick that MM to the curb. Sounds like he's resorting to games by coming around in the middle of the night, trying to get you to pay attention to him so he'll know you'll be right there when he wants you! A normal loving guy would not do that. The reason I say to re-read some of the book is that is something that works for me. When I start feeling, "oh, he might change, he's going through a hard time, he doesn't mean what he's doing," I pick that up and remind myself what he really is. Yes, it's simplistic writing, but to heck with how complex a man can "possibly" be. Men know what they are doing. Keep kicking him to the curb!! Hugs to you. Link to post Share on other sites
joodee Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 I did text my ex-mm on Saturday, telling him that I was not going to be taken for a fool and be led to believe that there is nothing going on between him and his W. He kept texting me xoxo and other silly s$%^ after I told him not to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author newbby Posted July 25, 2005 Author Share Posted July 25, 2005 hey joodee! good to hear from you, yes its all strange, dont worry about me, i'm just not that into him to buy into his bull. i dont think he was lying, i just think they are both childish and dont know any other way to enjoy themselves than getting too drunk. you know what is still there?, its the curiosity, whats he gonna do next, try next? its highly entertaining. i am not feeling the way i was in the first few days after the big mistake, i got over it and now i know that no matter how close we seem to get in a friendship, THAT stuff wont change. well yes i know he knows what he is trying to do, but when it stops working i dont believe they feel nothing. they are CLEARLY confused. i do think its all about their ego though. i wonder if he actually did get jealous over his wife and came to get his ego soothed by me? it didnt work though. Link to post Share on other sites
joodee Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 Newwby, I think he wanted his ego boosted. Sounds like you are getting in a better place mentally with all this. I think for some of us it takes us going back and forth with these men until we clearly see a pattern. A pattern of no action, smooth talk over and over, until we are truly disillusioned. I mean, the lightbulbs keep going for me. It's so clear that there's no real action taken, and you and I are starting to see that. Why? Cause we want real relationships, we are getting stronger through this experience. Why? Cause our actions show that we are loving and now want to be loved in returned. Not this sneaking around s$%&^. but real love, no games and no stalling. Anyway, hope I didn't sound too pissed earlier. I'm just tired of seeing us women be lied to and manipulated. We try to put our hearts in the right place, does the MM? Hey, that's a good question for all to answer - when DOES the MM put his heart (and not his d#$%) in the right place? Hope the rest of your day is going well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author newbby Posted July 25, 2005 Author Share Posted July 25, 2005 you didnt sound too pissed. i think everyone works through these things in different ways and in different amounts of time. thats why it is hard sometimes to either give or listen to advice, but support is always good. Link to post Share on other sites
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