Noirek Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Well, this is a hard one, but my husband didn't show any interest to work on our marriage, he doesn't want me anymore... I miss him, but I know it's over. There really doesn't seem much to salvage here. And this is coming from the cheater in the marriage who is still married. Your husband has cheated on you for at least as long your marriage. Perhaps your whole relationship. I worked with a woman who found out her husband had been cheating on her their entire relationship (7 years) right through marriage and having a child. She didn't notice any behaviour changed because he had never been faithful. She did not stay with him because the very foundation of their marriage was a lie. It was a hard road for her but she is happily remarried to a wonderful man who is a great father and step father. Don't beat yourself up. He is the only one who has done wrong. Maybe get some counselling to help you through this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Apart from his lack of remorse, the visual would be too much to get over. The mind movies will haunt you for many years to come. I don't think such a man with a blatant disregarded for you is even worthy of being a father .... I can't imagine wanting him anywhere near me if I saw what you did. I hope your child sees a better man for a father role model as he/she grows up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Betrayed&Stayed Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I understand. It's just my feelings, I loved this guy with my whole heart, I felt so lucky to have him... It hurts a lot :( He's not who you thought he was. You fell in love with an idealized version of your husband. Best of luck... and get a good lawyer 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crisspy Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 His mistress keeps asking me about the meeting.... what shall I do? Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 His mistress keeps asking me about the meeting.... what shall I do? No contact. Divorce, quickly and as cleanly as possible. Only communicate with him in regards to the children. This is in your best interest and the best interest of your children. You owe her nothing, so give and accept nothing. The best thing is to get on with your life and live it well. I wish you luck..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 What king of meeting does she want to have? Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Divorce him and go in for max damage as possible.. remember you have a child on the way and a house and schooling you will have to provide. Make sure you get the best lawyer. Do not be passive on this. He will feel the pain your feeling 10x folds. Anyone women who sleeps in a married mans bed is not a good woman and he is in for a hurting. I would guard your heart with this guy as he may say anything to fix what he did in the future. The damage is absolute. Please dont lose hope in love. Many good people are out there 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crisspy Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 What king of meeting does she want to have? She says she owes me an explanation.... Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) Well then, no way... She just wants to assuage her guilt, and the answer should be no. Tell her to write a letter. Have you gotten a lawyer yet? You know this marriage is over. Please protect yourself and your child. Edited January 4, 2017 by BluesPower 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crisspy Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 Well then, no way... She just wants to assuage her guilt, and the answer should be no. Tell her to write a letter. Have you gotten a lawyer yet? You know this marriage is over. Please protect yourself and your child. I am really confused. No, I don't have a lawyer yet. Link to post Share on other sites
EternalPatriot Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 @Crisspy, I'm having my own relationship problems so I don't know if my advice will be worth much of anything but like a previous poster mentioned, him leaving after being caught is a sign that you may not be able to repair the marriage. While I'm all about forgiveness, the fact that you have a child on the way just takes things to a whole separate level. As a guy, I don't understand how another guy could do something like this to his wife. I would agree with what others said that a layer and moving on with your life is probably the best coarse of action. There are plenty of other decent men out there that are more than willing to show you the love and respect you deserve. I hope that God will help you through this trail in your life and guide you along the way to an honorable husband and father for your child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I am really confused. No, I don't have a lawyer yet. Get a lawyer asap. His OW is playing the Lady Bountiful here. "I am oh sooo sorry I stole your man, you poor, poor girl. I just couldn't help it, I love him and he loves me. Please give me your blessing so that I do not feel so guilty about this. I am really a lovely, kind, person. I deserve to be happy... Maybe we could be friends..." Hmmm!?? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Don't worry, OW is going to get her share of meetings. She'll probably go to meetings with his divorce attorney. Then she'll probably end up in more meetings after you rightfully take his ass to the cleaners for child support. If he gets a better job, there will be more meetings to raise the support payments, same if they get married. And finally, she will eventually meet with her own divorce attorney because he will do the same thing to her. And then she gets to look forward to weekly meetings with her new therapist as she tries to reconcile her idealized self with her true, monster self. OP, don't you watch dateline? A pregnant woman meeting up with her husband's affair partner sounds like the beginning of one the episodes. There is literally nothing good that can come from this. Don't put your life or the life of your unborn child at risk, even if you think it will bring you closure. Trust me, there is no closure in these types of things. If you think digging up Grandma for one last hug is going to help, you're wrong. How's that work anyway? "Sorry I'm such a horrible person that I jeopardized you and your unborn baby's health and left you alone doing a critically vulnerable time in your life. I feel so bad that I made you some cookies. I hope you like chocolate chip!" 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Straight to the point, I came back 2 days earlier from my short holidays and when I entered the house I saw it, saw my husband having sex with her, in my house, in MY bed!!! It happened few days ago, now I'm looking for the answers. I know they have been meeting for at least two years... he moved out and I'm all alone in our big house, also 22 weeks pregnant... I am so hurt, so disgusted. The man I loved did something like this and I had no idea what he's doing behind my back... why??? I thought we are made for each other, we barely argued... in June it will be our 2 wedding anniversary, I still love him but hate him at the same damn time! We were happy and we really were a good couple, I love him so much, he was my first love. Did he pretend to love me for all those years? He was probably cheating on me long before our marriage, what do I do now? I can't even look at him, I am not sure if I will ever be able to forgive him. I can't remember when he last told me that he loves me. Was I blind? I really don't know what to do now This may not be the answer you are seeking, but can anybody love someone they do not respect? If you husband had any respect for you, he would not have sex with you and another woman. Can you respect yout husband knowing he is cheating on you? Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
SaveYourHeart Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Don't meet with that awful woman. Next time she calls tell her that she'll receive a subpoena for her testimony on the affair in court. Screw her and her feelings. Focus on you and yours. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I am really confused. No, I don't have a lawyer yet. Sweetie, I know that you are hurting but you have to pull yourself together right now. You have to get a lawyer and start the divorce ASAP. You have to protect yourself and your unborn child. One step at a time. But start taking steps... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Everyone is telling the op to leave and those are just opinions I would like to know what the op actually wants to do It doesn't matter what the OP wants, her H has clearly left: But he said it wasn't just about sex. He said he wants to be with her, but still cares of me and he will support me financially and give anything I need. crisspy, you've gotten some good advice. You'll have to be strong for your child and start thinking about ways to protect both your futures. See a lawyer... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I am really confused. No, I don't have a lawyer yet. Confused about what? Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Get a lawyer asap. His OW is playing the Lady Bountiful here. "I am oh sooo sorry I stole your man, you poor, poor girl. I just couldn't help it, I love him and he loves me. Please give me your blessing so that I do not feel so guilty about this. I am really a lovely, kind, person. I deserve to be happy... Maybe we could be friends..." Hmmm!?? Words. OP, you are smart by coming to this forum, people are really smart here:) Take care! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 She says she owes me an explanation.... What could she possibly say about f**king your husband, in your house. You don't need to hear any rubbish she has to tell you, because the bottom line is that she knew he was married and probably knew you were pregnant too. She'll get her comeuppance in time and when she thinks back to this, she'll realise why. The cheap little tramp isn't worth a second of your time. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Don't be confused. You need a lawyer to get you a good settlement. Better known as a DHL (**** hot lawyer). Being as he cheated on his pregnant wife, he'll look like more of a bas***d if he fights too hard. Nobody likes a cheat, but one who cheats on their pregnant wife, is seen as scum even by seasoned cheaters. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Don't be confused. You need a lawyer to get you a good settlement. Better known as a DHL (**** hot lawyer). Being as he cheated on his pregnant wife, he'll look like more of a bas***d if he fights too hard. Nobody likes a cheat, but one who cheats on their pregnant wife, is seen as scum even by seasoned cheaters. Should have read SHL (sh*t hot) not DHL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SaveYourHeart Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Again, I'm so sorry this happened to you OP. I hope you can find peace, whatever path you choose. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crisspy Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 Someone asked me how old are we - me 26, him 31. When I saw them, we all were actually shocked, she was the most... When she was leaving she whispered I'm sorry. I went crazy, I had so many feelings in me that I couldn't even express myself. I couldn't believe in what I've seen. He wanted to talk and explain but I didn't want to listen. I asked him to leave, but then I was like 'you know what, let me leave, I won't be able to stay here anyway'. We didn't contact, I returned the next day and he was not there, he left a note. It is gonna be our first child. First of all, I'd like to thank you all. It's really good to see other people's opinion. I've decided not to meet her, but I messaged her that if she wants to she can send me a pw on Facebook. She did, she wrote: "Hello, I know you hate me right now, honestly - I would hate myself, too. I just want to let you know that I care. I do not really know where to begin, I am aware of how much I hurt you... When I met X, I did not know he's even taken. Yes I know, it does not justify my actions, not at all. I don't expect anything from you, NOTHING. I just want you to know that I am not bad person, I didn't plan all this. To be honest, I always thought you will never find out about my existence. Don't get me wrong, I have never wanted to take your place, we simply enjoyed our company but he is married to you and I've never expected him to chose between us. I believe there is something between me and X, but he has chosen you. He has never said anything bad about you, we barely spoke about his family. I don't know what he's gonna do, I don't know what I'd do if I was him.. but if he will want to be with you, I will let him and leave you alone. I won't say I don't have feelings for him, this would be a lie, but maybe I appeared in your life for a reason? There must be any. We have decided to take it slow and I let him think. If you hate me, I will let you, but just know - if you will ever be in trouble, I would be the first person to help you. I know what I did was wrong and you probably don't care what I say, because I am gross in your eyes. It was selfish, but I fell in love. Jesus, I can't believe I'm telling all this to his wife. I don't even know why I am doing this. You have every right to hate me and I'm not even mad. This is a difficult situation for the all of us but I will be fine and I hope you will be, too. No, I don't want to be friends, I don't want you to message me when you down... I just care about people, I did wrong I know, but I hurt you badly and I really hope you will get any support you need. If you want me to stay away from your husband - I will. I probably shouldn't tell you this but I am madly in love. I am as confused as you. You know, I really tried to stay away from you and your family. That day I didn't want to come to your house, we were only supposed to be there to take something and LEAVE... Believe me, I was in your house only this one time. It probably doesn't even matter, but just know it, it happened only that one time. There is another thing I want to tell you, before we've decided to get involved sexually, we both got tested for STDs, he was aware of it, he wanted to make sure you are safe... So have I. Sometimes, there were days when I was wondering about what I'm doing... I was blind, I tried to stop it many times, I just couldn't, he just couldn't. For some reason... No matter what, he will always be for you and your baby. If he will decide to stay with me, please believe me, I will never stop from seeing you or your son, ever. Please believe me, I am not the enemy and never will be. I don't expect you to reply, I don't even expect you will read it. I am really, really sorry..." I didn't respond but I broke into tears! Not sure why, just having every sort of emotion in me right now. I asked my husband if he loves her, I wanted him to be 100% honest. He acknowledged he does. I asked him if he loves me, he said yes and he will always love me, but as his best friend and the mother of his child.... Link to post Share on other sites
SaveYourHeart Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Oh my God I'm so sorry you had to read all that. She's a monster and she's trying to clear her conscience by coming to you with it. There are many stages of grief, and losing your love is never easy. I wish I could just give you a big hug through the computer and tell you everything is going to be okay. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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