SpiralOut Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 (edited) Then he said the one thing that broke my heart the most: "Do whatever you want to me but don't you dare come after her." This is what stood out the most to me. Last time I checked, your friendship with this girl is between the two of you. He shouldn't be trying to stop you from talking to her. What does he expect you to do, come after her with a machete? Sounds to me like he just doesn't want you to guilt her into dumping him. I think he's just thinking about himself. And I do think that she betrayed you. She told you that you have nothing to worry about, then suddenly this happens. Call me old-fashioned, but I would never involve myself with a friend's FWB. I think it's in bad taste. Edited January 1, 2017 by SpiralOut Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 Fear girl code... No seriously. Isn't that like rule #1 in girl law/code? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happyweird Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 While I do understand how you feel and your friend could have at least told you if she changed her mind or if she felt something for him at all, she technically didn't do anything wrong. You described him as being "the brother you never had" and from what I read from your replies, you told her you didn't have feelings for him. And on top of it all had a boyfriend that "had all your love". She probably felt comfortable getting with him under all these circumstances. If you feel you needed to cut her off then that's fine but I can't call what she did a real "betrayal" because of all the circumstances. But she wasn't the GREATEST for not telling you before he did. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 I'm sorry this happened to you, really I am. I have been reevaluating who I do and do not want in my circle of friends as of late, some have proven that they are not good people. And neither of the two mentioned above are good people, nor are they your friends. Remember, though, that they are not true friends to you or anyone else, they will pull something terrible on others as well for their own gains and not care about who they hurt or use along the way. It's hurtful to know this, but, that's how it is. Life is a learning process that we must all endure, and karma is a real bitch when it wants to be. It will happen for them as well. Move on. Something else will happen to you that will make it all worth while later. In a few years you will remember this and laugh and think how foolish it all was. We all have to go through suffering so we can change and turn into who we are today and not let us be bitter. It's hard, but, we'll be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 This is what stood out the most to me. Last time I checked, your friendship with this girl is between the two of you. He shouldn't be trying to stop you from talking to her. What does he expect you to do, come after her with a machete? Sounds to me like he just doesn't want you to guilt her into dumping him. I think he's just thinking about himself. And I do think that she betrayed you. She told you that you have nothing to worry about, then suddenly this happens. Call me old-fashioned, but I would never involve myself with a friend's FWB. I think it's in bad taste. Yet she had a boyfriend the whole time... OP, time to confess to your boyfriend what happened or end it with him. Why did you have an FWB? Why risk what you have with your boyfriend? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 He's a total player, I can't wait until he cheats on her. Sounds mean but you get what you give right? Respectfully, the same could be said about you..You have a boyfriend and you've been cheating on him. Your friend knew you had a bf so chances are she figured why not? I get you're upset with her but really this all comes back to you and your own choices. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 If I had a dollar for every guy who said he wasn't a relationship kind of guy and then changed for the right woman, I'd be wealthy. You weren't the right woman. Not only were cheating on your boyfriend with him, you obviously feel that hitting a person is OK. Your behaviour was that of a cheating abuser. Why would a guy want this as a long term thing? It's highly likely that your friend is single, available and doesn't hit him. Certainly a better choice for him. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 This is why FWBs seldom work. I only limited my casual fwbs to a few encounters; I innately knew that I would start to feel like crap when I shared chemistry and a connection with men with whom wouldn't ever fall for me. You are kidding yourself if you think you won't get attached when good chemistry and a genuine friendship is involved. The fwbs who didn't cause me any ill feelings once they found someone to date were men I wasn't truly connected to. It sounds like you may not have necessarily been in love, but you became attached and had a possessive thing going. This is to be expected when you're repeatedly intimate with someone you also like (personality wise) In future, just try and gain something out of this painful experience; don't be intimate with men until you are more honest with yourself about the consequences. I would go after fwb I was really into as I need to have amazing chemistry and attraction to get down and dirty. But to protect my ego and heart, I would make it a 3 time a year event. I wouldn't repeatedly see them on a regular basis. This method worked for me well; I never had any fall outs or unpleasant feelings associated with these men eventually dating. I think any pro longed fwb isn't natural or healthy unless you are both really not that into each other physically and otherwise or both. Most people will form a bond after prolonged fun. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alphaqueen Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 This is what stood out the most to me. Last time I checked, your friendship with this girl is between the two of you. He shouldn't be trying to stop you from talking to her. What does he expect you to do, come after her with a machete? Sounds to me like he just doesn't want you to guilt her into dumping him. I think he's just thinking about himself. And I do think that she betrayed you. She told you that you have nothing to worry about, then suddenly this happens. Call me old-fashioned, but I would never involve myself with a friend's FWB. I think it's in bad taste. Well in my anger I kind of said I was going to murder/destroy her in really brutal ways... and he got scared. But yeah he had NO right to say that. And I didn't even mention THE WORST PART of this: I actually encouraged her to get with him to see what she'd say and you know what she said? "That seems like it would be in really poor taste, I couldn't." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alphaqueen Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 Fear girl code... No seriously. Isn't that like rule #1 in girl law/code? Yup. It is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alphaqueen Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 If I had a dollar for every guy who said he wasn't a relationship kind of guy and then changed for the right woman, I'd be wealthy. You weren't the right woman. Not only were cheating on your boyfriend with him, you obviously feel that hitting a person is OK. Your behaviour was that of a cheating abuser. Why would a guy want this as a long term thing? It's highly likely that your friend is single, available and doesn't hit him. Certainly a better choice for him. Yet there are billions of other girls in the world who would fit that same bill and he had to choose my best friend. Sounds about right. Same for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alphaqueen Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 I'm sorry this happened to you, really I am. I have been reevaluating who I do and do not want in my circle of friends as of late, some have proven that they are not good people. And neither of the two mentioned above are good people, nor are they your friends. Remember, though, that they are not true friends to you or anyone else, they will pull something terrible on others as well for their own gains and not care about who they hurt or use along the way. It's hurtful to know this, but, that's how it is. Life is a learning process that we must all endure, and karma is a real bitch when it wants to be. It will happen for them as well. Move on. Something else will happen to you that will make it all worth while later. In a few years you will remember this and laugh and think how foolish it all was. We all have to go through suffering so we can change and turn into who we are today and not let us be bitter. It's hard, but, we'll be okay. Thank you so much. You're a sweetheart. I guess I'm happy to find this out now instead of later so now I can surround myself with better people. I wish you luck in your journey. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alphaqueen Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 Yet she had a boyfriend the whole time... OP, time to confess to your boyfriend what happened or end it with him. Why did you have an FWB? Why risk what you have with your boyfriend? It's long distance and he didn't want to make the trip to visit me and I was very lonely and depressed. I think the FWB only made me love him more especially after this awful situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alphaqueen Posted January 2, 2017 Author Share Posted January 2, 2017 This is why FWBs seldom work. I only limited my casual fwbs to a few encounters; I innately knew that I would start to feel like crap when I shared chemistry and a connection with men with whom wouldn't ever fall for me. You are kidding yourself if you think you won't get attached when good chemistry and a genuine friendship is involved. The fwbs who didn't cause me any ill feelings once they found someone to date were men I wasn't truly connected to. It sounds like you may not have necessarily been in love, but you became attached and had a possessive thing going. This is to be expected when you're repeatedly intimate with someone you also like (personality wise) In future, just try and gain something out of this painful experience; don't be intimate with men until you are more honest with yourself about the consequences. I would go after fwb I was really into as I need to have amazing chemistry and attraction to get down and dirty. But to protect my ego and heart, I would make it a 3 time a year event. I wouldn't repeatedly see them on a regular basis. This method worked for me well; I never had any fall outs or unpleasant feelings associated with these men eventually dating. I think any pro longed fwb isn't natural or healthy unless you are both really not that into each other physically and otherwise or both. Most people will form a bond after prolonged fun. Yes I definitely formed a bond. I didn't think I would but I did. It bit me extremely hard in the end. I'll never have another FWB again, that's for sure. It's a shame because he was also a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 You should be happy with your friend. She's now getting some hot, great sex. You know he's good in bed and making sure she is satisfied. Now you can focus your energy on your relationship with your own boyfriend. It's a win/win all around! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MrBojangles Posted January 2, 2017 Share Posted January 2, 2017 It's long distance and he didn't want to make the trip to visit me and I was very lonely and depressed. I think the FWB only made me love him more especially after this awful situation. So let me get this straight, you cheated on your LDR boyfriend, and now you love him more, after your FWB ran off with your best friend?!?! Frankly, you sound like a self-entitled spoiled brat, without any remorse for having cheated on your boyfriend. You're only using him as a plan B, until the next time you find yourself "lonely and depressed". As for your FWB running off with your best friend, just view it as a visit from karma... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 So let me get this straight, you cheated on your LDR boyfriend, and now you love him more, after your FWB ran off with your best friend?!?! The delusion is strong in this one. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Curious-One Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 The thing is, I wasn't in love with him, my boyfriend had all of my love (still does). But it still hurts. Do you think maybe I did love him deep down? She asked me if I had feelings for him and I said I didn't, I should have said yes. Then this wouldn't have happened. How are you so hurt by this and you dont realize that you are being a complete and total bish to your boyfriend. Does your long distance boyfriend know you have fwb ...? Have you guys made some kind of arrangement where you can have sex with other people while in this LDR? I am not sure how anyone could be fine with this. You say your bf gets all the love but clearly you cared about this guy alot more then just fwb because you are willing to throw away friendship over him. Honestly from your story i see all 3 of you as being completely TERRIBLE people. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 (edited) Well in my anger I kind of said I was going to murder/destroy her in really brutal ways... and he got scared. But yeah he had NO right to say that. And I didn't even mention THE WORST PART of this: I actually encouraged her to get with him to see what she'd say and you know what she said? "That seems like it would be in really poor taste, I couldn't." Youre blaming your friend but you said yourself the FWB pursued her. Why shouldn't she have a chance at a great guy if she is single. Edited January 10, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alphaqueen Posted January 10, 2017 Author Share Posted January 10, 2017 How are you so hurt by this and you dont realize that you are being a complete and total bish to your boyfriend. Does your long distance boyfriend know you have fwb ...? Have you guys made some kind of arrangement where you can have sex with other people while in this LDR? I am not sure how anyone could be fine with this. You say your bf gets all the love but clearly you cared about this guy alot more then just fwb because you are willing to throw away friendship over him. Honestly from your story i see all 3 of you as being completely TERRIBLE people. Okay guys. I'm realizing that I DID indeed have some feelings for my FWB. It was impossible not to, a girl can't have sex with an insanely hot and super nice (or so I thought) guy and just see him as a friend. My boyfriend knew that him and I were friends and that we hung out... he didn't know about the sex. I did tell him later though and I was forgiven. We live together now with his kids. I hope now that you know about my possible feelings, you can see me as less of a terrible person. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 You can continue being centered only on yourself, looking at the world with very narrow view, being busy only about your own feelings and ignoring others, looking for mind tricks how to twist reality, and making up scenarios in which other people did wrong, while you are OK - and by that continue to be miserable.... Or, you still have the chance to make a 180 turn, and start acting as a woman that actually cares about other people, especially your close friends. A woman with a normal ego and not an inflated ego, as you have now. You can (Yes, you can) call him and her, ask to meet each one of them and appologize for your impulsive reaction, tell them that you support them, like them, and you regret the way you behaved. You will gain two friends at once, winning their love and appreciation. And before you start rejection my advice: 1. No, it's not right to cheat on your boyfriend, while using another guy. 2. No, it's not legitimate to expect him not fall in love with your female friend, only because you think you own him. 3. No, it's not legitimate to to avoid happiness and true love from your female friend, only because you want to continue playing with your toy. 4. No, it's not legitimate to let him know that he doesn't have a chance with you (By having a BF), and at the same time to be angry with him because he asks for a real relationship, that you didn't want to give him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 Okay guys. I'm realizing that I DID indeed have some feelings for my FWB. It was impossible not to, a girl can't have sex with an insanely hot and super nice (or so I thought) guy and just see him as a friend. My boyfriend knew that him and I were friends and that we hung out... he didn't know about the sex. I did tell him later though and I was forgiven. We live together now with his kids. I hope now that you know about my possible feelings, you can see me as less of a terrible person. You said this guy is a total Player so I'm sure you aren't the only girl out there who feels that way about him. If you love another man more than your bf, break up with him and go on your own. It's not fair to the bf. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 ******Moderator Note****** Let's post constructive ONTOPIC helpful advice rather than pokes and insults. Thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
longjohn Posted January 10, 2017 Share Posted January 10, 2017 We weren't together but I had a LOT of fun with him. Thats all I needed to hear lol I hate to say it but FWB are desposable unless your attached in which case you need to hang on to it. You and your friend could always "share" him, he might not mind? You could always fight it out in a ring full of jelly.. winner takes all! Seriously though you are best to move on and decide if you want to keep your friend and/or former FWB around what's more important? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alphaqueen Posted January 10, 2017 Author Share Posted January 10, 2017 Youre blaming your friend but you said yourself the FWB pursued her. Why shouldn't she have a chance at a great guy if she is single. Umm... because girl code? Plenty of fish out there no no need to choose one that was your friend's. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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