My girlfriend is on the brink of breaking up with me :(

[ExpatInItaly]

This relationship has already ended.

 

You're just seeing the after-image.

 

 

Take care.

 

Agreed.

 

She's already gone. And the more we hear, the more I think it's definitely for the best.

 

OP, a girl who turns to narcotics to cope with "normal" life and loneliness is not someone you could have had a stable future with anyway. She has a lot of growing up to do, and you probably would not have had the happy future you envisioned with her. She isn't mature and in no way ready to be an adult. Her cheating on you is further evidence of that.

 

Let her go so you can find someone with a lot more dignity, self-respect, and respect for you. She isn't The One, not by a country mile. There are far better options out there.

[Slimtripper]

Agreed.

 

She's already gone. And the more we hear, the more I think it's definitely for the best.

 

OP, a girl who turns to narcotics to cope with "normal" life and loneliness is not someone you could have had a stable future with anyway. She has a lot of growing up to do, and you probably would not have had the happy future you envisioned with her. She isn't mature and in no way ready to be an adult. Her cheating on you is further evidence of that.

 

Let her go so you can find someone with a lot more dignity, self-respect, and respect for you. She isn't The One, not by a country mile. There are far better options out there.

 

Agreed. I don't know what you are taking about giving her an ultimatum. She had already ended it. You're sitting around being a doormat trying to convince yourself you have any control left. You don't.

End it and walk away or you will get hurt way more than you will now. The longer you take to actually say this is fonished, the less respect you will have. From her, and yourself in 3 months

[Rasti]

Agreed. I don't know what you are taking about giving her an ultimatum. She had already ended it. You're sitting around being a doormat trying to convince yourself you have any control left. You don't.

End it and walk away or you will get hurt way more than you will now. The longer you take to actually say this is fonished, the less respect you will have. From her, and yourself in 3 months

 

 

Thank you all for the support!

 

I understand, it's over. It's just on my mind constantly and all that emptiness and loneliness.

Now I feel like I lost a purpose

Especially, on the nights like tonight, I'm feeling extremely lonely.

[marky00]

Thank you all for the support!

 

I understand, it's over. It's just on my mind constantly and all that emptiness and loneliness.

Now I feel like I lost a purpose

Especially, on the nights like tonight, I'm feeling extremely lonely.

 

I think her going on a holiday has done you a favour.

 

 

By the time she gets back, you will know how to behave. No pleading or begging etc.

 

 

Honestly, when she comes to get her things, you shouldn't even be around. It will sting her a little that you not hanging around trying to change her mind.

[Rasti]

I think her going on a holiday has done you a favour.

 

 

By the time she gets back, you will know how to behave. No pleading or begging etc.

 

 

Honestly, when she comes to get her things, you shouldn't even be around. It will sting her a little that you not hanging around trying to change her mind.

 

I really hope I will hold myself. Am doing my best to focus on myself and my future. But she's constantly on my mind.

Everything is going through my head again.

I took her keys from our apartment so I will have to be there when she comes back.

 

Last night was really tough for me though, so lonely and dull. I haven't heard from her since she left. We have two bunny rabbits, weird she's not even interested in how they're doing. But I think I will not text her at all. Don't know if it's going to make any difference though.

 

I told her parents the whole truth about her struggle with drugs. I used to keep quiet until now, but just before she left to visit them, I had texted them the whole story.

 

Today, I started thinking again that when she comes back I would sit down with her and talk again about everything

 

Everything I'm meant to do now feels so counter-intuitive.

[marky00]

I took her keys from our apartment so I will have to be there when she comes back.

 

 

Not really, you could have a close friend or family member pass the keys on to her or leave it in the meter box or w/e.

 

 

Look, breakups suck tremendously. My 9yr relationship ended and it still bothers me somewhat almost 2 years later.

 

 

But as I told you from the start, you can be in the 99.9% of people who don't listen to the advise and you can try all these things you want to do (that will only push her away further, trust me on this). Or, you can be in the minority (people who have a great respect for themselves that is extremely attractive) and stop the nonsense now. Give her what she wants with zero fuss and a in a few months time she will most likely reach out to you and you can at that point can give her a silence sandwich.

 

 

See my post here:

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/607865-breadcrumbs-continue

[Rasti]

She has just texted me. "Happy new year, hope your shift wasnt too rough" (I still work as a part time bar supervisor)

 

And then texted me "Hey, when are you leaving for your exams?"

 

I was meant to do my exams next week, but postponed to April. I do a distance study and have to travel abroad for my exams. I was meant to be gone for a week.

 

Should I just reply her? Or keep no contact?

 

I'm so bad at this.

[marky00]

She has just texted me. "Happy new year, hope your shift wasnt too rough" (I still work as a part time bar supervisor)

 

And then texted me "Hey, when are you leaving for your exams?"

 

I was meant to do my exams next week, but postponed to April. I do a distance study and have to travel abroad for my exams. I was meant to be gone for a week.

 

Should I just reply her? Or keep no contact?

 

I'm so bad at this.

 

Not so sure on this one, since as you say you haven't officially broken up.

 

 

See, what the others have to say.

 

 

Her message is a little surprising as I figured she would use that time away to become more cold and distant. It could also just be her way of dealing with the guilt.

 

 

Maybe you could leave it 24 hours or so and see if she follows up?

 

 

If you haven't heard from her by then, maybe just a quick acknowledgement from u. Just an idea.

[Rasti]

Not so sure on this one, since as you say you haven't officially broken up.

 

 

See, what the others have to say.

 

 

Her message is a little surprising as I figured she would use that time away to become more cold and distant. It could also just be her way of dealing with the guilt.

 

 

Maybe you could leave it 24 hours or so and see if she follows up?

 

 

If you haven't heard from her by then, maybe just a quick acknowledgement from u. Just an idea.

 

 

She has never been cold to me. Always nice. When I made out with a different woman two years ago, she stood by me and wanted to work through it. It ate me alive what I did, and did everything I could to get her trust back. She forgave me and we moved on.

 

I have just texted back Happy new year, but nothing else.

 

Was thinking first that she wants to know when I'm gone abroad so she would come back and pack her stuff and leave. But I have the keys from my house.

[marky00]

She has never been cold to me. Always nice. When I made out with a different woman two years ago, she stood by me and wanted to work through it. It ate me alive what I did, and did everything I could to get her trust back. She forgave me and we moved on.

 

I have just texted back Happy new year, but nothing else.

 

Was thinking first that she wants to know when I'm gone abroad so she would come back and pack her stuff and leave. But I have the keys from my house.

 

 

First point, 3yrs into my relationship, the LDR got taxing and her lack of empathy so I had a brief fling with a local girl. I was annoyed it even happened that I told my Ex right away and attempted to breakup with my Ex. A few days later, I told her I had made a mistake etc. Although she did take me back (since deep down she knew that I was driven to that situation), she confessed years later that for her, things were never the same, her words, I was an 8/10, not a 10/10 anymore. Also as you and I were both trying hard to FIX things, that creates the doormat dynamic to a degree even if its totally not intended.

 

 

Second point, I think you may be right that she is looking to find out when she can get her things when you are not there. Listen to your gut if that is what it is telling you. It doesn't matter if you have the keys. You can arrange to hide them somewhere at the property or have someone else pass them on to her. If she is going to lengths to want to avoid you, it will be best you don't see her in person.

[Satu]

She has just texted me. "Happy new year, hope your shift wasnt too rough" (I still work as a part time bar supervisor)

 

And then texted me "Hey, when are you leaving for your exams?"

 

I was meant to do my exams next week, but postponed to April. I do a distance study and have to travel abroad for my exams. I was meant to be gone for a week.

 

*Should I just reply her? Or keep no contact?

 

I'm so bad at this.

 

*Nobody can answer that for you.

 

You just have to use your own best judgment.

 

If I were you, I would listen to what she has to say when she gets back.

 

 

Take care.

[Rasti]

I have just read an amazing blog post.

 

Flawless Dating - Jake P: The Emergency "AHHHH, I'm Losing her" Plan

 

Absolutely eye-opening for me. This changes everything for me.

 

It's the same story over and over again.

 

THe problem is I gave her everything she wanted. She had everything she needed. She got bored of it.

 

Step by step, I became the boyfriend trying not to make his girlfriend angry or sad. She slowly grew more dominant.

 

No surprise she cheated on me.

 

I'm at peace now. It was my fault too. All this could have been avoided.

Her fault is that when things got worse and I lost my dominance and became just a nice boyfriend, she didn't talk it out with me or dealt with it, but instead abandoned our relationship and sought excitement outside of our relationship.

 

Now I can blame my girlfriend for how messed up of a cheater she is, but am not going to do that.

 

I will do exactly as the blog post says. And will accept whatever outcome.

 

No matter what happens. Whether we save it in the last minute or not, I gotta start working on my nice guy issues and get stronger and less needy for my future relationship.

[marky00]

I have just read an amazing blog post.

 

Flawless Dating - Jake P: The Emergency "AHHHH, I'm Losing her" Plan

 

Absolutely eye-opening for me. This changes everything for me.

 

It's the same story over and over again.

 

THe problem is I gave her everything she wanted. She had everything she needed. She got bored of it.

 

Step by step, I became the boyfriend trying not to make his girlfriend angry or sad. She slowly grew more dominant.

 

No surprise she cheated on me.

 

I'm at peace now. It was my fault too. All this could have been avoided.

Her fault is that when things got worse and I lost my dominance and became just a nice boyfriend, she didn't talk it out with me or dealt with it, but instead abandoned our relationship and sought excitement outside of our relationship.

 

Now I can blame my girlfriend for how messed up of a cheater she is, but am not going to do that.

 

I will do exactly as the blog post says. And will accept whatever outcome.

 

No matter what happens. Whether we save it in the last minute or not, I gotta start working on my nice guy issues and get stronger and less needy for my future relationship.

 

Yep, it stings to know its not all their fault but this will help you to not act weak in her presence anymore.

 

 

It also sucks how you can sometimes go years in a relationship being at least semi-alpha but then a few personal issues knock your confidence down a bit and what do you do, you try and gain that confidence back from your partner. And down the rabbit hole you go.

 

 

It's not until you lose someone you dearly cared for do you realise how such a simple mistake can have rather drastic consequences.

 

 

One thing, you do need to realise but is that if you had someone that was 100% into you, they would have loved to come to your rescue and not simply watch you drown.

 

 

This is why I think, the relationships that last the longest are where the woman is slightly more invested than the man. When its equal or where the man is more invested, its pretty easy for the man to become a doormat pretty quickly.

Edited January 2, 2017 by marky00

[Ilovepizzalady]

I broke up with a guy as soon as I saw he didn't want to talk to me and had friended a new girl and was on his own doing fun things I wanted him back!