Over used terms "Best friends" and "Soul Mate"

[thecrucible]

I don't really believe in soul mates. But I do believe that you can have a really intense bond with someone who shares some of your passions and life values and understands your temperament. I know what it's like to have a partner I'm in really comfortable with who I can spend the whole night talking to. I'd like to have that again, please.

 

I don't like thinking about relationships in a 'soul mates' way because I think that would set me up for disappointment. I don't think relationships that are right for you should feel like lots of work. But they still have their ups and downs. I'd rather deal with these ups and downs with someone with perspective. I mean I don't want to be seen as a 'soul mate' and then not live up to certain expectations. I think it's important than partners see each other as a whole person. Maybe I'm overthinking this?

 

Saw a super cheesy movie recently but a sage middle aged woman told a younger woman "it's more important how much you like him, not how much you love him". I'm liking this sentiment I think. There's been guys I've been infatuated with but once the infatuation has worn off, I've not been able to respect them as a man/partner/person.

[aileD]

My husband is my best friend. He is the one I spend the most time with. He is the one I share hobbies with. The person I tell my joys and fears to, the person who cares for me when I'm sick and who I share common life goals with.

 

Soulmates, I think the term gets thrown around too easily. To me it's more spiritual. I feel god put me and H in each other's lives. There's a lot in our stories and our pasts that intertwine. There were so many times our paths crossed before we officially met at 17. God gave us many opportunities to get together before and even after we did. There are also so many occasions where Decisins could have been made to end us but god spoke in some way. To me we are soul mates in that sense. Our problems in our relationship are because of our own free will not because we aren't soulmates

 

I don't believe god will ever send you your own soulmate in someone else's spouse. however that is a term that is thrown around so much as an excuse and a reason to have and continue an affair. "He's my soul mate so it doesn't matter if he's married or has a wife-we connect!" No. Just no.

[Gloria25]

Same way people ascribe "love" to = "lust", "hornies", "infatuation", "obsession", etc.

 

I don't believe in "soul mates". So, there's only one person out there for ya? Geesh, I need to probably go on an international and worldwide search, cuz I've been to several countries and haven't found him yet and since there's only one out there, I won't make it without him Kinda like a Rhianna song, 'Where have you been all my life....I need a man who can love me all night long and bring it on!!!'

 

The "best friend" thing? I believe it in a way. Most married couples stop having sex and become "roommates" so yea, I guess they devolve into besties.

[seren]

I am nearly 60, I have had just one friend, my very best friend since we were babies, born within 6 month's of each other, lived next door to each other and still speak almost every day. Other friends come and go, I have moved around a lot since I was 17, yet this one friend is the one I always keep in touch with, I have met many people who have more in common with me, who have shared more with, but she is the one I would go to at the drop of a hat and forgive anything of.

 

My husband and I have been together over 30 yrs, he had an 8 month affair, yet he is what I call my soulmate. Had we split up, I would have still loved him and wished nothing but the very best for him. When I fist saw him we truly had an eyes meeting across the room moment. I knew we would be together, how? I have no idea, he says he felt the same. It was an, oh there you are moment and one I have never felt with anyone. Years later we find out our families are intertwined, some 200 yrs ago his and my family shared a home, very odd and I am so not given to flights of fancy or karma or any of that.

 

I still love hime, truly, madly deeply, we haven't lost the butterflies, seeing him brings a smile to my face. I look forward to him coming home, still put his favourite perfume on just before he gets home, still put lipstick on to look nice when I see him. Not because it is expected, he has seen me up to my armpits in mud and donkey. We live rurally, we have no other friends nearby than each other, we can go out and be mates or we can go out and be lovers. I cannot write how it feels to sit together, watch the world twirl and feel such peace and contentment because I have my head on his shoulder. It feels like he is my safe and peaceful place, one where I can be me, one where I feel such feeling of belonging, no words can describe it, it just is.

 

Call it what you will, I just choose to believe that when I met him, I found the person who made my life complete, I don't need him to make life easier, but to make life better. When we are apart we text, when we are together we talk, or sit in a silence we don't feel needs breaking. It just really is as good as that. yes, we argue, yes we have had really tough times, but despite it all, he is the place I choose to spend my life with. We each bring different things to our relationship, I am the strong person emotionally, he physically, I do the paperwork and organising, he the heavy stuff. To each other, we both bring love, respect and much laughter.

 

When I am ill and I end up in A&E hooked up to machines, my only thought is to tell H how much he is loved, how happy he has made me, I always think, if this is it, then I want him to remember how loved he has been and how happy he has made me. Thankfully, unless I am writing through a medium, I have always pulled through. You can call it what you choose, I choose to label the relationship he and I have as one of soul mates. Could I find another I love and care for as much, maybe, who knows, I just know that for all our time together, he has been my view of choice, the person I choose to spend time with and no one else could match that. He had an A, he tells me that during it he felt not good enough, he didn't deserve our marriage or me (it is a long and complicated story), but, despite that, we are here, still strong, still in love and yes, he is my soulmate and she is my best friend too.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I feel bad for anybody who doesn't know what having a soul mate is like.

 

To be that connected to another human being is something I think we should all get to experience at least once in this lifetime.

 

This doesn't make sense to me. If I use your definition or set of experiences to define what a soul mate is then EVERY person that I feel such a connection however brief, 5-minutes, 5-years or 50-years would all constitute a 'soul-mate.' I hesitantly believe that such a person could exist, but you don't know until you've lost that person to death and you or she/he can look back and say, 'That was my soul-mate.' I mean you cannot describe every transient 'intense' connection as one of with a soul-mate...we only have one soul, no? Or are we saying that there are multiple soul-mates, which, in turn, diminishes the perceived elevation of such a companion as it would not be unique and possibly arbitrary.

 

Maybe I'm thinking too much on this mysterious 'soul-mate' concept.