Christmas time as an xOW or OW

[ShatteredLady]

Almost 3 months since I've heard from xMM. This holiday season is kicking my butt...feeling melancholy with plenty of tears. Doesn't help that it's the first one I haven't spent with family. Feeling sad and telling myself I'll get through it, it's just one holiday season, things will be better soon. Take care LS friends!

 

 

I'm so very sorry.

This is my first Christmas at HOME in England with my family & friends for 18 years. I'm starting to feel like myself...or a new woman...depends how you look at it.

The last year or more has been very hard for many of us here on LS. Warmest wishes. I hope that 2017 brings you new dreams & peace.

[Poppy47]

I'm so very sorry.

This is my first Christmas at HOME in England with my family & friends for 18 years. I'm starting to feel like myself...or a new woman...depends how you look at it.

The last year or more has been very hard for many of us here on LS. Warmest wishes. I hope that 2017 brings you new dreams & peace.

 

It's good to see you are home Lady. It might be just what you need to recover from your awful ordeal.

 

I hope you find peace a resettle in your homeland.

 

Warmest wishes

Poppy.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I'm so very sorry.

This is my first Christmas at HOME in England with my family & friends for 18 years. I'm starting to feel like myself...or a new woman...depends how you look at it.

The last year or more has been very hard for many of us here on LS. Warmest wishes. I hope that 2017 brings you new dreams & peace.

 

Wow, ShatteredLady! What's it been like to move back to England from the states after 18 years? Did your husband move back, too?

[HadMeOverABarrel]

I'm so very sorry.

This is my first Christmas at HOME in England with my family & friends for 18 years. I'm starting to feel like myself...or a new woman...depends how you look at it.

The last year or more has been very hard for many of us here on LS. Warmest wishes. I hope that 2017 brings you new dreams & peace.

 

Thank you! Wishing you love and peace. I made it through. We all made it through! Wishing you the best from across the pond!

[DreamGirly]

This is our 2nd holiday season together. We've been in a A for 18 months. Last year I ended it 2 days before Christmas but it only lasted 3 days. This year was so nice. We are both married so it's tricky. His wife is unengaged with him (which is a major issue from the beginning) and spent the weekend at her parents 100 miles from here with their young child. We went out for dinner Friday and exchanged gifts. Then Saturday afternoon I cooked a full dinner for him to have tonight when his parents arrived from the south. My parents are Hete visiting and we've been super busy cooking here too so I've slept like 8 hours in 3 days. Lol. My husband slept all day yesterday and today (which is the same thing he would do if I was home ). We also started some discussions this week about making some changes to he together.

[ShatteredLady]

My husband moved back with us. We're living at my parents which is a culture shock...I moved out at 17!! Now nearly 30 years later I'm back where I started but with 2 little kids & a husband AND about the same amount of money in the bank after all the expenses!!!

 

Life goes on...

 

At least I've got free healthcare & people who love me. The isolation has been crippling in the last few years. My fault completely!! I shut myself away. REALLY bad idea but when you can't stop crying it's had to socialize.

[jenkins95]

I am in such a better place than I was this time last Christmas. Last year we had broken up over the holidays and I was so depressed and hurt I couldn't enjoy my time with my kids ... this year xmm is is just that .. x .. and I know it will stay that way and I am not sad..

 

I am surrounded my family, on a beach, enjoying my life .. living it for my family and myself.. I am also mentally present and smiling.

 

I don't want him to contact me nor will I contact him.. why?? There is no purpose for me in his life or vice versa.. I am where I want to be with who I want to be with..

 

Merry Christmas LS.. live your life and enjoy it... you can stop the pain. It is a choice.. choose life.. choose happiness.

 

Well done HCBM! I remember your first posts. How you've moved on! So proud of you.

[jenkins95]

My husband moved back with us. We're living at my parents which is a culture shock...I moved out at 17!! Now nearly 30 years later I'm back where I started but with 2 little kids & a husband AND about the same amount of money in the bank after all the expenses!!!

 

Life goes on...

 

At least I've got free healthcare & people who love me. The isolation has been crippling in the last few years. My fault completely!! I shut myself away. REALLY bad idea but when you can't stop crying it's had to socialize.

 

Great to see you still posting SL...and still keeping as positive as you can. It's a never-ending journey recovering from infidelity. You are finding it as a fBS and I'm finding it as a fWS. I'm so glad that your H seems to be truly committed to you and also to doing everything right now - moving halfway around the world is no small gesture (I couldn't even get my wife to move 40 miles...but that's another discussion for another thread on another forum!)

 

You are one of the good guys, you have helped me a lot and I wish you all the best!

[jenkins95]

Almost 3 months since I've heard from xMM. This holiday season is kicking my butt...feeling melancholy with plenty of tears. Doesn't help that it's the first one I haven't spent with family. Feeling sad and telling myself I'll get through it, it's just one holiday season, things will be better soon. Take care LS friends!

 

It's tough HMOB. Three months is really tough - you are past the original adrenaline that kept you motivated in the early days...but your feelings for the MM are still so strong. And the future seems long, lonely and bleak. But it isn't really.

 

I would bet my mortgage on the fact that next Christmas, you will feel immeasurably better. I almost guarantee it. As much as we have the ability to experience great pain, we have the ability to recover.

 

Just hang in there and be strong!

[jenkins95]

I wasn't going to post this but I was in the same place. I had also just broken up with xMM, he threw me under the bus with his wife and I was dealing with the fallout in my own marriage. My kids and husband also had the stomach flu. It was a really bad holiday season. Terrible.

 

A year later he's finally completely gone, my marriage is much better and life is just better. My husband and I were just talking about this yesterday, it's been a pretty bad 2015 and 2016, it's pretty amazing we are still married and it's definitely changed our whole view of commitment and marriage. We've certainly seen a lot of divorces over less things the past few years.

 

Merry Christmas and here is to a brighter 2017 without any self-inflicted pain and drama.

 

PS Oh and I am not on a beach. I'm so cold, I'm in my robe over my clothes working. I wish I was on a beach!

 

(((Midnight)))

 

I haven't been around for a while and have had a good browse today.

 

Your update almost brought happy tears to my eyes! I'm SO pleased to read such a great, positive update. Wonderful that things are so great between you and H. Keep it going!

 

Happy New Year.

 

Not on a beach either by the way - but wish I was!

[AutumnMoon]

Does anyone get gifts?

[Chica80]

For christmas? I got a gift.

[eye of the storm]

Does anyone get gifts?

 

Do you mean from the AP? This is the first year I didn't. He always either got me some type of amazing food shipped to me or would make me something.

 

I know I shouldn't have but I kept waiting for there to be a package on my step.

[MidnightBlue1980]

(((Midnight)))

 

I haven't been around for a while and have had a good browse today.

 

Your update almost brought happy tears to my eyes! I'm SO pleased to read such a great, positive update. Wonderful that things are so great between you and H. Keep it going!

 

Happy New Year.

 

Not on a beach either by the way - but wish I was!

 

Thanks Jenkins! I am looking forward to a brighter and happier 2017.

[AutumnMoon]

Yes from AP.

As family friends we always exchange them, but he has never gotten me something just individually for Christmas, But this year did.

[Chica80]

Yes from AP.

As family friends we always exchange them, but he has never gotten me something just individually for Christmas, But this year did.

 

Yes last year he got me a tool box. I had just moved out. He gave it to me he said to help me be more independent. I thought it was really stupid! BUT actually turned out to be really great and helpful.

Also this super nice cookbook (I love cooking)

 

This year I got jewelry. (A male friend, who knows a lil about MM, said "that is such a man move", he gave it to me, early Christmas present, this a few days after learning I was starting to date.......)

 

What did you get Autumn?

Edited December 29, 2016 by Sunshinechica

[SolG]

This is our seventh holiday season together. Yes, there are gifts. I got jewellery the week before, then a book delivered on the 23rd, then flowers on Christmas eve.

 

I, my exH, my daughter and her beau had an early Christmas celebration on Chistmas eve. Usually we spend Christmas day together, but this year my daughter went with her partner to his parents on the day. And I went to an orphans function with some work colleagues. MM spent Christmas with his W and children as per usual.

 

Our holiday is NYE. We have only spent one apart since our A started when he was working OS. Even then we skyped for both his midnight and mine. We've beach camped, been to a folk festival, and last year did a black tie party. This year we're camping, having an early night and then hiking in the morning to watch the sun rise. I fly out tomorrow to join him. Can't wait!

 

All that being said, I have been feeling quite melancholy this season. I think it's being an 'orphan' on Christmas day. The feeling that I'm not an orphan... but was left as one.

 

*Sigh*

Edited December 29, 2016 by SolG

[AutumnMoon]

 

What did you get Autumn?

 

I do not know yet! We spent Christmas together and exchange gifts as families, but the next day they left to his families few hours away. He called me Boxing Day night and said when he gets back after New Years he has something real for me. To be honest I thought he was joking.

He's very sweet but it's me always getting gifts for people. I get ones for any reason .. any excuse I have, for friends or family, if I care about someone they have gotten something from me, but I never expect back and am not looking for that.

 

I think a tool box and cookbook are incredibly thoughtful. I hope it's not jewelry .. I prefer thoughtful to grand ha!! I guess we will see.

[Cephalopod]

My husband moved back with us. We're living at my parents which is a culture shock...I moved out at 17!! Now nearly 30 years later I'm back where I started but with 2 little kids & a husband AND about the same amount of money in the bank after all the expenses!!!

 

Life goes on...

 

At least I've got free healthcare & people who love me. The isolation has been crippling in the last few years. My fault completely!! I shut myself away. REALLY bad idea but when you can't stop crying it's had to socialize.

 

Is your husband doing what you need him to do now?

[ShatteredLady]

Is your husband doing what you need him to do now?

 

Hmmmm! No not really!! When I start to talk about the 'elephant' it gets ugly fast & im not a fighter...I cry & hate myself for looking so weak. I just can't stop myself.

 

If I rugsweep he's lovely. Incredibly caring. Running to the shops, playing with our kids, being sensitive.

 

I don't know. I'm still incredibly overwhelmed with everything. Our house in America has just gone live to sell (getting silly offers from investors...WE were investors!! Our dream house! They think I'll let it go for $25,000 under asking!!) don't know where I'm going to put all of our things. Life's possessions...when the shipping co. can finally find them!! Hahaha!

 

I'm just trying to settle. Get kids into school. Get docs sorted. Overwhelming!!! I'm getting Family Allowance £38 per week!! Going into my OWN bank account (Well my Mums until I've got one!!) it's such a little thing but HUGE considering that lack of independence was so haunting.

 

Baby steps but ALL in the right direction.

 

 

I've been 'stalked' by my first real boyfriend. It's been a HUGE insight into how these things can happen. For a moment it was actually nice to have a handsome man pledging his undying love for me (It's been 1/4 century! He doesn't even know me anymore!) but then it struck me how manipulative it all was & I told him to get stuffed.

[Chica80]

This is our seventh holiday season together. Yes, there are gifts. I got jewellery the week before, then a book delivered on the 23rd, then flowers on Christmas eve.

 

I, my exH, my daughter and her beau had an early Christmas celebration on Chistmas eve. Usually we spend Christmas day together, but this year my daughter went with her partner to his parents on the day. And I went to an orphans function with some work colleagues. MM spent Christmas with his W and children as per usual.

 

Our holiday is NYE. We have only spent one apart since our A started when he was working OS. Even then we skyped for both his midnight and mine. We've beach camped, been to a folk festival, and last year did a black tie party. This year we're camping, having an early night and then hiking in the morning to watch the sun rise. I fly out tomorrow to join him. Can't wait!

 

All that being said, I have been feeling quite melancholy this season. I think it's being an 'orphan' on Christmas day. The feeling that I'm not an orphan... but was left as one.

 

*Sigh*

 

That sounds like a very nice plan NYE.

 

Ya the holidays can do that. This was the "first" Christmas since my separation. Last year I had just moved out right before Christmas so it was all very fresh and strange. This year was the actual first. It's made me grieve for the loss of my M unlike before. And it wasn't that I miss ex.....it's the "family". As that's what Christmas and this time has always been about for me.

[Chica80]

I do not know yet! We spent Christmas together and exchange gifts as families, but the next day they left to his families few hours away. He called me Boxing Day night and said when he gets back after New Years he has something real for me. To be honest I thought he was joking.

He's very sweet but it's me always getting gifts for people. I get ones for any reason .. any excuse I have, for friends or family, if I care about someone they have gotten something from me, but I never expect back and am not looking for that.

 

I think a tool box and cookbook are incredibly thoughtful. I hope it's not jewelry ���� .. I prefer thoughtful to grand ha!! I guess we will see.

 

Interesting I wonder what it could be ....I'm the same way. I love getting gifts for people. Gifts that are thoughtful and meaningful.

 

Yes it was thoughtful.....part of the problem, him being so "thoughtful"

[ladydesigner]

That sounds like a very nice plan NYE.

 

Ya the holidays can do that. This was the "first" Christmas since my separation. Last year I had just moved out right before Christmas so it was all very fresh and strange. This year was the actual first. It's made me grieve for the loss of my M unlike before. And it wasn't that I miss ex.....it's the "family". As that's what Christmas and this time has always been about for me.

 

(((Sunshinechica)))

[aileD]

Reading thee makes me feel sad.

 

Why do you all settle for this?

[sandylee1]

I'm so very sorry.

This is my first Christmas at HOME in England with my family & friends for 18 years. I'm starting to feel like myself...or a new woman...depends how you look at it.

The last year or more has been very hard for many of us here on LS. Warmest wishes. I hope that 2017 brings you new dreams & peace.

 

 

Welcome home.