Love of my life broke my heart after 4 years

[TO4]

I absolutely agree. They simply took a disorder and classified it into two or three divisions. But the apple doesnt fall far from the tree.

 

I learned of HPD as I saw people with BPD/NPD traits... but it had a slight twist or difference to it. Like the person was friendly and bubbly and cares for others... but that in essence it was the disorder or should i say it hides the disorder and the black and white thinking can trigger months or years later. I would say its the most high functioning of the three. I also think those with these disorders... attract people with cluster A disorders... but cluster A disorders are not hollywood or important per se.

 

Cluster B traits can get the biggest supply from a Cluster A trait type person. They actually feed on each other.

 

 

How do Cluster A and Cluster B types feed on each other?

[spiderowl]

I am sorry to hear what has happened. The pain will lessen with time but I know that is not much help to you now.

 

If there is any chance of reconciliation, it is more likely to happen if you do not bother her. This new relationship may be exciting at first but may fail - you cannot know what the chances of that are. She has moved out though so that is a definite step.

 

I think you need to care for yourself now and seek the support of friends and family. It would be better for you if you did not think of reviving this relationship because it would keep you hanging onto hope rather than coming to terms with it and eventually being able to move on. I am sure you are wondering if you could ever move on, but nature will runs its course and you will heal gradually.

 

No contact is usually recommended to help you to heal. It is hard at first but gets easier. It also gives you a better chance of not re-opening what can easily become a running sore. The relationship may well have run its course for her and why would you want to retain someone who has left once? I doubt you would ever feel secure with her again, even if she did return. You deserve someone who is sure about you.

 

I am sorry you are having to go through this. Please keep posting on here for support. There are lots of people on here who have been through the same experience and can really offer good advice. x

[Sweetfish]

How do Cluster A and Cluster B types feed on each other?

 

 

It is said that Cluster B type individuals work in cycles.

BPD

NPD

HPD..ETC

 

Narcissism is actually perceived inaccurate by the majority. You are actually born narcissistic and with proper development with mother and father (take in considered tragic situations) your brain regulates this vision that you are the center of the world and you become more integrated with society. So in reality you are suppose to transition out of narcissism. It is in essence a survival technique. Cluster B types disorders are often developed between 6-15 and in more prevalent in women with the exception of NPD. To be honest I beg to differ.. But its hard to go against the DSM being such a prestige manual.

 

Ironically HPD and BPD are mostly women and subsequently it is noted men are mostly NPD. I fined this highly ODD. Downtown, I would really like your input on this as I really enjoy your insight in your post.

 

Anyway.. Type B people work in cycles. The core of the problem is self-esteem and a distorted or poor inner image from within or a fear of abandonment, so they seek outside validation or they try to seek deep relationships to offset the fear of being alone or abandon. They seem to invest in people and things to gain validation. Eventually, you will either A: obtain the goal of validating for them and you will not provide the energy or (feeding) to keep them attracted to you or you will trigger abandonment/ or the distorted self image they're trying to escape.

 

Usually, because of poor development of regulating the emotions that could be genetic or environmental while a child, the person does not develop a gray area per se. You will be considered black or white and this is the cognitive behavior of a child. A healthy adult can blend imperfections in people...

 

Splitting (also called black-and-white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking) is the failure in a person's thinking to bring together the dichotomy of both positive and negative qualities of the self and others into a cohesive, realistic whole. It is a common defense mechanism used by many people. The individual tends to think in extremes

Splitting contributes to unstable relationships and intense emotional experiences. Splitting is common during adolescence, but is regarded as transient

 

Cluster B needs validation... guess what type of person they can extract the most ENERGY from when they need quick validation.

 

THE NICE GUY or NICE GIRL and guess what these people usually are.... introverted. I swear I think BPD can sniff out introverts and introverts will pamper to all their woes.

 

Cluster A type individuals or also know as (B type personality traits)

 

Cluster A disorders

These disorders include the following:



Schizoid personality disorder. Schizoid personalities are introverted, withdrawn, solitary, emotionally cold, and distant. Often absorbed with their own thoughts and feelings, they fear closeness and intimacy with others. People suffering from schizoid personality tend to be more daydreamers than practical action takers, often living "in a world of their own."

 

Paranoid personality disorder. Paranoid personalities interpret the actions of others as deliberately threatening or demeaning. People with paranoid personality disorder are untrusting, unforgiving, and often resort to angry or aggressive outbursts without justification because they see others as unfaithful, disloyal, or dishonest. Paranoid personalities are often jealous, guarded, secretive, and scheming, and may appear to be emotionally "cold" or excessively serious.



Schizotypal personality disorder. Schizotypal personalities tend to have odd or eccentric manners of speaking or dressing. They often have strange, outlandish, or paranoid beliefs and thoughts. People with schizotypal personality disorder have difficulties bonding with others and experience extreme anxiety in social situations. They tend to react inappropriately or not react at all during a conversation, or they may talk to themselves. They also have delusions characterized by "magical thinking," for example, by saying that they can foretell the future or read other people's minds.

 

Just like cluster B individuals...cluster A could be HIGH FUNCTIONING and events may only trigger within relationships. The medical community or media just doesn't care about this spectrum of people. I believe because these disorders are not as destructive. Ah LA "Girl Interrupted"

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BqaHfJI1Z4

 

and to be considered officially disordered.. you have to show X amount of symptoms within the disorder. These traits have an impact on your daily life.. so you can very well have these traits and they only pop up under certain conditions and relationships tend to be "perfect conditions"

 

If you read "No more Mr. nice guy".. you will see how these cluster A traits line up perfectly with the NICE GUY.

 

 

I believe the more polar opposite the Cluster A and Cluster B couples are in a relationships... The honeymoon period will be intense and the separation will be equally intense once they trigger each other (Fatal attraction). The cluster B will go into splitting and put the cluster A in the black zone and cluster A will be overwhelmed with emotions due to the fact that they are not use to these emotional highs and lows it can cause great anxiety.

 

It would be like taking cocaine for the first time and having your supply cut instantly.

 

personality traits are highly complex and controversial some of those stuff i stated is simply a psychological approach towards relationship and its up to you crunch the data.

[TO4]

That explains a lot Sweetfish because I am pretty introverted. I believe I could have some Schizoid traits. I read No More Mr. Nice guy before, and I definitely was like that in my very first relationship, but after reading that book, I adjusted my behavior.

[Sweetfish]

That explains a lot Sweetfish because I am pretty introverted. I believe I could have some Schizoid traits. I read No More Mr. Nice guy before, and I definitely was like that in my very first relationship, but after reading that book, I adjusted my behavior.

 

Yeah.. I believe many people have high function disorders and never know.

[Downtown]

Ironically HPD and BPD are mostly women and subsequently it is noted men are mostly NPD. I find this highly ODD. Downtown, I would really like your input on this as I really enjoy your insight in your post.

Sweetfish, the incidence of lifetime BPD is statistically the same for both genders. For years, LoveShack members have been observing that there are more men starting threads in the Breaking Up section and other R/S message boards -- where they complain about the BPD behaviors of their female partners. It has been speculated -- and I am inclined to agree -- that this happens only because women feel more comfortable discussing their R/S problems with their girl friends. In contrast, men are much less likely to do that with their buddies and thus end up here to discuss their personal issues anonymously.

 

Prior to 2008, only a few BPD prevalence studies had been done and all of them were based on very small samples of BPDers treated in a hospital. As you likely know, women are quicker and more likely to seek medical help at a hospital than are men. It therefore is not surprising that, based on those small studies, the psychiatric community believed for nearly three decades (1980 to 2008) that female BPDers outnumbered males by two or three times. And, because the vast majority of BPDers are high functioning folks who don't seek treatment, it was mistakenly believed that prevalence was only 1.5% to 2% of the population.

 

The psychiatric community thus was greatly surprised when the results of an expensive, randomized study of nearly 35,000 American adults was published in 2008 Study in JCP. These results, based on face-to-face interviews, are quoted in the 2011 Report to Congress on Borderline Personality Disorder, written by the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services. That federal report states:

In 2008, the first-ever large-scale, community study of personality disorders found a lifetime prevalence of 5.9 percent (18 million people) for BPD, with no significant difference in the rate of prevalence in men (5.6 percent) compared with women (6.2 percent).

See p. 13 of

2011 BPD Report

.

Hence, prevalence of the lifetime disorder itself is now believed to be the same for both genders.

 

With regard to HPD and NPD, it is not surprising that -- in the very small hospital studies done -- therapists found HPD largely female and NPD largely male. As I noted earlier, HPD and NPD likely will be consolidated into the same category because they are now widely regarded as two forms of narcissistic behavior. I expect that the gender differences will then be greatly reduced, if not eliminated.

[Sweetfish]

Sweetfish, the incidence of lifetime BPD is statistically the same for both genders. For years, LoveShack members have been observing that there are more men starting threads in the Breaking Up section and other R/S message boards -- where they complain about the BPD behaviors of their female partners. It has been speculated -- and I am inclined to agree -- that this happens only because women feel more comfortable discussing their R/S problems with their girl friends. In contrast, men are much less likely to do that with their buddies and thus end up here to discuss their personal issues anonymously.

 

Prior to 2008, only a few BPD prevalence studies had been done and all of them were based on very small samples of BPDers treated in a hospital. As you likely know, women are quicker and more likely to seek medical help at a hospital than are men. It therefore is not surprising that, based on those small studies, the psychiatric community believed for nearly three decades (1980 to 2008) that female BPDers outnumbered males by two or three times. And, because the vast majority of BPDers are high functioning folks who don't seek treatment, it was mistakenly believed that prevalence was only 1.5% to 2% of the population.

 

The psychiatric community thus was greatly surprised when the results of an expensive, randomized study of nearly 35,000 American adults was published in 2008 Study in JCP. These results, based on face-to-face interviews, are quoted in the 2011 Report to Congress on Borderline Personality Disorder, written by the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services. That federal report states:

In 2008, the first-ever large-scale, community study of personality disorders found a lifetime prevalence of 5.9 percent (18 million people) for BPD, with no significant difference in the rate of prevalence in men (5.6 percent) compared with women (6.2 percent).

See p. 13 of

2011 BPD Report

.

Hence, prevalence of the lifetime disorder itself is now believed to be the same for both genders.

 

With regard to HPD and NPD, it is not surprising that -- in the very small hospital studies done -- therapists found HPD largely female and NPD largely male. As I noted earlier, HPD and NPD likely will be consolidated into the same category because they are now widely regarded as two forms of narcissistic behavior. I expect that the gender differences will then be greatly reduced, if not eliminated.

 

 

I have observed more cluster A type traits are stemming from men and more cluster B traits are coming from women. Due to society and and norms. The selfie era and the rise of shaming certain genders and oppression of feelings

 

 

But I do agree with your remarks.