Is it over for good

[whatdeww18]

Before I start I want to apologise if I'm frustrating sometimes because I fall into bad habbits, I guess we all make mistakes and the human brain allows us to do what we feel rather than what is right (I.e checking social media etc, which by the way I still haven't done since my last post!)

 

But yes, I shouldn't have told her I still love and miss him, but I feel she didn't remember, there's a chance she could remember but we have since spoken and she hasn't brought him up at all - therefore I guess she might've forgotten all that she said too.

 

I do agree that the last month I have healed in the respect that I can accept he might not ever come back which I couldn't do not so long ago, but i definitely haven't got over the pain of the breakup and you're right - I need to if I want it to work in the future.

 

I am only talking to my best friend about my feelings for my ex now, who is the girl who reconciled with her ex not so long ago, she is giving me all her best advice therefore I will take everything she says on board and hopefully down the line I can have my happy ending too. I cannot lie to you, I miss and love him a lot - like a lot a lot, and it's been the hardest thing I've ever had to do, there isn't a moment that goes by when I don't think about him if I'm honest. I'm at the point now though where I can see it's very 50/50 l, he might come back, he might not. At the minute I think he isn't gunna come back for me, and if he does it isn't going to be anytime soon.

I'm trying to stay strong in order to help myself but I'm not fooling anyone I still want to be with him. But all I need to know is he isn't with me now and he's with someone else, and if that isn't enough to motivate myself to try and move on then I don't know what is. I shouldn't be someone's second best and like you said 'on the back burner' because I don't deserve that.

 

Time is all that can help my situation, and it's been 4 months now - which is crazy really, but it could take another 4 months or 4 years for him to realise IF he does that he made a mistake.

I'll stay strong - hope things are good your end.

 

We've talked about this, break ups are repetitive in cycle so it's bound to happen. I get urges all the time, so I can't blame you! I'm here to help you so don't apologize. If anything, I should! I also get frustrated at myself here and there when I get the urge to do something but it has mostly gone away, luckily haha. I think that's your heart wanting to and your brain knowing better but caving. I feel like love is an odd creature.

 

Haha it slipped and it happens. Whether it got back to him or not, oh well, right? What's happened has happened. Plus, you were being honest with yourself, can't help that. Don't worry too much about it and don't get hung up on what she said either. Yea... I would say it still seems pretty evident that the break up stings and you're not where you need to be emotionally.

 

I'm glad your friend can give you advice and help to get through this. Let me know if she says anything special! It's okay to love and miss him, really is. There isn't anything wrong with that. He may or may not come back but that's not the point. Like you see now, you've got to be in a better place. I don't mean this in some cliche way. Yes, being back with him will feel so good. I've thought that a few times. I just don't think it will be healthy if it were to happen any time soon. You aren't happy with your life without him, you will center your happiness around him, and poof it's gone again. Or, he won't satisfy you in the ways you need as you aren't whole yourself and you leave. That's not to mention, what has he learned from the break up? You will only be able to tell when you grow emotionally from all this.

 

So I have an odd view with time. I think time can help us forget all wounds. Time heals wounds when we allow it and work on it. So, it's not only time but your active dedication to be a better person after all this, grow from all this, and seriously wanting to be a better lover.

 

I've been doing a whole lot better. Of course, I have my moments like you but I've been really going out of my way to make me happy and pushing myself. I won't lie, there are days when I would love to come home and just read successful reconciliation stories. I make it a point to stay out and meet people, do things, work on my habits, and insecurities. It's doing a lot, really.

 

Wishing you the best!

[JackA16]

We've talked about this, break ups are repetitive in cycle so it's bound to happen. I get urges all the time, so I can't blame you! I'm here to help you so don't apologize. If anything, I should! I also get frustrated at myself here and there when I get the urge to do something but it has mostly gone away, luckily haha. I think that's your heart wanting to and your brain knowing better but caving. I feel like love is an odd creature.

 

Haha it slipped and it happens. Whether it got back to him or not, oh well, right? What's happened has happened. Plus, you were being honest with yourself, can't help that. Don't worry too much about it and don't get hung up on what she said either. Yea... I would say it still seems pretty evident that the break up stings and you're not where you need to be emotionally.

 

I'm glad your friend can give you advice and help to get through this. Let me know if she says anything special! It's okay to love and miss him, really is. There isn't anything wrong with that. He may or may not come back but that's not the point. Like you see now, you've got to be in a better place. I don't mean this in some cliche way. Yes, being back with him will feel so good. I've thought that a few times. I just don't think it will be healthy if it were to happen any time soon. You aren't happy with your life without him, you will center your happiness around him, and poof it's gone again. Or, he won't satisfy you in the ways you need as you aren't whole yourself and you leave. That's not to mention, what has he learned from the break up? You will only be able to tell when you grow emotionally from all this.

 

So I have an odd view with time. I think time can help us forget all wounds. Time heals wounds when we allow it and work on it. So, it's not only time but your active dedication to be a better person after all this, grow from all this, and seriously wanting to be a better lover.

 

I've been doing a whole lot better. Of course, I have my moments like you but I've been really going out of my way to make me happy and pushing myself. I won't lie, there are days when I would love to come home and just read successful reconciliation stories. I make it a point to stay out and meet people, do things, work on my habits, and insecurities. It's doing a lot, really.

 

Wishing you the best!

 

Long time no speak. I've being doing so well and you will be so proud of me, I've been somewhat happy the last month and I have definitely made some progress in the whole healing area.

I saw him last Friday in the club again, and yes - he was still with the boy previously talked about but this time I found myself not wanting to look at them and wonder what they are like, I saw them on the odd occasion but I was genuinely just enjoying my night with my friends.

 

Today is Sunday, and on Thursday he came to one of the same clubs as me as someone was playing who we both share a mutual liking for. I arrived slightly later however I had heard from my closest of friends that he had been around them for a while and was talking about me and engaging with them and said things such as "I had to be cruel to be kind" , "tell him he can be around me it's fine he doesn't need to feel awkward" etc... when I was told this I was in shock mode, but it interested me that he had been talking to people who I have only recently become good friends with a lot.

When I arrived he came straight up to me and grabbed my hand in a sort of handshake type way and said "are we all good yeah?" And I just nodded and turned away, as in the moment I didn't know what to do.

 

Later on I was having a cigarette (bad habit - only social though) with my friends and he walked over to us and asked if any of us had a spare. And it was honestly the strangest thing to happen. This though isn't all good news because although he spoke to me, at this particular event none of his 'LAD' friends were there to see him do it and nor was the new boy he is now dating - and we were in the club the Friday before this event and he didn't say a word to me when his lad friends and the boy he is now dating were there.

 

My friends said that they found it strange that he had come to the event when none of his close friends were there as he had no need to be there - and they said it seemed as if he wanted to talk to me more but didn't know what to say, so that's kind of made me overthink slightly as I yet again don't know what his intentions were that night - he was kicked out of the club shortly after the cigarette situation which therefore prevented us from talking anymore that night, which I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not.

 

After this event my head was in a bit of a muddle and still is, but I'm going to be staying in for a while now to focus on some exams I will be sitting in June, and therefore I won't be likely to see him for a while. I saw his mum on the Wednesday and we had a meal with my mum, and it was lovely. Not the same exactly, but really nice.

It still hurts to think of someone else being with him - especially in what I used to call 'our room' and I know now that the family have met him which is hard to accept but I have too!

 

I've joined the gym by the way and I'm feeling good in myself, however since Thursday night I've been feeling extremely lonely and I have cried a fair bit. I really hope you are all healthy and well, if you have time to reply to this and give an update on your situation it would be so nice to hear.

Let me know your thoughts on recent events anyway, thank you.

[whatdeww18]

Long time no speak. I've being doing so well and you will be so proud of me, I've been somewhat happy the last month and I have definitely made some progress in the whole healing area.

I saw him last Friday in the club again, and yes - he was still with the boy previously talked about but this time I found myself not wanting to look at them and wonder what they are like, I saw them on the odd occasion but I was genuinely just enjoying my night with my friends.

 

Today is Sunday, and on Thursday he came to one of the same clubs as me as someone was playing who we both share a mutual liking for. I arrived slightly later however I had heard from my closest of friends that he had been around them for a while and was talking about me and engaging with them and said things such as "I had to be cruel to be kind" , "tell him he can be around me it's fine he doesn't need to feel awkward" etc... when I was told this I was in shock mode, but it interested me that he had been talking to people who I have only recently become good friends with a lot.

When I arrived he came straight up to me and grabbed my hand in a sort of handshake type way and said "are we all good yeah?" And I just nodded and turned away, as in the moment I didn't know what to do.

 

Later on I was having a cigarette (bad habit - only social though) with my friends and he walked over to us and asked if any of us had a spare. And it was honestly the strangest thing to happen. This though isn't all good news because although he spoke to me, at this particular event none of his 'LAD' friends were there to see him do it and nor was the new boy he is now dating - and we were in the club the Friday before this event and he didn't say a word to me when his lad friends and the boy he is now dating were there.

 

My friends said that they found it strange that he had come to the event when none of his close friends were there as he had no need to be there - and they said it seemed as if he wanted to talk to me more but didn't know what to say, so that's kind of made me overthink slightly as I yet again don't know what his intentions were that night - he was kicked out of the club shortly after the cigarette situation which therefore prevented us from talking anymore that night, which I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not.

 

After this event my head was in a bit of a muddle and still is, but I'm going to be staying in for a while now to focus on some exams I will be sitting in June, and therefore I won't be likely to see him for a while. I saw his mum on the Wednesday and we had a meal with my mum, and it was lovely. Not the same exactly, but really nice.

It still hurts to think of someone else being with him - especially in what I used to call 'our room' and I know now that the family have met him which is hard to accept but I have too!

 

I've joined the gym by the way and I'm feeling good in myself, however since Thursday night I've been feeling extremely lonely and I have cried a fair bit. I really hope you are all healthy and well, if you have time to reply to this and give an update on your situation it would be so nice to hear.

Let me know your thoughts on recent events anyway, thank you.

 

Long time no talk! You know I am always so happy and proud of you anytime I hear that you are well and happy . So glad to hear you can genuinely enjoy your nights out! I have been as well. It's okay, it's honestly his loss if he's still with him and not with you...

 

Again, I would just say he's justifying the break up... It's going to take more time for him to feel the loss, especially with someone else in the picture helping him deal with the aspect of being lonely... I think you handled that perfectly and I'm so so so so proud of you! You're a trooper

 

It's okay, smoking socially is pretty standard these days... Just don't let it become a habit that you take home, okay? Wow he's approaching you a lot more and more! I just don't want you to get back into the break up stage again. Sounds like it's getting easier and easier with each time that it happens and with time in general, right? Glad to hear it! I also think it's odd that he was there when none of his close friends were there.... However, that'll be his thing to worry why he was there and your worry to just have fun!

 

It's okay, I probably would be the same... However, don't let this get in the way of studying for your exams okay? Aww glad you can still go out to meet his mom and keep that connection! It's completely okay to feel that hurt but ultimately, it's going to need to develop to just feeling that it's his loss for being with someone else. If he doesn't see that, he's an idiot... It's okay, there's no time table to say when you stop crying. Just make sure that you do continue to move on. Like some of my favorite posters have stated: "Either mourn and be sad or you can pick yourself back up." I think anyone would rather have us be happy and show that we are strong. We are not emotionally dependent on anyone, he will add to our happiness!

 

I'm very very very happy to hear how much you've been focusing on yourself and have got going for you! Keep it going! It's okay to feel a bit lonely. It's still a break up. I've been going just like you, doing so many better things for myself and really set out on meeting new people! I think I've made at least 50 new friends just this past month and not dating... We both had a similar experience, and it felt like a rebound to me so I cut it off. I still get sad and I admit, I checked social media once in these past few months but other than that... I'm going. We got this and thank you for posting, it was nice to catch up with you . Wish we lived closer to talk in person and actually chat hahaha!

 

Wishing you a happy Sunday (and Easter if you celebrate!)

[JackA16]

Long time no talk! You know I am always so happy and proud of you anytime I hear that you are well and happy . So glad to hear you can genuinely enjoy your nights out! I have been as well. It's okay, it's honestly his loss if he's still with him and not with you...

 

Again, I would just say he's justifying the break up... It's going to take more time for him to feel the loss, especially with someone else in the picture helping him deal with the aspect of being lonely... I think you handled that perfectly and I'm so so so so proud of you! You're a trooper

 

It's okay, smoking socially is pretty standard these days... Just don't let it become a habit that you take home, okay? Wow he's approaching you a lot more and more! I just don't want you to get back into the break up stage again. Sounds like it's getting easier and easier with each time that it happens and with time in general, right? Glad to hear it! I also think it's odd that he was there when none of his close friends were there.... However, that'll be his thing to worry why he was there and your worry to just have fun!

 

It's okay, I probably would be the same... However, don't let this get in the way of studying for your exams okay? Aww glad you can still go out to meet his mom and keep that connection! It's completely okay to feel that hurt but ultimately, it's going to need to develop to just feeling that it's his loss for being with someone else. If he doesn't see that, he's an idiot... It's okay, there's no time table to say when you stop crying. Just make sure that you do continue to move on. Like some of my favorite posters have stated: "Either mourn and be sad or you can pick yourself back up." I think anyone would rather have us be happy and show that we are strong. We are not emotionally dependent on anyone, he will add to our happiness!

 

I'm very very very happy to hear how much you've been focusing on yourself and have got going for you! Keep it going! It's okay to feel a bit lonely. It's still a break up. I've been going just like you, doing so many better things for myself and really set out on meeting new people! I think I've made at least 50 new friends just this past month and not dating... We both had a similar experience, and it felt like a rebound to me so I cut it off. I still get sad and I admit, I checked social media once in these past few months but other than that... I'm going. We got this and thank you for posting, it was nice to catch up with you . Wish we lived closer to talk in person and actually chat hahaha!

 

Wishing you a happy Sunday (and Easter if you celebrate!)

 

Thank you for that, it means a lot to hear you're proud of me - crazy how someone over the internet can have such an impact on us isn't it! Anyway, just thought I'd let you know that I believe they have gotten into a relationship now - my friend mentioned that my ex for the first time has posted a photo of the two together, which is no bother. It's odd that it's taken him so long when this photo was taken quite some time ago - but I guess that's not for me to worry about.

 

I saw his mum earlier which was lovely as she was out for a meal with my mum and sister, was really nice to see her. It's kind of strange, she doesn't really seem to say much about my exes new relationship either, but then again I don't suppose she would really would she.

 

I've heard nothing from my ex since I last saw him - and I've kind of got to a place where yes, I do care about him and I miss the times we shared together. But I'm just not sure if I'm in love with him anymore, I think for so long I was in love with the idea of being in love with him instead. When I asked my friend to see the photo I have to say when I saw it that it didn't break my heart how it would've a while ago - and I didn't feel anything, I don't feel upset? I just feel... 'normal'?? It's weird, I don't know why but there's just nothing

 

I'm so glad to hear about your progress!! It sounds like we are doing the same things, I have met many more friends too and it's just amazing, and I guess that's what appeals to not being in a relationship doesn't it.. I don't even think about hook ups or anything, I'm simply not interested?!

I have to say something though. I have know this guy for several years and he is my friends ex, I fell in love with him a while ago but I cut away and so did he because he was 'straight' - I think he knew there were feelings there and we had a really special connection (texting and talking all day everyday) for a while. Anyway we were at a party last week and we kissed, and it felt so good and so right, and I have to admit I did think of this boy when I was in a relationship with my ex. However, he is so called 'straight' so I am playing a dangerous game. We are at the same college so we see each other but we haven't talked about it since we have been back from the spring break. I can't talk to my friends about this as he is a friends ex and it looks bad on my part - but in the last few months he has said things like "if I were gay I'd be with you" etc and we do have casual flirts sometimes.

 

I can't lie to you my feelings for him since this happened 8 days ago have rushed back so quick, and it's sort of made me forget all other emotions and I think about him a lot. If you have any advice on this is there any chance you could give me some direction of what you would do in my shoes? Some think that he may be bisexual as he was in a relationship with my friend Chloe but it's a dangerous game. If it was just a drunken kiss surely he would've backed off and not like my photos on social media platforms such as instgram right? Cause he has continued to like them since and we have had a chat about some work deadlines since?

 

Anyway.. lovely to catch up, wish we lived closer too!! Maybe one day in the future we may cross paths (I HOPE!!) and I can buy you a drink for all this amazing advice you have given me. You're honestly amazing and I value you so much, be safe and be happy!!! All the best

[whatdeww18]

Thank you for that, it means a lot to hear you're proud of me - crazy how someone over the internet can have such an impact on us isn't it! Anyway, just thought I'd let you know that I believe they have gotten into a relationship now - my friend mentioned that my ex for the first time has posted a photo of the two together, which is no bother. It's odd that it's taken him so long when this photo was taken quite some time ago - but I guess that's not for me to worry about.

 

I saw his mum earlier which was lovely as she was out for a meal with my mum and sister, was really nice to see her. It's kind of strange, she doesn't really seem to say much about my exes new relationship either, but then again I don't suppose she would really would she.

 

I've heard nothing from my ex since I last saw him - and I've kind of got to a place where yes, I do care about him and I miss the times we shared together. But I'm just not sure if I'm in love with him anymore, I think for so long I was in love with the idea of being in love with him instead. When I asked my friend to see the photo I have to say when I saw it that it didn't break my heart how it would've a while ago - and I didn't feel anything, I don't feel upset? I just feel... 'normal'?? It's weird, I don't know why but there's just nothing

 

I'm so glad to hear about your progress!! It sounds like we are doing the same things, I have met many more friends too and it's just amazing, and I guess that's what appeals to not being in a relationship doesn't it.. I don't even think about hook ups or anything, I'm simply not interested?!

I have to say something though. I have know this guy for several years and he is my friends ex, I fell in love with him a while ago but I cut away and so did he because he was 'straight' - I think he knew there were feelings there and we had a really special connection (texting and talking all day everyday) for a while. Anyway we were at a party last week and we kissed, and it felt so good and so right, and I have to admit I did think of this boy when I was in a relationship with my ex. However, he is so called 'straight' so I am playing a dangerous game. We are at the same college so we see each other but we haven't talked about it since we have been back from the spring break. I can't talk to my friends about this as he is a friends ex and it looks bad on my part - but in the last few months he has said things like "if I were gay I'd be with you" etc and we do have casual flirts sometimes.

 

I can't lie to you my feelings for him since this happened 8 days ago have rushed back so quick, and it's sort of made me forget all other emotions and I think about him a lot. If you have any advice on this is there any chance you could give me some direction of what you would do in my shoes? Some think that he may be bisexual as he was in a relationship with my friend Chloe but it's a dangerous game. If it was just a drunken kiss surely he would've backed off and not like my photos on social media platforms such as instgram right? Cause he has continued to like them since and we have had a chat about some work deadlines since?

 

Anyway.. lovely to catch up, wish we lived closer too!! Maybe one day in the future we may cross paths (I HOPE!!) and I can buy you a drink for all this amazing advice you have given me. You're honestly amazing and I value you so much, be safe and be happy!!! All the best

 

Aww of course! I mean, I would like to think this forum is for support and advice (sometimes, it hurts to follow it). But look at how far you and I have come haha. Who knows why he finally posted a picture of them two after all this time? All that matters is it doesn't concern you and you shouldn't even bother to worry. I know if I saw my ex post a picture I would probably be sad for a couple days but it probably will happen. Oh well, his loss.

 

I know just what you mean... Loving the idea of being in love with your ex. It's like they say, you will find another love if he doesn't come back. For so long, I kept swinging back and forth between the thought, "if my love for my ex was true, I would still love him." I think that thought is not right. We did love our ex, but when they leave, it doesn't mean we still love them. If they come back, we can learn to truly love them again but not after a break up.

 

Haha most definitely! I think meeting new people is actually part of daily life, but we don't have restrictions to place on the new people we meet. The idea that there are no restrictions sometimes baffles me and it catches me by surprise sometimes. Oh jeez... Another thing? And he's straight? I think you should cut your losses short there and just leave it be. He's not going after you, with clear intentions. Although you are infatuated with the guy, I don't see things working out in the long run... He may be in the closet or whatever, but it doesn't sound like he's willing to pursue a relationship with you over keeping his straight facade going.

 

I don't know how you want to pursue the relationship. Hmm... If another girl caught my interest, and she did what you did... I would simply ask her if she is willing to pursue a relationship. Upfront and direct. If not, I would cut my losses short. Unless she was a close friend, I wouldn't be bothered by it getting awkward after. The mixed messages must be confusing but I think you're going to confuse yourself more if you don't just get things sorted out. That's how I would feel.

 

Aww I definitely hope we can cross paths! It would be lovely to catch up and get some drinks . You're a great person and thank you for all your support, advice, and catch up sessions! Stay awesome, and keep your head up high!! Wishing you plenty of happiness!

[JackA16]

Aww of course! I mean, I would like to think this forum is for support and advice (sometimes, it hurts to follow it). But look at how far you and I have come haha. Who knows why he finally posted a picture of them two after all this time? All that matters is it doesn't concern you and you shouldn't even bother to worry. I know if I saw my ex post a picture I would probably be sad for a couple days but it probably will happen. Oh well, his loss.

 

I know just what you mean... Loving the idea of being in love with your ex. It's like they say, you will find another love if he doesn't come back. For so long, I kept swinging back and forth between the thought, "if my love for my ex was true, I would still love him." I think that thought is not right. We did love our ex, but when they leave, it doesn't mean we still love them. If they come back, we can learn to truly love them again but not after a break up.

 

Haha most definitely! I think meeting new people is actually part of daily life, but we don't have restrictions to place on the new people we meet. The idea that there are no restrictions sometimes baffles me and it catches me by surprise sometimes. Oh jeez... Another thing? And he's straight? I think you should cut your losses short there and just leave it be. He's not going after you, with clear intentions. Although you are infatuated with the guy, I don't see things working out in the long run... He may be in the closet or whatever, but it doesn't sound like he's willing to pursue a relationship with you over keeping his straight facade going.

 

I don't know how you want to pursue the relationship. Hmm... If another girl caught my interest, and she did what you did... I would simply ask her if she is willing to pursue a relationship. Upfront and direct. If not, I would cut my losses short. Unless she was a close friend, I wouldn't be bothered by it getting awkward after. The mixed messages must be confusing but I think you're going to confuse yourself more if you don't just get things sorted out. That's how I would feel.

 

Aww I definitely hope we can cross paths! It would be lovely to catch up and get some drinks . You're a great person and thank you for all your support, advice, and catch up sessions! Stay awesome, and keep your head up high!! Wishing you plenty of happiness!

 

Hi stranger! 2 months, craziness. Hope you're healthy and happy, I've finished my exams so I'm now free of that stress. I have been enjoying my time, been to a couple of festivals, have a holiday with friends approaching and another festival in august.

Things are good - I have decided to cut ties with the 'straight' guy, was becoming way too complicated and feelings were getting way too deep.

 

I'm currently experience a bit of a low though, at the festivals I have been too, once in early June and one on the weekend just gone I saw my ex at both - the first one I was the bigger person and the second one I thought I'd let him say hello - he didn't.

I don't know if I'm just sad in general cause I've had such and amazing time and it's come to an end and that's making me sad about other things but this morning and last night I have done is cry!! I feel so sad, it's like seeing my ex has given me feelings that I don't want to feel anymore.

 

Long story short my ex deleted the picture of him and the other guy, and it seems that they don't see each other anymore. Therefore I'm sort of thinking about that too - it was like everything was amazing for him and then all of a sudden it stopped. It makes me kind of angry because I ask myself did he use him for a rebound and did it work? How has he been able to do that and just walk away and be ok.

 

At the festival I met up with a friend of a friend, a guy, who could be perceived as gay, and I bought him over to meet my friends - who were also (some) mutual friends of my exes, and it was fair to say they all thought there was something there, I didn't tell people there was but I also didn't deny the fact he could potentially be someone I was seeing. My ex was close by at this point and then after around 10 mins his best friend came over to gather some of my exes friends and they left where they were currently dancing and went to the other side of the stage, I can't help but think 'was this because of the guy?'.. he then later text my best friend - who was one of his friends back in november who he hasn't spoken to since November asking if a mutual friend was still dancing near us - this was also confusing as he picked to text her over anyone else who was there. Is this behaviour odd? Should I not overthink? It's baffled me a little.

 

I haven't really been talking to other guys, nobody seems to start a fire in my heart like my ex did, everyone just seems to give me small talk and it bores me so easily. It's becoming tiring because I'm wondering how long it's gunna be - it's been almost 9 months since my ex and I split.

 

Thank you for being there as always, and please give me a lil update on your life!!