Is it over for good

January 10, 2017

Thank the Lord because I do not know if I can keep this going much longer... I need to know that one day I will not be in a rut every morning and have to wait until noon until I can finally get on with my day like a normal person... I agree Sundays, are probably the worst when we all just relax! Hmm that's a very interesting observation. I think it's okay to be a relationship person, I've got friends like that haha. I've had one long term relationship before this one so I'm quite used to being single. It's very different this time around! But I agree, it's so nice to share life events with someone

LOL there is nothing psycho these days with social media... Okay I will not even comment on what you just said. No more reading and trying to analyze him and his behaviors, okay? Just let yourself go into this relationship thinking he likes you! Let things go naturally. Nothing wrong if he is terrible with messaging as long as he knows that. One thing I've been working on is that I will never tell anyone in my future about their texting habits unless I don't hear from them within the day haha. As long as he makes you feel good and there is an obvious sign of trust, just know he likes you and isn't very connected to his phone. Done

YES! I'm going to wave that Josh and Jack flag too! Heck, I'll wave 5! Go go go and just enjoy! It's nice to hear he always talks about you. Let it keep going and just let things go as they come and communicate like you have about the texting issue. Nothing major. He may also just be taking it slow since you're both coming out of a relationship right?

It's the grass is greener syndrome. I'm like half a believer as there are so many complex things about a relationship. Although I do believe there are many patterns to unhappiness and ways to cope with relationship issues that fit into this "syndrome." O man, more of the mixed signal bs? Just let him stick it back up where the sun don't shine and leave it there. It's not worth your time. I've been talking to a lot of my friends and they've made me see that the things my ex said are indeed really harsh and very hurtful. Like I shouldn't feel bad for feeling hurt from the things he said and putting a lot of the blame on me. He has some learning up to do. Your ex does too. We do too but I think we are taking the higher road and doing it right , at least I'd like to hope hahaha.

If this guy wound you up that bad, and you said that, it's what you said out of probably a little resentment/anger. It's okay. It happens. It probably will get back to your ex but it doesn't even matter. I think you're healing and it's time to slowly (or quickly in this case because you have Josh to think of now) to move on and just let go for real. And you know it! It's NONE of his business to know haha. You just enjoy you okay?

Oh you got it, friend! I'll be here for you I'm doing a lot better. My friends made me see that I wasn't crazy and he did some say really hurtful things that have been on replay in my head for a while. Thanks for checking on me!

Hope you're doing much, much, much better! Really wishing you and Josh so much happiness, from the bottom of my heart. You should tell him your online bestie is wishing you two the best too

-WhatDEWWWWW

Most people have trouble with breakups in the evenings and at nights, but I, like you, had the morning feeling. I would wake up and then I would think about everything that has happened and have this massive weight on my chest, and it was like the minute I woke up out of my dreams reality hit me and it was horrible.

The best thing I could do was jump out of bed straight away and go shower, have some music on in the background to try and put me into a different mood before jumping out - it's weird showering was my favourite thing to do in order to pass some time.. not a lot of it, but some..

I know I cannot believe I'm analysing him already!! I should just be going with the flow, everyone believes he's into this as much as me, his closest friend even reassured me that I definitely was in with a chance and there's no way Josh would hurt me - even if he didn't want to persue anything anymore.

I think by doing this I'm slipping into old habits of mine and I need to try and forget them alongside my previous relationship in order to make this one a happier and healthier relationship. I haven't text him since yesterday at 4pm and it's currently 9am the following morning, I'm going to see how long it takes for him to text me first, if at all, and from there I'll probably have a better understanding of how things lie..

I think he might be taking it slow as you have said, And my colleague said the same thing, he could be in the same boat as me, but just bad at communicating whereas I'm good? Who knows?

I think when I see him on the weekend I will probably try and talk to him about the replies again, I feel like a chat face to face is going to get more across if it's going to get across to him, but it might not?? We will have to see

Thanks for waving those 5 flags by the way, that's what I need - some motivation to keep on going, I have thought about just saying 'nope' and leaving it with him because I'm scared of hurt and attatchments all over again but my friends are really routing for this to become a thing!!

I have been where you are there too, when I wanted to text him something I had too I made it really nice and my friends would come and edit the text and get rid of all the extra bits that weren't needed such as 'merry Christmas' 'I'm sorry for whatever I did to hurt you' and 'have a great time skiing' which were all added and mixed around certain parts of the text.. I WAS TOO NICE, and now I see it I'm so glad they took those bits out, after the things he had said to me he deserved NONE of what I wished him, he was so cruel!!... you will get to this point too

Okay so something really weird happened with the guy I dated around 3 years ago, so I have the app Tinder (dating app) as thankfully that's where I got the ball rolling with Josh, and I came across the guy I dated 3 years ago and swiped right (meaning 'like') to see whether or not he would do the same after seeing me in he club a few days before hand - just to clarify, I do not like this boy at all!!! And he did the same.. meaning he is interested in me, which in some ways gave me a confidence boost as this is a boy my ex has tried to approach since the breakup and he's interested in me - wooo!!

The same thing happened with a guy who my ex had taken a liking too a little bit towards the end of our relationship, but this guy I saw in the club and he was extremely flirty, and he has recently been liking my photos and he added me on Snapchat last night - obviously, I must have been the better looking ex ;-) revenge is sweet, all the boys he want are interested in me!! Wooo... haha!!

One thing I've learned from previous experience is just to keep myself and my business to me, it causes less problems, and the great thing about josh is not many people know him, lovely!!..

If things go well with me and josh, I'll definitely show him that post and let him know you were our #2 supporter after my colleague, would be #1 but she has been trying to make 'Jack and Josh' a thing for years.. haha!!

Keep your head up!!!

January 11, 2017

Most people have trouble with breakups in the evenings and at nights, but I, like you, had the morning feeling. I would wake up and then I would think about everything that has happened and have this massive weight on my chest, and it was like the minute I woke up out of my dreams reality hit me and it was horrible.
The best thing I could do was jump out of bed straight away and go shower, have some music on in the background to try and put me into a different mood before jumping out - it's weird showering was my favourite thing to do in order to pass some time.. not a lot of it, but some..

I know I cannot believe I'm analysing him already!! I should just be going with the flow, everyone believes he's into this as much as me, his closest friend even reassured me that I definitely was in with a chance and there's no way Josh would hurt me - even if he didn't want to persue anything anymore.
I think by doing this I'm slipping into old habits of mine and I need to try and forget them alongside my previous relationship in order to make this one a happier and healthier relationship. I haven't text him since yesterday at 4pm and it's currently 9am the following morning, I'm going to see how long it takes for him to text me first, if at all, and from there I'll probably have a better understanding of how things lie..

I think he might be taking it slow as you have said, And my colleague said the same thing, he could be in the same boat as me, but just bad at communicating whereas I'm good? Who knows?
I think when I see him on the weekend I will probably try and talk to him about the replies again, I feel like a chat face to face is going to get more across if it's going to get across to him, but it might not?? We will have to see
Thanks for waving those 5 flags by the way, that's what I need - some motivation to keep on going, I have thought about just saying 'nope' and leaving it with him because I'm scared of hurt and attatchments all over again but my friends are really routing for this to become a thing!!

I have been where you are there too, when I wanted to text him something I had too I made it really nice and my friends would come and edit the text and get rid of all the extra bits that weren't needed such as 'merry Christmas' 'I'm sorry for whatever I did to hurt you' and 'have a great time skiing' which were all added and mixed around certain parts of the text.. I WAS TOO NICE, and now I see it I'm so glad they took those bits out, after the things he had said to me he deserved NONE of what I wished him, he was so cruel!!... you will get to this point too

Okay so something really weird happened with the guy I dated around 3 years ago, so I have the app Tinder (dating app) as thankfully that's where I got the ball rolling with Josh, and I came across the guy I dated 3 years ago and swiped right (meaning 'like') to see whether or not he would do the same after seeing me in he club a few days before hand - just to clarify, I do not like this boy at all!!! And he did the same.. meaning he is interested in me, which in some ways gave me a confidence boost as this is a boy my ex has tried to approach since the breakup and he's interested in me - wooo!!
The same thing happened with a guy who my ex had taken a liking too a little bit towards the end of our relationship, but this guy I saw in the club and he was extremely flirty, and he has recently been liking my photos and he added me on Snapchat last night - obviously, I must have been the better looking ex ;-) revenge is sweet, all the boys he want are interested in me!! Wooo... haha!!

One thing I've learned from previous experience is just to keep myself and my business to me, it causes less problems, and the great thing about josh is not many people know him, lovely!!..

If things go well with me and josh, I'll definitely show him that post and let him know you were our #2 supporter after my colleague, would be #1 but she has been trying to make 'Jack and Josh' a thing for years.. haha!!

Keep your head up!!!

Hmm that's very interesting. I think we are very alike Jack haha! It's like reality sets in after I wake up and I'm just like man... So I tend to go back to sleep or roll around. I've been trying to get myself out of bed and watching some shows but I swear, every time, something sad comes up and I'm an emotional wreck and die. Really think I've cried about every morning this past week and this week so far... But it gets a lot better after that and I can carry on with my day.

Yea you are starting to do things again! But, like people say we can't change ourselves that much. But what we can do is cope with how and why we do things. If you feel like you are analyzing things in search to see if he likes you, catch yourself. Make sure you know that he likes you enough and you are just overthinking. Leave it at that. Go distract yourself with something when you find yourself wanting to analyze again! I'm dealing with this too and it's helped that I left my phone on silent, deleted a lot of social media things, and am just focusing on my interactions with people and truly enjoying it. Haha there's more constructive analysis coming in! Definitely just gauge how much and the time frame he texts. Maybe he's busy during those times and just needs time to text! But yea I think some more time of you being single to really dig deep with all the small problems that you had would have been better. However, he is a catch, so find these small things and just make sure you catch yourself.

Yea maybe he is just trying to take things slow or he's just bad at communicating. No one will know except him and you when you talk face to face! Just get it out there if it does bother you haha. Haha of course! I'm just happy to hear that you're moving on and found someone so nice! I'll be here rooting for you and your friends are too, so no worries about motivation haha!

Yea I didn't have friends to help me text... You are lucky! Glad you didn't say those things! Yea I was pretty much a doormat to all our problems during the relationship and let him blame me for just about everything when in reality it was both of us... So he will probably ride on his high horse for another few months until I hear that he's actually dealing with the break up... Oh, I am there right now! The things he said were actually cruel and almost manipulative... I was never that shallow or mean, even when I lashed out in anger once, I apologized the next day profusely. Nothing from him, not a peep he sounded sorry for the things he said. Done there haha.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, bask in that sweet revenge and keep drawing them all into you! This is great Thank you for explaining Tinder, I have tried it before but don't think I'll be going on there for a while so that definitely helped me understand the heck you were saying haha. Man, you are really doing well and on the serious road to recovery! I say just keep moving forward and keep drawing in all the hotties and let your ex feel the burn! But, as a nice person you are wish him well too and that he does find someone who he will treat better and hope that he learns from all this.

Yea keeping problems to myself helped a lot but sometimes we do have to let a couple people know. Yes, less people knowing about Josh is sometimes so much better! But do let some people know so he gets that he's important hehe.

Haha I'll take the number 2 spot... I guess.. Your friend was there first and set you up. But don't worry, I'm sure he'll see the post, if you know what I mean

Best of luck and thank you for the motivation

-WhatDEWWWWW

January 11, 2017

Hmm that's very interesting. I think we are very alike Jack haha! It's like reality sets in after I wake up and I'm just like man... So I tend to go back to sleep or roll around. I've been trying to get myself out of bed and watching some shows but I swear, every time, something sad comes up and I'm an emotional wreck and die. Really think I've cried about every morning this past week and this week so far... But it gets a lot better after that and I can carry on with my day.

Yea you are starting to do things again! But, like people say we can't change ourselves that much. But what we can do is cope with how and why we do things. If you feel like you are analyzing things in search to see if he likes you, catch yourself. Make sure you know that he likes you enough and you are just overthinking. Leave it at that. Go distract yourself with something when you find yourself wanting to analyze again! I'm dealing with this too and it's helped that I left my phone on silent, deleted a lot of social media things, and am just focusing on my interactions with people and truly enjoying it. Haha there's more constructive analysis coming in! Definitely just gauge how much and the time frame he texts. Maybe he's busy during those times and just needs time to text! But yea I think some more time of you being single to really dig deep with all the small problems that you had would have been better. However, he is a catch, so find these small things and just make sure you catch yourself.

Yea maybe he is just trying to take things slow or he's just bad at communicating. No one will know except him and you when you talk face to face! Just get it out there if it does bother you haha. Haha of course! I'm just happy to hear that you're moving on and found someone so nice! I'll be here rooting for you and your friends are too, so no worries about motivation haha!

Yea I didn't have friends to help me text... You are lucky! Glad you didn't say those things! Yea I was pretty much a doormat to all our problems during the relationship and let him blame me for just about everything when in reality it was both of us... So he will probably ride on his high horse for another few months until I hear that he's actually dealing with the break up... Oh, I am there right now! The things he said were actually cruel and almost manipulative... I was never that shallow or mean, even when I lashed out in anger once, I apologized the next day profusely. Nothing from him, not a peep he sounded sorry for the things he said. Done there haha.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, bask in that sweet revenge and keep drawing them all into you! This is great Thank you for explaining Tinder, I have tried it before but don't think I'll be going on there for a while so that definitely helped me understand the heck you were saying haha. Man, you are really doing well and on the serious road to recovery! I say just keep moving forward and keep drawing in all the hotties and let your ex feel the burn! But, as a nice person you are wish him well too and that he does find someone who he will treat better and hope that he learns from all this.

Yea keeping problems to myself helped a lot but sometimes we do have to let a couple people know. Yes, less people knowing about Josh is sometimes so much better! But do let some people know so he gets that he's important hehe.

Haha I'll take the number 2 spot... I guess.. Your friend was there first and set you up. But don't worry, I'm sure he'll see the post, if you know what I mean

Best of luck and thank you for the motivation

-WhatDEWWWWW

We are definitely alike!! I've been there, and I know what it's like to feel helpless and wonder 'when will I not feel like this', and here I am, feeling positive and pushing my ex to the back of my mind and taking myself out of any situations which make me feel sad (when a song that reminds me of him comes on, I'll skip it), simple steps which prevent unnecessary tears - of course it's important to cry here and there to let it out, but you can stay strong sometimes and that will help you.

It's strange like I left him to it and then he text me first, so he does engage in the conversations and instigates it here and there, but the replies are really long. The only problem with me is I am a needy kinda guy, and I will explain this to him when I see him on the weekend, and if he can't deal with that it's onto the next one.. it's hard because we get on well, and he really is a catch and if I was lucky enough to call him my boyfriend one day I would truly be so happy - it's just the space in between which is me overthinking because I'm not sure if he feels the same or doesn't, he gives many mixed signals, but I shouldn't be thinking like this!!

Maybe if things pick up a little after this weekend his replies might improve? Genuinely that's the only issue I have for him right now, the rest is fine - I just wish I could spend some more time with him, hopefully I will get my driving liscense soon!! That might help, he has one but unfortunately he had a crash and he is frightened of driving now which is a tad of an issue now..

I really think it does take time for the breakup to sink in for the dumper, but right now I'm at the stage where I just think 'what now?' I don't see us coming back together, which hurts deep down but it's life - I know going forward he won't have a connection with another guy like he had with me, and he knows that too, it was special and like no other.

It's sad to think it's at an end, but who knows what will happen? I'm moving forward with the idea that maybe one day in the future (1 year, 2 years, 5 years) he might come back.. and at that point we might be mature enough to try again, perhaps it wasn't right NOW. You should feel the same, I don't know, maybe something you can think about. Only time will tell!!

Tinder is an odd one, it's got some characters on there to say the least, but it did help me get used to talking to some new people, some new faces in my life, but I am glad because the attention I have got has made me feel all round happier and I have a a lot more confidence, not that I'm really interested in anyone else though... I'm kinda into josh now!!

I have let some of the closest friends know my problem, mainly the one who introduced me to josh, she's lovely and has been with me (alongside you) every step of the way and has really boosted me through the breakup, she's been through it too.

I want josh on the down low from people who don't need to know, but I do want to show him off, and I'm excited for this weekend and to have him around me, heading to my favourite club with my closest friends and having a good night with him there too, and he can bond with my friends!!

Hope you're having a better day than yesterday, it does get better, look how far I have come - it's like we have switched places!!

January 12, 2017

We are definitely alike!! I've been there, and I know what it's like to feel helpless and wonder 'when will I not feel like this', and here I am, feeling positive and pushing my ex to the back of my mind and taking myself out of any situations which make me feel sad (when a song that reminds me of him comes on, I'll skip it), simple steps which prevent unnecessary tears - of course it's important to cry here and there to let it out, but you can stay strong sometimes and that will help you.

It's strange like I left him to it and then he text me first, so he does engage in the conversations and instigates it here and there, but the replies are really long. The only problem with me is I am a needy kinda guy, and I will explain this to him when I see him on the weekend, and if he can't deal with that it's onto the next one.. it's hard because we get on well, and he really is a catch and if I was lucky enough to call him my boyfriend one day I would truly be so happy - it's just the space in between which is me overthinking because I'm not sure if he feels the same or doesn't, he gives many mixed signals, but I shouldn't be thinking like this!!
Maybe if things pick up a little after this weekend his replies might improve? Genuinely that's the only issue I have for him right now, the rest is fine - I just wish I could spend some more time with him, hopefully I will get my driving liscense soon!! That might help, he has one but unfortunately he had a crash and he is frightened of driving now which is a tad of an issue now..

I really think it does take time for the breakup to sink in for the dumper, but right now I'm at the stage where I just think 'what now?' I don't see us coming back together, which hurts deep down but it's life - I know going forward he won't have a connection with another guy like he had with me, and he knows that too, it was special and like no other.
It's sad to think it's at an end, but who knows what will happen? I'm moving forward with the idea that maybe one day in the future (1 year, 2 years, 5 years) he might come back.. and at that point we might be mature enough to try again, perhaps it wasn't right NOW. You should feel the same, I don't know, maybe something you can think about. Only time will tell!!

Tinder is an odd one, it's got some characters on there to say the least, but it did help me get used to talking to some new people, some new faces in my life, but I am glad because the attention I have got has made me feel all round happier and I have a a lot more confidence, not that I'm really interested in anyone else though... I'm kinda into josh now!!

I have let some of the closest friends know my problem, mainly the one who introduced me to josh, she's lovely and has been with me (alongside you) every step of the way and has really boosted me through the breakup, she's been through it too.
I want josh on the down low from people who don't need to know, but I do want to show him off, and I'm excited for this weekend and to have him around me, heading to my favourite club with my closest friends and having a good night with him there too, and he can bond with my friends!!

Hope you're having a better day than yesterday, it does get better, look how far I have come - it's like we have switched places!!

I think we are very much alike! I thought I was doing so well but the feelings are coming back... I didn't cry this morning thank goodness! So I've been trying to do that and force myself to move on and remove reminders but I feel like it hurts more. I have one friend who is very optimistic and looks to the future like continuously working on myself and making myself someone that is kind that makes someone want to love you. That is helping me more and putting me more at ease than trying to actively cut my ex out of my life.

Haha well as long as he's texting and the replies are long, there's nothing wrong with that right? I love long texts haha! Yea I've noticed I'm a needy person and not sure if I can fix that much. What I can do is not pressure someone I like to text me constantly and just let them text me when they want. Haha I think you already answered your thoughts. You like him enough to the point that you'd be happy to call him your boyfriend, just let things happen and know your boundaries. They're still blurry and grey from the last relationship. Take this time to figure them out and lay them out. Oh good luck with getting your license! That's rough but if you like him enough, things will work out haha. Just talk to him Sounds like things are going well!

I agree, I think it does take time for the dumper to realize things. Reading books and things, it's definitely making sense. It's relief when it's been a thing they were thinking about for a while, sadness from hurting us, and then anger against us for a couple to few months. Feelings are all over the place, and after some time they can think clearly and see that they had some faults in the relationship failing too. That's how I feel too. I felt like I've never connected with someone so well and that quickly and keep it lasting. Haha I thought like that in the beginning which only fed me to plead and try to persuade some more. But I think that was just a phase after the break up but now I'm in a better place and keep that thought without wanting to reach out. I do feel similar, we both have some growing up to do, mostly on my part, but maybe in the future? I feel the same, things were said that really hurt so I don't think things would work any time soon...

Haha Tinder sounds fun but I think any online dating app has a lot of weirdos on it that just want hook ups for the most part. I went on a single date and he did want a relationship but was just weird for the most part. Was like nope, not ready. Aww so glad you could find someone you like. Just make sure you have genuine feelings and you wouldn't string him along. I've been reading a lot and sometimes we think they're genuine feelings and when the ex comes back, it's such a headache and a ton of drama. Make sure you're willing to give Josh the absolute chance and maybe this is why Josh is taking his time. I know for sure, if I got into a relationship now, and my ex came back, I would have no idea and it wouldn't be fair to either party.

Aww so glad you have a friend that has been helping you and even introduced you to Josh! You know it, you have at least two supporters behind you! I'll be here to push you online to move forward, whether that be with Josh or thoughts of rekindling with your ex! I think that's always good and just take it slow. Let the feelings develop while you work on yourself as well . So happy for you and just make sure you are continuously healing and working things out with Josh!

Haha it does feel like we switched places! Think I've been trying to put on this front to not seem like a weak person. Just letting the feelings come and go as they please to let them out. Hopefully things look up in the next month!

Talk to you soon!

-WhatDEWWWWW

January 14, 2017

I think we are very much alike! I thought I was doing so well but the feelings are coming back... I didn't cry this morning thank goodness! So I've been trying to do that and force myself to move on and remove reminders but I feel like it hurts more. I have one friend who is very optimistic and looks to the future like continuously working on myself and making myself someone that is kind that makes someone want to love you. That is helping me more and putting me more at ease than trying to actively cut my ex out of my life.

Haha well as long as he's texting and the replies are long, there's nothing wrong with that right? I love long texts haha! Yea I've noticed I'm a needy person and not sure if I can fix that much. What I can do is not pressure someone I like to text me constantly and just let them text me when they want. Haha I think you already answered your thoughts. You like him enough to the point that you'd be happy to call him your boyfriend, just let things happen and know your boundaries. They're still blurry and grey from the last relationship. Take this time to figure them out and lay them out. Oh good luck with getting your license! That's rough but if you like him enough, things will work out haha. Just talk to him Sounds like things are going well!

I agree, I think it does take time for the dumper to realize things. Reading books and things, it's definitely making sense. It's relief when it's been a thing they were thinking about for a while, sadness from hurting us, and then anger against us for a couple to few months. Feelings are all over the place, and after some time they can think clearly and see that they had some faults in the relationship failing too. That's how I feel too. I felt like I've never connected with someone so well and that quickly and keep it lasting. Haha I thought like that in the beginning which only fed me to plead and try to persuade some more. But I think that was just a phase after the break up but now I'm in a better place and keep that thought without wanting to reach out. I do feel similar, we both have some growing up to do, mostly on my part, but maybe in the future? I feel the same, things were said that really hurt so I don't think things would work any time soon...

Haha Tinder sounds fun but I think any online dating app has a lot of weirdos on it that just want hook ups for the most part. I went on a single date and he did want a relationship but was just weird for the most part. Was like nope, not ready. Aww so glad you could find someone you like. Just make sure you have genuine feelings and you wouldn't string him along. I've been reading a lot and sometimes we think they're genuine feelings and when the ex comes back, it's such a headache and a ton of drama. Make sure you're willing to give Josh the absolute chance and maybe this is why Josh is taking his time. I know for sure, if I got into a relationship now, and my ex came back, I would have no idea and it wouldn't be fair to either party.

Aww so glad you have a friend that has been helping you and even introduced you to Josh! You know it, you have at least two supporters behind you! I'll be here to push you online to move forward, whether that be with Josh or thoughts of rekindling with your ex! I think that's always good and just take it slow. Let the feelings develop while you work on yourself as well . So happy for you and just make sure you are continuously healing and working things out with Josh!

Haha it does feel like we switched places! Think I've been trying to put on this front to not seem like a weak person. Just letting the feelings come and go as they please to let them out. Hopefully things look up in the next month!

Talk to you soon!

-WhatDEWWWWW

Hello, sorry its been so long since my last reply, i have been so busy. So, this is probably the biggest update yet and i am very very confused with current affairs.. So me an Josh were fine after the date, talking until Tuesday evening and everything seemed fine, he explained how excited he was for the weekend and things were looking good.. on Wednesday he was replying really slow, like ridiculously slow, we exchanged 4 texts in one day.. and this made me feel so crap, but anyway, i noticed he had some initials in his instagram bio which werent there before hand, and i thought there was absolutely no way it would be a boys initials, i mean.. we were seeing eachother and had plans, and the photo upload??.. but then i received a text from him.... he said that he had a great time with me on New Years Eve, and that he enjoyed my company a lot and thinks im a really nice guy, however in this point in time he doesnt want to lead me on as he is still getting over his previous ex and wants to work on himself, he explained that he isn't ready for anything serious yet but hopes we can remain friends for the time being - that sounds fine, perfectly reasonable and honest, so why not? - well, he lied, i did some digging and found out that he was just in a relationship with ANOTHER GUY, not even his ex.

I wasn't upset, just majorly confused and kind of angry with him, but i didn't respond to the text because i thought this was something i wanted to discuss face to face on the weekend (my birthday - today!!) and then i could explain how i wasn't looking for anything serious yet either, just wanted to go on some dates, go clubbing and see where it takes us... well anyway, its the day of my birthday and he hasn't been in contact since, i saw a photo of them together that the new boy had post and it confused me, and im still on Josh's instagram from NYE.

I kind of feel that really, like he said in the text where he lied to me he was telling some truth - he really wasn't ready for a relationship, not only with me but with anyone, and i do think he is making a massive mistake. My colleague was so confused about this and said she would never have expected him to do such a thing.. and to be honest neither could i.

How should i play this? Im not sure if he is still going to come to the club imn going to tonight to celebrate my birthday but if he is should i talk to him like i said?? if i look good i will have the confidence to do so and wish him the best and potentially make him think in the back of his mind 'what am i doing?' because we honestly got on so so well..

Also, to add the cherry to the top of the cake, i have just found out my ex will be coming along, but not alone, instead he wants to bring the guy who he met in the club a couple of months back - the one which has been annoying me for a while and the one he kissed infront of me.. I did some digging here and discovered that the boy wanted to go out last night (friday) which was the night where they were playing music which my ex always listens to however my ex was trying to convince him to go out the next day (my birthday, and to my night) which is the one with the 90s music, so not only could he have gone out last night, but he has chosen to come to my event, not alone instead with someone when he has known for AGES i would be here.. I cant help but feel as if this is an attempt to ruin my night, and I wont let it, but still - i'm unsure why he is trying to do this and still get to me, if of course, this is what he is doing.. i mean he could just be going cause he wants to, but it seems more than coincidental to me.

My exes mum came over to my place last night and dropped a birthday card in from all the family, and it had my exes name in it, however the card was written by his mum and i have had no text from my ex, which is kind of odd as he wished me a good new year.. but then this could be going along with the attempt to make me overthink about him and this guy, as i presume they are together and therefore im going to be at home thinking 'why hasnt he messaged me' or 'he isnt think about me cause he is with him'..

How do you take my exes behaviour? do you think he has a plan here??

Things were looking so up, but typical and just my luck that things would come crashing down for my big day.. sorry to bang on about me, and i hope you're okay but right now i just need an outsiders perspective, and maybe some advice before i go out tonight if you read this in time..

Thanks for being there - you're a star!!

January 14, 2017

Hello, sorry its been so long since my last reply, i have been so busy. So, this is probably the biggest update yet and i am very very confused with current affairs.. So me an Josh were fine after the date, talking until Tuesday evening and everything seemed fine, he explained how excited he was for the weekend and things were looking good.. on Wednesday he was replying really slow, like ridiculously slow, we exchanged 4 texts in one day.. and this made me feel so crap, but anyway, i noticed he had some initials in his instagram bio which werent there before hand, and i thought there was absolutely no way it would be a boys initials, i mean.. we were seeing eachother and had plans, and the photo upload??.. but then i received a text from him.... he said that he had a great time with me on New Years Eve, and that he enjoyed my company a lot and thinks im a really nice guy, however in this point in time he doesnt want to lead me on as he is still getting over his previous ex and wants to work on himself, he explained that he isn't ready for anything serious yet but hopes we can remain friends for the time being - that sounds fine, perfectly reasonable and honest, so why not? - well, he lied, i did some digging and found out that he was just in a relationship with ANOTHER GUY, not even his ex.
I wasn't upset, just majorly confused and kind of angry with him, but i didn't respond to the text because i thought this was something i wanted to discuss face to face on the weekend (my birthday - today!!) and then i could explain how i wasn't looking for anything serious yet either, just wanted to go on some dates, go clubbing and see where it takes us... well anyway, its the day of my birthday and he hasn't been in contact since, i saw a photo of them together that the new boy had post and it confused me, and im still on Josh's instagram from NYE.

I kind of feel that really, like he said in the text where he lied to me he was telling some truth - he really wasn't ready for a relationship, not only with me but with anyone, and i do think he is making a massive mistake. My colleague was so confused about this and said she would never have expected him to do such a thing.. and to be honest neither could i.
How should i play this? Im not sure if he is still going to come to the club imn going to tonight to celebrate my birthday but if he is should i talk to him like i said?? if i look good i will have the confidence to do so and wish him the best and potentially make him think in the back of his mind 'what am i doing?' because we honestly got on so so well..

Also, to add the cherry to the top of the cake, i have just found out my ex will be coming along, but not alone, instead he wants to bring the guy who he met in the club a couple of months back - the one which has been annoying me for a while and the one he kissed infront of me.. I did some digging here and discovered that the boy wanted to go out last night (friday) which was the night where they were playing music which my ex always listens to however my ex was trying to convince him to go out the next day (my birthday, and to my night) which is the one with the 90s music, so not only could he have gone out last night, but he has chosen to come to my event, not alone instead with someone when he has known for AGES i would be here.. I cant help but feel as if this is an attempt to ruin my night, and I wont let it, but still - i'm unsure why he is trying to do this and still get to me, if of course, this is what he is doing.. i mean he could just be going cause he wants to, but it seems more than coincidental to me.

My exes mum came over to my place last night and dropped a birthday card in from all the family, and it had my exes name in it, however the card was written by his mum and i have had no text from my ex, which is kind of odd as he wished me a good new year.. but then this could be going along with the attempt to make me overthink about him and this guy, as i presume they are together and therefore im going to be at home thinking 'why hasnt he messaged me' or 'he isnt think about me cause he is with him'..

How do you take my exes behaviour? do you think he has a plan here??

Things were looking so up, but typical and just my luck that things would come crashing down for my big day.. sorry to bang on about me, and i hope you're okay but right now i just need an outsiders perspective, and maybe some advice before i go out tonight if you read this in time..

Thanks for being there - you're a star!!

Oh jeez... I was kind of afraid of this happening... So remember when I told you to try to stay single for a bit longer even though you don't like it? Try and stay single a little bit longer so you can see the signs of others that string you along or don't treat you right. We're in a vulnerable place and so is Josh, that was not fair of him to use you as a distraction and kind of dump you as he sees someone that is better. He'll see he made a mistake too but for real, let the boys go and don't do anything serious right now. Why not just hang out with friends and try and make some more friends now? ALSO, you gotta stop that digging thing and just relax. You are going to drive yourself insane... Right now, I think you see you just need to let all the guys go and just do you! For real!

I think you rushed being back into a relationship. Just go to the club and have fun. There is no reason that you need to go talk or chase or do anything to anyone. This is your day. People should be coming to you to wish you the best! You are thinking about everything like, "if I do this, will Josh think like that?" Boy, I will smack you each time you do and make you take a shot. Just go have fun, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!

Alright I tried to act kindly and give your ex his space. Just leave him alone and his new whatever. They deserve none of your attention and if this is his attempt to try to get your attention, he has so much growing up to do. Jeez... Like I said, he's just trying to rub it in it seems and wants you to get jealous. Don't look his way too much and keep occupied. There's not much to look at especially if he's with that child.

Your ex's mom was very kind to you to send you a birthday card. Your ex's mom also probably made him sign it. I hope you can keep thinking like this. You are still overthinking everything. Although you have made some major progress I would also say try not to rush a relationship where you analyze and overthink things. Just let yourself have fun and if things happen to come along with it, that works.

Game plan for the night:

1. DO NOT CHASE JOSH, just say hi if you want, small talk, leave it at that.

2. If the ex and that child come, they have to come up and say hi. They do, just smile, accept the greetings, leave it at that.

3. Try to have a best friend with you at all times, keep you in check.

4. You are not allowed to be sad tonight.

5. Do not go overboard with the drinks that you become a sloppy, sad drunk.

Keep it where you know you'll stay a happy drunk.

6. Just have fun with all your friends, take relationships out of your head.

Happy birthday! You've been a wonderful soul to me online here and listening to me and helping me with my problems. I'll be here as your friend to help you and give my opinions. Just make sure you heal and really enjoy today! You're truly a gift to all your friends, so let them bask in all your glory tonight haha! Have a great time

Your friend,

-WhatDEWWWWW

January 15, 2017

Oh jeez... I was kind of afraid of this happening... So remember when I told you to try to stay single for a bit longer even though you don't like it? Try and stay single a little bit longer so you can see the signs of others that string you along or don't treat you right. We're in a vulnerable place and so is Josh, that was not fair of him to use you as a distraction and kind of dump you as he sees someone that is better. He'll see he made a mistake too but for real, let the boys go and don't do anything serious right now. Why not just hang out with friends and try and make some more friends now? ALSO, you gotta stop that digging thing and just relax. You are going to drive yourself insane... Right now, I think you see you just need to let all the guys go and just do you! For real!

I think you rushed being back into a relationship. Just go to the club and have fun. There is no reason that you need to go talk or chase or do anything to anyone. This is your day. People should be coming to you to wish you the best! You are thinking about everything like, "if I do this, will Josh think like that?" Boy, I will smack you each time you do and make you take a shot. Just go have fun, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!

Alright I tried to act kindly and give your ex his space. Just leave him alone and his new whatever. They deserve none of your attention and if this is his attempt to try to get your attention, he has so much growing up to do. Jeez... Like I said, he's just trying to rub it in it seems and wants you to get jealous. Don't look his way too much and keep occupied. There's not much to look at especially if he's with that child.

Your ex's mom was very kind to you to send you a birthday card. Your ex's mom also probably made him sign it. I hope you can keep thinking like this. You are still overthinking everything. Although you have made some major progress I would also say try not to rush a relationship where you analyze and overthink things. Just let yourself have fun and if things happen to come along with it, that works.

Game plan for the night:
1. DO NOT CHASE JOSH, just say hi if you want, small talk, leave it at that.
2. If the ex and that child come, they have to come up and say hi. They do, just smile, accept the greetings, leave it at that.
3. Try to have a best friend with you at all times, keep you in check.
4. You are not allowed to be sad tonight.
5. Do not go overboard with the drinks that you become a sloppy, sad drunk.
Keep it where you know you'll stay a happy drunk.
6. Just have fun with all your friends, take relationships out of your head.

Happy birthday! You've been a wonderful soul to me online here and listening to me and helping me with my problems. I'll be here as your friend to help you and give my opinions. Just make sure you heal and really enjoy today! You're truly a gift to all your friends, so let them bask in all your glory tonight haha! Have a great time

Your friend,
-WhatDEWWWWW

Yeah I understand what you mean, I just hate being lonely, especially on Sundays (today!!). I like having someone to share everything with, I'm not the kind of person to enjoy something just for myself, I love going places with someone, watching films with someone, dancing with someone - just being with someone who's like a best friend but so much more.. but I guess you cannot rush that and have to wait it out.

He has definitely made a mistake, it's crazy, I mean he cannot seriously be in a good place if one day he's talking to me and the next day he is someone else - that just shows sure signs of confusion and it's not going to work!! He didn't even wish me happy birthday, which I find really upsetting, and he didn't come to the club either so I didn't get the chance to speak to him.. I'm not sure what to do next, do I send him a reply explaining how I was going to speak to him favs to face? Do I just let him get on with it? Even though it wasn't fair of him to do this I do still think he is an amazing guy, and even if not now maybe one day he might see me in that light, and I'd hate for him to begin to dislike me for ignoring him.. but I don't know.

It was good, I wore a whacky outfit for the 90s themed night and I was complimented so much, so the confidence carried me through and helped me deal with my ex being there with that state of a boy. At first, I could see them and I was looking over for a bit, and my friends were telling me to stop, and for some reason, the more wasted i got the less I cared, one of his friends whispered in my ear 'between you and me I don't like him, please don't react to what he is doing' and the same friend said to my best friend that he thinks it's really 'disrespectful and out of order to do this on my birthday'.. so it's nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks it!!

My ex tried on numberous occasions to introduce his new bit of stuff to my friends, and I warned them before hand that if anyone were to make him feel welcome in the group I would remove myself from their life, it's my night and this boy has no respect for me - and as the good friends they are, they didn't want to know.. my ex tried introducing the boy to my best friend 3 times in total and each time she didn't say anything to him. I can only feel like he was trying to introduce him to my best friend in order for her to tell me about him, or them start talking online or something, it was like he wanted my friends to willingly talk and dance with him, but they didn't.

The whole night my ex was being so over the top, the way he was dancing was weird, a lot of people, even some of his friends were telling me about how they watched him looking at me before and after kissing him to see if he looked my way, and he was A LOT!

I spoke to one of his friends, the one that earlier said he didn't like him, and he asked me honestly I feel what they were doing bothered me, my reaction was 'no, it's not real - he keeps looking my way which goes to show he is trying to get a reaction' and he came back up to me after 10 minutes and said 'I know exactly what you mean about it being fake' which made me feel so reassured that it was just trying to wind me up.

On another occasion we were in the smoking area, which was absolutely rammed full of people, me and my friend were sat on a bench the opposite end of the smoking area, my ex wanted to try and get a fag from a stranger as he had ran out of some, and he could have asked anyone in the whole area, ANYONE, yet he chose the single person sat right right infront of us.. why is he doing this??

I was dancing on my own, smiling and looking so so happy, because I was just so happy, I had all the confidence in the world and I didn't care what anyone thought of me at this moment, I genuinely felt as if I was glowing, I was living for the moment - and then all of a sudden I get a tap on the shoulder, it was my ex.. he said 'happy birthday' and I'm not sure what I did in that moment of shock but I'm pretty sure I had no reaction and just looked back they way I was before.. at this point do you think that trying to get my attention by trying to make me jealous failed so instead he did something bigger and said that to make me think of him??

I don't know why he would want to wish me happy birthday, he was absolutely wasted at this point and he was spending the night with his new guy, and he already sent me his best wishes on New Year's Eve??

At the very end of the night, the dancefloor had a bit more room, and as we are from the same friendship group it just so happened that I was dancing right next to my ex and the new guy, I didn't look over once, my friends watched him for me and said about how he kept on looking over at me dancing and enjoying myself, I could see him try everything, kissing and really REALLY over the top dancing to try and get my attention, but nothing worked.. I really made it look as if there was no feeling there, and after dancing really close with one of my friends he looked over straight away to see who it was. In the end I moved forward a few rows and danced in front of all my friends by myself and felt great, so I moved myself away from him without looking once - it felt so good.

I know that him and this guy are staying together this weekend and they have spent the whole weekend together, it doesn't upset me much anymore, id obviously rather this wasn't the case but it is what it is.

My ex is acting completely different, it was like he really wanted to hurt me on my big day and wanted my attention more than anything, he looked different, he was acting strange - he just wasn't the same guy, and whenever we went clubbing together we would never dance the way they were, it was so embarrassing. I'm not sure why he is acting like this - do you have any indications? I know I probably shouldn't be thinking too much about it but at the end of the day he's the guy I love and it's so hard not too..

What do you think his motives were? Thank you! I had an awesome birthday :-)

January 15, 2017

Yeah I understand what you mean, I just hate being lonely, especially on Sundays (today!!). I like having someone to share everything with, I'm not the kind of person to enjoy something just for myself, I love going places with someone, watching films with someone, dancing with someone - just being with someone who's like a best friend but so much more.. but I guess you cannot rush that and have to wait it out.
He has definitely made a mistake, it's crazy, I mean he cannot seriously be in a good place if one day he's talking to me and the next day he is someone else - that just shows sure signs of confusion and it's not going to work!! He didn't even wish me happy birthday, which I find really upsetting, and he didn't come to the club either so I didn't get the chance to speak to him.. I'm not sure what to do next, do I send him a reply explaining how I was going to speak to him favs to face? Do I just let him get on with it? Even though it wasn't fair of him to do this I do still think he is an amazing guy, and even if not now maybe one day he might see me in that light, and I'd hate for him to begin to dislike me for ignoring him.. but I don't know.

It was good, I wore a whacky outfit for the 90s themed night and I was complimented so much, so the confidence carried me through and helped me deal with my ex being there with that state of a boy. At first, I could see them and I was looking over for a bit, and my friends were telling me to stop, and for some reason, the more wasted i got the less I cared, one of his friends whispered in my ear 'between you and me I don't like him, please don't react to what he is doing' and the same friend said to my best friend that he thinks it's really 'disrespectful and out of order to do this on my birthday'.. so it's nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks it!!

My ex tried on numberous occasions to introduce his new bit of stuff to my friends, and I warned them before hand that if anyone were to make him feel welcome in the group I would remove myself from their life, it's my night and this boy has no respect for me - and as the good friends they are, they didn't want to know.. my ex tried introducing the boy to my best friend 3 times in total and each time she didn't say anything to him. I can only feel like he was trying to introduce him to my best friend in order for her to tell me about him, or them start talking online or something, it was like he wanted my friends to willingly talk and dance with him, but they didn't.

The whole night my ex was being so over the top, the way he was dancing was weird, a lot of people, even some of his friends were telling me about how they watched him looking at me before and after kissing him to see if he looked my way, and he was A LOT!
I spoke to one of his friends, the one that earlier said he didn't like him, and he asked me honestly I feel what they were doing bothered me, my reaction was 'no, it's not real - he keeps looking my way which goes to show he is trying to get a reaction' and he came back up to me after 10 minutes and said 'I know exactly what you mean about it being fake' which made me feel so reassured that it was just trying to wind me up.

On another occasion we were in the smoking area, which was absolutely rammed full of people, me and my friend were sat on a bench the opposite end of the smoking area, my ex wanted to try and get a fag from a stranger as he had ran out of some, and he could have asked anyone in the whole area, ANYONE, yet he chose the single person sat right right infront of us.. why is he doing this??

I was dancing on my own, smiling and looking so so happy, because I was just so happy, I had all the confidence in the world and I didn't care what anyone thought of me at this moment, I genuinely felt as if I was glowing, I was living for the moment - and then all of a sudden I get a tap on the shoulder, it was my ex.. he said 'happy birthday' and I'm not sure what I did in that moment of shock but I'm pretty sure I had no reaction and just looked back they way I was before.. at this point do you think that trying to get my attention by trying to make me jealous failed so instead he did something bigger and said that to make me think of him??
I don't know why he would want to wish me happy birthday, he was absolutely wasted at this point and he was spending the night with his new guy, and he already sent me his best wishes on New Year's Eve??

At the very end of the night, the dancefloor had a bit more room, and as we are from the same friendship group it just so happened that I was dancing right next to my ex and the new guy, I didn't look over once, my friends watched him for me and said about how he kept on looking over at me dancing and enjoying myself, I could see him try everything, kissing and really REALLY over the top dancing to try and get my attention, but nothing worked.. I really made it look as if there was no feeling there, and after dancing really close with one of my friends he looked over straight away to see who it was. In the end I moved forward a few rows and danced in front of all my friends by myself and felt great, so I moved myself away from him without looking once - it felt so good.

I know that him and this guy are staying together this weekend and they have spent the whole weekend together, it doesn't upset me much anymore, id obviously rather this wasn't the case but it is what it is.
My ex is acting completely different, it was like he really wanted to hurt me on my big day and wanted my attention more than anything, he looked different, he was acting strange - he just wasn't the same guy, and whenever we went clubbing together we would never dance the way they were, it was so embarrassing. I'm not sure why he is acting like this - do you have any indications? I know I probably shouldn't be thinking too much about it but at the end of the day he's the guy I love and it's so hard not too..

What do you think his motives were? Thank you! I had an awesome birthday :-)

Glad you had a great birthday! O jeez you came back with a vengeance in a message. Alright here we go. But first, I will just say I think you're still hung up on your ex and doing all this analyzing isn't healthy for moving on. Truly moving on means we don't care what our ex's think. So just putting that out there first, but as a fellow dumpee, I cannot resist analyzing his actions haha.

I agree life is so much more fun being with someone. I love watching movies with my S.O. and cuddling up a storm haha. But we do have to be in a place where we don't mind being alone and just going with the flow if someone happens to fall in our lives. So like I stated before, I don't think Josh is in a good place either like you have noticed. He's rebounding, wanting to just fill the void that was left by his ex. As such, you're just going to look at people like objects and place value on them. Whoever fills the void better gets the higher value, not who would truly be a great match. It's all in the now, not the long run. Dear God, please don't go looking for someone right now. You're trying to cling to Josh now. Nope, don't send that message. Disappear. I predict you will have much drama in the future with people weighing their options/actions and seeing that you're a catch. Just leave all of them be and do your thang! DO NOT SEND JOSH THAT TEXT! I WILL SMACK THAT PHONE OUT OF YOUR HAND!

Hahaha aww yay glad you could get into the theme for the night and see that people thought you looked amazing! I'm sure you did! And SO HAPPY that you didn't give your ex the attention he doesn't deserve. Your friend was right in that your ex's whatever it is doesn't match up to you. He doesn't and nor will anyone in the future. Probably not until he truly realizes the break up and gets over you which may not be for a while. Your ex seems like the type that doesn't care and will take a while for the break up to hit. Maybe even a year? Don't wait! Just do your thing like you have been!

You have good friends and good for you for setting boundaries. That was good of you to tell them that. And your ex was trying to get attention. It's quite obvious. Proud of your friend for not even saying anything. The things you're telling me do make it sound like he was really trying to rub it in. I have two outlooks on this: 1) He was THAT obnoxious about trying to make you jealous that you took notice. 2) You are still super hung up on your ex you noticed every little thing.

Either way, it still has some effect on you and you need to let it go. Whatever he does, doesn't matter. At all. He's doing him and what he thinks will make him feel good. Probably won't but you have to let him figure that out himself. Unfortunately... And his friend, although may be completely honest, is his friend. He may be doing things to see how you really feel. Just continue to not care. If I were in your shoes, I would simply just ask his friend why he cares if it bothers me? And why are you friends with someone you don't like? Why are you asking me these questions? It doesn't make sense to me.

Well, from the sounds of it all. It sounds like he wanted a reaction from you all night and he got nothing. He asked to get a cigarette from the person across from you to see if you would say anything to him if it were just you two, not with his thing nearby. Good thing you didn't talk to him and keep it at that for now!

Just keep doing what you do! Proud of you for showing you didn't care and even if you did keep pretending that you don't. There's no point in trying to talk with him if all he's trying to do is get you jealous. He can talk to you if he wants a real response. Let your friends keep tab on what he does but not too much. You don't even need to know what he's up to on YOUR birthday. All you and your friends should be worrying about is if you are enjoying your time on the dance floor. Not what your ex is doing.

How do you know they're spending the weekend together? I swear, you are giving me signals that tell me you haven't moved on but your words say otherwise. I'M CALLING YOU OUT BRUH! MOVE ON! Stop caring about what they're doing or whatever. Of course it hurts and the more you know, the longer you're going to prolong your own healing. Part of this is completely cutting him out of your life. His flings, his actions, his whereabouts, everything! I have completely cut out my ex, I even got a response from his best friend who wanted to stay friends with me. I won't respond to her message for a WHILE because I am cutting him out of my life, which includes friends I made through him. You do things out of character to get your ex back. Remember when the break up first happened and you told me you lost weight, wanted to text him like crazy, and was just really messed up. Bet you, you would have done a crap ton of things if it meant you would get your ex back. Reverse the role to him where he thinks he might get you to talk to him if he did all these crazy things. Maybe it's out of spite. Going to get some more gray hairs if you keep thinking about why. Leave it!

And finally, you admit you love him and still care. You haven't moved on. No relationship or thing you do right now in terms of love will be all you until you actually move on from your ex. I think it's time for some quiet time and to reboot yourself, words of blackcat77. Glad you had a good birthday though!

So my summary: You and your ex aren't over each other. He's trying to make you jealous. For one reason or another, you found out each action which tells me you aren't over him. Keep NC, even in person things, and reboot. Be by yourself and don't fill the void with the next hot toy that walks by. I'll be here to help you figure your thoughts out. I still am. I still find myself coming back to these threads because as much as I try to convince myself, I still hope my ex will come back. Time for quiet, me time and to reboot as well.

Happy that you were born, essence of birthday, and wish I could have celebrated with you! The only gift I can give you online is to tell you to keep looking at blackcat77's thread, keep working on yourself, and reap the rewards of truly working on yourself and succeeding in becoming happy as an individual. If your ex comes back and realizes he let go of a catch, even better. If not, the next person gets all that good stuff to himself.

Love ya,

-WhatDEWWWWW

January 17, 2017

Glad you had a great birthday! O jeez you came back with a vengeance in a message. Alright here we go. But first, I will just say I think you're still hung up on your ex and doing all this analyzing isn't healthy for moving on. Truly moving on means we don't care what our ex's think. So just putting that out there first, but as a fellow dumpee, I cannot resist analyzing his actions haha.

I agree life is so much more fun being with someone. I love watching movies with my S.O. and cuddling up a storm haha. But we do have to be in a place where we don't mind being alone and just going with the flow if someone happens to fall in our lives. So like I stated before, I don't think Josh is in a good place either like you have noticed. He's rebounding, wanting to just fill the void that was left by his ex. As such, you're just going to look at people like objects and place value on them. Whoever fills the void better gets the higher value, not who would truly be a great match. It's all in the now, not the long run. Dear God, please don't go looking for someone right now. You're trying to cling to Josh now. Nope, don't send that message. Disappear. I predict you will have much drama in the future with people weighing their options/actions and seeing that you're a catch. Just leave all of them be and do your thang! DO NOT SEND JOSH THAT TEXT! I WILL SMACK THAT PHONE OUT OF YOUR HAND!

Hahaha aww yay glad you could get into the theme for the night and see that people thought you looked amazing! I'm sure you did! And SO HAPPY that you didn't give your ex the attention he doesn't deserve. Your friend was right in that your ex's whatever it is doesn't match up to you. He doesn't and nor will anyone in the future. Probably not until he truly realizes the break up and gets over you which may not be for a while. Your ex seems like the type that doesn't care and will take a while for the break up to hit. Maybe even a year? Don't wait! Just do your thing like you have been!

You have good friends and good for you for setting boundaries. That was good of you to tell them that. And your ex was trying to get attention. It's quite obvious. Proud of your friend for not even saying anything. The things you're telling me do make it sound like he was really trying to rub it in. I have two outlooks on this: 1) He was THAT obnoxious about trying to make you jealous that you took notice. 2) You are still super hung up on your ex you noticed every little thing.
Either way, it still has some effect on you and you need to let it go. Whatever he does, doesn't matter. At all. He's doing him and what he thinks will make him feel good. Probably won't but you have to let him figure that out himself. Unfortunately... And his friend, although may be completely honest, is his friend. He may be doing things to see how you really feel. Just continue to not care. If I were in your shoes, I would simply just ask his friend why he cares if it bothers me? And why are you friends with someone you don't like? Why are you asking me these questions? It doesn't make sense to me.

Well, from the sounds of it all. It sounds like he wanted a reaction from you all night and he got nothing. He asked to get a cigarette from the person across from you to see if you would say anything to him if it were just you two, not with his thing nearby. Good thing you didn't talk to him and keep it at that for now!

Just keep doing what you do! Proud of you for showing you didn't care and even if you did keep pretending that you don't. There's no point in trying to talk with him if all he's trying to do is get you jealous. He can talk to you if he wants a real response. Let your friends keep tab on what he does but not too much. You don't even need to know what he's up to on YOUR birthday. All you and your friends should be worrying about is if you are enjoying your time on the dance floor. Not what your ex is doing.

How do you know they're spending the weekend together? I swear, you are giving me signals that tell me you haven't moved on but your words say otherwise. I'M CALLING YOU OUT BRUH! MOVE ON! Stop caring about what they're doing or whatever. Of course it hurts and the more you know, the longer you're going to prolong your own healing. Part of this is completely cutting him out of your life. His flings, his actions, his whereabouts, everything! I have completely cut out my ex, I even got a response from his best friend who wanted to stay friends with me. I won't respond to her message for a WHILE because I am cutting him out of my life, which includes friends I made through him. You do things out of character to get your ex back. Remember when the break up first happened and you told me you lost weight, wanted to text him like crazy, and was just really messed up. Bet you, you would have done a crap ton of things if it meant you would get your ex back. Reverse the role to him where he thinks he might get you to talk to him if he did all these crazy things. Maybe it's out of spite. Going to get some more gray hairs if you keep thinking about why. Leave it!

And finally, you admit you love him and still care. You haven't moved on. No relationship or thing you do right now in terms of love will be all you until you actually move on from your ex. I think it's time for some quiet time and to reboot yourself, words of blackcat77. Glad you had a good birthday though!

So my summary: You and your ex aren't over each other. He's trying to make you jealous. For one reason or another, you found out each action which tells me you aren't over him. Keep NC, even in person things, and reboot. Be by yourself and don't fill the void with the next hot toy that walks by. I'll be here to help you figure your thoughts out. I still am. I still find myself coming back to these threads because as much as I try to convince myself, I still hope my ex will come back. Time for quiet, me time and to reboot as well.

Happy that you were born, essence of birthday, and wish I could have celebrated with you! The only gift I can give you online is to tell you to keep looking at blackcat77's thread, keep working on yourself, and reap the rewards of truly working on yourself and succeeding in becoming happy as an individual. If your ex comes back and realizes he let go of a catch, even better. If not, the next person gets all that good stuff to himself.

Love ya,
-WhatDEWWWWW

Analysing is bad, you're correct there - wish I could completely stop but it's so addictive isn't it - I have finally got the power not to look at the other guys social media now thought and try and puzzle things together.. guess that's a good start? But yeah as far as being hung up on him still - I think you're right..

Okay so there has been no message sent to josh, despite me really REALLY wanting to send it and find out what he is thinking - HE IS CRAZY. But yeah I think you're right, he deleted the picture of me and him from his Instagram today and removed me from Facebook, he's pretty much trying to pretend I haven't been in his life, and I'm just here like 'huh???' I haven't obviously done those things back, I still have the picture up, I want to be the bigger person in this!! My colleague feels like he is rebounding too - she seems to think he has picked the other guy to rebound with because he likes me too much for that, but then again she doesn't live inside his head so who knows.. she said that she heard some of his friends telling him that he has made a big mistake, but I don't know what's going on there, guess it's a waiting game.

You know what after the big weekend I have had I'm feeling so drained, and j don't know if this is why I'm feeling so lonely and down but I am, I feel pretty **** if I'm going to be honest with you, I feel so lonely!!! I'm missing being in a relationship more than ever!!!!!

Yeah I felt good which was so nice, and the best part is I took loads of photos and I look great in them too - such a confidence boost, and my friend uploaded a picture where I look really good too therefore he will see that one and that makes me happy, I'm definitely doing good for myself, at work today someone who I hadn't seen in a while told me that I was looking fresh, glowing and healthy which was such a nice thing to hear!!

I think you're right there, I was kind of analysing anything he was giving to me and trying to work it all out in the back of my head, and I have been trying to understand why he was doing what he was doing since then, I will now let it go though. I've been told so many different viewpoints and opinions, someone told me I should speak to him and see what's going on - I WONT DONT PANIC, and another said that me and him are an open book - NOT HELPFUL, and another just said what a D*CK!!! Probably the best advice out of the three. Nobody really understands his behaviour and it's confusing, it's like one big game to him, but surely deep down he must see that what he is with now is no comparison tonne, it's not hard to tell..... haha

Whenever someone says something to me from now on I will definitely ask them why they care like you said, that's so true! One of his friends, the one who kept feeding me things a few weeks ago no longer speaks to me after I told him to stop telling me stuff last week, and he didn't say hey on my birthday so I guess he's had enough now - he really was a massive stirrer in this and I have seen that more than ever, he was doing it on my birthday he said to my best friend that he didn't like my exes new bit off stuff and then I saw them having a picture together.. LIES!! Haha

I'm so proud of myself, and my friends said so too for keeping my dignity and really showing that I didn't care - when they knew in the back of my mind that I did, I didn't care so much about what he was doing with this other guy, I'm not jealous of them there's no comparison between us, but I care about WHY he was doing this, and I still love him - so it confuses me and makes me wonder why he was doing it, why try make me feel down and sad and bring that guy to my birthday and then be nice and say 'happy birthday'.. it just doesn't make sense.

I didn't stalk him to find out his whereabouts, my friend was on her phone in the club and she clicked on his snapchat and I'm pretty sure I saw somebody on his bed next to him when she was flicking through his Snapchat story, and it was followed by a truly horrendous photograph of the two in the club together, so awful that my sister text me and asked 'What the hell is that! Downgrade!' And she's not much of a bitch but even she could see.

I was so happy to have my friends there to see his new thing in the flesh so they could see I wasn't being bitter and he genuinely isn't as great as I am, and it makes me feel good that they can agree with me!!

My birthday was amazing, thank you - and yeah I guess you're right, I have moved on but I'm holding on at the same time. I cannot tell you how much I have learned about myself, life and relationships in this process.

I'm going to try and not depend on anyone else to take his place and make me happy and just be happy for me - today I was saying about how much I really want to be taken out for a date this week - well I take that back now I read your message, I don't need a date!!! (I think)....

I wish you could've been there too, like the angel on my right shoulder, I needed you there but your post was good enough to read before I went out and helped me a lot!! I will keep no contact and I'm going to check out Blackcats threads tomorrow morning and that will inspire me for the day!!

Lots of love going back at you & I hope you are feeling good today, I am going to join the gym tomorrow - time for some change!!

Have a great day

January 19, 2017

Analysing is bad, you're correct there - wish I could completely stop but it's so addictive isn't it - I have finally got the power not to look at the other guys social media now thought and try and puzzle things together.. guess that's a good start? But yeah as far as being hung up on him still - I think you're right..

Okay so there has been no message sent to josh, despite me really REALLY wanting to send it and find out what he is thinking - HE IS CRAZY. But yeah I think you're right, he deleted the picture of me and him from his Instagram today and removed me from Facebook, he's pretty much trying to pretend I haven't been in his life, and I'm just here like 'huh???' I haven't obviously done those things back, I still have the picture up, I want to be the bigger person in this!! My colleague feels like he is rebounding too - she seems to think he has picked the other guy to rebound with because he likes me too much for that, but then again she doesn't live inside his head so who knows.. she said that she heard some of his friends telling him that he has made a big mistake, but I don't know what's going on there, guess it's a waiting game.
You know what after the big weekend I have had I'm feeling so drained, and j don't know if this is why I'm feeling so lonely and down but I am, I feel pretty **** if I'm going to be honest with you, I feel so lonely!!! I'm missing being in a relationship more than ever!!!!!

Yeah I felt good which was so nice, and the best part is I took loads of photos and I look great in them too - such a confidence boost, and my friend uploaded a picture where I look really good too therefore he will see that one and that makes me happy, I'm definitely doing good for myself, at work today someone who I hadn't seen in a while told me that I was looking fresh, glowing and healthy which was such a nice thing to hear!!

I think you're right there, I was kind of analysing anything he was giving to me and trying to work it all out in the back of my head, and I have been trying to understand why he was doing what he was doing since then, I will now let it go though. I've been told so many different viewpoints and opinions, someone told me I should speak to him and see what's going on - I WONT DONT PANIC, and another said that me and him are an open book - NOT HELPFUL, and another just said what a D*CK!!! Probably the best advice out of the three. Nobody really understands his behaviour and it's confusing, it's like one big game to him, but surely deep down he must see that what he is with now is no comparison tonne, it's not hard to tell..... haha
Whenever someone says something to me from now on I will definitely ask them why they care like you said, that's so true! One of his friends, the one who kept feeding me things a few weeks ago no longer speaks to me after I told him to stop telling me stuff last week, and he didn't say hey on my birthday so I guess he's had enough now - he really was a massive stirrer in this and I have seen that more than ever, he was doing it on my birthday he said to my best friend that he didn't like my exes new bit off stuff and then I saw them having a picture together.. LIES!! Haha

I'm so proud of myself, and my friends said so too for keeping my dignity and really showing that I didn't care - when they knew in the back of my mind that I did, I didn't care so much about what he was doing with this other guy, I'm not jealous of them there's no comparison between us, but I care about WHY he was doing this, and I still love him - so it confuses me and makes me wonder why he was doing it, why try make me feel down and sad and bring that guy to my birthday and then be nice and say 'happy birthday'.. it just doesn't make sense.
I didn't stalk him to find out his whereabouts, my friend was on her phone in the club and she clicked on his snapchat and I'm pretty sure I saw somebody on his bed next to him when she was flicking through his Snapchat story, and it was followed by a truly horrendous photograph of the two in the club together, so awful that my sister text me and asked 'What the hell is that! Downgrade!' And she's not much of a bitch but even she could see.
I was so happy to have my friends there to see his new thing in the flesh so they could see I wasn't being bitter and he genuinely isn't as great as I am, and it makes me feel good that they can agree with me!!

My birthday was amazing, thank you - and yeah I guess you're right, I have moved on but I'm holding on at the same time. I cannot tell you how much I have learned about myself, life and relationships in this process.
I'm going to try and not depend on anyone else to take his place and make me happy and just be happy for me - today I was saying about how much I really want to be taken out for a date this week - well I take that back now I read your message, I don't need a date!!! (I think)....

I wish you could've been there too, like the angel on my right shoulder, I needed you there but your post was good enough to read before I went out and helped me a lot!! I will keep no contact and I'm going to check out Blackcats threads tomorrow morning and that will inspire me for the day!!

Lots of love going back at you & I hope you are feeling good today, I am going to join the gym tomorrow - time for some change!!

Have a great day

Haha it's okay I still analyze sometimes but now it's more of the bad things he said so I can remember to just forgive and stay away. It's been working and slowly trying to shy away from this so I can properly heal and not just distance myself. But yea! That's a start haha, I think staying away from social media altogether is really helpful which is what I'm doing!

Honestly, things after a break up are possibly more confusing for us dumpees, in my opinion. We have to deal with the break up, breadcrumbs, our emotions, how we stand, our values, and just focusing on ourselves. It's a crap ton to deal with. So who the hell knows what Josh is thinking, he's just as confused and hurt as we are, probably. Which is why I don't blame him for what he did, although he did hurt you so I would like to have a good yell at him haha. This is why I don't think dating right now is a good idea because you could have been in Josh's shoes and you could have done that to someone. No need to hurt someone because you really just want someone. Your whole interaction with Josh and still dealing with your ex would obviously drain you dummy! Seriously, I really think you should just chill and let yourself get you back. If anything, take it this way and get your oxytocin and hormone levels back to normal so you can see and judge people for who they really are and you can think clearly. Ultimately, I think you need to remember that you are an honest and kind person that you have values and wouldn't rebound, as it hurts both parties involved, causes more drama, and you wouldn't want to hurt another person or not be able to give him the chance he deserves, right? So, for now let Josh just learn the hard way that what he's doing is not going to help in the long run and if he's a good guy, you'll get an apology down the road.

It's okay to be lonely! I'm lonely but I guess I'm digging deep into this loneliness and introspecting. I'm really hashing out all my problems and getting at the root of them. I had problems with jealousy and insecurity, nothing overboard, except for one occasion, but I need to get rid of it. Just really using this time to let the real me shine through. I think you should use your loneliness to think about yourself! I've been too hurt and guilty to truly hash out my problems with myself as I felt like they hurt the person I cared the most about. I felt like I atoned somewhat through the hurtful things my ex said to me, and I've let him go with love so that I can tackle my problems heart on (that's right heart on, not head on haha) to get rid of them. Hopefully you can do this too, and I think your next partner (again may be ex may not) will really appreciate it and love you truly!

Good good, I'm glad you're getting the needed confidence boosts here and there! I'm sure you look fabulous and had a wonderful night! Haha glad you're taking care of yourself as well. Just make sure a lot of effort is going inside as well okay? Confidence is good, and it's just to help our broken ego that we aren't wanted. Now that we have it back and we have some sense of self-worth, it's time to complete it by truly doing that introspection and seeing that yes, we had problems, but nothing that couldn't have been fixed through communication. Take the break up as that communication, and fixing it for yourself. Not for your ex anymore. It's for you, so that you can truly LEARN to be an even more awesome lover!

Haha it's okay I know friends have asked me as well and in the beginning I just figured I tell them that I felt like I truly loved my ex and so I would continue to try to win him back. His friends and he knew that I wanted to so badly but then after the last talk I thought, the hell, if they cared they would want to help me and not just figure out what is going on. They just like the drama and trying to piece things together. They can mind their own business and still be friends with their respective parties. So glad you could get perspective from YOUR friends and let his friends just go as well, don't need someone who instigates some bs....

So you just said the best advice you got was that your ex is a d**k but then you go on to analyze at the party? So you think he's terrible after the break up and you want to know why he's doing all this. What I'm getting from you telling me all these instances, very precisely might I add which has me impressed and a little sad, is that you keep that eye or have eyes on him for you. I think you are at that place where your mind knows he is terrible and is not a great person at the moment, yet your heart is unwilling to let go of the loving past and great memories. I am not really good at this stage, since I'm there right now too. But I do feel acknowledging it and going from there helps tremendously since our minds know that our ex's caused us so much pain yet our hearts are still so emotionally attached to them. It's why truly letting them go is so hard for us right now. We think we do, our minds are trying to force it, I think, and our hearts bring back these pleasant memories, and cue the paralyzing, heart-wrenching pain that makes us cry and want to lie in bed with a pint of ice cream.

I'm seriously just happy nothing bad happened in terms of talking with him and breaking the progress that has been made! As long as you had fun on your birthday, it was a good birthday yay! So break ups are crazy and we really learn so much, it's crazy isn't it? I feel like I can look at people and life and myself so differently, until I get into ruts, and I become the world's most pissed off person... But I have been reading into some poetry and self-improvement things. I want you to read about the lotus flower, and think that you need to become this after this break up. This will make sense after you read up on it, but think of life and this break up as the mud, and you being the beautiful lotus flower that blooms and comes out that much stronger after all this. It's really helped me A LOT!

I would have loved to be there to help you! Although I don't think I would have been an angel, we probably would have gotten piss drunk and leaving to go outside and talk bad about our ex's, laughing, and crying hahaha! I think staying positive after the break up has helped me the most. I tried to use the pain to distance myself from the ex, and I think it helped initially to stop the want to be in contact. Now it's all about forgiving and letting go with love, for the most part haha.

Read blackcat77's thread as much as you need. I do it just about every day, sometimes like 20 times. Wishing you much love and happiness and a healthy recovery Yes, the gym! Get them muscles going on haha

Sorry for the long post, came back with a vengeance haha

-WhatDEWWWWW

January 19, 2017

Haha it's okay I still analyze sometimes but now it's more of the bad things he said so I can remember to just forgive and stay away. It's been working and slowly trying to shy away from this so I can properly heal and not just distance myself. But yea! That's a start haha, I think staying away from social media altogether is really helpful which is what I'm doing!

Honestly, things after a break up are possibly more confusing for us dumpees, in my opinion. We have to deal with the break up, breadcrumbs, our emotions, how we stand, our values, and just focusing on ourselves. It's a crap ton to deal with. So who the hell knows what Josh is thinking, he's just as confused and hurt as we are, probably. Which is why I don't blame him for what he did, although he did hurt you so I would like to have a good yell at him haha. This is why I don't think dating right now is a good idea because you could have been in Josh's shoes and you could have done that to someone. No need to hurt someone because you really just want someone. Your whole interaction with Josh and still dealing with your ex would obviously drain you dummy! Seriously, I really think you should just chill and let yourself get you back. If anything, take it this way and get your oxytocin and hormone levels back to normal so you can see and judge people for who they really are and you can think clearly. Ultimately, I think you need to remember that you are an honest and kind person that you have values and wouldn't rebound, as it hurts both parties involved, causes more drama, and you wouldn't want to hurt another person or not be able to give him the chance he deserves, right? So, for now let Josh just learn the hard way that what he's doing is not going to help in the long run and if he's a good guy, you'll get an apology down the road.

It's okay to be lonely! I'm lonely but I guess I'm digging deep into this loneliness and introspecting. I'm really hashing out all my problems and getting at the root of them. I had problems with jealousy and insecurity, nothing overboard, except for one occasion, but I need to get rid of it. Just really using this time to let the real me shine through. I think you should use your loneliness to think about yourself! I've been too hurt and guilty to truly hash out my problems with myself as I felt like they hurt the person I cared the most about. I felt like I atoned somewhat through the hurtful things my ex said to me, and I've let him go with love so that I can tackle my problems heart on (that's right heart on, not head on haha) to get rid of them. Hopefully you can do this too, and I think your next partner (again may be ex may not) will really appreciate it and love you truly!

Good good, I'm glad you're getting the needed confidence boosts here and there! I'm sure you look fabulous and had a wonderful night! Haha glad you're taking care of yourself as well. Just make sure a lot of effort is going inside as well okay? Confidence is good, and it's just to help our broken ego that we aren't wanted. Now that we have it back and we have some sense of self-worth, it's time to complete it by truly doing that introspection and seeing that yes, we had problems, but nothing that couldn't have been fixed through communication. Take the break up as that communication, and fixing it for yourself. Not for your ex anymore. It's for you, so that you can truly LEARN to be an even more awesome lover!

Haha it's okay I know friends have asked me as well and in the beginning I just figured I tell them that I felt like I truly loved my ex and so I would continue to try to win him back. His friends and he knew that I wanted to so badly but then after the last talk I thought, the hell, if they cared they would want to help me and not just figure out what is going on. They just like the drama and trying to piece things together. They can mind their own business and still be friends with their respective parties. So glad you could get perspective from YOUR friends and let his friends just go as well, don't need someone who instigates some bs....

So you just said the best advice you got was that your ex is a d**k but then you go on to analyze at the party? So you think he's terrible after the break up and you want to know why he's doing all this. What I'm getting from you telling me all these instances, very precisely might I add which has me impressed and a little sad, is that you keep that eye or have eyes on him for you. I think you are at that place where your mind knows he is terrible and is not a great person at the moment, yet your heart is unwilling to let go of the loving past and great memories. I am not really good at this stage, since I'm there right now too. But I do feel acknowledging it and going from there helps tremendously since our minds know that our ex's caused us so much pain yet our hearts are still so emotionally attached to them. It's why truly letting them go is so hard for us right now. We think we do, our minds are trying to force it, I think, and our hearts bring back these pleasant memories, and cue the paralyzing, heart-wrenching pain that makes us cry and want to lie in bed with a pint of ice cream.

I'm seriously just happy nothing bad happened in terms of talking with him and breaking the progress that has been made! As long as you had fun on your birthday, it was a good birthday yay! So break ups are crazy and we really learn so much, it's crazy isn't it? I feel like I can look at people and life and myself so differently, until I get into ruts, and I become the world's most pissed off person... But I have been reading into some poetry and self-improvement things. I want you to read about the lotus flower, and think that you need to become this after this break up. This will make sense after you read up on it, but think of life and this break up as the mud, and you being the beautiful lotus flower that blooms and comes out that much stronger after all this. It's really helped me A LOT!

I would have loved to be there to help you! Although I don't think I would have been an angel, we probably would have gotten piss drunk and leaving to go outside and talk bad about our ex's, laughing, and crying hahaha! I think staying positive after the break up has helped me the most. I tried to use the pain to distance myself from the ex, and I think it helped initially to stop the want to be in contact. Now it's all about forgiving and letting go with love, for the most part haha.

Read blackcat77's thread as much as you need. I do it just about every day, sometimes like 20 times. Wishing you much love and happiness and a healthy recovery Yes, the gym! Get them muscles going on haha

Sorry for the long post, came back with a vengeance haha

-WhatDEWWWWW

I'm not sure why but it feels like I have gone back in time, it feels like I'm back 2 months and I wanna check his social media and see what he is doing - I'm not going to do it, I can resist, but I'm just unsure why I feel so upset again? Has seeing him with the other gut affected me more than I first thought? I really am not sure anymore..

I don't blame Josh at all, I think that's why I'm so chilled out about it - he's a nice guy and I do know that he isn't thinking straight. If I'm honest I'm just going to forget about him for a while, I cannot deal with the stress of him ontop of everything else at the moment, and if it was meant to be it will be - time is the only thing that can tell here.

I am going to try and stay away from guys for while, I just feel so lonely at the minute I'm not sure what's really going on in my head - I haven't been this confused for a while, I can't understand myself how and why I am feeling the way I am and what has triggered it..

I'm really trying to work on myself not only physically but mentally too, I am realising things about myself that I didn't know before, I am really happy with the person I have become, I'm a good friend, a good listener and someone who nobody can really say a bad word about - I now stay out of drama, don't talk to people I don't wish to - and I just feel so much maturer that what I was a couple of months back, I wish I was this person this time last year and things would have been so different.

I'm not going to lie to you, I am having the week from hell, I feel confused, and today was the first time in over a week I shed some tears over my ex. I honestly do miss and love him so much - he isn't the same guy, I don't know whats going on in his head, but genuinely I would do almost anything to bring the old him back - I sort of feel afraid to completely move on because there's something that I do - once I move on I find it extremely difficult to have those feelings again, and I almost don't want to move on incase he comes back, which is so so dumb I know.

I feel at the point where I could be looking for a rebound, reading your post I know in myself that's something I'm not going to do but I have now recognised the void left by my ex and I am desperate to fill it - which has only been a fairly recent thing - I'm unsure if it's him I miss or the relationship, right now I feel it's both and it is kinda hurtful to think that it's over for good now.

I feel good about myself, there's things I want to change but things which will take time (a couple of months) and they are physical things like toning my belly etc. I'm looking forwards at the opportunities I am being faced with, perhaps a change in job, and it looks good, but I would be lying if I said I didn't wish my ex was here with me to see me do these things, and honestly I am gutted he wasn't celebrating my birthday with me.

I feel at the stage where I have come to a hault, like a speedbump in the process, a red light - and I'm sat here thinking 'what now?' I do believe deep down me and him aren't over for good - and I think this is where the problem is, I am finding it really hard t say that we actually are, because in my heart of hearts i dont believe it, i know he doesn't feel the same way about that guy as he did with me, it would be impossible in such a short amount of time, i feel like this might be his rebound - but then i dont know, all i know is that i really love him and if he had anything like the same amount of love for me too this cannot be the right thing for him to do, this guy isn't anything like me, some might say 'thats exactly the point' but genuienly we are complete opposites and this guy is in no way shape or form right for him.

I dont know, last night was the first night in ages that i had a dream about him and I genuinely woke up crying, it was so painful - i wish it was real in some ways because we had a hug, and it was like old times - he loved the song 'i hate u, i love u' and its one song which always reminds me of him, and there's certain lyrics in that song that make me think about him, and i keep replaying the lyrics in my head and they bring a tear to my eye each time, and that's why i feel as if i have gone back in time.

I dont know why but im wondering 'is he thinking of me' and 'does he wonder what i'm doing now?' and they are questions i shouldn't be asking myself so why am i?

I'm wondering what happened on the weekend he stayed over? and I wonder what his parents thought of the new guy, I can't imagine his mum liking the new guy but i don't know, and thats something i find increasingly difficult to deal with, his mum and I had such a nice bond, and the thought of someone else having that bond now and taking my place upsets me deeply.. Why have I got to this stage???!!! I was doing so well..

Yep, we probably would have got wasted and gone outside to talk about our exes, but in some respects that seems kind of fun.. ha, never say never, maybe one day

Hope you're having a good day, I understand this post is probably going to make you want to pull your hair out, but it's things i have to get off my chest with you rather than my friends, I think they would just get mad at me!!

January 19, 2017

I'm not sure why but it feels like I have gone back in time, it feels like I'm back 2 months and I wanna check his social media and see what he is doing - I'm not going to do it, I can resist, but I'm just unsure why I feel so upset again? Has seeing him with the other gut affected me more than I first thought? I really am not sure anymore..

I don't blame Josh at all, I think that's why I'm so chilled out about it - he's a nice guy and I do know that he isn't thinking straight. If I'm honest I'm just going to forget about him for a while, I cannot deal with the stress of him ontop of everything else at the moment, and if it was meant to be it will be - time is the only thing that can tell here.
I am going to try and stay away from guys for while, I just feel so lonely at the minute I'm not sure what's really going on in my head - I haven't been this confused for a while, I can't understand myself how and why I am feeling the way I am and what has triggered it..

I'm really trying to work on myself not only physically but mentally too, I am realising things about myself that I didn't know before, I am really happy with the person I have become, I'm a good friend, a good listener and someone who nobody can really say a bad word about - I now stay out of drama, don't talk to people I don't wish to - and I just feel so much maturer that what I was a couple of months back, I wish I was this person this time last year and things would have been so different.

I'm not going to lie to you, I am having the week from hell, I feel confused, and today was the first time in over a week I shed some tears over my ex. I honestly do miss and love him so much - he isn't the same guy, I don't know whats going on in his head, but genuinely I would do almost anything to bring the old him back - I sort of feel afraid to completely move on because there's something that I do - once I move on I find it extremely difficult to have those feelings again, and I almost don't want to move on incase he comes back, which is so so dumb I know.
I feel at the point where I could be looking for a rebound, reading your post I know in myself that's something I'm not going to do but I have now recognised the void left by my ex and I am desperate to fill it - which has only been a fairly recent thing - I'm unsure if it's him I miss or the relationship, right now I feel it's both and it is kinda hurtful to think that it's over for good now.

I feel good about myself, there's things I want to change but things which will take time (a couple of months) and they are physical things like toning my belly etc. I'm looking forwards at the opportunities I am being faced with, perhaps a change in job, and it looks good, but I would be lying if I said I didn't wish my ex was here with me to see me do these things, and honestly I am gutted he wasn't celebrating my birthday with me.
I feel at the stage where I have come to a hault, like a speedbump in the process, a red light - and I'm sat here thinking 'what now?' I do believe deep down me and him aren't over for good - and I think this is where the problem is, I am finding it really hard t say that we actually are, because in my heart of hearts i dont believe it, i know he doesn't feel the same way about that guy as he did with me, it would be impossible in such a short amount of time, i feel like this might be his rebound - but then i dont know, all i know is that i really love him and if he had anything like the same amount of love for me too this cannot be the right thing for him to do, this guy isn't anything like me, some might say 'thats exactly the point' but genuienly we are complete opposites and this guy is in no way shape or form right for him.

I dont know, last night was the first night in ages that i had a dream about him and I genuinely woke up crying, it was so painful - i wish it was real in some ways because we had a hug, and it was like old times - he loved the song 'i hate u, i love u' and its one song which always reminds me of him, and there's certain lyrics in that song that make me think about him, and i keep replaying the lyrics in my head and they bring a tear to my eye each time, and that's why i feel as if i have gone back in time.
I dont know why but im wondering 'is he thinking of me' and 'does he wonder what i'm doing now?' and they are questions i shouldn't be asking myself so why am i?
I'm wondering what happened on the weekend he stayed over? and I wonder what his parents thought of the new guy, I can't imagine his mum liking the new guy but i don't know, and thats something i find increasingly difficult to deal with, his mum and I had such a nice bond, and the thought of someone else having that bond now and taking my place upsets me deeply.. Why have I got to this stage???!!! I was doing so well..

Yep, we probably would have got wasted and gone outside to talk about our exes, but in some respects that seems kind of fun.. ha, never say never, maybe one day
Hope you're having a good day, I understand this post is probably going to make you want to pull your hair out, but it's things i have to get off my chest with you rather than my friends, I think they would just get mad at me!!

It's okay I think everyone back tracks a bit during a break up. It's pretty standard from what I've seen. I think it's hard because you have seen him after the break up and he has a rebound. Just think you should stay in and try to avoid seeing him for a bit while you really work on yourself, which I'll talk about later.

I'm sure Josh is a nice guy and as you can see, even nice guys can do some dumb things after a break up. I think it's best to forget about him and glad you will stay away from relationships for a while! It's for the best. There's no reason to rush it and as you can see, when things don't work out, which a lot of the times they don't happen that often, just hurts you even more. I think you are lonely because you felt the void, tried to fill it, and it didn't work, so now you're back to where you started. It's okay and just learn from it and don't do that again haha. It sucks... I know. I was there, I tried reaching out to previous ex's and didn't get much further in healing or feeling any better.

I'm so happy to hear that you are working on yourself both inside and out! That's the way to go and the way to truly heal from all this bs... And that's awesome. You will become a great partner for somebody but just recognize what you're doing and keep going. Don't stop. What else can you do? Do you have some hobbies you haven't been able to do since you spent time in the relationship? I'm going to try learning the guitar, pottery, and drawing. Just some examples.

Yup, it's like hell weeks every now and then but they too shall pass. It comes here and there but I really think they stem from us not moving on as we should. Yup, your ex is not the same person he was before. Neither is mine. They will be changing as we will too. We miss the old ex that we have in our hearts and memories. We have to keep that as a good memory and let them go and do their thing. At the same time, we have to stay in touch with ourselves. Don't lose yourself in all this! I know that same feeling, you and I have very similar outlooks in terms of our feelings. I was scared to truly let go because I was afraid all my feelings would just disappear and if he came back, I wouldn't feel the same. After thinking about this for like a week or two, I just got tired of it. So now, it's more like I really did love him, more than anyone I can think of, and if that's so, my feelings shouldn't change that much in the future if he does come back. What that means is that the love will still be there, but my feelings will be different. It will basically have to be a "new relationship" while keeping the old memories. I think this is what blackcat77 is talking about in that you have to get to a better place, if the love was there you will still love them after some time, and you start near fresh after hashing out the mistakes and making it a better relationship.

I think that's very normal. We wish to make positive changes and wish our ex were here with us to go through the journey. That's what love is, changing and doing things for the better with someone we love. You go through the good and bad together. If your ex can't be with you in the future, to be frank, he isn't good for you ever. He needs to mature as well and see his actions can and do hurt others. It sucks. And we hold on to them in hopes that they will realize that they threw away someone who will do a lot. But that is the wrong way to look at in my opinion. I think you are at a red light because you have done all these changes in hopes that your ex will notice and come back running. You don't see this and he is off doing things without you. This is why everyone has been saying to do things for yourself. Since you do it for you, you won't feel at a red light. You will keep going to continue to do things for yourself, continue to explore interests, and truly enjoy your own company. I can say it pretty confidently that you have been doing all this for him as you have talked about his rebound in just about every post. It's apparent that you are greatly affected that he has a rebound.

So, your last paragraph just supports my last statement above. Your subconscious hasn't let go of your ex because you aren't letting it. You listen to songs that remind you of your ex and get sad because you want him back since you did all these things for him. What I think you need to do, which I have said before, is to really cut him out. Legit, delete his number, unfriend him on facebook, social media, everything. None of him in your life. Just let him go. It's not an act of hate but that you have to move on if you want any hope of truly reconciling with him. If he doesn't come back after all this, well you have really moved on and can be in a better place for someone else. You're still thinking about all these things to support why you would be a better fit because you want your ex. Just stop thinking about him. I will use blackcat77's words, and "I dare you to disappear" from his life. The worst you have to lose is an ex who is out to make you jealous and more hurt at the moment.

Hahaha it does, right? I smiled picturing how much fun it would have been to do that with you! But you're right, maybe one day we can haha!

Hope you have a better day, make it all about you from this day forward! And no no, it's okay, everyone back tracks. We just have to understand why, where we are, and how to move forward. And of course, come here and vent and we can give each other advice. We're in the same boat, the pain still effects us that much. Others aren't going through with this, they just see a normal break up that has us stuck in a forever rut. Just goes to show there wasn't such a huge deal breaker and we just need to realize, we have got to move on.

You can do this! I believe!

-WhatDEWWWWW

Edited January 19, 2017 by whatdeww18

January 19, 2017

It's okay I think everyone back tracks a bit during a break up. It's pretty standard from what I've seen. I think it's hard because you have seen him after the break up and he has a rebound. Just think you should stay in and try to avoid seeing him for a bit while you really work on yourself, which I'll talk about later.

I'm sure Josh is a nice guy and as you can see, even nice guys can do some dumb things after a break up. I think it's best to forget about him and glad you will stay away from relationships for a while! It's for the best. There's no reason to rush it and as you can see, when things don't work out, which a lot of the times they don't happen that often, just hurts you even more. I think you are lonely because you felt the void, tried to fill it, and it didn't work, so now you're back to where you started. It's okay and just learn from it and don't do that again haha. It sucks... I know. I was there, I tried reaching out to previous ex's and didn't get much further in healing or feeling any better.

I'm so happy to hear that you are working on yourself both inside and out! That's the way to go and the way to truly heal from all this bs... And that's awesome. You will become a great partner for somebody but just recognize what you're doing and keep going. Don't stop. What else can you do? Do you have some hobbies you haven't been able to do since you spent time in the relationship? I'm going to try learning the guitar, pottery, and drawing. Just some examples.

Yup, it's like hell weeks every now and then but they too shall pass. It comes here and there but I really think they stem from us not moving on as we should. Yup, your ex is not the same person he was before. Neither is mine. They will be changing as we will too. We miss the old ex that we have in our hearts and memories. We have to keep that as a good memory and let them go and do their thing. At the same time, we have to stay in touch with ourselves. Don't lose yourself in all this! I know that same feeling, you and I have very similar outlooks in terms of our feelings. I was scared to truly let go because I was afraid all my feelings would just disappear and if he came back, I wouldn't feel the same. After thinking about this for like a week or two, I just got tired of it. So now, it's more like I really did love him, more than anyone I can think of, and if that's so, my feelings shouldn't change that much in the future if he does come back. What that means is that the love will still be there, but my feelings will be different. It will basically have to be a "new relationship" while keeping the old memories. I think this is what blackcat77 is talking about in that you have to get to a better place, if the love was there you will still love them after some time, and you start near fresh after hashing out the mistakes and making it a better relationship.

I think that's very normal. We wish to make positive changes and wish our ex were here with us to go through the journey. That's what love is, changing and doing things for the better with someone we love. You go through the good and bad together. If your ex can't be with you in the future, to be frank, he isn't good for you ever. He needs to mature as well and see his actions can and do hurt others. It sucks. And we hold on to them in hopes that they will realize that they threw away someone who will do a lot. But that is the wrong way to look at in my opinion. I think you are at a red light because you have done all these changes in hopes that your ex will notice and come back running. You don't see this and he is off doing things without you. This is why everyone has been saying to do things for yourself. Since you do it for you, you won't feel at a red light. You will keep going to continue to do things for yourself, continue to explore interests, and truly enjoy your own company. I can say it pretty confidently that you have been doing all this for him as you have talked about his rebound in just about every post. It's apparent that you are greatly affected that he has a rebound.

So, your last paragraph just supports my last statement above. Your subconscious hasn't let go of your ex because you aren't letting it. You listen to songs that remind you of your ex and get sad because you want him back since you did all these things for him. What I think you need to do, which I have said before, is to really cut him out. Legit, delete his number, unfriend him on facebook, social media, everything. None of him in your life. Just let him go. It's not an act of hate but that you have to move on if you want any hope of truly reconciling with him. If he doesn't come back after all this, well you have really moved on and can be in a better place for someone else. You're still thinking about all these things to support why you would be a better fit because you want your ex. Just stop thinking about him. I will use blackcat77's words, and "I dare you to disappear" from his life. The worst you have to lose is an ex who is out to make you jealous and more hurt at the moment.

Hahaha it does, right? I smiled picturing how much fun it would have been to do that with you! But you're right, maybe one day we can haha!
Hope you have a better day, make it all about you from this day forward! And no no, it's okay, everyone back tracks. We just have to understand why, where we are, and how to move forward. And of course, come here and vent and we can give each other advice. We're in the same boat, the pain still effects us that much. Others aren't going through with this, they just see a normal break up that has us stuck in a forever rut. Just goes to show there wasn't such a huge deal breaker and we just need to realize, we have got to move on.

You can do this! I believe!
-WhatDEWWWWW

Yeah I think seeing him with the rebound has had a slight effect on me, although I'm really glad you think it's a rebound too, if I'm honest I'd hate to think this would be a relationship which lasted a long time.. but there we go.

I'm definitely going to be staying away from trying to fill the void with someone else, maybe I could feel the void with something rather than someone, maybe start the gym and have that as my distraction.. it sounds sad but I really look forward to the days where I shave, wear a face mask, do my eyebrows and all this early things, it's like a distraction from everything for an hour/hour and a half and I love doing that - the gym might be a good idea.

You're right. The feelings won't disappear, that was naive of me to say because I know they are going to be there for good, even in a few years time, I guess it would be blessing if they were no longer then, would probably be a lot less painful wouldn't it. Genuinely if my ex came back I would want to start completely fresh and new, like start from page 1, do things differently and forget about the relationship we had before, and in some ways I would look back at it in shame. In this time apart I have realise why I think I was horrible sometimes, and I think it was because I never really forgave my ex for what he had done to me prior to our relationship with his ex, when he was playing with my feelings, and I never had time to forgive and heal for all the hurt he had put me through, and I could never forget about what he had done, like I would even sometimes reference back to it - which I realise now is so unhealthy for the pair of us, but there we go, that's life I guess.. I know now and I feel like I have forgiven him for that, just need to move on from this now..

I won't lie I am affected because the rebound isn't me, and I'm almost angry with him for not recognising the change in me, but then deep down I feel like he can see the change in me and maybe that's why he was looking at me so much when I last saw him, and I almost feel as if he would probably be angry at how mjch I have changed as a person as I have naturally changed into the boy he always wanted me to be and I didn't know how too, and now I'm there and I'm happy, and I'm almost his 'ideal' boyfriend too late though. Which is upsetting to be honest.

I have done all those things already, he has me on nothing, I don't have him blocked like he has me, because I don't feel the need to BLOCK him from my life, apart from my Twitter because that's a public profile so he can see everything, so on there he is blocked, but on private accounts like Instagram I haven't blocked him, he just can't see my stuff cause I'm private. His number isn't saved on my phone so he's gone from there, and he has blocked me from Facebook therefore we mutually cannot see anything either of us post.

So tonight I did something fairly risky. I was in an awful mood as earlier explained and I didn't want to stay in the house this evening as I knew it would probably just turn into an evening of overthinking and my friend had last minute cancelled on a meal out with me, and my mum invited me out with my 2 sisters to play bingo, however she explained how my exes mum would be coming too. Anyway I'm not going to beat around the bush, I went, and it was so lovely, she was the exact same with me, it felt normal, she even offered to buy my food and she didn't leave my side the whole night, I can tell she thinks the world of me and it was so nice to see her, wow writing that last sentence made me tear up, even though it probably isn't going to help me in terms of moving on it was nice to experience being around her again, and for a few hours I felt happy - like truly happy again, and if anything it just made me realise how much I love not only my ex but his family too, and I miss them all like crazy.

We left things on a really good note, I fed her some information which may or may not get back to my ex which was showing how I was doing well for myself (exams coming up, new job, and things he wanted me to do I am now ticking off) and I felt like this was a good idea - sorry if it was a dumb decision but I just felt like I should go. Anyway I had a lovely evening, and it was nice seeing her and being reassured that she still thinks the world of me, she and I joked about a few things which had happened with my ex, he was put in hospital on the second day of his skiing trip, we had a giggle.. she didn't mention any negatives about him, which was nice, but I slipped away to the toilets for a second and I could see her waiting for me and looking at the toilet door for me to come back out, it was nice you know??

Anyway I'm currently feeling a little down but also a little happy and very confused. I honestly couldn't tell you what I think is going to happen next, I just have no idea and it's odd, I just feel like I'm going to exist for now, and not much will change for a while.

Have the best day, and smile! Speak soon

January 20, 2017

Yeah I think seeing him with the rebound has had a slight effect on me, although I'm really glad you think it's a rebound too, if I'm honest I'd hate to think this would be a relationship which lasted a long time.. but there we go.

I'm definitely going to be staying away from trying to fill the void with someone else, maybe I could feel the void with something rather than someone, maybe start the gym and have that as my distraction.. it sounds sad but I really look forward to the days where I shave, wear a face mask, do my eyebrows and all this early things, it's like a distraction from everything for an hour/hour and a half and I love doing that - the gym might be a good idea.

You're right. The feelings won't disappear, that was naive of me to say because I know they are going to be there for good, even in a few years time, I guess it would be blessing if they were no longer then, would probably be a lot less painful wouldn't it. Genuinely if my ex came back I would want to start completely fresh and new, like start from page 1, do things differently and forget about the relationship we had before, and in some ways I would look back at it in shame. In this time apart I have realise why I think I was horrible sometimes, and I think it was because I never really forgave my ex for what he had done to me prior to our relationship with his ex, when he was playing with my feelings, and I never had time to forgive and heal for all the hurt he had put me through, and I could never forget about what he had done, like I would even sometimes reference back to it - which I realise now is so unhealthy for the pair of us, but there we go, that's life I guess.. I know now and I feel like I have forgiven him for that, just need to move on from this now..

I won't lie I am affected because the rebound isn't me, and I'm almost angry with him for not recognising the change in me, but then deep down I feel like he can see the change in me and maybe that's why he was looking at me so much when I last saw him, and I almost feel as if he would probably be angry at how mjch I have changed as a person as I have naturally changed into the boy he always wanted me to be and I didn't know how too, and now I'm there and I'm happy, and I'm almost his 'ideal' boyfriend too late though. Which is upsetting to be honest.

I have done all those things already, he has me on nothing, I don't have him blocked like he has me, because I don't feel the need to BLOCK him from my life, apart from my Twitter because that's a public profile so he can see everything, so on there he is blocked, but on private accounts like Instagram I haven't blocked him, he just can't see my stuff cause I'm private. His number isn't saved on my phone so he's gone from there, and he has blocked me from Facebook therefore we mutually cannot see anything either of us post.

So tonight I did something fairly risky. I was in an awful mood as earlier explained and I didn't want to stay in the house this evening as I knew it would probably just turn into an evening of overthinking and my friend had last minute cancelled on a meal out with me, and my mum invited me out with my 2 sisters to play bingo, however she explained how my exes mum would be coming too. Anyway I'm not going to beat around the bush, I went, and it was so lovely, she was the exact same with me, it felt normal, she even offered to buy my food and she didn't leave my side the whole night, I can tell she thinks the world of me and it was so nice to see her, wow writing that last sentence made me tear up, even though it probably isn't going to help me in terms of moving on it was nice to experience being around her again, and for a few hours I felt happy - like truly happy again, and if anything it just made me realise how much I love not only my ex but his family too, and I miss them all like crazy.
We left things on a really good note, I fed her some information which may or may not get back to my ex which was showing how I was doing well for myself (exams coming up, new job, and things he wanted me to do I am now ticking off) and I felt like this was a good idea - sorry if it was a dumb decision but I just felt like I should go. Anyway I had a lovely evening, and it was nice seeing her and being reassured that she still thinks the world of me, she and I joked about a few things which had happened with my ex, he was put in hospital on the second day of his skiing trip, we had a giggle.. she didn't mention any negatives about him, which was nice, but I slipped away to the toilets for a second and I could see her waiting for me and looking at the toilet door for me to come back out, it was nice you know??

Anyway I'm currently feeling a little down but also a little happy and very confused. I honestly couldn't tell you what I think is going to happen next, I just have no idea and it's odd, I just feel like I'm going to exist for now, and not much will change for a while.

Have the best day, and smile! Speak soon

I just want to put it out there and don't think for certain it is a rebound, it may not. But the timeline (I can't trust your description or your friends descriptions of his new thing as you are all biased) leads me to believe that he is. It may be possible and sometimes, some people stay in relationships longer than they really should...

I think that will be a good idea, try to fill the void left by your ex with more things for yourself. Essentially, you miss the fact of cuddling and sex with your ex, the cute things you did. Time to not let you give yourself the time or freedom to think of it. Of course it's hard, but keep doing hobbies and activities that keep your mind busy. Where you really have to focus, like learning something or immersing yourself in a hobby. Anytime you miss that want to cuddle, you immerse yourself in an activity. So those things are good and keep them up, the gym won't let you down. The endorphins will do you well. But find a hobby you can just do at home, something you can throw yourself into happily.

Haha we have both thought the same thing! To be honest, I have at times just prayed that I would have an accident or something to let me forget the past with my ex (quite stupid haha). But I'm moving on to a better place where we have to be. That is to be thankful for the memories and love that was shared and to learn our lessons from it. It's painful, like wow sometimes my heart actually feels like it's developing a blackhole. But it gets better and the blackhole is slowly disappearing haha. I agree, the feelings will last if they are based on love. O jeez that is a difficult situation to find yourself in. That wasn't okay of your ex to do and hopefully he apologized but yes, you have truly forgive him for that. Resentment breeds nothing but another break up unless you learn to address it properly. I think everyone has different perspectives on break ups, and I am still iffy how proper ones happen. All I know is that it will be A LOT of work to really address everything and gain trust, not sure if a new relationship is the thing to do? I really have no idea and maybe I will look that up if my ex comes back, and I am willing to try. Not right now, not in my mind haha.

AND THERE IT IS! Knew it... You were doing all the changes for him. You are angry that the rebound is still there because you did all the things you wanted to do to fix the relationship and expected him to come back after he saw it. Nope. There goes all your healing. And here we are haha. Don't feel bad about it though. I think it's probably the most natural thing to do, it's what we want. It sucks because we think we are that much better, but to be honest, we aren't. We still do things that we hope will get a reaction from our ex. We make changes that they wanted. We need to make changes that we want. Keep what makes us an individual and make the proper changes for a healthy relationship as you move on. Realize your mistakes from the past relationship and fix those, not the things your ex said at the break up.

Okay, good good. Keep him off all that and just continue with no contact and seriously, take this step to do things for you. So I'm convinced there are a rare species of humans that are able to read and learn that this is what they must do. We have to go through the pain to learn the lesson. You already cut contact but tried to improve yourself for him. Didn't work to get him back. Now you're hurt all over again. So now that you know that improving yourself for him doesn't work, give yourself the gift of improving yourself for you! I don't want to be mean, because I broke no contact, I just couldn't help. I had to learn the hard way, there was NOTHING I could say, as much as I thought just one last thing I could try, would work. Nope. Burned. But I learned that was the last straw, going to learn from reading. So now, take this as the bridge burned and now you WILL do everything for you, and only you!

Hey! Who's to say you can't go to bingo with your ex's mom? If she's that awesome a person that you're describing and you truly enjoy your company, screw the ex. Hell, I'd love to go play bingo with your ex's mom, she sounds like a nice character haha! I think you can see, she sees your worth and how great a person you would be to your ex. Take that in the best way you can, for yourself. This woman sees your worth. If your ex can't see that, too bad for him. Free food, her staying by your side, and even waiting for you to come out of the bathroom, she's a keeper. I would stay friends with your ex's mom either way, she just sounds so pleasant! Don't apologize, I'm just glad you could have a good time and you didn't break down! Great job It's okay to feed her that information but again, I want you think for yourself! Not with the intention of how this will affect your ex. Which it is very apparent that you did, told her the things that your ex wanted you to do and checking them off.... sigh...

These may be things that you really want to do in life, but the way you're wording everything makes me think you really want to show your ex all these improvements. I do think they will get back to your ex, your ex's mom may deliberately tell him or they may slip. He will take notice. If he does come running back, which I doubt, he will run away again with the first problem or with time after the infatuation of the new you ends again. You're doing all these changes for him, he's got you on the hook and has the feeling he has you on the back burner. He hears all these changes you're doing that he wanted, ie he still has you.

I'm playing devil's advocate a lot with you because I feel like you are back tracking tremendously. I want you take my words with a grain of salt as I tear you apart with every word you write hahahaha. It's not to be mean, but I feel like I need to seriously smack you to get your senses back. It's okay to be confused with your feelings and not know what the future holds! It's NOT okay to be confused as to what you have to do. Yes, live in the now, but you do have to think of the future. Are you going to keep improving yourself for him? Are you going to keep prolonging your healing process by involving all your thoughts and energy into your ex?

Why do I ask these questions? Because I truly want you to be happy! You're the only one interfering with it. It's okay to get into a rut but you better kick your butt back into finding a way to do even more things for yourself and making you the amazing and awesome person I KNOW that you are. Seriously. I can tell and know all this through everything you have written. You are one special soul, very much so that your ex's mom loves you! It hurts to see you damage yourself this way and slip back into not doing things for yourself. If not for yourself and for your family, do it for me. Make a bucket list that includes things that will make you smile and let me know that you are happy for yourself. Go do things that will create memories that you can look back and smile. Think of me getting mad at you for sitting at home eating ice cream when you could have gone out on that adventure with your friends.

I sincerely, truly, honestly, and any other word that means I just really want, you to be happy! Please, just take a step back and let yourself live! Do you! Flaunt off all that sexiness and singleness! Be happy for yourself

No matter what you throw at me, I'll be here to support you, sometimes angrily because you aren't doing things for yourself, to get you back on track! ENJOY THIS DAY! TAKE THAT DEEP BREATH WHEN YOU WALK OUT THAT FRONT DOOR AND MAKE IT AN ALL ABOUT ME DAY, EACH DAY, EVERY DAY!

-WhatDEWWWWW

January 21, 2017

I just want to put it out there and don't think for certain it is a rebound, it may not. But the timeline (I can't trust your description or your friends descriptions of his new thing as you are all biased) leads me to believe that he is. It may be possible and sometimes, some people stay in relationships longer than they really should...

I think that will be a good idea, try to fill the void left by your ex with more things for yourself. Essentially, you miss the fact of cuddling and sex with your ex, the cute things you did. Time to not let you give yourself the time or freedom to think of it. Of course it's hard, but keep doing hobbies and activities that keep your mind busy. Where you really have to focus, like learning something or immersing yourself in a hobby. Anytime you miss that want to cuddle, you immerse yourself in an activity. So those things are good and keep them up, the gym won't let you down. The endorphins will do you well. But find a hobby you can just do at home, something you can throw yourself into happily.

Haha we have both thought the same thing! To be honest, I have at times just prayed that I would have an accident or something to let me forget the past with my ex (quite stupid haha). But I'm moving on to a better place where we have to be. That is to be thankful for the memories and love that was shared and to learn our lessons from it. It's painful, like wow sometimes my heart actually feels like it's developing a blackhole. But it gets better and the blackhole is slowly disappearing haha. I agree, the feelings will last if they are based on love. O jeez that is a difficult situation to find yourself in. That wasn't okay of your ex to do and hopefully he apologized but yes, you have truly forgive him for that. Resentment breeds nothing but another break up unless you learn to address it properly. I think everyone has different perspectives on break ups, and I am still iffy how proper ones happen. All I know is that it will be A LOT of work to really address everything and gain trust, not sure if a new relationship is the thing to do? I really have no idea and maybe I will look that up if my ex comes back, and I am willing to try. Not right now, not in my mind haha.

AND THERE IT IS! Knew it... You were doing all the changes for him. You are angry that the rebound is still there because you did all the things you wanted to do to fix the relationship and expected him to come back after he saw it. Nope. There goes all your healing. And here we are haha. Don't feel bad about it though. I think it's probably the most natural thing to do, it's what we want. It sucks because we think we are that much better, but to be honest, we aren't. We still do things that we hope will get a reaction from our ex. We make changes that they wanted. We need to make changes that we want. Keep what makes us an individual and make the proper changes for a healthy relationship as you move on. Realize your mistakes from the past relationship and fix those, not the things your ex said at the break up.

Okay, good good. Keep him off all that and just continue with no contact and seriously, take this step to do things for you. So I'm convinced there are a rare species of humans that are able to read and learn that this is what they must do. We have to go through the pain to learn the lesson. You already cut contact but tried to improve yourself for him. Didn't work to get him back. Now you're hurt all over again. So now that you know that improving yourself for him doesn't work, give yourself the gift of improving yourself for you! I don't want to be mean, because I broke no contact, I just couldn't help. I had to learn the hard way, there was NOTHING I could say, as much as I thought just one last thing I could try, would work. Nope. Burned. But I learned that was the last straw, going to learn from reading. So now, take this as the bridge burned and now you WILL do everything for you, and only you!

Hey! Who's to say you can't go to bingo with your ex's mom? If she's that awesome a person that you're describing and you truly enjoy your company, screw the ex. Hell, I'd love to go play bingo with your ex's mom, she sounds like a nice character haha! I think you can see, she sees your worth and how great a person you would be to your ex. Take that in the best way you can, for yourself. This woman sees your worth. If your ex can't see that, too bad for him. Free food, her staying by your side, and even waiting for you to come out of the bathroom, she's a keeper. I would stay friends with your ex's mom either way, she just sounds so pleasant! Don't apologize, I'm just glad you could have a good time and you didn't break down! Great job It's okay to feed her that information but again, I want you think for yourself! Not with the intention of how this will affect your ex. Which it is very apparent that you did, told her the things that your ex wanted you to do and checking them off.... sigh...

These may be things that you really want to do in life, but the way you're wording everything makes me think you really want to show your ex all these improvements. I do think they will get back to your ex, your ex's mom may deliberately tell him or they may slip. He will take notice. If he does come running back, which I doubt, he will run away again with the first problem or with time after the infatuation of the new you ends again. You're doing all these changes for him, he's got you on the hook and has the feeling he has you on the back burner. He hears all these changes you're doing that he wanted, ie he still has you.

I'm playing devil's advocate a lot with you because I feel like you are back tracking tremendously. I want you take my words with a grain of salt as I tear you apart with every word you write hahahaha. It's not to be mean, but I feel like I need to seriously smack you to get your senses back. It's okay to be confused with your feelings and not know what the future holds! It's NOT okay to be confused as to what you have to do. Yes, live in the now, but you do have to think of the future. Are you going to keep improving yourself for him? Are you going to keep prolonging your healing process by involving all your thoughts and energy into your ex?

Why do I ask these questions? Because I truly want you to be happy! You're the only one interfering with it. It's okay to get into a rut but you better kick your butt back into finding a way to do even more things for yourself and making you the amazing and awesome person I KNOW that you are. Seriously. I can tell and know all this through everything you have written. You are one special soul, very much so that your ex's mom loves you! It hurts to see you damage yourself this way and slip back into not doing things for yourself. If not for yourself and for your family, do it for me. Make a bucket list that includes things that will make you smile and let me know that you are happy for yourself. Go do things that will create memories that you can look back and smile. Think of me getting mad at you for sitting at home eating ice cream when you could have gone out on that adventure with your friends.

I sincerely, truly, honestly, and any other word that means I just really want, you to be happy! Please, just take a step back and let yourself live! Do you! Flaunt off all that sexiness and singleness! Be happy for yourself

No matter what you throw at me, I'll be here to support you, sometimes angrily because you aren't doing things for yourself, to get you back on track! ENJOY THIS DAY! TAKE THAT DEEP BREATH WHEN YOU WALK OUT THAT FRONT DOOR AND MAKE IT AN ALL ABOUT ME DAY, EACH DAY, EVERY DAY!

-WhatDEWWWWW

Ahh I havent imagined a life where them two last longer than a few weeks/months.. I know what you mean though, and thanks for being honest because of course we are going to seem somewhat bias.. but like you said about the timeline, it is still very soon.. I had a little think when I was at work today, and what if my ex felt the need to bring someone to my birthday after i had met someone on NYE, almost as an attempt to be like 'IVE MOVED ON TOO, I CAN DO THE SAME' does that make sense?? who knows, just a thought..

Okay, so today i wrote a list of things i want to start doing which might improve more than just my physical appearance, i am going to get inot healthy eating again, but not only that, join the gym as earlier mentioned and also wake up earlier in order to get more done rather than sleeping in later than i should be, which i have done a lot of recently.

I also am going to start writing my thoughts into a 'diary' if thats what you want to call it, and have something to look forward to doing after a day, and make it as creative as i want, maybe not always right in it but sometimes draw? I dont know, something just to let all my emotions out into, i heard it can be quite helpful.

Thats not a stupid thought at all, one of my friends who has recently just rekindled her love with her ex has had those thoughts too, and so have I - Its a natural thing, after all, when we get dumped i think anyone would do almost anything to remove the thought of their ex out of their head, it makes you feel like you are going insane.

I think i was being naive, my feelings for him wont ever fade, maybe get less strong over a period of time, but im going to love him probably for the rest of my days!!

Yeah, there was definitely an element of resentment there, I didnt even see it at the time but now i do, it was something which would be in the back of mind every time we would have an argument, and therefore it must have still been hurting me and eating away at my mind.

OK, you caught me, i was making changes which bettered me for my ex, you're right, but on the plus side my ex isn't the only guy on earth therefore the changes i have made over the past 2 and a half months can attract other guys too if my ex doesn't want me anymore (i hate saying that).

I am for sure feeling more confident when i go out now, for instance i dont feel shy and ugly when guys talk to me, i feel like i can talk tot hem back and feel as if i would have a chance, whereas i always thought i wasnt good enough for some guys, NOT TRUE! and the same applies for anyone who is genuinely a nice person and looks after themselves physically.

I'm going out tonight for instance, and i feel ready to see who will be around, and i am going to a different town therefore i might see someone new, and that excites me!

I will keep at NC, thats the only thing i have faith in at the moment, although i have times where i feel like if i messaged him i COULD get the response i wanted but also might not.. which scares me sometimes as i don't want the urge to make me do it.

I wont think of him when i am doing things to imporve myself anymore, although i am more than likely going to have the occasional thought of thinking ' i am much better than that rebound, look at what he is missing ' - but that is of course if this boy is a rebound, they could be the real deal..

My exes mum is one of the most down to earth and genuine human beings i have ever met in my life, and we are so similar it's like we connect on another level, she is honestly my inspiration - which sounds so cliche and icky but honestly, if i turn out half as wise and successful as her i will be so happy. I feel like she does see my worth, and i can see that theres part opf her in there that misses me being around - i can just sense it.

I'm sorry okay, i did feed her this information with the idea it would get back to my ex, and if it does it makes me feel good cause he can see i'm doing well - even though it shouldnt matter haha!!

Okay, I see what you're saying and i will have to try and watch what i say around my exes mum, cause she could go back and tell him things i have said which make it look as if i haven't moved on when i have (ie mentioning the old days).. that something i will need to watch in the future.

I understand what you mean and i feel like i am making my healing process prolonged by thinking about him when i do stuff, its just so hard not to at the moment but i will make more of an effort not to do it anymore - i get what you mean!! I cant and wont lie when i tell you that he is definitely in more of my thoughts lately after my birthday event - i guess it was just seeing him with someone, probably shook me up, and probably would if the shoe was on the other foot.

So, last night something big kind of happened, my mum and my exes mum are now best of friends, and they only have eachother, and we had something happen within the family and my mum needed advice straight away, meaning she called up my exes mum to come to the house right away, they were going to the gym but this was cancelled as my sister needed me my mum and my exes mum urgently.. it turned into a 2 hour conversation, which ran deep and it was nice to see her again (although i couldn't help but feel bad for being around her again as i felt like it was going to not help me with healing(, but she got my mum and sister into good shape and gave them really good advice and then we went to a restaurant to grab some food.

During food, again my exes mum was really friendly with me, and every now and again she would mention things which happened between me and my ex, good things - and memories, and it was nice but quite upsetting. She didn't mention anything bad about him, didn't mention the new guy she only spoke about him when it was something back in the days of me and him.. and it was strange, i was wondering why she didn't mention the new guy or something, has she still got the hope of me and her son getting back together too? she told us she felt honoured we went to her for advice with the seriousness of the situation, i don't really know what to think.

Anyway, its the following day and I have heard nothing from my ex, he has been on the down low completely this week apart from contacting one of my friends and 'retweeting' my friends tweets, which is kinda odd..

I have told my mum that i wont be around when his mum comes over for a while, as it is going to start messing with my head and it can become difficult to be around her when i'm not with my ex because i still love him and the family dearly.

The book not being closed is something i truly believe at this point, and i spoke to one of my friends about this and she just explained how she felt it was unfair how i still havent been given closure or a reason why we are really over - does he know i will never truly move on without the closure i feel like i need??

Im feeling somewhat positive, im going to go out tonight with an open mind and i will see if i meet anyone new, afterall i am single and it does make me feel kinda good when i get attention from someone.

I know you're probably mad at me for having some of the thoughts i have been having and maybe seeing his mum again, but i wont see her for a while and i will try and push him to the back of my mind - for you.

Thanks for the amazing advice, hope you're feeling good, you know i am here for you too, although my advice probably wouldn't be the best at this point, look at me!!

January 22, 2017

Ahh I havent imagined a life where them two last longer than a few weeks/months.. I know what you mean though, and thanks for being honest because of course we are going to seem somewhat bias.. but like you said about the timeline, it is still very soon.. I had a little think when I was at work today, and what if my ex felt the need to bring someone to my birthday after i had met someone on NYE, almost as an attempt to be like 'IVE MOVED ON TOO, I CAN DO THE SAME' does that make sense?? who knows, just a thought..

Okay, so today i wrote a list of things i want to start doing which might improve more than just my physical appearance, i am going to get inot healthy eating again, but not only that, join the gym as earlier mentioned and also wake up earlier in order to get more done rather than sleeping in later than i should be, which i have done a lot of recently.
I also am going to start writing my thoughts into a 'diary' if thats what you want to call it, and have something to look forward to doing after a day, and make it as creative as i want, maybe not always right in it but sometimes draw? I dont know, something just to let all my emotions out into, i heard it can be quite helpful.

Thats not a stupid thought at all, one of my friends who has recently just rekindled her love with her ex has had those thoughts too, and so have I - Its a natural thing, after all, when we get dumped i think anyone would do almost anything to remove the thought of their ex out of their head, it makes you feel like you are going insane.
I think i was being naive, my feelings for him wont ever fade, maybe get less strong over a period of time, but im going to love him probably for the rest of my days!!
Yeah, there was definitely an element of resentment there, I didnt even see it at the time but now i do, it was something which would be in the back of mind every time we would have an argument, and therefore it must have still been hurting me and eating away at my mind.

OK, you caught me, i was making changes which bettered me for my ex, you're right, but on the plus side my ex isn't the only guy on earth therefore the changes i have made over the past 2 and a half months can attract other guys too if my ex doesn't want me anymore (i hate saying that).
I am for sure feeling more confident when i go out now, for instance i dont feel shy and ugly when guys talk to me, i feel like i can talk tot hem back and feel as if i would have a chance, whereas i always thought i wasnt good enough for some guys, NOT TRUE! and the same applies for anyone who is genuinely a nice person and looks after themselves physically.
I'm going out tonight for instance, and i feel ready to see who will be around, and i am going to a different town therefore i might see someone new, and that excites me!

I will keep at NC, thats the only thing i have faith in at the moment, although i have times where i feel like if i messaged him i COULD get the response i wanted but also might not.. which scares me sometimes as i don't want the urge to make me do it.
I wont think of him when i am doing things to imporve myself anymore, although i am more than likely going to have the occasional thought of thinking ' i am much better than that rebound, look at what he is missing ' - but that is of course if this boy is a rebound, they could be the real deal..

My exes mum is one of the most down to earth and genuine human beings i have ever met in my life, and we are so similar it's like we connect on another level, she is honestly my inspiration - which sounds so cliche and icky but honestly, if i turn out half as wise and successful as her i will be so happy. I feel like she does see my worth, and i can see that theres part opf her in there that misses me being around - i can just sense it.
I'm sorry okay, i did feed her this information with the idea it would get back to my ex, and if it does it makes me feel good cause he can see i'm doing well - even though it shouldnt matter haha!!

Okay, I see what you're saying and i will have to try and watch what i say around my exes mum, cause she could go back and tell him things i have said which make it look as if i haven't moved on when i have (ie mentioning the old days).. that something i will need to watch in the future.
I understand what you mean and i feel like i am making my healing process prolonged by thinking about him when i do stuff, its just so hard not to at the moment but i will make more of an effort not to do it anymore - i get what you mean!! I cant and wont lie when i tell you that he is definitely in more of my thoughts lately after my birthday event - i guess it was just seeing him with someone, probably shook me up, and probably would if the shoe was on the other foot.

So, last night something big kind of happened, my mum and my exes mum are now best of friends, and they only have eachother, and we had something happen within the family and my mum needed advice straight away, meaning she called up my exes mum to come to the house right away, they were going to the gym but this was cancelled as my sister needed me my mum and my exes mum urgently.. it turned into a 2 hour conversation, which ran deep and it was nice to see her again (although i couldn't help but feel bad for being around her again as i felt like it was going to not help me with healing(, but she got my mum and sister into good shape and gave them really good advice and then we went to a restaurant to grab some food.
During food, again my exes mum was really friendly with me, and every now and again she would mention things which happened between me and my ex, good things - and memories, and it was nice but quite upsetting. She didn't mention anything bad about him, didn't mention the new guy she only spoke about him when it was something back in the days of me and him.. and it was strange, i was wondering why she didn't mention the new guy or something, has she still got the hope of me and her son getting back together too? she told us she felt honoured we went to her for advice with the seriousness of the situation, i don't really know what to think.

Anyway, its the following day and I have heard nothing from my ex, he has been on the down low completely this week apart from contacting one of my friends and 'retweeting' my friends tweets, which is kinda odd..
I have told my mum that i wont be around when his mum comes over for a while, as it is going to start messing with my head and it can become difficult to be around her when i'm not with my ex because i still love him and the family dearly.
The book not being closed is something i truly believe at this point, and i spoke to one of my friends about this and she just explained how she felt it was unfair how i still havent been given closure or a reason why we are really over - does he know i will never truly move on without the closure i feel like i need??

Im feeling somewhat positive, im going to go out tonight with an open mind and i will see if i meet anyone new, afterall i am single and it does make me feel kinda good when i get attention from someone.
I know you're probably mad at me for having some of the thoughts i have been having and maybe seeing his mum again, but i wont see her for a while and i will try and push him to the back of my mind - for you.

Thanks for the amazing advice, hope you're feeling good, you know i am here for you too, although my advice probably wouldn't be the best at this point, look at me!!

Jack, think of me as your tough love best friend that will give it to you straight and not cut around the bs, so no more apologizing to me okay? I'm just calling you out here and there so you make sure you heal properly, only because I care also because we are getting into circles about what's going on which is pretty standard, our emotions go through this constant cycle of finally accepting the break up to doing anything to get our ex back. And every bit in between... Just gotta vent it out here haha.

Yea I am trying to keep my position as a third party to keep things as least biased as I can. But as you can tell, I will probably take your side much more often than not because we are fellow dumpees and we have been helping each other a lot. I do agree that the new guy seems like a rebound, and I use the timeline to justify my guess. Of course, we can both be wrong and love does odd things. However, from the sounds of things, it seems more of an infatuation with something completely new and very different from you. I would also guess that it wouldn't last but who knows? However, for the sake of your healing, I would just keep it as he has moved on and you should too. If he comes back, that's another headache for another day haha. Also, that is an interesting thought. But, let me ask you this. Do you think you could truly move on after a love filled, committed relationship in a few months? Probably not. The love is still there, even if the dumper was checking out of the relationship a month or two prior, it's not like they grieved the end of the relationship. This is why rebounds are hurtful for both parties. The rebound doesn't get the chance to really have a relationship with someone putting their all in. The rebounder hasn't properly addressed their feelings and grieved the end of the relationship. At the end, they'll have two relationships to grieve. One is already enough.... So, yes it may be a mind thing to show you that he has the power to move on that quickly and try to make you jealous. The heart, I don't know? Personally, my heart would not be able to do that.

I like that list of things! Definitely a list of things to get productive and get you back on track! I know the feeling of sleeping in and waking up later... It helps to escape pain and constant analyzing even for a couple of hours haha. But you are right, we have to get up earlier and start to get on with our lives! Why you putting diary in quotations?? YOU WRITE IN THAT DIARY PROUDLY! or draw in it haha. Honestly, I'm just glad you're finding outlets to let your creativity and emotions out in a proper fashion! And this diary will be for you, to document your marvelous life and feelings and passions. So proud of you for taking these steps and I'll be here if you need some more motivation or anything.

Haha you're right but o my goodness the thought of erasing everything has been so nice until a couple weeks ago. Weak moment on my part. O wow your friend rekindled with her ex? Congratulations to her and wishing her the best! How long were they apart for? And you're right, I think I've come to that conclusion recently. I will probably love my ex for the rest of my days but as time goes on, maybe it'll be a fond memory of how great my first love was and time to let room for a different kind of love, even if it is with my ex again. Trust me, I've been there too... I held on to resentment for the better part of a year, but finally I had a moment where I was just like the hell was I holding onto that for? So what's weird is this was our first relationship and I think we both thought this was it, we found our partners for life. When I realized this in, about a year and a half, I had GIGS. I enjoyed attention from others, wanted to be single to live my college life, etc. Everything, kid you not. I was so close to cheating at times, but I was a weird one and just kept going in the relationship while having GIGS. One day, I just woke up after everything, and was like where has my mind been for the past like half year? I have a great life, and an amazing partner that I will happily devote myself to. These attractions are useless, I just want to be with my guy. I think that's when all my resentment died down.

To be honest, it's okay if these changes are things that you can apply broadly such as putting your all into school and bettering your life in general. Just try not to make it all for your ex. But good good, glad to hear you're making these changes and you know it! Other guys will truly enjoy all that you have to offer with all these changes you are making! I think it's something that is said for us to heal and not continue to keep false hope to delay healing. Furthermore, it's true in some sense as he doesn't want you right now but that's not to say forever. He may one day in the future but it won't be healthy for you to keep that as hope. It hurts and I hate saying it too but I guess it's all part of accepting and healing, at this point. You better bet your sexy self that you are worth all these guys and glad you're feeling confident to talk to all of them! You go catch them hotties! All of them haha!

Yea no contact is the best way. It's like I'm sure we both could get a response we want at this point, but it won't be worth it. There's the possibility of getting hurt, which will be more likely than anything. Also, I read from a lot of posters that ex's do tend to think of reconciliation and the want to act on it depends on a lot of factors, however, contacting will only delay the time if they were to reach out to begin with. So either way, it's just best to relax and let him do his thing. YES! So happy to hear that and proud of you! You are better than his rebound in every way, except at how good he does drugs maybe? Haha, which is a plus. And maybe in a couple months, you will be that freaking amazing and get a hotter, much kinder guy. Who knows!

Cliche turns out to be true half the time, "blinded by love," seriously has a new definition in my book as so true haha. But your ex's mom just sounds like such a great soul that you should look up to her as inspiration. Even if you and your ex work out or don't, you can keep being friends with her and maybe someday be cordial with your ex. Hahah don't apologize, it's okay. Just no more of that and let her ask questions next time! But that connection is hard to find with another parent. I would say to try to keep that door with her open. Who knows, maybe in the future, she may be the one to get you and your ex back haha!

I am so sorry to hear about the emergency last night! I really hope everything is okay and that your family is doing better! Glad your ex's mom could be there for your family and she sounds like just the person that your family could use in an emergency! I know it will be hard to continue healing with your ex's mom around, it's difficult to hear of all these nice memories and her giving you the impression that things between you and your ex should just be back to normal. I have this perception that parents have been there and done this so long ago, they remember how trivial break ups are/were, but they also forget the pain of it. So they just think, ah hurry up and get over it and get back together in a number of months. So, she may not even bring up the rebound so she doesn't hurt you and try to bring up all the good memories to just remind you that you did have a great history and she sees you as a potential son-in-law. That is such a huge praise from any parent and I truly think you deserve to hear and see that. It will be hard, but I think she is just doing what any parent would do. Ultimately, she just wants to keep you in her life and remind you of all the things to keep the love alive, because she knows that you are a good fit for her son. I can't give you any advice as to how to heal going forward, but just remember that you cannot put your life on hold for your ex. Especially for someone you idolize. Try to just think of the memories as fond, and leave it at that. Hopefully, the pain will subside soon!

It isn't fair to get closure but at the same time, you won't ever really get closure. Even after the multiple talks I have had with my ex, I don't feel like I truly have closure from him. I got it from myself. He basically just gave me bs excuses and said he wants to be single. All we can do is just take it that they don't want us right now, for whatever reason, and that we have to go forward with our lives. The book may not be closed, but we can't sit by the book and wait for it to resume. We have to close it for now, and walk away, and if they come to try again we open the book together again. Try not to dig so much into social media and his activity anymore, okay? Maybe try and take a break from social media altogether. It kind of helps with being analytical and obsessive thoughts of the ex, at least for me it did. I have even been able to leave my phone around the house while I go do errands and things. Life is around me again, and it's nice. Definitely try it here and there. It's kind of liberating!

Haha I do get frustrated with you at times, but it's only because I can feel/sense the pain behind the computer screen from you. And the only person prolonging that pain is you. Although we haven't met, it's not a good feeling to try to help someone who is in pain and reopens the wounds. I only want what's best for you and I've noticed sometimes, it takes a reality check from someone to help us make that move. However, I haven't been taking into account the pain that we both feel at times. It's okay to be in pain and do these things, but just try not to prolong it too much okay? Do your best to do what you can for yourself and keep moving forward! Of course, you will have the daily blips and thinking of the ex and wanting to win him back. It's all part of the healing cycle. Bear with it and stay strong! We will overcome this pain and come out stronger! I'd say talk with your ex's mom again when you feel ready but don't readily avoid her either. She just sounds too good of a person to stay away from haha. Just go with what you feel is right though! At the end of the day, I'll be supporting you and here for whatever your pain is and ultimately when that pain subsides! You've been strong and you had a minor blip, nothing to be sorry about. You are strong and I know you will be making the best moves forward to make the best of the time you have now.

Keep that chin up, them eyebrows perfect, and your life amazing because you are one great soul! Thanks for dealing with my frustrations at you and for all your advice as well. One day, we'll be at such a better place and we learned so much we can be relationship experts by the end of this haha!

Wishing you the best day

-WhatDEWWWWW

January 22, 2017

Jack, think of me as your tough love best friend that will give it to you straight and not cut around the bs, so no more apologizing to me okay? I'm just calling you out here and there so you make sure you heal properly, only because I care also because we are getting into circles about what's going on which is pretty standard, our emotions go through this constant cycle of finally accepting the break up to doing anything to get our ex back. And every bit in between... Just gotta vent it out here haha.

Yea I am trying to keep my position as a third party to keep things as least biased as I can. But as you can tell, I will probably take your side much more often than not because we are fellow dumpees and we have been helping each other a lot. I do agree that the new guy seems like a rebound, and I use the timeline to justify my guess. Of course, we can both be wrong and love does odd things. However, from the sounds of things, it seems more of an infatuation with something completely new and very different from you. I would also guess that it wouldn't last but who knows? However, for the sake of your healing, I would just keep it as he has moved on and you should too. If he comes back, that's another headache for another day haha. Also, that is an interesting thought. But, let me ask you this. Do you think you could truly move on after a love filled, committed relationship in a few months? Probably not. The love is still there, even if the dumper was checking out of the relationship a month or two prior, it's not like they grieved the end of the relationship. This is why rebounds are hurtful for both parties. The rebound doesn't get the chance to really have a relationship with someone putting their all in. The rebounder hasn't properly addressed their feelings and grieved the end of the relationship. At the end, they'll have two relationships to grieve. One is already enough.... So, yes it may be a mind thing to show you that he has the power to move on that quickly and try to make you jealous. The heart, I don't know? Personally, my heart would not be able to do that.

I like that list of things! Definitely a list of things to get productive and get you back on track! I know the feeling of sleeping in and waking up later... It helps to escape pain and constant analyzing even for a couple of hours haha. But you are right, we have to get up earlier and start to get on with our lives! Why you putting diary in quotations?? YOU WRITE IN THAT DIARY PROUDLY! or draw in it haha. Honestly, I'm just glad you're finding outlets to let your creativity and emotions out in a proper fashion! And this diary will be for you, to document your marvelous life and feelings and passions. So proud of you for taking these steps and I'll be here if you need some more motivation or anything.

Haha you're right but o my goodness the thought of erasing everything has been so nice until a couple weeks ago. Weak moment on my part. O wow your friend rekindled with her ex? Congratulations to her and wishing her the best! How long were they apart for? And you're right, I think I've come to that conclusion recently. I will probably love my ex for the rest of my days but as time goes on, maybe it'll be a fond memory of how great my first love was and time to let room for a different kind of love, even if it is with my ex again. Trust me, I've been there too... I held on to resentment for the better part of a year, but finally I had a moment where I was just like the hell was I holding onto that for? So what's weird is this was our first relationship and I think we both thought this was it, we found our partners for life. When I realized this in, about a year and a half, I had GIGS. I enjoyed attention from others, wanted to be single to live my college life, etc. Everything, kid you not. I was so close to cheating at times, but I was a weird one and just kept going in the relationship while having GIGS. One day, I just woke up after everything, and was like where has my mind been for the past like half year? I have a great life, and an amazing partner that I will happily devote myself to. These attractions are useless, I just want to be with my guy. I think that's when all my resentment died down.

To be honest, it's okay if these changes are things that you can apply broadly such as putting your all into school and bettering your life in general. Just try not to make it all for your ex. But good good, glad to hear you're making these changes and you know it! Other guys will truly enjoy all that you have to offer with all these changes you are making! I think it's something that is said for us to heal and not continue to keep false hope to delay healing. Furthermore, it's true in some sense as he doesn't want you right now but that's not to say forever. He may one day in the future but it won't be healthy for you to keep that as hope. It hurts and I hate saying it too but I guess it's all part of accepting and healing, at this point. You better bet your sexy self that you are worth all these guys and glad you're feeling confident to talk to all of them! You go catch them hotties! All of them haha!

Yea no contact is the best way. It's like I'm sure we both could get a response we want at this point, but it won't be worth it. There's the possibility of getting hurt, which will be more likely than anything. Also, I read from a lot of posters that ex's do tend to think of reconciliation and the want to act on it depends on a lot of factors, however, contacting will only delay the time if they were to reach out to begin with. So either way, it's just best to relax and let him do his thing. YES! So happy to hear that and proud of you! You are better than his rebound in every way, except at how good he does drugs maybe? Haha, which is a plus. And maybe in a couple months, you will be that freaking amazing and get a hotter, much kinder guy. Who knows!

Cliche turns out to be true half the time, "blinded by love," seriously has a new definition in my book as so true haha. But your ex's mom just sounds like such a great soul that you should look up to her as inspiration. Even if you and your ex work out or don't, you can keep being friends with her and maybe someday be cordial with your ex. Hahah don't apologize, it's okay. Just no more of that and let her ask questions next time! But that connection is hard to find with another parent. I would say to try to keep that door with her open. Who knows, maybe in the future, she may be the one to get you and your ex back haha!

I am so sorry to hear about the emergency last night! I really hope everything is okay and that your family is doing better! Glad your ex's mom could be there for your family and she sounds like just the person that your family could use in an emergency! I know it will be hard to continue healing with your ex's mom around, it's difficult to hear of all these nice memories and her giving you the impression that things between you and your ex should just be back to normal. I have this perception that parents have been there and done this so long ago, they remember how trivial break ups are/were, but they also forget the pain of it. So they just think, ah hurry up and get over it and get back together in a number of months. So, she may not even bring up the rebound so she doesn't hurt you and try to bring up all the good memories to just remind you that you did have a great history and she sees you as a potential son-in-law. That is such a huge praise from any parent and I truly think you deserve to hear and see that. It will be hard, but I think she is just doing what any parent would do. Ultimately, she just wants to keep you in her life and remind you of all the things to keep the love alive, because she knows that you are a good fit for her son. I can't give you any advice as to how to heal going forward, but just remember that you cannot put your life on hold for your ex. Especially for someone you idolize. Try to just think of the memories as fond, and leave it at that. Hopefully, the pain will subside soon!

It isn't fair to get closure but at the same time, you won't ever really get closure. Even after the multiple talks I have had with my ex, I don't feel like I truly have closure from him. I got it from myself. He basically just gave me bs excuses and said he wants to be single. All we can do is just take it that they don't want us right now, for whatever reason, and that we have to go forward with our lives. The book may not be closed, but we can't sit by the book and wait for it to resume. We have to close it for now, and walk away, and if they come to try again we open the book together again. Try not to dig so much into social media and his activity anymore, okay? Maybe try and take a break from social media altogether. It kind of helps with being analytical and obsessive thoughts of the ex, at least for me it did. I have even been able to leave my phone around the house while I go do errands and things. Life is around me again, and it's nice. Definitely try it here and there. It's kind of liberating!

Haha I do get frustrated with you at times, but it's only because I can feel/sense the pain behind the computer screen from you. And the only person prolonging that pain is you. Although we haven't met, it's not a good feeling to try to help someone who is in pain and reopens the wounds. I only want what's best for you and I've noticed sometimes, it takes a reality check from someone to help us make that move. However, I haven't been taking into account the pain that we both feel at times. It's okay to be in pain and do these things, but just try not to prolong it too much okay? Do your best to do what you can for yourself and keep moving forward! Of course, you will have the daily blips and thinking of the ex and wanting to win him back. It's all part of the healing cycle. Bear with it and stay strong! We will overcome this pain and come out stronger! I'd say talk with your ex's mom again when you feel ready but don't readily avoid her either. She just sounds too good of a person to stay away from haha. Just go with what you feel is right though! At the end of the day, I'll be supporting you and here for whatever your pain is and ultimately when that pain subsides! You've been strong and you had a minor blip, nothing to be sorry about. You are strong and I know you will be making the best moves forward to make the best of the time you have now.

Keep that chin up, them eyebrows perfect, and your life amazing because you are one great soul! Thanks for dealing with my frustrations at you and for all your advice as well. One day, we'll be at such a better place and we learned so much we can be relationship experts by the end of this haha!

Wishing you the best day

-WhatDEWWWWW

Okay so I will try and tell myself that he has moved on and is gone for good, it's so hard and frustrating - a mutual friend gave me a lift to the bar I went to last night and he was explaining about how the boy looks like an early teenager and doesn't understand it himself - it seems like everyone is thinking 'what the hell are you doing???'.. I didn't comment as I didn't want to make it look like I was a jealous or bitter ex, I'm really trying to stay graceful throughout the breakup, meaning I haven't said anything bad about him to people who might say things to him, I've just kept my real opinions to myself, you and my friends!

I honestly couldn't get into a relationship now, he was a massive part of my life and someone who I couldn't replace with just anyone, but the same goes, I mean, some weeks we spent 7 days together, and others (usually all) we would spend at least 5 days a week together, therefore how can he even think about replacing me? Or maybe he had too? I don't know, it just makes me feel kinda upset that I have been replaced with someone so quickly, and as much as I love him the thought of someone else in 'our' bed (the one where we slept most nights) makes me feel unwell and I can't think about it for too long.

They were apart from around July and they rekindled in January, and she's really happy, I remember one day we went to a restaurant together and we both were sat at the table with tears streaming!! It's crazy how much can change, I'm really happy for her - but so jealous!! See I didn't really feel the need to cheat on my ex, I liked attention from others but there was a moment in my relationship where I felt so unhappy with myself that I wanted to be told I looked nice more often, I didn't feel at all attractive and it really made me feel so bad about myself, I didn't tell my ex this but I felt horrible. And I am glad to be out of that place.

You're right there to, I can't hold onto the hope that one day he might come back for me, I wish he would just wake up now and realise all these games or whatever he is doing don't have to be done, I'm literally right here in front of him and I 100% love him more than what I did when I was with him - which is so crazy. My worst nightmare is the idea that his rebound might last, like how sad and pathetic is it going to make me look if my ex could move on from me in like a month and a half, or even 3 weeks if we say that it began when they met..

I always tell myself that what if I contact my ex today and he was going to send me a text the following day? Like what if I messaged him telling him I miss him and he was going to text me the very next day saying the same thing? Does that make sense, like what a waste of time it would really be. I really just want to meet someone who will take me out, treat me nice and make me feel good about myself, someone who I get butterflies around - I'm tired of moping around haha, I want to be taken out by someone!!

Honestly the connection me and his mum share is something on another level, I can imagine when he brings home the 'rebound' she is probably thinking to herself - what the hell are you doing!

I just don't think she would put in the same level of effort to get close with a boyfriend again, I don't think she has it in her to restart with someone else when me and her spent last year building bridges and becoming as close as we were, you're right though, she is a gem and I think she will be sticking around for a while, and who knows maybe she will be the one to bring us back together.

I feel like maybe deep down she does see me as a good fit for her son, she was always to kind and loving to me whenever I was around, it was just one of those things that worked, honestly if I met my ex in 5 years time and not now I feel like things would have been so different, whether it be with him or not I will find someone much like my ex to settle down with, he just has the characteristics of someone I want to spend my life with (cringe?!).

I feel like when I talk about the memories I'm still in the relationship with him, which is so messed up isn't it? Like it feels for a second as if nothing has happened and those memories are ongoing and like - when are we going there again??

It's sad

Yeah I guess I don't even know what would be closure, for some reason I keep replaying things he said to me early on in the break up and all the things he said to me just hurt me every time, and I'm asking myself now like, is it definitely over, like did he mean wheat he said then? One time he told me that he 'no longer loved me, that chapter in his life is over' and another time he said 'we have a really good bond, how about we be friends?' And just stuff like this which breaks my heart every time, but did he mean that? Does he really want to be friends, will he honestly not love me again? I'm not sure if I'm being naive and ignoring these things and giving myself false hope? But he said all these things and then acts in a way which is like he is trying to hurt me but also in a way which suggests he isn't over me yet, and i don't know what to think?

Thank you for that, I will go with what I think is right, I won't completely cut his mum off but at this point I just feel like being around her might screw my head up, for instance someone called her and I was trying hard to hear if it was his voice on the phone just to hear his voice, messed up isn't it?

I love him and his family to the moon and back, that will never change, and therefore at this point, because I'm thinking like that I don't think it's healthy to be around her as all I wanna do is jump in her car and go back home with her aha, I just miss being part of his life and part of their family, I was actually proud to be apart of it.

So last night I got really drunk, didn't really enjoy myself but some guy who I dated a few years ago - the one who asked about what happened with me and my ex in the club 2 weeeks agk (mentioned in an early post) has been texting me a lot in the last week, I thought he was talking to my ex but I think he is interested in me.. I'm not massively fond of him and don't know if there is reallt anything there on my behalf but he has just told me that he is going to an event in a club in 3 weeks time which I'm also going to, along with my friends and guess who!!!! Yes my ex and his rebound, great. But I feel like maybe if I'm with someone else, although I shouldn't be thinking about what he will think IT MIGHT be good for him to see me truly moving on as I have had to deal with seeing him with someone else in the flesh and all he has seen is a picture!! I just replayed he vision of them two kissing in my head and it hurt - ugh!!!! I was doing so well.

Adding onto last night, I did something silly, so my ex is completely off the radar, all his friends and his brother went to the same club last night but my ex was nowhere to be seen in any of the pictures, his bestest friend didn't go out therefore he could've been with him but here I am overthinking while really jntoxicated and just telling myself a million and one things he could be doing.. anyway, I went on Instagram and for the first time in a while I searched the 'rebounds' name - ok and here's where it might/or might not get interesting, you're probably gunna be pulling your hair out now cause of my over analysis BUT, his account was always on private, since November it had been anyway and I'm not sure how long before that it was, but anyway, the 'rebound' had uploaded a picture of the two together in a club, and his account has now been taking off private, and there's comments on his selfies from my ex and stuff, and it's kinda like, it's been on private all this time and now they have a picture together and they talk on the comments on this guys account it's been taken off private so I can see it?? Does that make sense, like my ex is a very very clever boy and it wouldn't surprise me if he said something to the 'rebound' like, 'I get more likes and followers when my account isn't on private' - with the intention that perhaps I might look on his Instagram and see it if I was stalking - WHICH I WAS FFS!! Haha, or he potentially go to the extreme of going on his phone when he isn't looking and taking it off private. It's madness but I can genuinely imagine that happening cause he might in the back of his mind be thinking that I'm going to look, and I did?

I'm annoyed at myself at the moment, I was doing so well and I hadn't crumbled in a really long time and I do feel like I've let myself down slightly, but I think I've just realised how much my ex was a bit part of my life and how much I love and miss him now - seeing his mum reminded me of why I loved being with him and seeing him with someone else has made me realise it might be over for the long run, and his mixed signals in my birthday has just opened the door to overthinking and overanalysing again, I will try and stay strong, it's Sunday, which is my day where I usually feel upset about my ex because I feel lonely, therefore I'm probably going to have a few tears later on but there we go, have the best day, thanks for all the AMAZING advice, you keep me strong and make me want to carry on.

January 23, 2017

Okay so I will try and tell myself that he has moved on and is gone for good, it's so hard and frustrating - a mutual friend gave me a lift to the bar I went to last night and he was explaining about how the boy looks like an early teenager and doesn't understand it himself - it seems like everyone is thinking 'what the hell are you doing???'.. I didn't comment as I didn't want to make it look like I was a jealous or bitter ex, I'm really trying to stay graceful throughout the breakup, meaning I haven't said anything bad about him to people who might say things to him, I've just kept my real opinions to myself, you and my friends!
I honestly couldn't get into a relationship now, he was a massive part of my life and someone who I couldn't replace with just anyone, but the same goes, I mean, some weeks we spent 7 days together, and others (usually all) we would spend at least 5 days a week together, therefore how can he even think about replacing me? Or maybe he had too? I don't know, it just makes me feel kinda upset that I have been replaced with someone so quickly, and as much as I love him the thought of someone else in 'our' bed (the one where we slept most nights) makes me feel unwell and I can't think about it for too long.

They were apart from around July and they rekindled in January, and she's really happy, I remember one day we went to a restaurant together and we both were sat at the table with tears streaming!! It's crazy how much can change, I'm really happy for her - but so jealous!! See I didn't really feel the need to cheat on my ex, I liked attention from others but there was a moment in my relationship where I felt so unhappy with myself that I wanted to be told I looked nice more often, I didn't feel at all attractive and it really made me feel so bad about myself, I didn't tell my ex this but I felt horrible. And I am glad to be out of that place.
You're right there to, I can't hold onto the hope that one day he might come back for me, I wish he would just wake up now and realise all these games or whatever he is doing don't have to be done, I'm literally right here in front of him and I 100% love him more than what I did when I was with him - which is so crazy. My worst nightmare is the idea that his rebound might last, like how sad and pathetic is it going to make me look if my ex could move on from me in like a month and a half, or even 3 weeks if we say that it began when they met..

I always tell myself that what if I contact my ex today and he was going to send me a text the following day? Like what if I messaged him telling him I miss him and he was going to text me the very next day saying the same thing? Does that make sense, like what a waste of time it would really be. I really just want to meet someone who will take me out, treat me nice and make me feel good about myself, someone who I get butterflies around - I'm tired of moping around haha, I want to be taken out by someone!!

Honestly the connection me and his mum share is something on another level, I can imagine when he brings home the 'rebound' she is probably thinking to herself - what the hell are you doing!
I just don't think she would put in the same level of effort to get close with a boyfriend again, I don't think she has it in her to restart with someone else when me and her spent last year building bridges and becoming as close as we were, you're right though, she is a gem and I think she will be sticking around for a while, and who knows maybe she will be the one to bring us back together.

I feel like maybe deep down she does see me as a good fit for her son, she was always to kind and loving to me whenever I was around, it was just one of those things that worked, honestly if I met my ex in 5 years time and not now I feel like things would have been so different, whether it be with him or not I will find someone much like my ex to settle down with, he just has the characteristics of someone I want to spend my life with (cringe?!).
I feel like when I talk about the memories I'm still in the relationship with him, which is so messed up isn't it? Like it feels for a second as if nothing has happened and those memories are ongoing and like - when are we going there again??
It's sad

Yeah I guess I don't even know what would be closure, for some reason I keep replaying things he said to me early on in the break up and all the things he said to me just hurt me every time, and I'm asking myself now like, is it definitely over, like did he mean wheat he said then? One time he told me that he 'no longer loved me, that chapter in his life is over' and another time he said 'we have a really good bond, how about we be friends?' And just stuff like this which breaks my heart every time, but did he mean that? Does he really want to be friends, will he honestly not love me again? I'm not sure if I'm being naive and ignoring these things and giving myself false hope? But he said all these things and then acts in a way which is like he is trying to hurt me but also in a way which suggests he isn't over me yet, and i don't know what to think?

Thank you for that, I will go with what I think is right, I won't completely cut his mum off but at this point I just feel like being around her might screw my head up, for instance someone called her and I was trying hard to hear if it was his voice on the phone just to hear his voice, messed up isn't it?
I love him and his family to the moon and back, that will never change, and therefore at this point, because I'm thinking like that I don't think it's healthy to be around her as all I wanna do is jump in her car and go back home with her aha, I just miss being part of his life and part of their family, I was actually proud to be apart of it.

So last night I got really drunk, didn't really enjoy myself but some guy who I dated a few years ago - the one who asked about what happened with me and my ex in the club 2 weeeks agk (mentioned in an early post) has been texting me a lot in the last week, I thought he was talking to my ex but I think he is interested in me.. I'm not massively fond of him and don't know if there is reallt anything there on my behalf but he has just told me that he is going to an event in a club in 3 weeks time which I'm also going to, along with my friends and guess who!!!! Yes my ex and his rebound, great. But I feel like maybe if I'm with someone else, although I shouldn't be thinking about what he will think IT MIGHT be good for him to see me truly moving on as I have had to deal with seeing him with someone else in the flesh and all he has seen is a picture!! I just replayed he vision of them two kissing in my head and it hurt - ugh!!!! I was doing so well.

Adding onto last night, I did something silly, so my ex is completely off the radar, all his friends and his brother went to the same club last night but my ex was nowhere to be seen in any of the pictures, his bestest friend didn't go out therefore he could've been with him but here I am overthinking while really jntoxicated and just telling myself a million and one things he could be doing.. anyway, I went on Instagram and for the first time in a while I searched the 'rebounds' name - ok and here's where it might/or might not get interesting, you're probably gunna be pulling your hair out now cause of my over analysis BUT, his account was always on private, since November it had been anyway and I'm not sure how long before that it was, but anyway, the 'rebound' had uploaded a picture of the two together in a club, and his account has now been taking off private, and there's comments on his selfies from my ex and stuff, and it's kinda like, it's been on private all this time and now they have a picture together and they talk on the comments on this guys account it's been taken off private so I can see it?? Does that make sense, like my ex is a very very clever boy and it wouldn't surprise me if he said something to the 'rebound' like, 'I get more likes and followers when my account isn't on private' - with the intention that perhaps I might look on his Instagram and see it if I was stalking - WHICH I WAS FFS!! Haha, or he potentially go to the extreme of going on his phone when he isn't looking and taking it off private. It's madness but I can genuinely imagine that happening cause he might in the back of his mind be thinking that I'm going to look, and I did?

I'm annoyed at myself at the moment, I was doing so well and I hadn't crumbled in a really long time and I do feel like I've let myself down slightly, but I think I've just realised how much my ex was a bit part of my life and how much I love and miss him now - seeing his mum reminded me of why I loved being with him and seeing him with someone else has made me realise it might be over for the long run, and his mixed signals in my birthday has just opened the door to overthinking and overanalysing again, I will try and stay strong, it's Sunday, which is my day where I usually feel upset about my ex because I feel lonely, therefore I'm probably going to have a few tears later on but there we go, have the best day, thanks for all the AMAZING advice, you keep me strong and make me want to carry on.

So, a lot of people say to move on and let go of your ex so that you don't hold on to false hope in the case they don't come back. You will be utterly destroyed in the future. However, maybe holding a little hope in the back of your mind in the early stages of healing is beneficial? And as time passes, you can kill that hope, as you see the future play out? I'm not the best at it, however, you know what will make you feel the best. BUT NO MOPEYNESS ON OUR SIDES! We got this! I'm so proud of you! Good good, don't comment on anything about your ex, and if you really have to, simply say, "I wish them happiness." It's simple and you can be cordial. Yes, just let me know when you feel like bashing the teen boy toy, I'll be all ears haha. But, that's the thing with rebounds. They don't compare, some people have said how rebounds are generally of the 80/20 thought. So you are the 80 percent of what your ex was looking for in an ideal mate, and the rebound has 20 percent. The rebounds 20 percent looks so appealing after taking the 80 percent for granted from you, and in time realizes that and rebounds fail. I agree, I went on a couple dates, and when they pushed sexually, I was just repulsed. This won't work haha. Well, I can't say why he is doing what he's doing. Some people get over relationships by rebounding. Others have the dumper's relief period where they are excited for "greener grass." They still have to deal with the break up and grieve the relationship. For now, it just seems like a distraction because you had spent so much time together and he needs a gap filler. DON'T THINK ABOUT IT! Trust me, I know. I've been doing that a bit more lately too. Thinking about how my ex is probably doing things with people that we did, things we said, etc. Nope, cut that bs out of your life right now. Not going to make you feel any better, in the slightest bit. Just going to bring us back down, unfortunately.

O wow they weren't separated for too too long! That's so awesome and I wish them so much happiness! Hahaha I know what you mean, I'm really jealous too actually... But, with our healing, maybe it'll be us as well. Not going to hold a torch to that, it very may well not be us. Hahaha aw crying together! But I know what you mean, sometimes when in a relationship, we forget to tell each other how attractive and amazing we are. That's something that you know now, and can communicate! O jeez, you're in a bad rut. Yea, we do still love our ex's a lot, and we just have to see that right now, we have to respect ourselves enough to not want someone who doesn't want us that way right now. Maybe in the future, they might see that they made a mistake and didn't realize they were taking us for granted. It's scary to think that your ex won't be coming back. It really is. But you do have to think that way, in reality, that you may never have your ex back in your life. Accept that reality in due time. There's no rush so cry if you need to. Let it go with time.

Yea it would be a waste time to just hear that they miss you. It might be true, it might not be. For all we know, they may just ignore us now. Just let him go. You just said you aren't ready for a relationship? And now you want to be taken out by someone? Let's get our thoughts together! Your mind knows what's right that you aren't ready, but your heart misses the feelings and butterflies of a relationship. Just relax, let the feelings and sadness pass, and listen to your mind right now. You won't be ready and what happens if it doesn't pan out and you get hurt even more? Won't be good, and when that happens, I don't think I could be of much help. So just relax, and focus on just being single and having fun with just friends! Maybe have a sleepover with some girlfriends, gossip, do some crafts, just enjoy your time right now

I'm glad you can see that the connection with your ex's mom is really something special and how great a person she is. You know, they say that mom's are special creatures? She realizes what an amazing person you are, and I doubt she wants to let you out of her life. Well, I agree. What mom wants to go from connecting to such a great guy like you to a rebound or any other future guy that doesn't compare? There's no point. But she is doing what I think is best, and letting your ex figure out that the rebound is probably going to be an unsightly figure in the future. So just let your ex's mom be the comfort that she can be with her presence and personality.

I see a lot of people post that saying, if only we met in a few years... However, I don't find that saying to be completely true. You were meant to meet at this point in time. There's just so many variables that could play a factor and in 5 years time, you both could be completely different people that wouldn't even look at each other. So, it might be that you are meant to be, you met at this point in life to love each other for the period of time that you were together, and to go through a break up, go through all this growth, and get back together after all this growing. Or maybe, it was to teach you that this is love and that you have growing to do from this break up and someone will teach you a different, more wholesome type of love. It is sad, and it's because those are such precious memories that you can relive them. Don't forget them but appreciate them! But you can grow so much from all this so don't let the sadness overcome you. I know it's so tough, I've just spent the entire day not being myself and kind of in a zombie mode. It's rough but in an odd sense, and maybe this is my crazyness speaking, but I'm somewhat glad that I was the one that got dumped. I think back, and don't think I could ever be the dumper. I couldn't bear to put my ex through this kind of pain, and I know I will be the stronger one to take this, and walk away, and grow from it that much stronger.

Well, if you look up break up stories, there are a whole plethora of things said and nasty break ups that result in reconciliation. There are others where they don't. So I can't tell you that he did or didn't mean what he said. But, dumpers can say things that they don't mean. The ego gets a boost and it gives them the power and feelings to say that they don't want to be with us ever again. Who knows? But, as hard as it is, because I still replay some things, we can't keep replaying the break up. It just keeps us in limbo. Just take it as, they don't want us right now. That's it. You've already analyzed what you can do better. That's it, done. No more okay?

Oh I'm sure. It's hard to not be tempted to get any signs of your ex when you hang out with his mom. That's to be given. But just try to keep it as a connection that you are going to keep alive with just her, not concerning him at all. Although, I may suggest not keeping in touch with her too often. Let it happen by chance. Hahaha I know what you mean by jumping in her car to go see him. Just remember, you want to keep talking to his mom, for her. She's a great person, that's why. I'm happy to hear that you really do like his family, and I think they can see that and do truly enjoy your company. But don't let that blind you from your healing either okay?

Okay, okay. I would just say try not to do things with him. Don't. Seriously. Please, just keep it casual and just be friends with him. Don't try to date him. Don't try to hook up with him. This all just sounds like a drama scene waiting to happen. I would say to avoid all of them, the guy that "seems" to be interested in you, your ex, the rebound, everyone. Go with friends and just stick with them. Don't even think about looking around for your ex. If they try and weasel their way towards you, don't look and have fun with your friends. Seriously, I don't know what's going on there but you are not ready for anything, not even a fling. I'm smelling drama from this situation that SMELLS BADLY! No no no no! Don't do it, not even to get a reaction from your ex. It just smells fishy to me.

I won't be pulling my hairs but it does sounds like you are doing too much analysis again. Really suggest you not have your phone on you and keep yourself busy when you drink. You seem to pull yourself back down when you're not sober... So, you have these situations where it could be one in a million things. It may be this or it may be that, but honestly, you shouldn't care. I really want you to not look at his instagram or facebook anymore okay? You slipped this time, now no more. No contact, for another 60 days, which includes any online stalking of any kind okay? Gonna try to get you back on track. Your heart and alcohol are letting your mind wander and do things that you will regret. Just stick to your goals, and maybe try to shy away from alcohol for a bit? I haven't drank in about 2 months, and I think it's really helped haha. I will say that your ex may be thinking you may look, but all it will do is make you jealous won't it? It will make you want to reach out. That's not what you need if you want a reconciliation. You need him to reach out. So you need to move on, or at least appear that you are. Slowly work on it until you actually do.

So like I said before, it's okay to slip up. It's what makes us human. You slipped and looked. It's not the worst. Just remember that doing this only hurt you. You know that you love and miss your ex and his family. That is SO normal and don't feel too bad about it. I know the feeling! But just relax, live your life, and grow from all of this. There's just so many positives to trying to grow, live your life, and becoming the best that you can be. It most definitely opened the door and caused you a lapse in judgement. But, like you said, you know your ex was such a big part of your life. It won't be easy to go forward but you know that you're this strong to have come this far and can keep going. Man, I can't imagine how great of a person and lover you will be when you come out of all this. Just remember that you have so much, and you will achieve it all. Just stay strong, and come on here or to your friends nearby to get some motivation to keep you going! Thank you for everything and I got your back Take care and have a great day!!

-WhatDEWWWWW

January 24, 2017

So, a lot of people say to move on and let go of your ex so that you don't hold on to false hope in the case they don't come back. You will be utterly destroyed in the future. However, maybe holding a little hope in the back of your mind in the early stages of healing is beneficial? And as time passes, you can kill that hope, as you see the future play out? I'm not the best at it, however, you know what will make you feel the best. BUT NO MOPEYNESS ON OUR SIDES! We got this! I'm so proud of you! Good good, don't comment on anything about your ex, and if you really have to, simply say, "I wish them happiness." It's simple and you can be cordial. Yes, just let me know when you feel like bashing the teen boy toy, I'll be all ears haha. But, that's the thing with rebounds. They don't compare, some people have said how rebounds are generally of the 80/20 thought. So you are the 80 percent of what your ex was looking for in an ideal mate, and the rebound has 20 percent. The rebounds 20 percent looks so appealing after taking the 80 percent for granted from you, and in time realizes that and rebounds fail. I agree, I went on a couple dates, and when they pushed sexually, I was just repulsed. This won't work haha. Well, I can't say why he is doing what he's doing. Some people get over relationships by rebounding. Others have the dumper's relief period where they are excited for "greener grass." They still have to deal with the break up and grieve the relationship. For now, it just seems like a distraction because you had spent so much time together and he needs a gap filler. DON'T THINK ABOUT IT! Trust me, I know. I've been doing that a bit more lately too. Thinking about how my ex is probably doing things with people that we did, things we said, etc. Nope, cut that bs out of your life right now. Not going to make you feel any better, in the slightest bit. Just going to bring us back down, unfortunately.

O wow they weren't separated for too too long! That's so awesome and I wish them so much happiness! Hahaha I know what you mean, I'm really jealous too actually... But, with our healing, maybe it'll be us as well. Not going to hold a torch to that, it very may well not be us. Hahaha aw crying together! But I know what you mean, sometimes when in a relationship, we forget to tell each other how attractive and amazing we are. That's something that you know now, and can communicate! O jeez, you're in a bad rut. Yea, we do still love our ex's a lot, and we just have to see that right now, we have to respect ourselves enough to not want someone who doesn't want us that way right now. Maybe in the future, they might see that they made a mistake and didn't realize they were taking us for granted. It's scary to think that your ex won't be coming back. It really is. But you do have to think that way, in reality, that you may never have your ex back in your life. Accept that reality in due time. There's no rush so cry if you need to. Let it go with time.

Yea it would be a waste time to just hear that they miss you. It might be true, it might not be. For all we know, they may just ignore us now. Just let him go. You just said you aren't ready for a relationship? And now you want to be taken out by someone? Let's get our thoughts together! Your mind knows what's right that you aren't ready, but your heart misses the feelings and butterflies of a relationship. Just relax, let the feelings and sadness pass, and listen to your mind right now. You won't be ready and what happens if it doesn't pan out and you get hurt even more? Won't be good, and when that happens, I don't think I could be of much help. So just relax, and focus on just being single and having fun with just friends! Maybe have a sleepover with some girlfriends, gossip, do some crafts, just enjoy your time right now

I'm glad you can see that the connection with your ex's mom is really something special and how great a person she is. You know, they say that mom's are special creatures? She realizes what an amazing person you are, and I doubt she wants to let you out of her life. Well, I agree. What mom wants to go from connecting to such a great guy like you to a rebound or any other future guy that doesn't compare? There's no point. But she is doing what I think is best, and letting your ex figure out that the rebound is probably going to be an unsightly figure in the future. So just let your ex's mom be the comfort that she can be with her presence and personality.

I see a lot of people post that saying, if only we met in a few years... However, I don't find that saying to be completely true. You were meant to meet at this point in time. There's just so many variables that could play a factor and in 5 years time, you both could be completely different people that wouldn't even look at each other. So, it might be that you are meant to be, you met at this point in life to love each other for the period of time that you were together, and to go through a break up, go through all this growth, and get back together after all this growing. Or maybe, it was to teach you that this is love and that you have growing to do from this break up and someone will teach you a different, more wholesome type of love. It is sad, and it's because those are such precious memories that you can relive them. Don't forget them but appreciate them! But you can grow so much from all this so don't let the sadness overcome you. I know it's so tough, I've just spent the entire day not being myself and kind of in a zombie mode. It's rough but in an odd sense, and maybe this is my crazyness speaking, but I'm somewhat glad that I was the one that got dumped. I think back, and don't think I could ever be the dumper. I couldn't bear to put my ex through this kind of pain, and I know I will be the stronger one to take this, and walk away, and grow from it that much stronger.

Well, if you look up break up stories, there are a whole plethora of things said and nasty break ups that result in reconciliation. There are others where they don't. So I can't tell you that he did or didn't mean what he said. But, dumpers can say things that they don't mean. The ego gets a boost and it gives them the power and feelings to say that they don't want to be with us ever again. Who knows? But, as hard as it is, because I still replay some things, we can't keep replaying the break up. It just keeps us in limbo. Just take it as, they don't want us right now. That's it. You've already analyzed what you can do better. That's it, done. No more okay?

Oh I'm sure. It's hard to not be tempted to get any signs of your ex when you hang out with his mom. That's to be given. But just try to keep it as a connection that you are going to keep alive with just her, not concerning him at all. Although, I may suggest not keeping in touch with her too often. Let it happen by chance. Hahaha I know what you mean by jumping in her car to go see him. Just remember, you want to keep talking to his mom, for her. She's a great person, that's why. I'm happy to hear that you really do like his family, and I think they can see that and do truly enjoy your company. But don't let that blind you from your healing either okay?

Okay, okay. I would just say try not to do things with him. Don't. Seriously. Please, just keep it casual and just be friends with him. Don't try to date him. Don't try to hook up with him. This all just sounds like a drama scene waiting to happen. I would say to avoid all of them, the guy that "seems" to be interested in you, your ex, the rebound, everyone. Go with friends and just stick with them. Don't even think about looking around for your ex. If they try and weasel their way towards you, don't look and have fun with your friends. Seriously, I don't know what's going on there but you are not ready for anything, not even a fling. I'm smelling drama from this situation that SMELLS BADLY! No no no no! Don't do it, not even to get a reaction from your ex. It just smells fishy to me.

I won't be pulling my hairs but it does sounds like you are doing too much analysis again. Really suggest you not have your phone on you and keep yourself busy when you drink. You seem to pull yourself back down when you're not sober... So, you have these situations where it could be one in a million things. It may be this or it may be that, but honestly, you shouldn't care. I really want you to not look at his instagram or facebook anymore okay? You slipped this time, now no more. No contact, for another 60 days, which includes any online stalking of any kind okay? Gonna try to get you back on track. Your heart and alcohol are letting your mind wander and do things that you will regret. Just stick to your goals, and maybe try to shy away from alcohol for a bit? I haven't drank in about 2 months, and I think it's really helped haha. I will say that your ex may be thinking you may look, but all it will do is make you jealous won't it? It will make you want to reach out. That's not what you need if you want a reconciliation. You need him to reach out. So you need to move on, or at least appear that you are. Slowly work on it until you actually do.

So like I said before, it's okay to slip up. It's what makes us human. You slipped and looked. It's not the worst. Just remember that doing this only hurt you. You know that you love and miss your ex and his family. That is SO normal and don't feel too bad about it. I know the feeling! But just relax, live your life, and grow from all of this. There's just so many positives to trying to grow, live your life, and becoming the best that you can be. It most definitely opened the door and caused you a lapse in judgement. But, like you said, you know your ex was such a big part of your life. It won't be easy to go forward but you know that you're this strong to have come this far and can keep going. Man, I can't imagine how great of a person and lover you will be when you come out of all this. Just remember that you have so much, and you will achieve it all. Just stay strong, and come on here or to your friends nearby to get some motivation to keep you going! Thank you for everything and I got your back Take care and have a great day!!

-WhatDEWWWWW

I would have a little bit of hope deep down that he comes back if course, but I need to control how big that hope is, like you said I don't want to be back in a position where actually he isn't going to come back and I'm at square one.

The 80/20 thought is so true!! I just read up on it and it seems so accurate, and it's actually helped me understand perhaps why people might rebound.. my friend who has recently reconciled with her ex had to deal with her ex getting with a rebound too - she said that me and her seem similar, in the respect that it's not nice to have seen our ex with someone else but as we know that they don't compare to us, aren't similar to us and our exes are acting up we don't sit around crying about it - and look what happened in her case, I know it's not healthy to expect the same thing to happen with me and my ex that happened to her, but it's a situation I can relate too, and to be fair the situations have been very very similar.

Okay, I will try my hardest not to think about what he is feeling and doing with the time he has now gained without me by his side, it does mess my head up so I can see why it is realky unhealthy for healing, and if you overthink it half the time what you think they are doing is the complete opposite and the worse case scenario if what is actually happening.

I do feel like sometimes crying is defeat though and that's why I probably feel so bad when I have a down day, but I guess bottling it all up I probably a recipe for disaster.. yeah they weren't apart for that long, but long enough I think!! I know now that communication in a relationship is just so key, when I read through some old messages I sort of cringed and was angry at myself for some of the unnecessary things that I had said, I have so much more knowledge on relationships now and I know I'd be a better partner for anyone, and I'm kind of excited to give myself someone again because I know this time how different things would be, I wish I could have got with my ex this year with this amount of knowledge rather than last, but there was a reason he was part of 2016, there is a reason for all of this to happen.

My exes mum is honestly the wisest woman I know, wiser than my own mum, she is the best at advice and everything her and my exes dad do is the right thing to do, it's like they have the rule book to life and I think that's why I enjoyed being around them so much.

But I should definitely sit back and just let my ex make his own mistakes, he might not ever think this new guy is a mistake and they mght stay together for ages, who knows, but what I know is that it is a mistake, and I feel as if my exes mum is giving me signs which shows that she does know how great I am, that she misses me and potentially that she wishes I was still in her life as much as I was before all of this happened.

I should be doing what you are kind of saying and making the best out of a bad situation, but definitely have learned a lot from this and yeah it must suck to be the one who cuts off their ex for good, or at all - but at the same time how they act after that is down to them and it's fair to say my ex was really horrible and it was uncalled for, it wasn't at all a case of 'cruel to be kind' like he tried to tell people, it was simply him treating me horrendously after a break up as if the whole thing was my fault.. that's the only thing I find difficult at this point, I'm trying to forgive him and I do love him so much but then I remember more things that he did that I forgot about and made me feel so bad, he did a lot of hurtful things, it was like I didn't exist to him and he didn't care at all, and then he went from that to stopping it, then sent me the new year text and then I saw him in my birthday where he did all this stuff, and it's been the most mixed signal thing I've ever experienced, it was like I hate you, I don't hate you, have a good year, look at my new boyfriend????? Odd..

I won't look, I will try my hardest to resist - I manage to not look at my exes profile now because whenever I do I just ask myself what I'm going to achieve from it, and in reality I'm going to achieve nothing apart from the feeling of jealousy and probably a few tears. I can do this I know I can.

My ex wants me to look I know he does, he has always been the best with mindgames, when he was messing with my head before we were together when he had another boyfriend he tried every mind game he could.

I did slip. It probably was due to my exes behaviour on my birthday but as you can imagine it was hard to deal with all the mind games after all the mixed signals I have been giving during the course of my break up.

I'll remain as graceful as I can be, wish him well, not make an effort to see my exes mum but if I do see her than that's lovely. But I will just try and appear to be happy.

My phone is on shuffle right now and Sia 'Breathe me' has just come on. We saw her live together and Sia alongside Jess Glynne are our favourite singers.. it's reminding me of last summer, sad times haha.. I do miss him!!!

Onwards and upwards, have a good day and thanks for all the advice!!

January 25, 2017

I would have a little bit of hope deep down that he comes back if course, but I need to control how big that hope is, like you said I don't want to be back in a position where actually he isn't going to come back and I'm at square one.
The 80/20 thought is so true!! I just read up on it and it seems so accurate, and it's actually helped me understand perhaps why people might rebound.. my friend who has recently reconciled with her ex had to deal with her ex getting with a rebound too - she said that me and her seem similar, in the respect that it's not nice to have seen our ex with someone else but as we know that they don't compare to us, aren't similar to us and our exes are acting up we don't sit around crying about it - and look what happened in her case, I know it's not healthy to expect the same thing to happen with me and my ex that happened to her, but it's a situation I can relate too, and to be fair the situations have been very very similar.

Okay, I will try my hardest not to think about what he is feeling and doing with the time he has now gained without me by his side, it does mess my head up so I can see why it is realky unhealthy for healing, and if you overthink it half the time what you think they are doing is the complete opposite and the worse case scenario if what is actually happening.
I do feel like sometimes crying is defeat though and that's why I probably feel so bad when I have a down day, but I guess bottling it all up I probably a recipe for disaster.. yeah they weren't apart for that long, but long enough I think!! I know now that communication in a relationship is just so key, when I read through some old messages I sort of cringed and was angry at myself for some of the unnecessary things that I had said, I have so much more knowledge on relationships now and I know I'd be a better partner for anyone, and I'm kind of excited to give myself someone again because I know this time how different things would be, I wish I could have got with my ex this year with this amount of knowledge rather than last, but there was a reason he was part of 2016, there is a reason for all of this to happen.

My exes mum is honestly the wisest woman I know, wiser than my own mum, she is the best at advice and everything her and my exes dad do is the right thing to do, it's like they have the rule book to life and I think that's why I enjoyed being around them so much.
But I should definitely sit back and just let my ex make his own mistakes, he might not ever think this new guy is a mistake and they mght stay together for ages, who knows, but what I know is that it is a mistake, and I feel as if my exes mum is giving me signs which shows that she does know how great I am, that she misses me and potentially that she wishes I was still in her life as much as I was before all of this happened.

I should be doing what you are kind of saying and making the best out of a bad situation, but definitely have learned a lot from this and yeah it must suck to be the one who cuts off their ex for good, or at all - but at the same time how they act after that is down to them and it's fair to say my ex was really horrible and it was uncalled for, it wasn't at all a case of 'cruel to be kind' like he tried to tell people, it was simply him treating me horrendously after a break up as if the whole thing was my fault.. that's the only thing I find difficult at this point, I'm trying to forgive him and I do love him so much but then I remember more things that he did that I forgot about and made me feel so bad, he did a lot of hurtful things, it was like I didn't exist to him and he didn't care at all, and then he went from that to stopping it, then sent me the new year text and then I saw him in my birthday where he did all this stuff, and it's been the most mixed signal thing I've ever experienced, it was like I hate you, I don't hate you, have a good year, look at my new boyfriend????? Odd..

I won't look, I will try my hardest to resist - I manage to not look at my exes profile now because whenever I do I just ask myself what I'm going to achieve from it, and in reality I'm going to achieve nothing apart from the feeling of jealousy and probably a few tears. I can do this I know I can.
My ex wants me to look I know he does, he has always been the best with mindgames, when he was messing with my head before we were together when he had another boyfriend he tried every mind game he could.
I did slip. It probably was due to my exes behaviour on my birthday but as you can imagine it was hard to deal with all the mind games after all the mixed signals I have been giving during the course of my break up.
I'll remain as graceful as I can be, wish him well, not make an effort to see my exes mum but if I do see her than that's lovely. But I will just try and appear to be happy.
My phone is on shuffle right now and Sia 'Breathe me' has just come on. We saw her live together and Sia alongside Jess Glynne are our favourite singers.. it's reminding me of last summer, sad times haha.. I do miss him!!!

Onwards and upwards, have a good day and thanks for all the advice!!

Right right, we can't keep the hope alive so much that if our ex's don't come back, we will be devastated probably more so than we already are. Yea it also is what some would say leads to looking for greener grass, and leaving the relationship and why rebounds don't work. Not entirely sure but it does seem to ring some truth. Of course, it will be very difficult to deal with an ex in a rebound. I do agree with the thought that they don't compare, but it also shouldn't be the hope that the ex will come back. He may enjoy this for a while and it may last? So the thing is that these situations do happen and there are patterns. It's hard not to think the same, so don't blame yourself if you are. However, I would say to try and throw that thought away and simply keep to yourself and don't expect much.

Exactly, try not to think about how he feels or if he's sad. He may or may not be. But it shouldn't affect your healing and how you move on. What I've been doing is that he's probably happy with his freedom so I should be too. It helps, most of the time haha. You shouldn't think that feeling like crying is defeat in any way. It's part of the grieving and you felt like you had a real connection. There's nothing wrong with having a bad day. What is bad is not letting yourself have a bad day. Also, don't let it interfere with your daily life. You may feel bad but you can't let it paralyze you! I have done the same, I thought back to why I was so angry for something so small or I could have communicated things better. It's all about learning and we can do that in hindsight. So you got it, just have to look forward and know we will do a better job with the next go at a new relationship or possibly with our ex. Don't think like that. That's taking your new lessons and digging it into the past. You made mistakes. Forgive yourself and know you won't make them again. If your ex loved you, he forgave you or will forgive you.

Haha those types of people are the best, they make us want to be the best version of ourselves all the time! She doesn't have a rule book, it's from experiences like this that she learned what to do, from her parents, from everything she has gone through in life and was able to learn from and not feel sorry for herself. We have to be like that as well! She probably does, because although we weren't perfect partners or ever will be, we have the capacity to do what we can to make the best of our relationship. So yes, just let your ex learn as well.

Yea we really only have that option, don't we? We just have to do our best to make this our time to shine, and do what we can. I don't want to be remembered as the ex who could only mope and couldn't move on. I want to be the one that grew, rose up to the challenge, and saw my own self-worth. If my ex can't see that, his loss. And same with your ex. We are slowly growing and realizing much, much more. I can already see it and we're only starting, so keep going okay? Oh I know exactly what you mean, our ex's weren't the kindest after the break up. Makes them seem like heartless creatures, but just look at other posts and see how many dumpers did the same thing as our ex's. It's all part of the ego boost, the power, and idealization of coming across greener grass that gets to their head and lets them act out. Or maybe it was there to begin with and their actual personality is showing? Who knows but if it's so, we saved ourselves from a heck of a terrible future. Yea... Just don't look into it, and let him do his odd thing. You know you love him, and that's all you need to know for now. If he comes to realize he loves you in the end, even better, he'll let you know.

Exactly, there's absolutely no point in looking at your ex's profile. It will just cause hurt and jealousy. I also tend to look at it like he didn't want me in his life anymore, so I will do the same. Helps me stay away. Mind games are tough and try not to think like that. Your ex may not have tried to do that or think that. Just relax and look back on your past relationship with fondness and leave it at that. Growing bitterness won't help you, just put your healing on pause and cause you more pain in the future. To be honest, he's probably not trying to do all these mind games, you're creating them in your head. He simply does these things without thinking that much, just trying to get you jealous because deep down he still likes you, but not right now. The green grass is more appealing, right now. We both miss our ex's but just have to let it go, can't always tie every day things like a song to your ex unless it will just be a fond memory that you can smile upon and move forward.

Keep going my friend and we got this! I may reply less and less as I find that bringing myself to this site so often has started to halt my healing further. I feel like I'm at the last leg where I want to truly let go but coming here keeps fueling my last tiny flicker of hope. So, just a heads up, may only come back on a couple or few times a week.

Stay good!

-WhatDEWWWWW

February 17, 2017

Right right, we can't keep the hope alive so much that if our ex's don't come back, we will be devastated probably more so than we already are. Yea it also is what some would say leads to looking for greener grass, and leaving the relationship and why rebounds don't work. Not entirely sure but it does seem to ring some truth. Of course, it will be very difficult to deal with an ex in a rebound. I do agree with the thought that they don't compare, but it also shouldn't be the hope that the ex will come back. He may enjoy this for a while and it may last? So the thing is that these situations do happen and there are patterns. It's hard not to think the same, so don't blame yourself if you are. However, I would say to try and throw that thought away and simply keep to yourself and don't expect much.

Exactly, try not to think about how he feels or if he's sad. He may or may not be. But it shouldn't affect your healing and how you move on. What I've been doing is that he's probably happy with his freedom so I should be too. It helps, most of the time haha. You shouldn't think that feeling like crying is defeat in any way. It's part of the grieving and you felt like you had a real connection. There's nothing wrong with having a bad day. What is bad is not letting yourself have a bad day. Also, don't let it interfere with your daily life. You may feel bad but you can't let it paralyze you! I have done the same, I thought back to why I was so angry for something so small or I could have communicated things better. It's all about learning and we can do that in hindsight. So you got it, just have to look forward and know we will do a better job with the next go at a new relationship or possibly with our ex. Don't think like that. That's taking your new lessons and digging it into the past. You made mistakes. Forgive yourself and know you won't make them again. If your ex loved you, he forgave you or will forgive you.

Haha those types of people are the best, they make us want to be the best version of ourselves all the time! She doesn't have a rule book, it's from experiences like this that she learned what to do, from her parents, from everything she has gone through in life and was able to learn from and not feel sorry for herself. We have to be like that as well! She probably does, because although we weren't perfect partners or ever will be, we have the capacity to do what we can to make the best of our relationship. So yes, just let your ex learn as well.

Yea we really only have that option, don't we? We just have to do our best to make this our time to shine, and do what we can. I don't want to be remembered as the ex who could only mope and couldn't move on. I want to be the one that grew, rose up to the challenge, and saw my own self-worth. If my ex can't see that, his loss. And same with your ex. We are slowly growing and realizing much, much more. I can already see it and we're only starting, so keep going okay? Oh I know exactly what you mean, our ex's weren't the kindest after the break up. Makes them seem like heartless creatures, but just look at other posts and see how many dumpers did the same thing as our ex's. It's all part of the ego boost, the power, and idealization of coming across greener grass that gets to their head and lets them act out. Or maybe it was there to begin with and their actual personality is showing? Who knows but if it's so, we saved ourselves from a heck of a terrible future. Yea... Just don't look into it, and let him do his odd thing. You know you love him, and that's all you need to know for now. If he comes to realize he loves you in the end, even better, he'll let you know.

Exactly, there's absolutely no point in looking at your ex's profile. It will just cause hurt and jealousy. I also tend to look at it like he didn't want me in his life anymore, so I will do the same. Helps me stay away. Mind games are tough and try not to think like that. Your ex may not have tried to do that or think that. Just relax and look back on your past relationship with fondness and leave it at that. Growing bitterness won't help you, just put your healing on pause and cause you more pain in the future. To be honest, he's probably not trying to do all these mind games, you're creating them in your head. He simply does these things without thinking that much, just trying to get you jealous because deep down he still likes you, but not right now. The green grass is more appealing, right now. We both miss our ex's but just have to let it go, can't always tie every day things like a song to your ex unless it will just be a fond memory that you can smile upon and move forward.

Keep going my friend and we got this! I may reply less and less as I find that bringing myself to this site so often has started to halt my healing further. I feel like I'm at the last leg where I want to truly let go but coming here keeps fueling my last tiny flicker of hope. So, just a heads up, may only come back on a couple or few times a week.

Stay good!
-WhatDEWWWWW

Hey, I know this was probably a bit of a silly thing to do but I banned myself from this website for a while to see if anything would've changed after a while or if I would still be in the same boat, unfortunately - I'm still in the same boat, and it's safe to say I'm probably having one of the worst days since the break up.

Since I haven't been on here he wrote another tweet about me accusing me of following him everywhere after my best friend bought me a ticket to the same festival as her for her birthday.. a lot of people got defensive of me, including mine and his friends and they all took my side in this situation and said how he was being petty. One of my closest friends accused him of being jealous and he then tweeted her back with a disrespectful tweet about her sex life, and deleted it immidiately after, apart from the fact he never would've done this when he was with me, he was just acting horrible and disrespectful.

Anyway, my friend saw him in a club the other day and he told her that what she said about him was all true (but she said he was being jealous, therefore I'm left wondering what he means by that), and he said that he regrets tweeting what he did - but the tweet is still up there for people to see, which goes with my thoughts that he really is trying to front in order to impress his friends and perhaps convince himself that he no longer loves me, however he also told her that he hates me and he doesn't feel anything for me, and then retraced the fact he hates me and said that I'm a good person but I wasn't good to him and things were different behind closed doors..

Of course, to hear anyone hates you breaks your heart, but to hear the person you love hates you completelt shatters your heart. But then like my friend said he isn't going to stand there and say something like "I love him" is he? After all we aren't together anymore.

Anyway long story short he is still seeing this new guy, and the new guy is publishing the relationship a lot whereas there is no trace of a new guy in my exes profile as of yet.. I'm feeling pretty low, and alone - on the verge of cracking and sending him a text apologising for all of my wrongs and wishing him the best in whatever he wants to do with his life, and I'm so so close to sending that text but I'm petrified of what the response may be.

His mum came over 2 days ago - the day after our 1 year anniversary and she came and cuddled up next to me on the sofa whilst catching up with my mum, the minute she left I cried my eyes out.

I miss him so much, I have realised so much and I love him so much. It's not getting any easier, last night I dreamed about him and when I woke up I cannot tell you the pain I felt, to see it was all just a dream and we haven't in fact made up.

I am at rock bottom, I know you might not respond to this, I don't know if you still come on here at all. I just miss him as my best friend and I know if he came back I would be so much better, and I think he would be too.

But thank you so much for all the advice you have given me - without you none of this would've been possible and I would be in a much worse place, im not sure what I would've done - I was in the darkest place and it helped me to have someone like you alongside me to make things better. I hope things are well your end and you're healthy. Stay the amazing person you are and I pray your ex sees that like I do one day.

February 17, 2017

Hey, I know this was probably a bit of a silly thing to do but I banned myself from this website for a while to see if anything would've changed after a while or if I would still be in the same boat, unfortunately - I'm still in the same boat, and it's safe to say I'm probably having one of the worst days since the break up.

Since I haven't been on here he wrote another tweet about me accusing me of following him everywhere after my best friend bought me a ticket to the same festival as her for her birthday.. a lot of people got defensive of me, including mine and his friends and they all took my side in this situation and said how he was being petty. One of my closest friends accused him of being jealous and he then tweeted her back with a disrespectful tweet about her sex life, and deleted it immidiately after, apart from the fact he never would've done this when he was with me, he was just acting horrible and disrespectful.
Anyway, my friend saw him in a club the other day and he told her that what she said about him was all true (but she said he was being jealous, therefore I'm left wondering what he means by that), and he said that he regrets tweeting what he did - but the tweet is still up there for people to see, which goes with my thoughts that he really is trying to front in order to impress his friends and perhaps convince himself that he no longer loves me, however he also told her that he hates me and he doesn't feel anything for me, and then retraced the fact he hates me and said that I'm a good person but I wasn't good to him and things were different behind closed doors..

Of course, to hear anyone hates you breaks your heart, but to hear the person you love hates you completelt shatters your heart. But then like my friend said he isn't going to stand there and say something like "I love him" is he? After all we aren't together anymore.

Anyway long story short he is still seeing this new guy, and the new guy is publishing the relationship a lot whereas there is no trace of a new guy in my exes profile as of yet.. I'm feeling pretty low, and alone - on the verge of cracking and sending him a text apologising for all of my wrongs and wishing him the best in whatever he wants to do with his life, and I'm so so close to sending that text but I'm petrified of what the response may be.

His mum came over 2 days ago - the day after our 1 year anniversary and she came and cuddled up next to me on the sofa whilst catching up with my mum, the minute she left I cried my eyes out.

I miss him so much, I have realised so much and I love him so much. It's not getting any easier, last night I dreamed about him and when I woke up I cannot tell you the pain I felt, to see it was all just a dream and we haven't in fact made up.
I am at rock bottom, I know you might not respond to this, I don't know if you still come on here at all. I just miss him as my best friend and I know if he came back I would be so much better, and I think he would be too.

But thank you so much for all the advice you have given me - without you none of this would've been possible and I would be in a much worse place, im not sure what I would've done - I was in the darkest place and it helped me to have someone like you alongside me to make things better. I hope things are well your end and you're healthy. Stay the amazing person you are and I pray your ex sees that like I do one day.

Hey! Long time no chat! It has been quite a while! No no, I think you did a good thing. I've been coming on here less frequently as it's easy to read other posts and replay a lot of the break up, not like it doesn't happen on its own but being here kind of rehashes it.... You know, I remember reading a poster say, "healing is not linear." I think you and I both know the truth to that, especially now. It's okay to have some bad days but you can't get stuck in the rut! 3 steps forward, 2 steps back! Then, the following month, 2 3 steps forward, 1 step back. Repeat until you don't take any steps back.

It's hard being so entwined with your ex... You really have to just cut him out... You're getting back into that dangerous analyzing zone, and you're only going to keep replaying things that hurt you. You have good friends and they are right, he doesn't have the right to say you're stalking him if you saw him at a concert. Stop throwing yourself under the bus and taking the blame for stupid stuff. Stalking would be if you went to his house, work, and social outings not as large as a concert... Please, stop analyzing what he said, or what he does. ALL you NEED to KNOW is he doesn't want to be with you right now. Doesn't matter if he's saying he's jealous or that he actually does love you. He hasn't come to ask for another chance so his emotions and confusion are for him to figure out, not for you to try and piece together and hurt yourself...

Your friend is not completely right or wrong. He could say anything. Of course, it hurts heartbreakingly to know someone you love hates you or doesn't feel the same. This is why there's no contact. People will say things they don't mean, what they feel in the moment, demonize their ex, etc. You don't need to be there to hear it. I would suggest you and your friends stop any and all communication with your ex. No more online bs, no more talking to him, and if anything, a simple hello and good bye. You don't need to be fed information about him. You need to focus on healing, enjoying life without him, and the only information you should be getting about him is from him with a "I want to get back together." Other than that, cut the conversation, or only let your feelings out and cry. It's therapeutic.

Nope. Nope. Throw your phone away or give it to your mom. No need to tell him you're sorry if he doesn't want to be with you to accept it and work on the relationship. You'll hurt yourself more. Also, why do you know your ex's new bf is posting things? You've been looking again. haven't you? I can't tell you to not do it, but it's beneficial. You're only going to dwell on what they do and how it's not you.

I'm sure, she's a reminder of what was. It's harder because she's such a loving person. Just cry and let it out. Glad she could snuggle up next to you, I'm sure it's nice

I know, I miss my ex too. But, it's just that, we miss the good times and the memories. I know the progress you've made, and very proud of you! The realizations and growth that comes after a break up are immense. But, I have to ask, why do you think both of your lives would be better? I don't know if I can say yours would be. I want to hear your thoughts about that before I say much more haha.

I've been doing well! Like you, I was in the darkest period of my life. By no means is it daisies and roses, but SO much better. I still get a couple days a week where I get in a rut like yesterday and today... Maybe it was fate bringing us back together to uplift each other again haha! It's so nice hearing from you again and tell me how other aspects of your life have been! Thank you for being a wonderful soul and you know you deserve happiness, and either the BEST version of your ex or someone better You're too kind to be just someone's pick on the shelf!

February 27, 2017

Hey! Long time no chat! It has been quite a while! No no, I think you did a good thing. I've been coming on here less frequently as it's easy to read other posts and replay a lot of the break up, not like it doesn't happen on its own but being here kind of rehashes it.... You know, I remember reading a poster say, "healing is not linear." I think you and I both know the truth to that, especially now. It's okay to have some bad days but you can't get stuck in the rut! 3 steps forward, 2 steps back! Then, the following month, 2 3 steps forward, 1 step back. Repeat until you don't take any steps back.

It's hard being so entwined with your ex... You really have to just cut him out... You're getting back into that dangerous analyzing zone, and you're only going to keep replaying things that hurt you. You have good friends and they are right, he doesn't have the right to say you're stalking him if you saw him at a concert. Stop throwing yourself under the bus and taking the blame for stupid stuff. Stalking would be if you went to his house, work, and social outings not as large as a concert... Please, stop analyzing what he said, or what he does. ALL you NEED to KNOW is he doesn't want to be with you right now. Doesn't matter if he's saying he's jealous or that he actually does love you. He hasn't come to ask for another chance so his emotions and confusion are for him to figure out, not for you to try and piece together and hurt yourself...

Your friend is not completely right or wrong. He could say anything. Of course, it hurts heartbreakingly to know someone you love hates you or doesn't feel the same. This is why there's no contact. People will say things they don't mean, what they feel in the moment, demonize their ex, etc. You don't need to be there to hear it. I would suggest you and your friends stop any and all communication with your ex. No more online bs, no more talking to him, and if anything, a simple hello and good bye. You don't need to be fed information about him. You need to focus on healing, enjoying life without him, and the only information you should be getting about him is from him with a "I want to get back together." Other than that, cut the conversation, or only let your feelings out and cry. It's therapeutic.

Nope. Nope. Throw your phone away or give it to your mom. No need to tell him you're sorry if he doesn't want to be with you to accept it and work on the relationship. You'll hurt yourself more. Also, why do you know your ex's new bf is posting things? You've been looking again. haven't you? I can't tell you to not do it, but it's beneficial. You're only going to dwell on what they do and how it's not you.

I'm sure, she's a reminder of what was. It's harder because she's such a loving person. Just cry and let it out. Glad she could snuggle up next to you, I'm sure it's nice

I know, I miss my ex too. But, it's just that, we miss the good times and the memories. I know the progress you've made, and very proud of you! The realizations and growth that comes after a break up are immense. But, I have to ask, why do you think both of your lives would be better? I don't know if I can say yours would be. I want to hear your thoughts about that before I say much more haha.

I've been doing well! Like you, I was in the darkest period of my life. By no means is it daisies and roses, but SO much better. I still get a couple days a week where I get in a rut like yesterday and today... Maybe it was fate bringing us back together to uplift each other again haha! It's so nice hearing from you again and tell me how other aspects of your life have been! Thank you for being a wonderful soul and you know you deserve happiness, and either the BEST version of your ex or someone better You're too kind to be just someone's pick on the shelf!

Healing isn't linear is genuinely the only thing which helps me when I feel low, it certainly isn't and I guess I'm kind of going forward again now after just under a week of being stuck in a really bad rut, I even cried at work this time - it's strange how you can be doing so so well and then fall back into that place for a while.

Okay I was in a bad place and I was analysing a lot, I was checking my exes new guys social media and I was literally addicted to seeing what they were up too - you'd be glad to know that since I last posted on here I haven't checked, asked or anything - I've resisted the temptation. I have got over the idea of texting him and apologising, I guess if he wanted to speak he would've spoken to me by now and he should know that deep down there's going to be part of me which feels to blame for the break up alongside him - surely?

I'm not sure why I think we would both be better off, but I meant better inside the relationship, I think the dynamics would change and it would be an all round better relationship. The truth is neither of us are good at being alone, sadly I can't bring myself to just get with the next thing that walks by.. but he could, and I know the pair of us enjoyed doing things together and we became best friends before we were together. I just think life was enjoyable when I was doing things with someone, and I think he felt the same, but He is now doing it with someone else..

Anyway here's a quick little update of recent events:

-I haven't checked any of his social media or his new guys

-He hasn't said anything about me online, although at a house party which I luckily decided not to go to he spoke to my close friend and brought up the tweet he posted with her and was talking about it causing a stir, which is kinda weird because he was meant to be just getting wasted and having a good time yet spoke about me still?

-Today is Monday, and on Saturday night I went out with my friends and we had a really great time - one of mine and my exes really close friends were there and I haven't seen her since the beginning of January, she's all loved up now so we don't see much of her but she's closer To my ex than me. Anyway, she was REALLY wasted, like seriously in a bad way, but we spoke to eachother outside and she told me this.... she said that my ex is happier, but he really misses me - and she said that he missed me a lot around 3 times I think, and then went on to say that he talks about me all the time? She said that he is trying to keep the new boy he is with low-key as he believes it's easier (but you can understand why I think this isn't a legit relationship when there isn't a trace of him anywhere on my exes social media), she said that she told him that we were both very young and probably needed this in order for the relationship to work and for both of us to wake up a little. She then went on to say that she told him that he couldn't resist boys like me, and he said that he just wanted someone 'down to earth' but she disagreed and told him he has always had a weakness for guys who look and act like I do (and I do think that's true to be fair, which was why I was so shocked when he got with this new guy). I did respond to what she said and I did say (potentially stupidly of me) that I still loved him and missed him too - was this a mistake?

She told me that he also 'hates' the way I have been acting since the break up, and at this point I was wasted too so I don't know if he hates the way I'm acting because I'm being the better person, but I pressume so. I guess that's good to hear because it means everything I have been doing to look like the bigger and better guy is reflecting.

I can't help but think that he still cares about me because I'm doing nothing to get on his nerves, and therefore I'm annoying him by doing nothing apart from letting him walk away and do what he wants.

All of this has sort of confused me, and I said to her "can I ask you one final question and then can we stop talking about it" and she said "yeah that's fine" and I asked her whether she believed or not that me and him are a closed book, and she said "I don't want to give you false hope but no, I know how much ***** changes his mind" - which was nice to hear but also so confusing for the brain!!!

What do you make of all this? Sorry that this has been such a long post but I'm trying to process this in the best way and take it on board and keep going how I am because I feel I'm making good progress, although I do think about him a lot. I'm trying not too take EVERYTHING she said literal, because - like you say, all I need to know is he doesn't want to be with me right now. But what advice would you give me and do you also believe I'm making progress, and the right progress? Is what I'm doing working and shall I keep going, like why does he hate the way I'm acting?

I guess the most confusing thing is he was nasty, then hated me, then wished me the best, wished me a happy birthday, then told my friend that he hated me and felt no emotion for me 2 weeks ago, and now I've been told he misses me and talks about me all the time??

His actions are irrational and don't make any sense which is why I do feel as if he is still very confused and have some hope in the back of my mind.

Thanks for all the advice, hope you're well

February 27, 2017

Healing isn't linear is genuinely the only thing which helps me when I feel low, it certainly isn't and I guess I'm kind of going forward again now after just under a week of being stuck in a really bad rut, I even cried at work this time - it's strange how you can be doing so so well and then fall back into that place for a while.

Okay I was in a bad place and I was analysing a lot, I was checking my exes new guys social media and I was literally addicted to seeing what they were up too - you'd be glad to know that since I last posted on here I haven't checked, asked or anything - I've resisted the temptation. I have got over the idea of texting him and apologising, I guess if he wanted to speak he would've spoken to me by now and he should know that deep down there's going to be part of me which feels to blame for the break up alongside him - surely?

I'm not sure why I think we would both be better off, but I meant better inside the relationship, I think the dynamics would change and it would be an all round better relationship. The truth is neither of us are good at being alone, sadly I can't bring myself to just get with the next thing that walks by.. but he could, and I know the pair of us enjoyed doing things together and we became best friends before we were together. I just think life was enjoyable when I was doing things with someone, and I think he felt the same, but He is now doing it with someone else..

Anyway here's a quick little update of recent events:

-I haven't checked any of his social media or his new guys

-He hasn't said anything about me online, although at a house party which I luckily decided not to go to he spoke to my close friend and brought up the tweet he posted with her and was talking about it causing a stir, which is kinda weird because he was meant to be just getting wasted and having a good time yet spoke about me still?

-Today is Monday, and on Saturday night I went out with my friends and we had a really great time - one of mine and my exes really close friends were there and I haven't seen her since the beginning of January, she's all loved up now so we don't see much of her but she's closer To my ex than me. Anyway, she was REALLY wasted, like seriously in a bad way, but we spoke to eachother outside and she told me this.... she said that my ex is happier, but he really misses me - and she said that he missed me a lot around 3 times I think, and then went on to say that he talks about me all the time? She said that he is trying to keep the new boy he is with low-key as he believes it's easier (but you can understand why I think this isn't a legit relationship when there isn't a trace of him anywhere on my exes social media), she said that she told him that we were both very young and probably needed this in order for the relationship to work and for both of us to wake up a little. She then went on to say that she told him that he couldn't resist boys like me, and he said that he just wanted someone 'down to earth' but she disagreed and told him he has always had a weakness for guys who look and act like I do (and I do think that's true to be fair, which was why I was so shocked when he got with this new guy). I did respond to what she said and I did say (potentially stupidly of me) that I still loved him and missed him too - was this a mistake?
She told me that he also 'hates' the way I have been acting since the break up, and at this point I was wasted too so I don't know if he hates the way I'm acting because I'm being the better person, but I pressume so. I guess that's good to hear because it means everything I have been doing to look like the bigger and better guy is reflecting.
I can't help but think that he still cares about me because I'm doing nothing to get on his nerves, and therefore I'm annoying him by doing nothing apart from letting him walk away and do what he wants.
All of this has sort of confused me, and I said to her "can I ask you one final question and then can we stop talking about it" and she said "yeah that's fine" and I asked her whether she believed or not that me and him are a closed book, and she said "I don't want to give you false hope but no, I know how much ***** changes his mind" - which was nice to hear but also so confusing for the brain!!!

What do you make of all this? Sorry that this has been such a long post but I'm trying to process this in the best way and take it on board and keep going how I am because I feel I'm making good progress, although I do think about him a lot. I'm trying not too take EVERYTHING she said literal, because - like you say, all I need to know is he doesn't want to be with me right now. But what advice would you give me and do you also believe I'm making progress, and the right progress? Is what I'm doing working and shall I keep going, like why does he hate the way I'm acting?

I guess the most confusing thing is he was nasty, then hated me, then wished me the best, wished me a happy birthday, then told my friend that he hated me and felt no emotion for me 2 weeks ago, and now I've been told he misses me and talks about me all the time??
His actions are irrational and don't make any sense which is why I do feel as if he is still very confused and have some hope in the back of my mind.

Thanks for all the advice, hope you're well

I'm going to condense my post as much as possible but get everything in!

Healing is most definitely not linear. It's okay, some weeks are just rough. Holding those feelings in is never worth it.

I'm super glad to hear you haven't done anything like checking on your ex or his rebound social media! Really! Super proud of you and keep it up. HOWEVER...

That whole talk with your mutual friend was okay, except for a couple of things. Would have been better had that talk not happened but I will just point out what I think you should do/should have done/pray that she blacked out hahaha.

So to begin with, he hates the way you're acting in that you aren't responding or being there as a friend after the break up. You just up and left because you have respect for yourself. He misses you. Your friend just said it which further supports this. He is not near where he should be for a reconciliation if he still wants to keep the rebound if it's easier.

If he can't "help" but fall for guys like you, he would be with you right now. Not with some rebound that isn't you. He's keeping you on the back burner and you had the self-respect to go out and not be waiting for him. Secondly, if my ex had said that we needed the break up to grow up and mature. I would probably laugh in his face. You can grow up and mature together, it's part of being in a relationship. He has quite a bit of growing up to do himself.

You saying you still loved him and missed him was not good. I will say it again. That needs to stay shut in your mouth and heart until you have him banging on your door. Your friend said he is happy, has a rebound, misses you, hates that you haven't been responding, and told her you still love him? Why would he have to think he made a mistake, or try to come back anytime soon if you openly express you miss and love him? He doesn't feel the rush.

I personally see you not really moving in terms of your healing over the past month. You keep staying in this zone of staying somehow connected to your ex's life. Sometimes you initiate, sometimes someone else initiates. Seriously, no more talking about your ex to other people. None. We've talked about this before. It's like you're not willing to let it go.

I really do want the best for you and am trying my best to give you some advice. You're not letting yourself properly heal from all of this. I don't know how things will play out for you if he does come back. Just a feeling you won't be over the pain of the break up that you will be afraid of him leaving again and you will bail. Or you will be doing everything you can to hope he doesn't leave, he feels smothered and leaves again. Maybe you can use this as motivation to start your actual healing process to ensure your emotions/mind is in a better place if he does come back.

Personalized steps for you from me:

1. Stay in No Contact.

2. Only talk to your best friend about your feelings if you need to let them out or come here.

3. If anyone brings him up, end the note without letting them know how you feel about the situation. "Oh that's nice." "Wish him the best." "I see."

4. Stop being confused about what he did. Focus on yourself.

5. From that, are you not hurt from the break up? Use this time to assess your pain, evaluate yourself, and get over this break up. HEAL. Not healing now, if he does come back, will bite you in the butt later.

6. Say he's not coming back, act like he's not coming back, do things like he's not coming back and get yourself to be the best you. If he does, you can decide what to do.

Really wishing you the best! (Although I don't agree with your talk with the mutual friend, I squealed when I read what she said! It's a good sign).

LISTEN TO MY ADVICE ABOVE. IF HE DOES COME BACK AND YOU WANT THINGS TO WORK, DO IT! SERIOUSLY!

Think about your friend who got back with her ex, the story you posted earlier in the thread. I would guess, she just went on with life and showed that she was enjoying life on the outside. She may have been dying on the inside, but her ex thought she was doing just fine. Missed her and wanted to be with her. Ask her for some advice as to what she did!

March 5, 2017

I'm going to condense my post as much as possible but get everything in!

Healing is most definitely not linear. It's okay, some weeks are just rough. Holding those feelings in is never worth it.

I'm super glad to hear you haven't done anything like checking on your ex or his rebound social media! Really! Super proud of you and keep it up. HOWEVER...

That whole talk with your mutual friend was okay, except for a couple of things. Would have been better had that talk not happened but I will just point out what I think you should do/should have done/pray that she blacked out hahaha.

So to begin with, he hates the way you're acting in that you aren't responding or being there as a friend after the break up. You just up and left because you have respect for yourself. He misses you. Your friend just said it which further supports this. He is not near where he should be for a reconciliation if he still wants to keep the rebound if it's easier.

If he can't "help" but fall for guys like you, he would be with you right now. Not with some rebound that isn't you. He's keeping you on the back burner and you had the self-respect to go out and not be waiting for him. Secondly, if my ex had said that we needed the break up to grow up and mature. I would probably laugh in his face. You can grow up and mature together, it's part of being in a relationship. He has quite a bit of growing up to do himself.

You saying you still loved him and missed him was not good. I will say it again. That needs to stay shut in your mouth and heart until you have him banging on your door. Your friend said he is happy, has a rebound, misses you, hates that you haven't been responding, and told her you still love him? Why would he have to think he made a mistake, or try to come back anytime soon if you openly express you miss and love him? He doesn't feel the rush.

I personally see you not really moving in terms of your healing over the past month. You keep staying in this zone of staying somehow connected to your ex's life. Sometimes you initiate, sometimes someone else initiates. Seriously, no more talking about your ex to other people. None. We've talked about this before. It's like you're not willing to let it go.

I really do want the best for you and am trying my best to give you some advice. You're not letting yourself properly heal from all of this. I don't know how things will play out for you if he does come back. Just a feeling you won't be over the pain of the break up that you will be afraid of him leaving again and you will bail. Or you will be doing everything you can to hope he doesn't leave, he feels smothered and leaves again. Maybe you can use this as motivation to start your actual healing process to ensure your emotions/mind is in a better place if he does come back.

Personalized steps for you from me:

1. Stay in No Contact.
2. Only talk to your best friend about your feelings if you need to let them out or come here.
3. If anyone brings him up, end the note without letting them know how you feel about the situation. "Oh that's nice." "Wish him the best." "I see."
4. Stop being confused about what he did. Focus on yourself.
5. From that, are you not hurt from the break up? Use this time to assess your pain, evaluate yourself, and get over this break up. HEAL. Not healing now, if he does come back, will bite you in the butt later.
6. Say he's not coming back, act like he's not coming back, do things like he's not coming back and get yourself to be the best you. If he does, you can decide what to do.

Really wishing you the best! (Although I don't agree with your talk with the mutual friend, I squealed when I read what she said! It's a good sign).

LISTEN TO MY ADVICE ABOVE. IF HE DOES COME BACK AND YOU WANT THINGS TO WORK, DO IT! SERIOUSLY!

Think about your friend who got back with her ex, the story you posted earlier in the thread. I would guess, she just went on with life and showed that she was enjoying life on the outside. She may have been dying on the inside, but her ex thought she was doing just fine. Missed her and wanted to be with her. Ask her for some advice as to what she did!

Before I start I want to apologise if I'm frustrating sometimes because I fall into bad habbits, I guess we all make mistakes and the human brain allows us to do what we feel rather than what is right (I.e checking social media etc, which by the way I still haven't done since my last post!)

But yes, I shouldn't have told her I still love and miss him, but I feel she didn't remember, there's a chance she could remember but we have since spoken and she hasn't brought him up at all - therefore I guess she might've forgotten all that she said too.

I do agree that the last month I have healed in the respect that I can accept he might not ever come back which I couldn't do not so long ago, but i definitely haven't got over the pain of the breakup and you're right - I need to if I want it to work in the future.

I am only talking to my best friend about my feelings for my ex now, who is the girl who reconciled with her ex not so long ago, she is giving me all her best advice therefore I will take everything she says on board and hopefully down the line I can have my happy ending too. I cannot lie to you, I miss and love him a lot - like a lot a lot, and it's been the hardest thing I've ever had to do, there isn't a moment that goes by when I don't think about him if I'm honest. I'm at the point now though where I can see it's very 50/50 l, he might come back, he might not. At the minute I think he isn't gunna come back for me, and if he does it isn't going to be anytime soon.

I'm trying to stay strong in order to help myself but I'm not fooling anyone I still want to be with him. But all I need to know is he isn't with me now and he's with someone else, and if that isn't enough to motivate myself to try and move on then I don't know what is. I shouldn't be someone's second best and like you said 'on the back burner' because I don't deserve that.

Time is all that can help my situation, and it's been 4 months now - which is crazy really, but it could take another 4 months or 4 years for him to realise IF he does that he made a mistake.

I'll stay strong - hope things are good your end.

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