spiderowl Posted December 17, 2016 Share Posted December 17, 2016 He sounds like the kind of guy who enjoys playing with people's feelings. He wants to feel every woman he fancies is in love with him. He does this to others too. It's a form of manipulation. I bet if you ignore him, he finds a way to get you to notice him again. He likes the attention; it doesn't mean he will follow up. It's a game to him, pulling strings. Feeling angry with him means that you are seeing through the facade now. This is good, it is the start of being free from him. Once you start to see someone's not-so-nice qualities, they are no longer on a pedestal. You can write him off as the childish, manipulative flirt that he is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted December 18, 2016 Author Share Posted December 18, 2016 He sounds like the kind of guy who enjoys playing with people's feelings. He wants to feel every woman he fancies is in love with him. He does this to others too. It's a form of manipulation. I bet if you ignore him, he finds a way to get you to notice him again. He likes the attention; it doesn't mean he will follow up. It's a game to him, pulling strings. Feeling angry with him means that you are seeing through the facade now. This is good, it is the start of being free from him. Once you start to see someone's not-so-nice qualities, they are no longer on a pedestal. You can write him off as the childish, manipulative flirt that he is. That's exactly what he is Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted December 24, 2016 Author Share Posted December 24, 2016 I've been interested in other guys latey which is good news. Mostly ones from work (we have 300+ employees-) which probably isn't the best place to meet guys but better than nothing. Is it just me or is it so hard to meet guys outside of work. Even when I go out to eat or to the bars with friends I have yet to meet a new guy I'm interested that way. And I've tried dating apps and they feel so weird and inauthentic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted December 24, 2016 Author Share Posted December 24, 2016 And by meet guys I don't mean meet guys in general. I mean meeting omes that I'm genuinely into Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 Don't be in a rush to meet someone. It should happen organically. If you start looking for love you will never find it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted December 25, 2016 Author Share Posted December 25, 2016 Don't be in a rush to meet someone. It should happen organically. If you start looking for love you will never find it. Thank you I needed that. Any advice for being 3rd wheel with couples? My sisters or bvwst friend with their bfs. I feel like sometimes they think something's wrong with me lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted December 25, 2016 Author Share Posted December 25, 2016 One sister was married with a baby before 20 and they seem in love. The other one was been with her bf since they were 15 and they have a baby. They seem so happy Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 You said that this guy was single & hitting on you when you first met. Did he ever make a real move? Did he ever ask you out? What I'm wondering is why you didn't reciprocate when he was available? An important thing to think about is, did you become MORE interested & then obsessed once he was no longer available? That could give you some insight. Jealousy can be a strong motivator for some. You have 2 women to 'compete' with here. How long ago did he start dating this other woman? Do you know her or just stalk them on social media? Some men are just flirts. I've known men that are but are completely faithful. It's a manipulation tactic or part of their nature. You say that he's very popular at work. You don't give the impression that he's viewed as a total sleaze bag. Could some of it be wishful thinking on your part? Is he truly 'drop dead gorgeous'? Is he very senior to you? Is he older than you? Do you feel like he's 'special' in a way that others may not notice? That's a sure sign of obsession vs reality when you don't really know a man very well. Are you positive that you haven't created a 'perfect man' in your mind? How much do you actually know about him? Obsessions very rarely live-up to our expectations. Maybe if you start to view him as just a shell that you've imposed what you desire in a mate onto then you will be able to move on.... I'm just throwing out some ideas that you might be able to work with. At the end of the day you've got a crush. You know it's a very bad idea to enter into a work place romance anyway. It's an even worse idea when he's the office flirt. Even if he was available I'd advise against you dating him. It's your dream job. You want to be respected. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted December 25, 2016 Author Share Posted December 25, 2016 You said that this guy was single & hitting on you when you first met. Did he ever make a real move? Did he ever ask you out? What I'm wondering is why you didn't reciprocate when he was available? An important thing to think about is, did you become MORE interested & then obsessed once he was no longer available? That could give you some insight. Jealousy can be a strong motivator for some. You have 2 women to 'compete' with here. How long ago did he start dating this other woman? Do you know her or just stalk them on social media? Some men are just flirts. I've known men that are but are completely faithful. It's a manipulation tactic or part of their nature. You say that he's very popular at work. You don't give the impression that he's viewed as a total sleaze bag. Could some of it be wishful thinking on your part? Is he truly 'drop dead gorgeous'? Is he very senior to you? Is he older than you? Do you feel like he's 'special' in a way that others may not notice? That's a sure sign of obsession vs reality when you don't really know a man very well. Are you positive that you haven't created a 'perfect man' in your mind? How much do you actually know about him? Obsessions very rarely live-up to our expectations. Maybe if you start to view him as just a shell that you've imposed what you desire in a mate onto then you will be able to move on.... I'm just throwing out some ideas that you might be able to work with. At the end of the day you've got a crush. You know it's a very bad idea to enter into a work place romance anyway. It's an even worse idea when he's the office flirt. Even if he was available I'd advise against you dating him. It's your dream job. You want to be respected. Yes two women to compete with and both his gf and the third girl who likes him work with us too. I started liking Him the most when his relatonship with her was still new because he upped the flirting and told me he liked me a lot. At that time I still thought maybe they wouldn't last. Everyone at work seems to think he's a great guy execept for like. Two girls who told me he's a player and a flirt. I used to think he was so great and I thought he was a lot like me but not anymore. I'm at the point where I don't care at all anymore. The only thing is I'm kind of mad bc I don't think he deserves someone to come home to. Part of it is me being bitter and petty bc I'm single at the moment 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted December 25, 2016 Author Share Posted December 25, 2016 Honestly when I made this post I was hungover and having a bad day and for some reason he was on my mind that day. but this obsession has really decreased and gotten better 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted December 25, 2016 Author Share Posted December 25, 2016 A lot of what he says or does makes me wanna scoff or roll my eyes now. I feel dumb for liking him that much when there never really was any reason too. The good part is I didn't show it too much 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted December 25, 2016 Author Share Posted December 25, 2016 You said that this guy was single & hitting on you when you first met. Did he ever make a real move? Did he ever ask you out? What I'm wondering is why you didn't reciprocate when he was available? An important thing to think about is, did you become MORE interested & then obsessed once he was no longer available? That could give you some insight. Jealousy can be a strong motivator for some. You have 2 women to 'compete' with here. How long ago did he start dating this other woman? Do you know her or just stalk them on social media? Some men are just flirts. I've known men that are but are completely faithful. It's a manipulation tactic or part of their nature. You say that he's very popular at work. You don't give the impression that he's viewed as a total sleaze bag. Could some of it be wishful thinking on your part? Is he truly 'drop dead gorgeous'? Is he very senior to you? Is he older than you? Do you feel like he's 'special' in a way that others may not notice? That's a sure sign of obsession vs reality when you don't really know a man very well. Are you positive that you haven't created a 'perfect man' in your mind? How much do you actually know about him? Obsessions very rarely live-up to our expectations. Maybe if you start to view him as just a shell that you've imposed what you desire in a mate onto then you will be able to move on.... I'm just throwing out some ideas that you might be able to work with. At the end of the day you've got a crush. You know it's a very bad idea to enter into a work place romance anyway. It's an even worse idea when he's the office flirt. Even if he was available I'd advise against you dating him. It's your dream job. You want to be respected. He's not drop dead gorgeous. I actually wasn't attracted to him until he stated flirting. He's 3 years older Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 Why are you making out single life to be so dreadful? I'm single in my mid 30's and enjoying every minute of it. If you can't be happy alone, then you shouldn't be looking for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted December 25, 2016 Author Share Posted December 25, 2016 Why are you making out single life to be so dreadful? I'm single in my mid 30's and enjoying every minute of it. If you can't be happy alone, then you shouldn't be looking for a relationship. Being single didn't used to b other me but now it does. I'm in mid twenties and see a lot of people coupled off, getting married having kids or already have them. I want someone special to come home to and share experiences with. I feel pathetic being the third wheel when I hang out w my sisters and their men Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 You have to change your mentality and find new group of friends. This year I've been on over 30 dates (30 separate women). I've completed a half marathon. Started projects. Read over 20 books. I tell women, my life is pretty much all set, you better be a unicorn if you think I'll let you in my life. New year resolution for you. Stop looking for love. Let it happen naturally. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 (edited) Being single didn't used to b other me but now it does. I'm in mid twenties and see a lot of people coupled off, getting married having kids or already have them. I want someone special to come home to and share experiences with. I feel pathetic being the third wheel when I hang out w my sisters and their men How many of those people will still be "coupled off" & happy in 20 years? Mid twenties is too young for most people. It's way too young to have kids for many. Forever can be a bloody long time if you don't choose very wisely!! Have FUN!! Live some more life. If someone had told me that I hadn't finished emotionally maturing at your age I would of rolled my eyes but it's true (check the science). You've got to truly know who YOU are before you know what you really want. Marriage is incredibly hard AND raising kids is even harder. I didn't have my first until I was in my late 30's same with most of my friends. Ok I married at 26 but we had an amazing time just being together, traveling, partying, living life in that decade. I still don't know how marriages survive having children straight away. It's so stressful. The sleep deprivation alone is a killer!! How does a man cope with all of those crazy hormonal changes when he doesn't honestly know the real you?!? You've got a very long road ahead of you. Choose the right path. Avoid taken men, REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY SAY!!!. Make great friendships. Find yourself. Have fun!! Edited December 26, 2016 by ShatteredLady 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted June 10, 2018 Author Share Posted June 10, 2018 (edited) I’m doing a lot better guys. Finally over that guy from work completely. And I did the impossible because I never thought I’d be able to get over him with us seeing each other so often. I now realize that the man I thought he was really wasn’t who he is at all. I just made up a dream man and convinced myself that’s what he was. This time three years ago I was head over heels for him and convinced he would leave his girlfriend, who works with us too, for me. Now he has a baby with that girlfriend. But it’s whatever. And I’ve actually been interested in several other guys since him which I didn’t think would happen either! So to anyone who feels down or hopeless like I used to. You can get over them! It may take time and there may be ups and downs but it will happen! Edited June 10, 2018 by Midnightcowgirl Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 10, 2018 Share Posted June 10, 2018 Thanks for coming back with an update. Glad you found your way out of that mess. Link to post Share on other sites
BourneWicked Posted June 10, 2018 Share Posted June 10, 2018 Appreciate the update and glad things are better for you! Reassuring to hear stories of people who got totally over it - since I'm not totally there yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted June 11, 2018 Author Share Posted June 11, 2018 Yes. You will get there. And this guy had no intentions of leaving that woman. All the sweet things he said or did for me were only because he liked the attention I gave him and nothing else. You will find someone better who gives you all his time! And I know what it’s like to not feel interested in other guys and compare other guys to him but that will pass Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted January 16, 2019 Author Share Posted January 16, 2019 I found someone new. Original guy from this post never crosses my mind anymore! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted February 16, 2019 Author Share Posted February 16, 2019 He's not drop dead gorgeous. I actually wasn't attracted to him until he stated flirting. He's 3 years older Wrong. It is NOT a bad idea to date someone you met at work if you both are mature about it regardless of where it goes. I know many couples who met at work. I agree with everything else you said but that one sentence is false. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Midnightcowgirl Posted February 16, 2019 Author Share Posted February 16, 2019 (edited) You said that this guy was single & hitting on you when you first met. Did he ever make a real move? Did he ever ask you out? What I'm wondering is why you didn't reciprocate when he was available? An important thing to think about is, did you become MORE interested & then obsessed once he was no longer available? That could give you some insight. Jealousy can be a strong motivator for some. You have 2 women to 'compete' with here. How long ago did he start dating this other woman? Do you know her or just stalk them on social media? Some men are just flirts. I've known men that are but are completely faithful. It's a manipulation tactic or part of their nature. You say that he's very popular at work. You don't give the impression that he's viewed as a total sleaze bag. Could some of it be wishful thinking on your part? Is he truly 'drop dead gorgeous'? Is he very senior to you? Is he older than you? Do you feel like he's 'special' in a way that others may not notice? That's a sure sign of obsession vs reality when you don't really know a man very well. Are you positive that you haven't created a 'perfect man' in your mind? How much do you actually know about him? Obsessions very rarely live-up to our expectations. Maybe if you start to view him as just a shell that you've imposed what you desire in a mate onto then you will be able to move on.... I'm just throwing out some ideas that you might be able to work with. At the end of the day you've got a crush. You know it's a very bad idea to enter into a work place romance anyway. It's an even worse idea when he's the office flirt. Even if he was available I'd advise against you dating him. It's your dream job. You want to be respected. Wrong actually it is NOT a bad idea to date someone you met at work if youre both mature about it regardless of how it turns out. I know many couples who met at work including the man I’m now with, just saying. I absolutely hate dating and I rather get to know a guy pressure free first and that way happens to be work. And at my work its perfectly acceptable and many people met there and now are serious and/or have kids together I do agree with everything else you said but that one particular comment isn’t true. I don’t regret this whole situation I was posting about as I learned a lot from it. And actually the original man from this post was dating another woman that we also worked with the whole time and they now have a baby together which is good. So no it’s not a “bad idea” to date someone from work that is just over generalizing. Edited February 16, 2019 by Midnightcowgirl Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 It's not a bad idea to date someone at work so long as you both walk off into the sunset together and live happily ever after. If you date someone at work and the relationship comes crashing down and one or both people are deeply hurt then that's a whole different ballgame. No matter how mature people think they are, all maturity can fly right out the window when dealing with broken hearts. And even if the broken hearted did somehow manage to behave maturely it would still be terribly painful to be forced to see the one who broke your heart every single day. That sounds like a nightmare to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tristian Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 As it appears the OPs situation has long been resolved we'll close this one up and thank everyone for their time and effort. If the OP would like to start a thread about her new relationship she is obviously more then welcome to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
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