My boyfriend is married!!! Just found out... :(

[kckc]

Go check out the other woman forum. They all thought they were different or special.

 

The MM over there cry and whine and apologize and promise all sorts of stuff to the other woman too. There is no reason why this great love that they have for you or between the two of you can't wait until the divorce is FINALIZED.

 

And I learned from my ex-BF that sometimes their mom will do anything to get you to be with their son. Which is weird and suspicious to me. Not to mention, that he could be lying to his mom about his feelings about his wife and telling his wife something totally different.

 

Well, I hope he's not one of THOSE guys... But you never know.

His I hope soon to be ex wife is in a relationship as well. I just learned today that she met this guy few weeks before their separation and as far as I know she's happy. There was nothing to save.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Well, I hope he's not one of THOSE guys... But you never know.

His I hope soon to be ex wife is in a relationship as well. I just learned today that she met this guy few weeks before their separation and as far as I know she's happy. There was nothing to save.

 

Who told you about his ex?

[Sunkissedpatio]

Well, I spoke to his mum and I must say it was a very uplifting conversation. She was very, very upset but now I understand their reasoning a little more.

 

So what was the mom very upset about if she was complicit in the lie?

[Redhead14]

Who told you about his ex?

 

The OP overhead a conversation between her guy and his mother . . . and she asked him about everything.

[kckc]

Ok, so we met today. He was waiting for me in my flat, when I entered, guess what I saw? He set the table, made a full course dinner and cleaned my house, nice! I was kind of shocked as I didn't expect him there, we were supposed to meet in the cafe. I tried not to show him my emotions, I just quietly sat down and enjoyed what I've seen... He gave me an envelope, guess what was inside? A letter and... a signed divorce papers. Signed by him and her. We've had a conversation, he explained me why he's chosen not to tell me, he promised that this will never happen again and we tell each other only the truth, even the ugliest one. He kept apologizing and... he's decided to propose me... Yes, he really did. I had to refuse, in any other circumstances I'd say yes, but after all this what happened, I just couldn't. I didn't say I will never marry him, but I just can't accept it now. He nicely and quietly accepted it saying that he will try again. I believe he loves me and he really regrets, but it will take time to gain my trust again, we can't just act like nothing happened. it was an evening full of surprises.

[Sunkissedpatio]

The OP overhead a conversation between her guy and his mother . . . and she asked him about everything.

 

No, who told her this:

 

Well, I hope he's not one of THOSE guys... But you never know.

His I hope soon to be ex wife is in a relationship as well. I just learned today that she met this guy few weeks before their separation and as far as I know she's happy. There was nothing to save.

[kckc]

Who told you about his ex?

 

No, no... this refers to his wife's new partner.

[kckc]

No, who told her this:

 

Oh! The mother of his. I've had suspicions, though.

[Sunkissedpatio]

No, no... this refers to his wife's new partner.

 

OMG I know!!

 

Who told you that his ex had met a guy a few weeks before the separation.

 

you said:

 

I just learned today that she met this guy few weeks before their separation and as far as I know she's happy.

 

so who told you that information?

[Sunkissedpatio]

Oh! The mother of his. I've had suspicions, though.

 

Thank you!

 

Oh I thought maybe he told you that.

[kckc]

Thank you!

 

Oh I thought maybe he told you that.

 

I got a little confused!

I asked him today, too and he confirmed.

[GunslingerRoland]

It sucks that he lied to you, and I hope he is telling the truth about being honest with you in the future.

 

Flip side is that a lot of people are acting like the full divorce is when you should start dating again, which isn't really fair to separated people. There is a reason it is a whole different marital status on tax and census forms. It often takes years to finalize a divorce depending on the circumstances involved. Obviously there is the chance that two separated people can get back together, but it happens with divorced people too, so I don't know it makes that much difference.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I got a little confused!

I asked him today, too and he confirmed.

 

No worries thanks for clarifying!

 

It sucks that he lied to you, and I hope he is telling the truth about being honest with you in the future.

 

Flip side is that a lot of people are acting like the full divorce is when you should start dating again, which isn't really fair to separated people. There is a reason it is a whole different marital status on tax and census forms. It often takes years to finalize a divorce depending on the circumstances involved. Obviously there is the chance that two separated people can get back together, but it happens with divorced people too, so I don't know it makes that much difference.

 

No it's the lie, not when it's Kosher to start dating.

[elaine567]

OK, so he has a small baby with his wife (his first child) and now he is proposing marriage to you.

Sounds like this is a rebound relationship and he has grabbed the first woman that will have him. He messed up big time so will almost offer anything to keep you around, I very much doubt he really wants to marry you, but he needs to get you back on board. so that you forgive his mistake and overlook his lying.

I am sorry, but be very careful here.

[mortensorchid]

I would be wary of this. He may be a good enough guy, but the situation is still very messy. He didn't want to tell you for a variety of reasons, especially since he didn't want to loose an opportunity. There are a lot of guys out there who are separated, or "separated" in quotes. He obviously does not live with his estranged wife anymore, that's a step in the right direction towards his ending his marriage but ... Why would he want to leave right when his wife is about to drop or has just dropped a baby? Not a good sign.

 

My sister was with a guy not too long ago who vanished on her, looking back it sounds somewhat like this situation. She brought him home to meet me and my parents last spring, I'm not sure how long they had been together but it was serious enough to have him meet the family. He seemed like a good guy, then one day she asked him be at her house to sign for a package delivery, which he said yes to. She came home to find a note taped to the door with the house key in it, he said "I'm sorry, I can't do this. Best of luck." And he blocked her on his phone and all other means of communication. I found out later that he was divorced and had two little children, he and his wife must have broken up right before or after the second child was born. Not a good sign. It's best it didn't happen for her for a variety of reasons, but that would have given me pause had I known.

[Gaeta]

Ok, so we met today. He was waiting for me in my flat, when I entered, guess what I saw? He set the table, made a full course dinner and cleaned my house, nice! I was kind of shocked as I didn't expect him there, we were supposed to meet in the cafe.

 

I have a problem with this. You may see this as sweet but it's actually manipulative and a lack of respect for the turmoil he's putting you through.

 

If I was mad and disappointed at my boyfriend for lying to me and we agreed to meet over coffee in a public place I'd be livid to find him at my place. I would find it an invasion of my privacy and my space while I am rethinking our relationship. We are going through a make-it or break-it moment, not a surprise party. It tells me your boyfriend was convinced he'd win you back with a little bit of sand thrown in your eyes. It also tells me he is not afraid of stepping in and out of your boundaries. This man should have been AFRAID of stepping in your apartment after what he did to you ! You did not fetched him over, he had no business there.

 

I. He kept apologizing and... he's decided to propose me...

That's the sand thrown in the eyes. He thought he was gonna sweep you off of your feet with this. As if marriage was a big deal to him, it's a big deal alright - his last one was a promise that lasted a big 2 years.

 

Yes, he really did. I had to refuse, in any other circumstances I'd say yes, but after all this what happened, I just couldn't.

Good girl !!!

 

 

I didn't say I will never marry him, but I just can't accept it now. He nicely and quietly accepted it saying that he will try again. I believe he loves me and he really regrets, but it will take time to gain my trust again, we can't just act like nothing happened. it was an evening full of surprises.

 

Let this guy proof himself to you and it takes more than 8 month to get to really know someone. You are still in the honeymoon phase. This guy would have to prove himself to me for another 1 to 2 years.

[kckc]

OK, so he has a small baby with his wife (his first child) and now he is proposing marriage to you.

Sounds like this is a rebound relationship and he has grabbed the first woman that will have him. He messed up big time so will almost offer anything to keep you around, I very much doubt he really wants to marry you, but he needs to get you back on board. so that you forgive his mistake and overlook his lying.

I am sorry, but be very careful here.

 

Jesus, rebound?? :confused: Naaaaah, I don't think so. I said we were a very good friends. I don't like the way you judge our relationship... he's grabbed the first woman that will have him, you doubt he wants to marry me, he will do anything to keep me around.... this is rude. Why so negative?

[kckc]

Why would he want to leave right when his wife is about to drop or has just dropped a baby? Not a good sign.

 

Because they had issues, they tried to improve their marriage, went mc but it didn't help. She also met a guy. He lost interest, too. He spend a lot of time with the baby and take a very good take care of her. They both are a good parents.

 

My sister was with a guy not too long ago who vanished on her, looking back it sounds somewhat like this situation. She brought him home to meet me and my parents last spring, I'm not sure how long they had been together but it was serious enough to have him meet the family. He seemed like a good guy, then one day she asked him be at her house to sign for a package delivery, which he said yes to. She came home to find a note taped to the door with the house key in it, he said "I'm sorry, I can't do this. Best of luck." And he blocked her on his phone and all other means of communication. I found out later that he was divorced and had two little children, he and his wife must have broken up right before or after the second child was born. Not a good sign. It's best it didn't happen for her for a variety of reasons, but that would have given me pause had I known.

 

I am sorry for your sister, but it doesn't mean every guy is the same and it doesn't mean our situation will be the same, am I right?

[kckc]

Gaeta, why do you think this is manipulative?

He knows I like surprises, I like that kind of things if he didn't do it I'd be upset. It was just a nice gesture, nothing else.

I'm that kind of person who don't keep anger for long, it's not like "oh he's so sweet and nice, let's forget what happened", and he knew it won't be easy with me, however I appreciate what he did, because he does it often. He fights for what he loves, I think you'd do the same if you messed up and didn't want to loser a guy you love. I would. I always do. I don't think it's manipulative. And you know what, I'm glad he did what he did because I had absolutly no desire to go cafe.

 

"That's the sand thrown in the eyes. He thought he was gonna sweep you off of your feet with this. As if marriage was a big deal to him, it's a big deal alright - his last one was a promise that lasted a big 2 years. "

BUT... it wasn't only his fault...

[Gaeta]

Because they had issues, they tried to improve their marriage, went mc but it didn't help. She also met a guy. He lost interest, too. He spend a lot of time with the baby and take a very good take care of her. They both are a good parents.

 

Marriage is serious business especially when you have children. You don't divorce because you lost interest. You work at it and sometimes you have to work at it long term. As I see it they loved each other enough to make a baby and then when the child is 4 months old all the love is gone? C'mon! Who does that! Who takes their vows so lightly?

 

The same thing is going to happen to you. AT 8 months dating he loves you enough to marry you and next year when he loses interest he'll divorce?

 

If it doesn't work with 1 marriage counseling you seek a different one. How long they tried marriage counseling? Sometimes you have to go there for a whole year.

[Gaeta]

Gaeta, why do you think this is manipulative?

He knows I like surprises, I like that kind of things if he didn't do it I'd be upset. It was just a nice gesture, nothing else.

I'm that kind of person who don't keep anger for long, it's not like "oh he's so sweet and nice, let's forget what happened", and he knew it won't be easy with me, however I appreciate what he did, because he does it often. He fights for what he loves, I think you'd do the same if you messed up and didn't want to loser a guy you love. I would. I always do. I don't think it's manipulative. And you know what, I'm glad he did what he did because I had absolutly no desire to go cafe.

 

In my book it's total manipulation. If my BF is mad at me there is NO way I will show up at his place unannounced to prepare a surprise. Our relationship is in jeopardy I will respect his space. If i want to go see him I will ask him if I can meet him at his place. I am not going to use my key and impose myself in his private space when I know his heart is in turmoil.

 

You don't get mad long? You need to change that. Right now, with what he did, you need to get those walls up for a while otherwise he'll walk all over you again.

[Mikau]

Marriage is serious business especially when you have children. You don't divorce because you lost interest. You work at it and sometimes you have to work at it long term. As I see it they loved each other enough to make a baby and then when the child is 4 months old all the love is gone? C'mon! Who does that! Who takes their vows so lightly?

 

The same thing is going to happen to you. AT 8 months dating he loves you enough to marry you and next year when he loses interest he'll divorce?

 

If it doesn't work with 1 marriage counseling you seek a different one. How long they tried marriage counseling? Sometimes you have to go there for a whole year.

Maybe they should have tried counceling or working at it longer.

 

I think it's highly unfair though to pretend he 'left' her, or that it was his choice to seperate. From the way it's being told both the man and woman wanted out (her to the point of already having met someone else). You can't just pin it on him and make claims about his character just because their marriage didn't work out, regardless of the presence of a young child.

[kckc]

Marriage is serious business especially when you have children. You don't divorce because you lost interest. You work at it and sometimes you have to work at it long term. As I see it they loved each other enough to make a baby and then when the child is 4 months old all the love is gone? C'mon! Who does that! Who takes their vows so lightly?

 

The same thing is going to happen to you. AT 8 months dating he loves you enough to marry you and next year when he loses interest he'll divorce?

 

If it doesn't work with 1 marriage counseling you seek a different one. How long they tried marriage counseling? Sometimes you have to go there for a whole year.

 

But they have tried for many months....

[kckc]

In my book it's total manipulation. If my BF is mad at me there is NO way I will show up at his place unannounced to prepare a surprise. Our relationship is in jeopardy I will respect his space. If i want to go see him I will ask him if I can meet him at his place. I am not going to use my key and impose myself in his private space when I know his heart is in turmoil.

 

You don't get mad long? You need to change that. Right now, with what he did, you need to get those walls up for a while otherwise he'll walk all over you again.

 

So we're just different people I guess.

[Gaeta]

But they have tried for many months....

 

If their problems were so big that they could not be resolved over months of counseling then why make a child?